A
female
age
41-50,
*arah_mew
writes:Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty drunk. We then saw each other again last night, he came around to my house and we had a great night, then slept together, cuddled all night, had breakfast etc... We just can't get enough of each other. When he left, he said "See you soon? I've got a pretty busy next few days but maybe I'll see you Sunday night?" (4 days away). We were so into each other I thought he would want to see me as soon as possible. He said he has people coming from interstate on the weekend and that's why he's busy. This seems really silly to ask, but do you think he's genuinely busy and/or maintaining some level of healthy independence, or do you think he's a player? I've been out with guys before that take you out on dates during the week or on Sunday nights but never on Friday or Sat nights (they want to go out with their mates and possibly pick up). I know it's really early, but I've been hurt so many times before and I REALLY like this guy.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (7 December 2012):
I just asked my fiancee this question, and I think she's a good proxy since she is also South American.
Her answer -
"Not 100%, but only maybe 99.999% percent chance that he's a player."
and added
"With South American men, never listen to what they SAY, watch what they DO."
Proceed accordingly.
A
female
reader, sarah_mew +, writes (7 December 2012):
sarah_mew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Just to clarify, when I said that was 13 years ago I meant it was 13 years ago since I had the first date with the guy I was with for 8 years. I'm 33 now, I met him when I was 20. We were together until I was 28. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up. Thanks for everyone's advice.
Also, this new guy in no way only wants to talk about sex. He has asked me about everything in my life, about my family, my upbringing, my work, studies, music taste, travels, where I've lived... he's either text or called me every day this week... we'll see what happens I guess. I think my friend just scared me by "warning" me about South Americans and their smooth ways, but I think he's genuine, just thought maybe there were a couple of signs I should look out for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Cindy and SVC said it all really. I just want to add that I wish you luck Sarah.
Right now he's neither a player nor is he crazy smitten with you, you just don't know either way. But you will find out sooner or later and by not allowing this to become to intensely sexual or remain that way then you give yourself the best chance of finding out what his intentions are and whether he's interested in getting to know the woman behind the vagina. You sound old enough and experienced enough to recognise the signs, it's not hard, if sex, sex talk and intense feelings talk are mostly what he talks about and he can't have a regular conversation with the intention of getting to know you as a person then you know his deal.
As previously stated though he may not even be a player or bad guy in any way, but he may only be about a casual sex thing and frankly I don't think that will work for you as you already feel a deep emotional connection to him.
Any way I think it's safe to say I speak for everyone when i say I hope this works out well for you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2012):
 OP your age is listed as 30-35. Your last follow up says that you were with someone special for 8 years. Let’s say you are 35. Now you say that Mr. Special was 13 years ago. So let’s start with 35 minus 13 leave you with 22. Now 22 minus 8 leaves you with 14. So from your YOUNG TEENS all through your formative dating years you were with ONE man. Once you “matured” a bit YOU LEFT HIM. And you’ve been searching ever since. I think that you need to consider that a “first date” at 14 is very different from sleeping with someone you just met.
SEX tends to force an unnatural closeness in many cases. Now remember I’m not being critical here nor am I going to call pot.kettle.black. I had sex at 14 and slept with anything that moved for years and years. I have no regrets and no anger. I do have the knowledge and wisdom of my past however to guide me. I see now that you are willing to assume your next date with this fellow (if there is one) will be NO bedroom antics.
I have a question for you… IF you do that AND then he never calls again, what will you take away from the experience?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 I don't think either it is " wrong " to sleep with someone on a first date.
But it may not be the wisest choice if you want to achieve a certain result.
Same as there's nothing morally " wrong " if a tourist wants to reach his hotel by crossing through a bad neighborhood or a secluded park at 4 in the morning, sporting expensive attire, an expensive camera and a Rolex watch at his wrist. But, he has much more chances of getting mugged , and of not getting his valuables safely to the hotel. If he wants to be SURE he gets there safely, he needs to call a cab. The choice is his.
In your case, we ( you and us responders ) are even ingenerous calling him a " player "- even if he actually HAD reserved his weekend to meet other women. And why shouldn't he ? Did you discuss being exclusive, having a relationship, did he say he loved you ,that he wanted to date only you ?... can you ASSUME that , after having met him twice ?
