A
male
age
41-50,
*djdawg
writes:After 14 years of marriage and 2 kids, my wife wanted a divorce. We have been separated for 14 months. Now after all this time she calls me and says that it takes 2 people to get a divorce, that I should have stood up to her and made us go to counseling and that I left her. It's like she has turned the story totally around. She told me she wanted a divorce because she did not love me anymore and that she thought she was missing something in her life and with her choice of a partner. I tried many times to get back with her. We have been in and out of couples counseling since we were a few years into our marriage. Any thoughts on this? Is this reverse psychology, am I going crazy, is she going crazy ...
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 it sounds like you have had a hard road throughout the marriage. my wife did the same as yours, asked for the separation, got it and then wanted to go back. while I would not say categorically there is no going back it is rarely a wise path. there are a lot of emotional issues not yet worked through that are clouding your mind. wait a few more months and see what you think then.
A
male
reader, bdjdawg +, writes (19 May 2012):
bdjdawg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks AE! Been keeping notes for almost 2 years. My main concern are the kids. She does not spend time with them even on her time. I don't think she wants them. But I believe she want to keep them so she will get child support. Then she will pay someone else to watch them. I would be willing to pay her in return for 1/2 or full custody.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 She had the problems and you were suppose to solve them?
Divorce and separation are HARSH, even if you are the one who initiated...
I suspect your 'wife' is feeling confusion and guilt and is trying to filter some of that negativity onto you.
At first she was determined, now she doesn't seem so sure??
It could also be that she is blowing smoke to make sure her finacial settlement is even. If she abandoned the marriage, the divorce court might not see her as favourably as a woman who's husband had left the marriage instead.
Make sure you keep the story straight...I'd start keeping notes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Yes, it "sounds" like reverse psychology.... and you will be wise to ignore it....
Good luck...
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