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male
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anonymous
writes: we all have grown to accept that most males cheat almost to the point of accepting and forgiving it all the time, when it happens. Is female cheating acceptable? When they cheat it almost definetly ends in breakups. They never get chances like males do, how is it different from male cheating? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Dazzer the point I was making is that cheating is not condonable and that when a cheater starts out cheating, its not generally because they NEED to, its more of a they WANT to, in effect they choose to rather than needing to!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): have you ever thought that maybe it is your fault she keeps cheating on you maybe you are pushing her away and not paying enough attention to her????? Maybe you should just cut ties and let her go. obviously sh isn't going to stop, she obviously enjoys the thrill more than she loves you so get out...now while you can
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (16 September 2006):
 I would concur with the consensus that no form of cheating is acceptable - whether it is a man or a women doing it. I have to say I feel that sex is a WANT and a NEED;
Fantasies are wants but they are underpinned by a deep-seated drive to have sex(even if the type of sex doesnt result in reproduction). If sex was merely a want then sexual frustration would not manifest itself as it does. Sex is a NEED on a biological and a human level, what is needed is to make that intense connection that you do during sex. Unlike food and water we can biologically survive without it (although the species couldnt in general of course)but that doesnt make it any less of a basic part of being human.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (16 September 2006):
 No form of cheating is acceptable whether male or female, not all men cheat either, I know plenty. So in both cases, cheating is wrong. xXx
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A
female
reader, Raona +, writes (15 September 2006):
 Personally, I feel that forgiving for a woman is easier. Men tend to hold grudges.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (15 September 2006):
Yep I totally concur with you Yos, But we do forget is that sex is a WANT not a NEED.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 September 2006):
 I'm not saying we think that consciously. Rather I'm saying that we have deep biological behaviour that nudges us in different directions. Out of it come a multitude of different behaviours, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
Everything you say is true, see what you are saying as the visible bit of the iceberg sitting above the water. Below are millions of years of evolution that trigger many (not all) of our emotions.
The forms these take depend on the world we live in and the story of our lives. For instance, you may feel 'oh i want to watch TV'. Clearly thats not biological, but behind it may be the feeling that you want to hear a friendly human voice. That feeling is as old as language itself, and is part of all of us (ie our nature, not our nurture).
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (15 September 2006):
Yos, Thats a deep way to look at it! Agree cheating is not acceptable in the slightest from in my book. But I dont think that everyone that cheats or has been cheated on(i have been cheated in) thinks in that way, its the physical side and the mental side. The fact that if someone that loves you cares for you, shares intimate moments with you can just disregard it take it for granted and at the same time share that with someone else.. thats the toture. But men do see it as a male pride thing more than women. Woman accept it more as they think they can change to suit thier partner and give him what he wants or he wouldnt have done it in the first place. Where as men take the stance, she couldnt have better than me, so shes sinned, allowed another male on my patch, and my pride wont allow her back in.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (15 September 2006):
Wendy, I personally don't think it is to do with women being more forgiving.
Many studies have been done into this. They consistently show that...
- Men struggle with sexual infidelity most of all
- Women struggle with emotional infidelity most of all
This is based on some of our deep biological differences.
For a woman, a man represents a source of love, support and security. Emotional infidelity represents the gravest threat to that, since that is most likely to lead to a loss of this support and security. A man having a 'meaningless' one night stand doesn't necessarily represent a threat to this, although it can be and if it keeps happening there are many other problems. Including him getting another woman pregnant.
For a man, a woman represents the person who will raise his child. Emphasis on the word 'HIS'. A single one night stand could leave a man putting the rest of his life into raising another mans child. The woman meanwhile always knows the child is hers. Hence sexual infidelity is a huge threat to a man, more so than to a woman.
It's horrible both ways and not acceptable in either case. But the nature of our reaction to infidelity is fundamentally different due to our biological differences.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (15 September 2006):
I asked my partner this question the other week. Being an aunt on here you do see lots of questions regarding cheating. But the ones that tend to have a problem moving on and letting go are the males. It all boils down to women are actually more forgiving. Men see it as an inadequacy and feel like a man has muscled on thier turf so to speak and many find it hard to get past it. Women just learn to think oh he was weak at that time and it wont happen again etc... Men are stubborn and refuse to look beyond and find it harder to forgive as they feel they have somehow been let down more so than a women would be. They see it as a pride thing, some do obviously learn to live with it but many really cannot look past it, bit like the past partners thing, its mainly the men that find it so hard to deal with. Ive never really known why, but I guess it equates to the same thing, another man touching what is yours! Us woman do view it that way, but we are probably slightly weaker in that we dont want to lose the guy and just think oh i did something wrong and blame themselves, where as men are like if she wants another mans grubbby hands all over I aint having her back! So all in all i guess we women have a more forgiving nature, not saying all, but in the main, if there is forgiving to be done, its normally the female that does it.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (15 September 2006):
You're wrong on every count.
Its not acceptable for men to cheat.
It's not acceptable for women to cheat.
Women get as many chances to cheat as men, probably more since some men will sleep with any woman that offers herself to them, whilst the opposite is (fortunately) not true.
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