He spent a wonderful night, or two, with you. He felt confortable, he had fun, you clicked, there was chemistry, and all that jazz. No promises, no obligations though. So why should he not want to see if he can have the same wonderful moments .. with another person, just for the sake of variety ? And if he does , why do we have to label him a player and think he is necessarily a dickhead ?
He might have thought you wanted the same ,something casual ,random and uncomplicated. He might have thought that if you wanted a relationship, you would have made the effort to get to know him better first.
You can't decide in your mind , after two casual hook ups, that they like you as much as you like them or more,...and then be disappointed and hurt if it does not happen.
Mind you, I am not saying that he cannot have told the truth , and actually be tied up with guests, and maybe counting the hours till he's able to see you again. In fact, he may be totally smitten and totally enthusiastic about dating you. Maybe he is. All I am saying, you can't ASSUME that based on two fleeting encounters, and if it turns out that your impulsivity did not get you the results you expected, eh dear OP, buyer beware, if you get hurt is not all the man's doing...
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female
reader, sarah_mew +, writes (6 December 2012):
sarah_mew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't really agree with you Yos. I usually know pretty quickly how I feel about someone and it only takes a couple of times seeing them to know whether it's someone I am close with or not. Same with making new friends. The last time I felt this sort of closeness with a guy (after only the first date) I knew he was someone I was going to be with for a long time. I ended up being with him for 8 years, we got engaged... eventually I broke up with him and he was devastated. But the point is, I knew the first night I met him how I felt about him, and he me.
I've never felt anything close to that since, except with this guy. So anyway... we'll see. I think it's been so long since I felt this way (that first guy was 13 years ago) that I'm worried it's too good to be true, hence why I am worried he's a player. Thanks for all your advice though, next date will definitely be a movie and no bedroom antics!
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reader, Yos  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 "I haven't fallen for him yet (although I could see that happening) but we just get along so well, it feels like we're really good friends already".
That's the thing. You've only just met. You may feel like really good friends, but you're not. You hardly know him, and he hardly knows you. The result will be some sudden shocks when you learn something about him that doesn't fit with your expectations and you are jolted out of your illusion.
Sex creates a feeling of intimacy. Instant sex creates a feeling of false intimacy. It's one of the main reasons people do it: they are lonely and need to feel close to someone, even if it is in a sense artificial.
What you are doing is fine. Just don't be under any illusions about how well you know this man, how well you understand his motivations and whether you two might stand the test of time. Only time will tell you that, there's no shortcut.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Men tend to be very territorial. I learned it over the years, and because I wanted to have a family and to actually have a husband i learned how to play along. Of course iits so much fun to hook up and have different guy every week, but I was looking for more, and the only way for me was to stop hooking up.
I don't know what your plans are for the near future, and you can think all you want about judgemental guys, but if you want something serious, stop hooking up. Even the most openminded guy is not going to like it. This is just how it is. My husband had over 200 women in his life before he met me, and he was really upset hearing about my 8 guys one night when we decided to confess to each other. Not fair, right? But this is how it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Good luck to you. Just don't get your hopes up yet.
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reader, sarah_mew +, writes (6 December 2012):
sarah_mew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for your answers, I appreciate everyone's point of view. I think it's a good idea that the next time I see him we meet up somewhere for a date that doesn't end up back in the bedroom. I still don't think it's "wrong" for a woman to sleep with a man on the first night (as long as she's doing it because she wants to, and not just to please the guy). But I agree it's probably a good idea to have a few dates where we just get to know each other as people, without adding the extra element.
I haven't fallen for him yet (although I could see that happening) but we just get along so well, it feels like we're really good friends already, along with all the other stuff. But I guess in the past when things have felt this great in the beginning, myself and the guy have wanted to see each other again as soon as possible, and even though 4 days away isn't that long, he seemed so keen that I was surprised he was willing to wait that long. Which is why I wanted to make sure he was genuinely keen, and not just acting keen, saying all the right things and maybe I was being played by a really smooth guy.
I truly think he's genuine, but I just needed some other people's advice. In the past, guys who have only wanted to see me during the week are players. Whereas a guy who really wants to see me invites me out at any time. It's probably a simplistic way of looking at it though.
