A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a question I dated this one guy for many years .We ended up having two kids together then the relationship went down hill.He met someone else had kids by her and lied about it. Long story short I was this man's first love and I just don't understand why doesn't he do anything for our kids.He caters to the other woman and kids but not me and mine.And he always denies he is not showing favoritism but that's not true every time she calls him he is right there but I couldn't get him to come to the hospital to be with his child it's not fair.We never lived together but he got a house for her and put her in it. I really think its about our daughter she was born with disorders and he didn't want no one to now he was her father but she passed on but he still ignores his son by me. Can anybody help me with this question. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): You picked the wrong guy to make a family with so you bear some of the responsibility for your present problem too. Instead of blaming him endlessly that's not going to change him why not move on and focus on how you can raise your child effectively on your own. When you pick an unreliable scumbag of all people to be the father of your children its not surprising you will be disappointed and left high and dry.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): For the last two ppl comments FYI its never been about me all I wanted him to do is raise his kids me and him been over.And as far as the other woman he's not with her either he just does for her.He lives with someone else I am not the type to chase no man down he knows what his responsibility is my focus is not on him I just don't understand why make a family if you aren't going to be the backbone of it.And in my case like some woman we wind up with man that does not understand the values of being a man and the struggles when it comes down to being a family man.Jealous of her she can have him he was nothing but an abuser mentally and physically.So save the bull....!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): you need to stop focusing on him. He's got a new family now, and they have to be his priority because they are a family unit. You and him are separate entities, you're not together anymore. You're obviously jealous of her, but you need to accept that he doesn't want to be with you and has found someone new. That's why he "caters" to her, and that's why he made a home with her. That's what people do when they commit to someone. he may be the father of your child, but that doesn't mean he is or should be the best or only person in their life as a father-figure! As long as your child has strong, loving, healthy father-figures in his life, he will grow up fine. These father-figures can be other male family members, friends of the family, teachers, church people, etc. If you're concerned about your son's welfare, stop looking to your ex as the only way. He is not. And he should not be either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): "He caters to the other woman and kids but not me and mine.And he always denies he is not showing favoritism but that's not true every time she calls him he is right there but I couldn't get him to come to the hospital to be with his child it's not fair."This "other woman" is his life partner now, and you're not. That's why he puts her and THEIR children above you and the children he had with you. It's unfortunate but imagine if the tables were reversed and he had kids with her first then left her and is with you now. Wouldn't you want him to spend more time with YOU and YOUR KIDS if you are his current life partner, than with his previous one? I know it sucks, but this is common. When men have two (or more) different families by different women, it's impossible to treat them all equal. The man is a mere mortal, for goodness sake. He can't be everywhere all the time, and spending the same money twice for everything. He has to prioritize where he will invest most of his time, money and energy. And unfortunately his current family with his current life partner has to come first, because she is his life partner/wife. That doesn't mean he should totally ignore his kids from his past relationship. He should try to do something for them and definitely pay child support, but as far as being involved in their lives it's just not possible to do that to the same extent as with his current family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Thanks to th both of you and AuntyEm his mom and dad passed his mom denied my children but she found out they were his kids because I took a test.I thought it would change the situation but it didn't but at least she passed knowing my children was his.Truly his whole family denied my kids but that's fine.My son is a bright young man he is in to sports he likes basketball but football is his dream he is great in both sports so who knows what may come from this.I love my kids that's all that matters he doesn't know what he is missing we don't need him .Thanks
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): He never considered your children and you as his family, if he did he would have married you and made a home for his children. Sorry, but in his eyes you are simply a woman whom he dated for many years and happened to get pregnant twice. He was never willing to show any kind of commitment to you and so your pregnancies by him were acts of biology, not love.As AuntyEm says, you can't force baby daddy to be a part of his son's life and I wouldn't hold my breath hoping he'll somehow change his mind. All you can do is assert your parental authority and responsibility to protect your son by obtaining a court order for child support. Just because he was your first love doesn't mean he's a decent human being. He's not, he's a scumbag. The sooner you come to grips with that cold harsh reality, the sooner you will be able to move on and the better off your son will be.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 I am really sorry that this has happened to you.
It seems that he is just more emotionally invested in his new family and it has been easy to sweep you and yours under the rug and forget about you...
It's not fair, it's not right and it's a terrible thing to live with and the fact that you lost a child and he couldn't have cared less shows what kind of a person his really is.
Sometimes there isn't an answer to everything and sometimes the answer is a horrible one that goes against everything we believe in.
He has done what countless other people have done...he has moved on to another partner and has turned his back on his life with you. Apart from the obligation to pay child support, there is nobody who can make him care for you and your child...he is just a selfish person.
You cannot make him want to see his son, you can only be open to the possibility that one day he may change his mind. You alone will have to be mother and father to your child and where there is enough love and attention a child usually turns out well whoever is raising him/her.
There are so many children in the world who do not know their fathers but it is the responsibility of those fathers to come foward and step up to the plate of responsibility and if they don't do that there is little that can be done.
Does your child have grandparents? Just because the father does not want to be involved, it doesn't mean the grandparents do not want to see the child, maybe you could make contact with them to strengthen your sons familiy ties?
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