A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 19-year-old daughter has recently started acting bizarrely and, to be honest, I don't know why. I highly doubt it's drugs, as we live in a fairly middleclass area and everyone knows everyone else.She's started binding her breasts down (I found breast binders in her room left on her bed), and spends a lot of money on food - about £40 on Doritos, Walkers crisps and Diet Coke!, and become obsessed with food and drink. She consumed all £40 of it iin one whole night.Also, she's had radio stations and music on at full blast - I heard the local radio station (I think it's called Viking FM) playing at FULL blast at 4am in the morning!One night I tried asking her, calmly and sensitively, why she's doing it and she said she didn't know why but she had to do it.I'm concerned about her, so is my husband [her dad] so is her sister, who's 24, and lives away from home.What should we do? Stage an intervention? Get her counselling? We're worried as she won't discuss this with us, and her behaviours becoming odder by the day.Any help is appreciated on this issue.
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male
reader, learnNlive  +, writes (10 December 2012):
She might be going through a period in her life where she is not sure of things.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I agree with fishdish, it sounds like a transgender issue. The fact that she feels compelled to do these things and doesn't know why suggests that she is having an internal struggle.
There are some very good online websites and support groups that might be able to give you some guidance about how to approach her on this subject.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Right now, this is neither cause for intervention or counselling. Intervention is for drug use or illegal activities. Counselling is for depression, anxiety, mental issues, or cutting/suicide.
Communication is the first step. What is your relationship with your daughter? 19 year olds are searching for themselves identity-wise or sexually or with their friends or hobbies or pursuits.
Are you pretty strict/religious, or are you more accepting of different things? How comfortable is she in talking to you? Do you know any other adults in her life who she views as mentors?
It might be a good idea to get some time with her. Take her to lunch or have a mother/daughter time with her. Catch a movie, go skiing, whatever! I'm not talking about asking her what's wrong. I'm talking about getting away, enjoying a good day together, and asking her open-ended questions about how her life is going. Make it a point at this time to listen, not advise her.
The blasting of music at 4am should stop, as there are other people at home. Ask her as a courtesy to use headphones.
Keep an ongoing dialogue with her even after this mother/daughter time. Be accepting of her, even if her behavior might raise your eyebrows. All this is assuming she's LEGAL. Drug use, self-harm, irresponsible sexual activities like prostitution are different matters entirely.
Communication is the key. If the rest of the family is concerned, it's time to start talking to each other!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 December 2012):
 When I hear of breast binding I think of someone who is transgender, ie. she is identifying herself as a male. It is possible that the excessive food consumption has to do with this as well--to get rid of feminine curves. Would you say that she's been a "girly girl" growing up, or more like a tom boy? I would do some research about transgenderism, ask her one more time about this, and then maybe just have her to go a counselor/psychiatrist once, to see if he can get anything out of her. the part where she feels she HAS to do this is somewhat of a concern that something's wrong or she's struggling with something, I think.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 So binding breasts, eating a lot of junk food, and blasting music at inconvenient hour is all you've got??
You haven't caught her stealing money out of your handbag or sneaking out in the middle of the night? No drug paraphernalia in her trouser pockets?
I'm sorry, but what "evidence" you have isn't enough to stage an intervention. The more you ask her about her behavior isn't going to get an answer either.
The incessant snacking, could stem from prior eating disorders. She could be binging on food. Have you noticed any weight change? Or perhaps she may just love junk food.
The blasting music is normal teenage behavior.
As far as the breast binding goes, does she have a large chest? Perhaps she's embarrassed of them, or needs to keep them in place and her normal bras aren't doing the job.
It sounds to me she may be struggling with her body image. This isn't cause for alarm. Just calmly tell her you're there for her if she needs to speak about something that's bothering her. Now, if you're truly convinced something is wrong...then you need to hold back and look for serious warning signs. So far you've got nothing.
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