By the way, I've only had one one-night-stand in my life. Sometimes I've slept with a guy on the first night, sometimes I've waited weeks. It all depends on how I feel. But if a guy judges me on the fact that I slept with them on the first night, he's probably not the sort of guy I would want to end up with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): It's not about you being easy, it's about you getting emotionally involved with a complete stranger.Of course sex on a first night can end up in long term relationship, but statistically it doesn't happen. Ask any girl or guy, it just most of the times it doesn't happen. For a reason. I remember after drinking all nite I ended up sleeping with someone that I knew before, and the worth part was I needed to see him couple times a month for work. He did strange things in bed, I had to stop him several times. Didn't smell that great also for me. We still did it all nite, and then in a morning I couldn't look at him. I never slept with him again, I couldn't believe I actually went for it with him.He was my one nite stand and i was sweet and nice to him, but I never wanted to continue. He asked me later why I was avoiding him. What could I say? I m sorry I don't want yo date you, it was just a crazy one nite?So, it's not about double standards, in this case I am a girl that didn't want to see a guy after one nite, it's about you being hurt over and over again, going to bed with guys you hardly met. I guess my one nite stand called me a player, I don't know. He may be a player, may be not, may be he is not that much into you, who knows. He might not be even single, you don't know anything about him, that's why waiting and trying to getting to know the person, will be beneficial for you.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 December 2012):
 "Actually, I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a nice way of getting rid of the misogynistic and old-fashioned guys who are so quick to judge a woman on their sexual activity'
If this is your fail safe method, one has to wonder why you are asking how to tell if the guy is a player in your original question.
I personally don't resent being called old fashioned for my views. I find it's a perfect way to avoid being used for sex and I would rather get to know someone for their personality over a period of time rather than the size of their dick on a first date...but that's just little old fashioned me I guess.
I also know there are double standards for men and women where sex is concerned but I wouldn't volunteer to be the crash test dummy!!
Good luck with your research.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Sarah; For both men and women, there is a spectrum of sexual desires, preferences and expectations.... from "flagrant whore" on one end, to "won't even acknowledge having genitalia until married" on the other...
It's my understanding that LOTS of guys gravitate to the "whore" end.... and are delerious when they meet a like-minded woman. HOWEVER, that meeting brings with it the chance that either or both of the participants are pleased/satisfied with a "relationship" based on that whore-like behaviour.... and there is little or no "depth" expected....
I think that the majority of the replies that you've seen are based on my paragraph (above).... And, I think you've claimed that that is "old fashioned".... which it may well be...
But, the "bottom line" is that the odds of finding a guy who WILL like you for some reason OTHER than you being his "sex-buddy" are reduced - almost to elimination - with first contact/night sex....
I think you've made it clear that you LIKE what you see in the guy in your submittal.... and WANT him to like you for more than sex..... IF you're lucky, what he told you is correct.... and leaves, for you, the opportunity for a "re-opener" that you and he can meet up on more "traditional" terms...
I'd wager that those odds are modest (low)... and you will more-likely experience yet another disappointment... because of how you and he came together and raced in to the sex....
I hope this all works out well for you.....
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (5 December 2012):
"Research shows that sleeping with someone on the first night doesn't affect whether you end up with that person or not. "
I've read that research. I've also read a lot more research that suggests the opposite. It's not to say it doesn't happen that people who sleep together on the first meeting don't last, some do. But overall it doesn't help the odds. Still, what's done is done and it may be fine.
I'd be more concerned that you might come on too needy or strongly. There's a healthy speed at which to enter into a relationship and it seems like you have your foot pressed rather hard on the accelerator pedal. I suggest relaxing a bit and letting things progress at a more gentle pace.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2012):
I am 52. I am also a major slut. Or I was. Truly. Lost my virginity at 14 and have not looked back. I’m on my 4th husband dear. He’s a slut too. Slept with whores and escorts before he met me… I was a swinger in my last marriage. That’s how I ended up in a totally monogamous marriage now… My last marriage did not survive being open.
I slept with my last husband on my first date. He stayed. Most of the men I had sex with on the first date did not. NONE of the ones I waited for did… interesting fact nothing more nothing less no judgments here. I did not have any sexual activities with my current husband our first night together… NOT even kissing… interesting huh? I slept in his bed with not so much as a kiss…. And yet here we are married.
