A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Confused. I have been seeing a guy for a few months, trying not to get to serious about it as i wasnt sure if it would go anywhere. I'd be happy to explore it however, if it did. Things were going well, or so i thought. He left the UK for home on the continent for a month and a half at the start of december (another reason why i was trying not to be so "into" the relationship) and a few nights before he left he took me out to dinner. At the restaurant we first kissed outside of. I didnt expect anything but a normal dinner, but as we left and were saying goodbye outside he said to me, "So, what are we" with a half smile, on his face. I was completely not expecting that and immediately answered "i dont know". He kind of turned away, looking a little shy, so i felt a little bad and was giving him a nice look and he said "dont look at me like at". Anyway, i found it a little odd, but we parted and i felt sad not to be seeing him for a month. Later that night though we agreed to discuss it further the next day. We did so on the phone as we couldnt meet in person and he said to me a little way into the conversation "i feel like you want more and i'm not sure i can give you that". Which took me by surprise as to me it seemed and about turn from the previous night. What do you think? Did he think that all along? Is he trying to let me down gently? Or did i give him the impression that i maybe didnt feel the same way and scare him that i didnt like him as much as he liked me? After all he brought it up that night. I dont want to convince myself that everything is fine and that he likes me and just got scared if its obviously not the case, so was just looking for an outsiders perspective... Are me really that shy when asking what the relationship is? Does the look for a solid, "yes i really like you" before asking someone to be their girlfriend?Any insight welcomeThanks agony aunts
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 December 2012):
Hi there. After only a few months dating, you would certainly have some feelings towards each other, so you don't need to worry too much about that.
It's most likely, that after such a short time dating, he doesn't want you to think that he expects you stay home all the time, waiting for his return.
Six weeks is not very long, and it's already half way through December now, so the rest of the time, will fly by pretty fast.
You had a nice relationship before he left, and I am guessing that he left on his European holiday, with it still being good between you.
So again, I would say that there is nothing too much to be concerned about.
And just by the simple statement that he made to you - "So what are we?" - with a half smile on his face, would seem to clearly indicate that he would like to see you when he gets back.
That is what I would be thinking, if it was me in that same situation, for sure.
If he didn't want to see you when he returned, he probably would have said something to you like - "Thank you for all those nice times together. All the best in the future."
Now, if he had said that to you, that would have definitely been a kind of "Farewell", and it would be like an ending, a door closing.
But he DIDN'T say that to you, did he?
So in other words, he left it completely open.
You were are a loss as to what to reply to that question, and thinking back in hindsight, what you could have said to him might be - "Well, we are at least very good friends, aren't we?"
Then you could have followed it up with - "Hey, how about we see what happens when you get back? What do you think about that? Enjoy your lovely holiday first. Take care."
And just give him a lovely warm smile.
The main thing anyway, is that is is NOT the end - far from it.
He can see for himself, that you would like to see him again after his trip, so he takes that memory with him, while he is away.
I'd be very surprised, if you DIDN'T see him again.
Although he never said it in so many words, what he did say seems to point to the fact that he would certainly like to see you again, after his holiday is over.
So all you can do now, is get on with your own life and go out with your friends and have some fun, in the meantime.
Don't look for anyone else, just socialize and get out of the house.
And the extra bonus of this, will be that it will help the time he is away for, to go even faster!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2012):
 "i feel like you want more and i'm not sure i can give you that".
That is a definitive statement isn't it...it directly says what is on his mind.
As you have been a little cautious in the relationship, maybe he could get away with just having you as a casual friend/lover without any proper commitment as so he asked you 'What are we?' perhaps wanting you to confirm that things were casual...because you said 'I don't know', perhaps he interpreted that as you wanting more than him.
What you have to ask yourself is why you were so cautious in the first place?
Were you afraid to get hurt?
Was he giving you signals that made you feel insecure?
Was he not behaving quite as you would like?
If any of this was true then maybe things have been shaky from the start and perhaps that is why he is now revealing his true nature and backing out on you.
Just my interpretation as I see it...what do you think?
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