A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you go from being friends to friends with benefits. Heres the short version. I Met a guy december last year, foundnout gis nane and added him on fb. I basically told him straight out i only wanted sex and he did to. Well we.flirted (quite heavily in detail) for four months but no sex as something always intervened when we would try (food poisening, his manager turned up to the gig) i was there the night they all happened. anyway then he got a gf so we stopped. They broke up and he got.back with another ex. They vroke up and got.back together now they broke up again. However the sexual chemistry between us has never gone, hut he still cares for his ex, but i sent him a msg telling my offer of "casual stress free sex still stood" . But he hasnt replied with an answer. Just said thanks for ur email. So my question is, what reasons would a guy turn down sex when offered, if his single and knows the chick is up for it. He still tells me Im hot and attractive so i am confused. Please help me. thanks in advance.
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broke up, friend with benefits, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): He's not interested. It doesn't matter why. You're coming across as desperate.
A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 i think he just wont tell you no.. Well maybe because he is not interested or maybe he is just not like all the other guys who would jump up to sex offers.. Anyways i think you should get a bf and forget about asking him again because there he is and not even replyin to your email about the offer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): "what reasons would a guy turn down sex when offered, if his single and knows the chick is up for it."
Maybe he philosophically and/or morally objects to the concept of engaging in casual, mechanical sex with a random virtual stranger of relatively short acquaintance.
Maybe he prefers to enjoy sex within the greater (and intended) context of shared love, shared intimacy, and shared commitment.
Maybe he just doesn't want to have sex with you, and his flirting and flattery is simply his display of appropriate social cues within prevailing social conventions, or in simpler terms, he is just being polite.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 Not all guys are out for sex and the thought of it served up coldly on a plate can be quite a turn off.
Even if he flirted with you at some point doesn't mean he wants to go all the way. It makes no difference if you are hot or up for it...if he doesn't want it, he's going to avoid you and that is what he is doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): OP a lot of women have this misconception that guys are walking boners that would throw their dick into anything that moves. Well guess what, that's not true. We can love, be in love and also want to have relationships and not just an easy lay who offers herself up to us on a plate. We can be hung up on a girl and only want her, and refuse sex because of that you know.
You know I'd be very wary of a woman who chases me down for casual sex for months. That's not the action of a woman who sounds like she just wants no-strings sex, there's too much of a smell of desperation in that. Why me? Why chase me months if it's just a casual thing? Doesn't sound casual to me, sounds a bit stalkerish and desperate.
I'd wonder why she's spending so much time and effort waiting and hoping I'll give her sex.
Why would we turn down sex when it's offered? Well, um, because we're not interested in having sex with you? Just a thought but maybe he doesn't just want a "chick who's up for it". Maybe he wants something more deep and meaningful and just maybe, please don't take this the wrong way, but he's not stupid enough to think you only want casual sex because if you did then you wouldn't be chasing this one guy so hard when there are plenty of others who will gladly take you up on your offer.
You say casual, yet there is nothing casual about how you are acting. Casual means you can take it or leave it and don't care, well shit OP, there's nothing casual about "please help me", that's desperation right there. That's emotional investment right there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): May be he is not into girls who offer themselves solely for sex. may be he is cautious about not getting any STD from you, seeing how you so easy go for only sex relationship. There mY be lots of things involved into how he is thinking, but mostly likely he is not the one who would go just for sexual relationship. Believe or not some guys are like that
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 December 2012):
 It sounds as if he wants a girlfriend rather than a FWB. He's had 2 girlfriends since he's known you, and importantly he isn't over his ex.
Maybe he hopes to get back with his ex? He might not want to complicate things by starting something with you.
He might get back to you in a few weeks/ months and take you up on your offer.
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