A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance for 4 years now. Things got a bit rocky and i cheated on him about 7 months back. It was wrong and I regret it. I decided that I truly loved my fiance and he was the one I wanted to be with and I broke it off with the other guy. He promised he would not tell my fiance anything. Anyway he started seeing a girl that I knew fairly well and I strongly believe that he told her of our relationship. I am friends with her on fb and she has been dropping hints on my statuses that she knows I've been unfaithful. At this point in time I cannot ask him if he told her because he is in a comotose state due to a bad accident. I'm terrified that she will either tell my fiance or somebody else and it will get back to him. I can't bear to lose him now as we just found out I am 4 wks preg with our first child and he is over the moon about it. I just dont know what do to. He will leave me if he ever finds out and I would be devastated especially that I am now carrying his child :(
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male
reader, shoccs  +, writes (22 July 2010):
it took sleeping with another man to know you love your fiance? Your liar and most likely selfish, if you love him tell him let him make the choice to stay with you. Regret does not mean you are forgiven nor matter how sweet you are to him now tell him before you get married.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): tell the truth, he has the right to know,he should also be given the option whether to stay with you or not.its hes choice, rather than lien to your self that you will never cheat again.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 He is in a comotose state!!!!!!!! I think you have more important things to think about right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I'm not sure while the current girlfriend would feel the need to tell your fiance anything. If she did, wouldn't she be messing up her own relationship (assuming her BF comes out of his coma) by repeating something he told her in confidence? I think she's posting these comments to mess with you, but she has nothing to gain by divulging your secret.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): I know if I were your BF I would want to know. He does have the right to know and to then decide what he wants to do about the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): You have ask yourself whether it's better that he finds out from you or someone else.
Secrets are a funny thing, because they're based on trust and trust in turn is heavily reliant on loyalty. He will have told someone, there is no doubt about that because it's a heavy secret to have and it's only by sharing this burden will he have been able to make sense of it. Now the person he will have told will be someone he trusts, someone who's loyal to him. But loyalties change and you have no idea how many people he has told.
So while he may stay true to his word and not tell your fiance, because at the moment it benefits him not to. The same can't be said for the people he told. Perhaps he did tell his girlfriend, perhaps one day they'll have a messy break up and she'll need ammunition to get back at him. The possibilities are endless.
My point is, it will most likely eventually come out, these things usually tend to. For all you know, someone might have already told him bu he didn't believe them or didn't want to bring it up with you.
You are pregnant which means you have to do what's best for your child, both when it is within you and when it is not. Right now it's important to try and remain stress free, if you're not going to tell him them you have to stop worrying that something will happen to make him find out. It's a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): I think you should tell him b4 anybody else tell him. it will b betta than anybody else tellin him
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I would go and have a word with this girl if I were you - she should be focusing on the fact her boyfriend is in a coma never mind leaving cryptic messages on Facebook!
Just say something along these lines to her:
"I am not sure what you have heard about me but I dont appreciate these comments you have been leaving on my Facebook, I think they are inapropriate and I would appreciate it if you could stop. I have just found out I am pregnant with my fiance's baby and we are over the moon about it, we are happy and looking forward to having a family together. I love my fiance very much and he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I would be deeply hurt if anyone I count as a friend would try and ruin that for us."
This way you are not admitting you were unfaithful so she cannot use that against you, but you are also making sure she knows that you are very happy with your fiance and now there is a child involved she would be very stupid to try and mess things up, she would just be known as a home wrecker and a busy-body.
In any normal circumstances I would say it would be best to tell your fiance the truth but because you are pregnant and clearly regret your mistake then there is no point in telling him, it will only end up hurting him for no reason and then it would be another broken home. The child deserves a mum and a dad in its life who are together and love each other, and that is the case with your relationship so there is no point in messing things up.
As the anonymous poster said, even if she is a complete b***h and tells your boyfriend that you have cheated, the chances are he wont believe some random girl who you only are friends with on Facebook. So if she does have no heart and would happily try and ruin a child's life then you can just say to your boyfriend "I only know her really through Facebook, I think her current boyfriend used to have a thing for me so I guess she is just a bit jealous and is trying to come between us".
I'm pretty sure if you talk to her nicely and explain you are pregnant she wont say anything to your fiance, she would have to be a pretty horrid person to do that. And if she does, you always have plan B where you deny it to your boyfriend and make up something about her boyfriend being interested in you once upon a time, I know lies are bad but a child being raised in a broken home is much worse.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Lydiway  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 My dear i thnk u ve to tell ur partner the truth first ,if he truly loves u ,ur partner wil forgve u.dnt let sm1 let the cat out of the bag cos dat wil hurt him more.and l hope u dnt wnt to hurt the one u love.ask him for forgiveness nd l believe he wil bt promise urslf nd him dat wnt be happened again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Ohh my god girl be strong I know what you feeling and its a bad one too, don't let that get on your way. Forget about the pass and focus on your fiance and the baby. Just denie everything your fiance has to believe in you rather than a strager. So don't worry about and move on. I know you regret it and you will never do that again. Good luck
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