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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to have sex with me. After a long long time, he never came, so he stopped trying. I asked what's wrong, and he said it's because he woke up in the middle of the night, and some response of his hasn't resume (and it has nothing to do with me). Is this something normal for a guy? I'm worry that there's anything to do with me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (19 September 2006):
 I think this is more common than people realise. Lots of men as Yos said do on the odd occasion just not orgasm, for no reason it just doesnt happen! Happend with me and my man before and well I thought it was me also! But it was just at that time, could have been slightly more tired, not as intune himself, as much as he was like turned on, it just didnt happen, the switch didnt switch lol... I as a women have that too.. its less expected in a man, but there are times that no mattter how turned on you are or how relaxed you feel, if it doesnt happen it doesnt happen, this is a similar thing, its not a given that a women orgasms, and this can be the same for a man from time to time, and not be down to anything in particular, just didnt happen. I have heard before that some men when masturbating, try to orgasm, and sometimes fail for no reason, so they get bored and come back later so to speak. Its not unheard of and its not uncommon for a man just not to fire for no reason!
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 September 2006):
 There is an unwritten assumption that, whilst women only come some of the time, men do all the time. Well, they don't, especially as they get older. There is really nothing to worry about if you have sex and your boyfriend doesn't always orgasm. If he never does, that is a problem, but now and again is not an issue. There are hundreds of reasons why a man might not orgasm. Most are one-offs or temporary and no big deal.
It is only an issue because people make it into an issue. The pressure and expectation on men is such that a man can easily feel 'less than' or 'deficient' if he doesn't orgasm. If you two don't make it into a big deal, then it won't be.
And it's nothing to do with you. Believe him when he tells you that.
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A
female
reader, sjd +, writes (19 September 2006):
 Is this the first time he has had a problem? How long have you two been having sexual relations? I doubt it is anything to do with you. He may have just been desensitized because it was the middle of the evening...it is not uncommon. If this is the only time it has happened, I would not worry about it. If he continues to not be able to climax, maybe you two should try talking more about what makes you both feel good. If this does not happen often, I really wouldn't worry about it.
Another thing is, were you two using protection? Many guys are desensitized by condoms and often cannot come. There are many factors that could play a role in this...don't worry yourself.
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