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male
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anonymous
writes: How can you be best friends straight after a break up which your g/f made? i don't want to feel bad by not being her friend, but it seems hard to see her as a friend..especially saying best friends staright after a break up, i don't get it
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): If you want to stay friends the best thing to do is give each other space especially after breaking up so soon... If you both see each other constantly it will only make the recovery from the break up harder.
What happens then if one of you starts seeing some one new and the other is not fully over the break up but yet ye are friends and still hang around? It wouldn't be fair on either one....
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female
reader, DynaMo +, writes (29 September 2006):
 I think unless the break-up was mutual and there was no desier from either of you to still be together, it is important to have some space. Only the person who was rejected will be able to decide whether they want to continue to be friends or not and I suspect that until they are a) happy being single or b) with a new partner, they would find it very difficult to be friends with the person that called the relationship off if they didn't feel the same way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): Nor do I...get it ... no you just can't be friends with an ex...doesn't work.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (25 September 2006):
 I think you can be friends with an ex I just don't believe you can be so soon after the break up.
I think you need to distance yourself away from them until you have had some sort of closure on the relationship before you can attempt to build a friendship from it.
If you try to be friends straight after you get caught up in the fact you still act like your together and when they do something that upsets you, you still feel a right to feel cheated when your not.
Good luck :o)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): I agree with Yos. It seems to me (and from past experience of my own) that wanting to be friends right after a break-up is a way of prolonging the agony and clinging to a forlorn hope that he/she will "see the light" and come back.
SOMETIMES that might happen; usually it does not.
My recommendation? Give it at least six months with no contact, and then see how you feel. MAYBE if you really are over her by then, you can call to say hi, how are you, strictly as a friend, with no thought of reviving the romance. If at that point you even still want to call her, that is. And quite possibly, you won't even want to.
Right now, though, its hard. Hang in there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): im afraid i really don't think this is possible. my ex gave me the friends speech too but in a few weeks when she wont answer youur message or begins using private things she knows about you to hury you and feel good about herself you will see the resentment caused by a break up, even if you don't realise its there at first will stop you from being good friends for a long while to come
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): Forgiveness is a great quality to possess and to be forgiven is a gift beyond compare.
Unconditional love is full of forgiveness and compassion.
That you cannot see past your own hurt and anger and work to understand someone with whom you shared your heart with and be a true friend to her; then just leave her be.
Time takes care of all things.
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female
reader, mwest  +, writes (25 September 2006):
I'm going to have to disagree with Yos. I'm in the same situration as you are in now. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago not because he didn't want to be with me because he's depressed and needs to figure out his life right now. He still very much wants me to be apart of his life and still loves me very much. We still are very good friends and are there for each other. Actually, I've seen him twice since we broke up and will see him again in about two weeks again. What I think you should do is distance yourself a little from her. Don't be so acessible to her, that's what I'm doing with him and believe me its working. Let her call you since she broke it off with you. Give her the space that she desires and maybe she'll start realizing what life would be like without you in it. Be patient, whatever happens, happens. Don't wait around for her either. Go out, enjoy life, spend sometime with friends, etc. If that's what she wants right now, is just to be friends, then give her that. I know it will be hard to stay friends with someone that you care for and love still so much, believe me its hard for me too. But, I look at it this way, I love my ex so much still and want him back so bad, but, I rather have him still in my life as a friend than nothing at all. He is the first guy I've ever dated that I've remained friends with, and its tough. But, I think I would be more heartbroken not to talk to him anymore. Keep your head up and I hope everything works out for you both! Good luck and let me know what happens!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 September 2006):
 You need to examine your motivations.
You say you want to remain friends with her because you don't want to feel bad. Here's the thing, you feel bad already because you two broke up. You feel bad now, because of her. Seeing her is just going to remind you of your breakup, and make you feel worse, and for longer. Seeing her is going to have the opposite effect of what you claim you want. You want to be rid of the pain? Seeing her is achieving the opposite.
Perhaps what you really want is to see her as a friend so that hopefully you two will end up back together? That is not a good idea, she broke up with you because she didn't want to be with you. You have to accept that, difficult as it is. Or perhaps you are scared to let go and really move on? To really admit that it is over?
I suggest you don't see her. Get on with your life and see your other friends. After 6 months or more you might find that both of you are really over each other, then you may be able to be friends without stirring up all those painful emotions. Probably not though, almost no one manages to do it. Don't hold out hope for it. For the time being stay away. Plus either of your new partners (hers and yours) will not want you being friends with your ex. By seeing her you are creating more pain for yourself, not less. Cut the cord.
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female
reader, vixie +, writes (25 September 2006):
 you are really brave and your right to feel worried about being her friend. It might be hard but you shouldnt shut her out and not be her friend because it didnt work being more than friends. you two need to spend some time just talking and sorting things out and dont shut her out because friends are forever.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (25 September 2006):
You're right, it is hard being 'best friends' straight after a break up, especially if you aren't the one who ended it which could mean you still wanted the relationship to continue. Usually, I think most couples need a bit of gap time in between. Where they don't see each other. Because right after the breakup, the wounds have just been cut open, emotions are high and therefor making it hard to act in a rational way. Give it some time. Maybe a week, maybe 2, maybe more. Just depends on the individuals. But most people can come to a time after the break up where they can be in the same room and chat to each other like they could before.
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