But this is about YOU and the fact that you met a man you liked and had drunken sex with him the first night (fine with me) and want to know if he’s a player based on the fact that he has plans t his weekend and is not including you… the answer is MAYBE. We don’t know and neither do you. ONLY time will tell. He may be a player. He may think you are a player. IF you really want a relationship with him you will have to go against your nature and WAIT for him to contact you. HE may contact you Sunday (for sex or other things) or later next week. But you won’t know what his plans are with you till he gets in touch. AND if you want to know if it’s a real relationship vs a booty call you will have to play the game and hold back on sex the next visit. I know you don’t agree with games and I don’t either but sadly, if you want to know where he stands without asking him (and potentially forcing him to make up a lie or hurt your feelings) you will have to play the “come chase me” game with him.
You say that you’ve been hurt “so many times before” I gently suggest that one of the reasons you get hurt so often is that you “get sex out of the way” too early in the relationship. Because while we have modern sensibilities there is no denying inherent nature and biology and that is biased against women that “put out too early” . It may not be fair but it’s a fact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Oh and in terms of easy OP, guys who have one night stands are easy too. it's not a bad thing if that's how you want live your life, but it does leave you open to situations such as the one you're currently facing.
You say "If they're into you, they're into you."
But how can a person be truly into you if they don't even know you? They're into your body and the sex you provide if that's what give so soon, chances are you could get played too. That's why I said you were easy, not just because of your sexual habits, but because you've already committed very heavy emotions to a guy you only met three days ago. how is that not "easy"? He didn't have to earn any of that in any meaningful way.
Finally I'm not judging you OP, I simply do not see how you do it as the safest way. Live your life how you choose, but understand if you get hurt here it's because you went in too fast.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 December 2012):
I don't think that women who sleep with guys at the first date are whores or easy, and I don't think they are any worse or different than men who do the same.
I think they are gambling, so if they can't lose a bet with aplomb and indifference , they should not gamble to begin with. They should play it safe.
If you can sleep with a guy and just be cool with whatever happens , and not feel hurt if he never comes back or comes back just for casual sex, then no problem, enjoy.
If you have to start having doubts, and ask yourself : does he like me or not,.. is he telling the truth or not,... and already feel insecure and threatened after 3 days , and have to ask strangers if he is a player or not.... then apparently you can't afford being spontaneous and spur -of-the-moment , because you already care too much about the consequences of your spontaneity.
You are the one who got hurt so many times, telling you to be more protective of your feelings, and more discriminating in your sexual choices, is not telling you " you are a whore ", it is showing you a way get less hurt and much less often.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): "Definitely says a lot about your views of women. You're willing to sleep with a woman on the first date but she's not allowed to if she's to gain your respect? Seriously..."
My views on women are perfectly fine thanks. I'm in a very committed, very long term relationship with a very head strong, take-no-shit kind of woman. She despises men who are misogynistic so there's no chance in hell she'd be with me if she thought I was.
There is nothing old fashioned about my view, I'm about the same age as you.
I never said it can't turn into something else, but you're the person here asking if he's a player or not and the one who has fallen for a guy and slept with him without finding out whether he is or not first.
I see no reason why women shouldn't sleep around if they want to. I did for years and a had a great time and I had respect for all of my shags, I don't sleep with women I don't respect as that would mean I have no respect for myself. I have plenty of promiscuous friends that love to sleep around male and female, nothing wrong with that. But even they don't pretend it's a good way to approach dating a guy, they want to make sure he's the real deal before they throw themselves into it.
OP you may think sleeping with a guy straight away is a good ice breaker, I think doing so (even me and a woman) is foolish if I really want to be with this person and am worried about getting hurt. Why would I throw myself head first into something like that? I prefer to protect myself thanks. I don't exactly want to be used for sex by a girl I have feelings for either you know, it's nothing to do with a double standard, just the way of less risk.
"Actually, I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a nice way of getting rid of the misogynistic and old-fashioned guys who are so quick to judge a woman on their sexual activity (all the while actually doing the same thing themselves)."
You may call it that OP, but it's not old fashioned guys that it gets rid of, most of the time it's the guys who only wanted sex in the first place. So your way of getting rid of players is to give them the sex that they want? Nice logic.
You could just get rid of them by having a few dates and getting to know their views too OP, but here you are, most likely getting used for sex by a guy you really like and are mad about out of some principle or idea that he's some kind of modern man.
