A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im in a ldr for about 7 months and we both are in love. due to our job and school compromises we wont be able to move together until in 2 years or so. so far we have been seeing each other every two months and will be on the same basis, maybe three months tops. we live in different countries.Im insecure because the girls that i have loved the most had cheated on me and that made me being suspicious and clingy at times.my questiom is mainly for girls, how faithful can a girl can be in this kind of relationship when tempations are everywhere? i mean, when you get hit on all the time. how plausible is it to remain faithful is this kind of relationship and when is it considered to be cheating, except for the obvious?
View related questions:
cheated on me, different countries, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 How faithful can YOU be? Honestly, it shouldn't be any harder for her then it is for you.
First of all FORGET about the cheating ex. Your current GF i NOT her. So don't punish your current GF for past GF's mistakes. That is not fair.
Secondly - arrange some Skype dates and arrange some visits back and forth.
And keep talking - have faith and trust. It may or may not work out for you two, but not trying out of fear would be a shame.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 It is completely possible to remain committed to one partner and it all depends on the person in question. I'm speaking for myself here, but if I were in an LDR, the question of temptations and cheating with other men would never, EVER cross my mind. That's just not how I am and that's not what a sincere, committed person would be like.
Remember OP, there are temptations everywhere. Even if you are walking hand in hand, your girl could be fantasizing about someone she's seen across the room. Can you stop that? Of course not, right? As I said, it all depends on the person. If you are with a committed partner, then you have nothing to worry about.
Dont drive her away with your paranoia and insecurities. Just because one person cheated on you doesnt mean that every subsequent partner has to too. That's just categorizing them all as potential cheaters and being suspicious of them all.
That being said, LDRs are a lot of hard work and not for everyone. Sometimes you can know all of this and yet you simply cant wrap your mind around that fact that nothing wrong is happening because you are constantly assuming the worst. If that's the case then an LDR is not for you OP.
Trust is the key here. Can you get yourself to trust her? Only you know the answer. If its a yes, then just relax and dont let your fears get the better of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Ah my favorite topic… LDRS.
2 years is not a long time. I have friends who are married who are LDR and will be LDR for 3 more years (but they see each other every weekend)… 2 years is doable as long as everyone is in the right and same place.
LDRs require tons of trust, honesty and communication. (much like regular relationships only more) Being insecure is not going to work well for you.
While seeing each other every 2 months is not ideal it’s workable especially since you guys are in different countries.
Do not base your worries about your current gf on past gfs’s behaviors. That’s not fair to her. Let her behavior warrant its own treatment.
“how faithful can a girl be when temptations are everywhere?” you ask…. And the answer is “as faithful as she wants to be” the same could be asked of anyone in ANY relationship. While distance is harder as you can’t hug and love a pillow, there is no difference in fighting off temptation for a person. You are either in love and committed to your partner or you are not.
As for what is cheating? Well that’s for you and her to decide. Personally my definition of cheating is ANYTHING you can’t won’t or don’t tell your partner. For example, yesterday I was given some cash by a friend for something I possess. I not only told my husband about it but I gave him the money to hold as he’s the keeper of our cash and finances. He had no clue I had sold the item and would not have known about it had I not told him, but in our definition of cheating, had I not told him that would have been cheating/lying to him.
The distance is not the issue here sir. The issues are your insecurity and her level of commitment to you. Now they may be better once you are not LDR but they may not. Only time will tell.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Same as you , OP. The distance is the same for both, how many chances are there that you will cheat ? If you are in love , and serious about honoring your committment , close to none. If you are not in love and not that serious , many.
I get you, it's because as a girl she's got more temptations, seen that men will hit on her more than women will hit on you.
But it's not really a matter of hitting on... All girls get hit on, and pretty girl twice, or ten times , as much.
But that could happen also if she lived in your town. Particularly if she had the kind of job where she is exposed to a lot of different males, and I don't mean a stripper. Something more normal, like a hospital nurse. An airline hostess. A bartender. A men's apparel shopgirl.
If she was a kindergarten teacher she could flirt with the kid's dads. If she worked at the Post Office, or at the DMV, she could be hit on by customers. And so on and so forth. And,all with you living next block.
Temptations are temptations only if one is inclined to be tempted, otherwise they are : eye roll, here we go again, another lothario.
Here we say : distance is like a wind, it fans up a big flame, it extinguishes a small one.
It all depends how big is your flame.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): The same way you can faithful OP. I may not be a girl but I've been in LDR's and had the same worries as you. It's very easy not to cheat OP. People get this idea that it's so easy to cheat because the bullshit cheaters use to justify their actions is to make it sound that way. It's actually easier not to. There are a tonne of things that have to happen for a person to cheat.
Look I wasn't cut out for LDR's, and maybe you're not too. The worry of them finding someone else, the physical loneliness and sexual frustration were all too much for me to handle.
If she's going to cheat she's going to cheat, all you can do is trust her and assume it's never going to happen. Otherwise this LDR is going to be too painful to continue, relationships have to be pain free for the most part.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 I am of the opinion that long distant relationships only really work where there is lots of love and complete trust, together with a plan/goal for the future that you are both working towards.
My daughter is in a long distance relationship whilst she is at university. She lived with her boyfriend for 2 years before she went away and he goes to visit her about once a month as well as daily phone contact. They are making plans for after her graduation, they both love and trust eachother and truly want to have a life together so they are making it work.
Just because she is in a LDR doesn't mean her head will be turned at any opportunity...it won't be turned because she loves him and she trusts him and he is absolutely crazy about her but loves her enough to trust her back...so it works.
If you have that kind of security and commitment to eachother a LDR can work perfectly...if you don't have trust and an understanding to realise that sometimes you cannot be together (because life has other plans) then you work on it and make it work for you...but you need the trust.
If you are the kind of person that has trust issues or needy issues then perhaps it's not such a good idea to date someone who has to be so far away from you.
As for women being faithful well that entirely depends on the woman and the strength of the relationship...it's not universal that all women will cheat when they are apart from their partner.
...............................
|
