A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering is this normal?My b/f and I have a happy loving relationship. We are an older couple.He is quite highly sexed for a 56yr old, but has said he loves me to play with him, even if he does'nt 'come'.What do you think he means by this? If he wants me to play with him - surely he wants to enjoy the 'best bit'!?Similarly he will caress my body, and arouse me, but just as I am getting 'in the mood' - he stops!!What is that all about?!?I have tried to talk and explain how I am feeling about it, but he always just says that he really loves just being together and 'cuddling up, skin to skin'.But surely even better to have full sex - surely he must have been aroused in the first place?By the way, he is not usually erect when he initiates it, either - so what on earth is he getting sexual for, if he wasn't in the mood in the first place?!?Someone PLEASE enlighten me, as I can't get any answer out of him which makes any sense, at least, not to ME, lol!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, we have a very active sex life, and I do see what you mean about the cuddles and closeness, you are absolutely right there, he really does love that, but why go sexual, if he does not want to 'follow through'?!?
If you want to hold hands, then you hold hands...
It's like fancying a cheese sandwich, and going for a jam doughnut... If you want cheese - you EAT cheese!!??!!
Surely if you want sex, you want sex!
AAAAAARRRRGGGHH, lolol!!
A
female
reader, Lostsoul +, writes (19 September 2006):
 Maybe he just like the whole turn on thing, the closeness, the touching, the carressing, the fact you can be like that with one another and it doesnt have to lead to sex. Have you guys had full sex ? Perhaps the whole build up is what he likes, days of lingering touching closness and then sex ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, I omitted to mention that he has no trouble getting or maintaining an erection.
He has more stamina than many a younger man, and is otherwise extremely fit and healthy, and uninhibited in every respect!
We have been together for 11 months now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Yos, that was what I was thinking, kind of..but it still begs the question - why touch me, or want to be touched - in a sexual way when he could of course be holding hands? And why does he want me to masterbate him, if it comes to no conclusion?
Sometimes he touches me sexually and just as I am aroused - he stops, leaving me 'mid-air'!! AAARRGH!!
He has no problem with stamina, and no hang-ups with ejaculating, also he is happy for me to initiate sex if I want it. So in that way I am still puzzled, it all seems so complex, and not a problem I have encountered before!
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A
female
reader, Jinny +, writes (19 September 2006):
 He may have what is medically termed as an erectile dysfuction.
Is he a diabetic by anychance? If yes, then he will have a problem .
Many men will not discuss their problem as of course it is highly embarrassing for them. They feel less manly than they were when they are younger.
If he cannot gain an erection this does not mean that he has lost all sensitivity. He obviously enjoys being with you and loving you.
Older lovers are lucky. They do not have to pretend. They can be honest and open about sex. they do not have to prove that they are wonder studs or sex kittens!!
I suggest that you take the intitiative and suggest new ways of lovemaking that ensure you get as much pleasure as he does. If neccessary and if you can, bring yourself to an orgasm as part of this lovemaking.
Loose you inhibitions and take the lead. He really will appreciate it.
As time goes on he will loose his shyness and open up about how he really feels and possibly what is wrong.
From then on you can both tackle the problem openly and together.
Find self help sites on line. Read up aout sex and the older person....you wont feel so alone and confused.
Good luck to you both and enjoy each other.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 September 2006):
 He could have issues ejaculating, or issues getting an erection, but still want to have sex with you. By saying this he is taking the emphasis off himself (and you) in this area... setting expectations that may or may not include intercourse to orgasm.
I'd suggest you try to stop seeing orgasm as 'the reason to have sex' or even 'the best bit', and just focus on being intimate and close with each other. Sometimes just holding hands can be more satisfying than intercourse, it really depends on the mood and the moment.
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