Now regardless of whether you agree with me or not, can you not see how waiting to sleep with this guy and holding off is the best way to tell whether he's a player? Players don't hang around long without getting the sex that they desire from you OP. If he's not a player, he'll be more than happy to spend time getting to know you in a non-sexual context even knowing he's not going to get any intimacy.
If you can tell me a better way that includes protecting your feelings then please do illuminate me, I always welcome differing perspectives and are more than willing to alter my views if given enough evidence.
But yeah OP, it's not old fashioned thinking, maybe you've had relationships that went on longer because the guy grew fond of you after becoming your fuck buddy, but in the beginning is was 100% about the sex, trust me. If that's the way it was for you too then great. but if your method is so fool proof why are you here? The only tried and tested method to unearth players is to deny them sex and see if they're interested in the person you are too and not just as a prelude to or after thought to sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I knew a guy like that who acted the exact same way. He was a player...
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reader, oldbag +, writes (5 December 2012):
Hi
Well if he wasn't 'sweet,attentive and complimentary' you wouldn't have had sex with him would you?
He probably is busy this weekend,he doesn't need to lie,you've only known each other 3 days. He may have plans for over christmas too,no doubt you have some as well.
All you can do is wait and see how it develops.Next time you see him go out,don't invite him to your place,meet him somewhere for a drink or meal. If all he wants to do is come round and have sex though it means you have set the pattern already.
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reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Time will tell if he's a player.
You only met 3 days ago so it's quite possible he already had plans for the weekend. It doesn't mean he's going to be unavailable every weekend.
But listen, you are going much too fast. You are both 'fast forwarding'. You've only just met him. You should not be expecting to see him several times a week, it's excessive. Having sex with him on the first (or second, or third) date doesn't secure him in to a relationship with you, and it also distracts you from actually getting to know him. Having sex often creates attachments, making it hurt more if you turn out to be incompatible.
I don't know if he's fast forwarding simply for sex or because he likes you and enjoys your company. Hopefully the latter but it's impossible to say.
Slow it down, get to know him properly. If it goes pear shaped with this guy, learn some lessons for the future so you don't get so hurt. Set yourself boundaries.
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reader, somewhere_between +, writes (5 December 2012):
 If he ever wants sex again you will hear from him. Men have two categories for women. I wont say which category you fall into because that would be talking for him.
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reader, sarah_mew +, writes (5 December 2012):
sarah_mew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, amazing how old fashioned the views are on here! Interesting that so many people still have the view that if a woman sleeps with a man she's really into on the first date, she's some kind of whore, whereas a man who's using a woman for sex is somehow lauded, or at least it's seen as morally fine. Because she "gave" it to him, or whatever.
I have sometimes slept with a guy on the first date and ended up in long term relationships with them. Whereas some other guys I have slept with after a few weeks, and the relationship didn't work out anyway. And vice versa. The point is it makes no difference whether you sleep with someone on the first date. If they're into you, they're into you.
Why is there such a double standard for men and women? This question wasn't about whether I slept with him too early or not but that's all you guys have acknowledged.
Actually, I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a nice way of getting rid of the misogynistic and old-fashioned guys who are so quick to judge a woman on their sexual activity (all the while actually doing the same thing themselves).
"Why buy the cow when you get milk for free or run the race when you've already been given the gold medal?" - Definitely says a lot about your views of women. You're willing to sleep with a woman on the first date but she's not allowed to if she's to gain your respect? Seriously...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): "maintaining some level of healthy independence"
3 days OP. Seriously what the hell are you talking about?
You met 3 days ago have met up for sex twice and you're talking about maintaining independence already and asking why he's not dying to see you every day and sooner?
It's you that hasn't maintained a healthy independence, you're already hooked on a guy that's only been with you for sex.
It doesn't matter what his intentions are or whether he's a player, the fact remains you're far too emotionally invested after only 3 days so you're definitely going to get hurt. Not only that but you've made this whole thing about sex. OP when a woman gives us sex so easily and so soon, that's all she is to us, an easy source of sex.
Why buy the cow when you get milk for free or run the race when you've already been given the gold medal?
OP if this is how you approach dating then I can see why you've gotten hurt so much. We don't have to prove anything to you to make you ours, you just give us everything after a nice evening and fall for us straight away.
No offence OP but if you look in the dictionary for the word "easy" there's a picture of your face next to it.
