A
female
age
30-35,
*eogirl18
writes:Please help, we really need advice... My fiance and I are getting married next year and we live together right now. In May we had unprotected sex and he finished inside me. The next day in the afternoon I took Plan B, so it was in the time frame, but turns out it didnt work. We went to the doctor to have a blood test to confirm it.My question is what to do about the baby? My fiance is ok with getting an abortion but Im not sure about that. When we went to the doctor I thought something could be done there, that day, but not the case. And so the doctor suggested going to an abortion clinic, but where I live they dont do them anywhere except for 2 and half hours away in the city...a little inconvenient.So about 2 weeks ago I tried calling to make the appointment for the same day, but you have to follow guidelines ahead of time before the appointment, so it couldnt be the same day. So again I tried calling today to make the appointment for the weekend but all the lines were busy and I was on hold for awhile.I keep seeing all these set backs that are maybe signs that we should keep the baby, but I really have no idea what the right decision is. I really believe that evrything happens for a reason, so there must be a reason for all this... My fiances points are that we are still young and maybe want to live life still just the 2 of us. I agree but maybe did this happen for a reason? Is our time to be parents now? We love each other very much and have good jobs that we could afford a baby, and he says he is 100% with whatever I decide, but I know he is leaning towards going to the appointment.What should we do? Im about 2 months pregnant and I dont really like the idea of killing something inside me. But what if it is the wrong time? Or what if it is the right time? This runs in my head back and forth everyday. We want to talk to someone but dont know who to trust in our families enough on this type of decision. We really need advice.Thank you
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abortion, fiance, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 I'm sure that, despite the blood, sweat, pee, poop, sick and tears, that you'll have a great time =] Congratulations and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Congratulations, I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, leogirl18 +, writes (20 July 2010):
leogirl18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have spent the weekend telling his side of the family and they are all very excited and supportive. We will work on telling my family after the ultrasound in 2 weeks. We are defiantely keeping the baby :)
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A
female
reader, leogirl18 +, writes (13 July 2010):
leogirl18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for all the advice. I think that is definately part of it, that I have formed a bond with this baby to be already, because I love children and I really want to be a mom. And to the first response from the anonymous reader, that is a thought that also keeps popping into my head, who will this person be? And if I go to have the abortion i will always think, who have that person could've been?
My fiance and I have a great relationship together and love each other very much. I keep asking him why he is leaning towards abortiona nd he says his main reason is what other people will think, but thats because he is shy in that way. He wants children and I want children, we are both capable of being parents and I really think their is no reason to end a life that possibly should be.
I think this advice helps that my fiance and I will talk to our family tonight. :)
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (13 July 2010):
Personally, it was your combined decision to have unprotected sex, and you are both in a stable environment, so I think it is your responsibility to bring up the baby. It isn't the child's fault that it was created. I'm not totally against abortion, but I don't think you have a good enough reason to get rid of this baby. You are clearly having doubts about aborting, so you already have a connection with the child, and your fiance is supportive of your decision which is great. I'm sure you want a kid some day, and abortions can occasionally cause infertility. Also, the later into the pregnancy, the more inhumance the abortion becomes, so if you decide you are sure that you want one, you should do it sooner rather than later.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 It all depends on what you believe in and whether you and your partner can deal with a baby right now. I always think the main decision when deciding to keep the baby is to think of the baby - can you give it the best life possible right now?
I mean you have to consider your finances, can you actually afford a child and to be able to enrich its life with books, toys, days out etc? You also need to consider your emotional maturity and life exeperience - are you mentally ready to be a mum? Do you have lots to offer the child so when you raise it the child will turn out as a well balanced indivdual? Can you help with its education and offer well balanced advice when they come to you? Is your relationship stable enough with your partner to have a child? Will you be able to deal with the stress and strains of pregnancy then raising a child?
As much as love is important for a child, they need lots of other things to ensure they get the best start in life possible. I always think it is unfair to bring a child into the world until you can give it everything it needs.
But as we have all said - this is a personal decision, one you must live with for the rest of your life. So it has to be right for you and your partner, never mind what any of us think!
My personal beliefs are that at 8 weeks pregnant the baby is still not much more than a soft mass of cells that vaugely resemble a baby. It cannot have a "life" as such because it is not alive until it comes out of you when it can breath for itself. We define "life" as something that can function on its own and survive as an individual, and a baby in the womb obviously cannot do this. So dont think of it as a "life" just yet, it is just the potential for life.
Make sure you think carefully about this and base the decision on what you want, and what your partner wants. Dont rule him out in any of this - if you have the child when really he does not want one, he may end up resenting you for taking his freedom and life away purely because you made a decision he did not want. I have a friend whose girlfriend has fallen pregnant, and she decided to keep the baby. They have no money, his job is on the line and they are both only 25. He categorically does not want the child and she knows this - yet made the decision to keep it. So now he feels trapped - he obviously cannot leave her because you cannot leave a pregnant woman who is about to have your baby! But his feelings for her have changed massively, he feels she does not respect his opinions and has basically changed his life in a massive way without even taking him into consideration.
So do some more thinking and I'm sure you will come to the right decision.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 To me it sounds like deep down you have already decided against abortion.
When we start seeing "signs " we are generally reading a neutral event in a sense that may support or reinforce pre-existing ideas and decisions.
Example : you could not get an abortion locally, you would have had to go 2 and a half hours away. So ?...It 's not that much of a long travel, I assure you anybody who had made a firm decision about terminating the pregnancy and be over and done with it ASAP, would have jumped on a car, taxi, train, bus and gone ahead with the procedure.
Same thing with the busy lines- Once I was kept on hold for maybe 90 minutes to, I think, cancel a credit card (or something similar )- I did not take it as a mystic sign that I was supposed to keep the credit card. I just waited until I could accomplish what I wanted to do.
Maybe by gathering signs you are tryng to convince your reluctant boyfriend ,or to find stronger motivations for your choice : you don't have to.
Your body, your choice. You do not need to explain, apologize,rationalize , or illustrate your choice to anybody.
You want this baby ? Keep the baby, sign or no sign.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I'm afraid no one here can truly decide this for you.
It sounds to me like you were also leaning towards the abortion but you're taking these little slip ups as signs that you might be meant to keep this thing inside you, this thing that might eventually become a baby, because it's not a baby yet and won't be until 6 months in when it's brain begins to function.
What you have to consider is not whether this is fate (whether you believe in that or not) but whether this is in fact a sign that you really want to have this baby. You are starting to form an emotional attachment which is normal and healthy, you are stuck in this decision because it can be a life changing decision. The longer you leave it the harder it will get but you also need time to make sure it's what's right for you.
We can't make this decision for you, we are not you and we're not living your life and if you want my honest opinion, I think you need to talk to your friends and family and get as many views from the people that know you and your life situation on whether this the right time and most importantly whether an abortion is something you feel you can live with.
Abortion is contentious issue with many, so ensure you listen to advice from people that share your own stand point on it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Whoa whoa whoa,be carefull with your decision now. No one can influence you what you want to do with YOUR baby but i can try to help.
If it were ME i'd have it..I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing i killed another being because of MY insecurities. Two eyes that will never see, two legs that will never walk, one heart that will never beat (you see what i mean?)
But you must understand that sooner than later your going to have to take responsibilities and thats part of life ready or not..life doesnt wait till your ready,and if you do have an abortion think,just think that maybe your child WAS ment to be born and who knows it could be the next Einstien your holding.
I hope this helped. Let me know,please.
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