I'm a pretty honourable guy when it comes to dating, I don't use women for sex or anything like that but when a woman gives me that so easily and straight away I really don't see her as anything else. I mean I didn't even have to get to know the woman before she completely gave herself to me. I'm like most guys OP, first impressions last and his first impression of you is 'sex on call'.
Want to know if he's a player and you're going to get hurt? Have a few dates in public that don't end up at your or his place or any other place where you can have sex. Have a public date for a meal or something, then go home on your own once it's done. The only chance you have of protecting yourself here is telling him you got carried away those two times and you want to start dating properly now and get to know him better before you have sex again. A good guy will respect that and wait without trying to get you alone somewhere, a player won't. Not only will he try in the heat of the moment to get you alone by telling you everything you want to hear but he'l start going off you if he doesn't keep getting pussy.
I don't think you're going to do that though OP, I think you're just going to keep sleeping with him at the drop of a hat until he throws you away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Well, you probably know answer yourself. The whole situation could be this or that, but the way it happened fast with you it's more likely that he is in mostly for sex.One thing I understood from my husband's words, that initially men are in the game only for sex and sex only. They are not like us, we tend to like a guy initially based on a different points, like you said it , he was sweet,complimentary, easy to talk to. It was not ONLY sex that was on your mind, you liked his personality also. This is how we girls are, but not them.They start with only sex on their minds, and if they get it immediately mission is accomplished. I m not saying always, but most of the time they will not go farther as to know your personality. They will treat you as an easy lay. I had quite a bit of casual encounters like you, i was not this perfect good girl at all by any means. I liked sex, I was very young and passionate and ussualy didn't wait to do it if a guy was sweet, nice and good to talk to.Most of the time this is what it was, few nights together full of passion, and then he was pretty much gone, no dates, just random encounters for sex.I got tired of that very fast, and when I met my future husband, I already assumed a behavior of not doing it right away, even there was so much chemistry. I was not getting hurt anymore, if a guy disappeared after few dates only because of lack of sex, good, he was not worth my memory.When my husband came along, he didn't even insisted. For 2 months we just dated, movies, dinners, hikes, friends parties, no sex. And then it just happened, but it was more like a natural progression of things. I already knew his parents, most of his friends, we even went to one of his office parties together. One year later we were married. I m not saying that by not having sex for a couple month you will necessary end up in marriage, but at least you have time before it to find out something about a guy, what his plans, what he wants in this life, if he is ready for a family, or he wants to browse u till he is 50, and then decide for yourself. This way your emotional wellbeing is protected. Good luck.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 December 2012):
It is really early to say. He might really have guests over the weekend, why not ?. Or he might have filed up under " irrelevant drunken hook up ". Quite possible too. You'll have to wait and see what happens the following weekend(s).
If you have been hurt so many times before, ....perhaps you should be more prudent and use a bit of self restraint, and not sleep with guys the first night- and/ or drunk. Chemistry does not tell you anything about their intentions.
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female
reader, sarah_mew +, writes (5 December 2012):
sarah_mew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to update... thanks for the two responses so far but I think your way of thinking is a little bit old school. Research shows that sleeping with someone on the first night doesn't affect whether you end up with that person or not. Also personally I have been a "good girl" and waited a few weeks for sex and the relationship hasn't worked out, and in other circumstances have slept with a guy on the first date and then ended up in relationships with them for months or years. So I honestly don't think it's an issue.
I guess the question is more about whether it's normal to wait a few dates when you're really into someone, or whether the not asking someone out on a Friday /Sat night is a typical "player" tactic.
He seems really genuine and caring but a friend of mine told me to watch out for South American guys as they can't be trusted. I don't like to stereotype people but being warned by a friend to "watch out" has brought up my trust issues I suppose.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 December 2012):
I agree with Blonde, by your own actions you have relegated yourself into the 'I am nothing special' pile in his opinion.
I am sure he will be back for more 'no strings' sex but I doubt you will be able to elevate your worth in his eyes, cos you already gave him the prize with very little effort on his part...For him, the chase is probably over.
It's not surprising you get hurt a lot by guys, if you act this way...
Giving a guy sex on a first date is NOT the right way to gain his respect and attention.
That's why he's not rushing back to see you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Speaking from a male point of view he will see you as easy.
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