A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so i dont really know how to ask this question so ill just explain! :)My boyfriend is working offshore right now and he likes to give me money from his check every week maybe like 300 just so i can have money, but i dont have his bank information so his mom brings me the money! I feel so awkward when she brings the money over to my house she always asks oh are you going shopping with the money "MY SONS" giving you! It makes me feel super bad its not like i ask him for the money he gives it to me, So what should i tell her next time she says that? lol :)
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female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (13 July 2010):
 His mom is just looking out for him obviously. Maybe you give off the impression that you'll go blow the money on other guys while her son is hard at work doing a dangerous job & doesn't want you to hurt him while spending his hard earned cash. If the next time she has something suggestive to say when she's giving you the money- offer to take her out to eat with some of it. Maybe offer her some fuel money for the trip to give it to you. EItherway I think her problem is she just doesnt know if you can be trusted so it might help to reassure her that your a loyal girlfriend & he's giving you this money becuase your a good girlfriend. I definitely suggest offering her reimbursement for the gas & definitely taking her to lunch of something similar. Good luck. (and don't get puched out of shape at his mother- she's just doing her job=)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): Some of these women are apparently mad that they don't have somebody doing this for them! Did you ever say you weren't going to school? They all assumed you were just a lazy little girl being a gold digger! Grow up people!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 As a few other posts have said - basically his mum thinks you are a goldigger and you are doing nothing to dispel this idea in her head.
1. Why do you take the money off him?
2. Why have you not got your own money?
3. Is there no part of you that thinks this is very wrong? We are not living in the 1950's anymore!
I cannot understand how a girl aged between 18 & 21 living in today's society thinks it is acceptable to take $300 a week (that will amount to around $1200 a month which is some people's salary who work hard for their money!). Do you have no aspirations of your own? Are you happy to have your boyfriend working extremely hard so you can spend his money on whatever you want? Do you not feel the need to actually get off your backside and earn your own money? Regardless of if he gives this to you without asking - you should never accept the money!
I am surprised his mum even brings the money round to you! If I were her I would refuse, if my son was being used like this there is no way on earth I would deliver the money to you - the least you could do would be pick it up yourself!
If you want to earn his mum's respect the best way would be to tell your boyfriend you do not want him to send you the money any more, tell him as lovely as it is that he does this, you do not need him to be a bank for you and you want to support yourself. Explain that until you are married you dont feel comfortable taking money from him in this way, and you would rather he saved up the $300 a week for something like your wedding, or a deposit to buy/rent a house. Then go round to his mum's house and apologise for taking the money from her son for so long, that you never asked him to do this for you and that you have told him to stop sending you money. Apologise again and say you are getting a job or going to college or something so you can support yourself and be of some use to her son in the future.
No mum wants to see their son being used, nor does any mum like the idea that their son is going to wind up married to a lazy woman who cannot be bothered to get off her backside and earn a living. Women have fought long and hard for equality with men, and girls like you are setting us back hundreds of years! If you want to be treated well and have respect from his mum then you will realise as a young woman you have a lot to offer the world, you are smart and can make something of yourself. Dont sit back and live off hand-outs from men all your life, because one day that man might realise how much of a user he is married to and run off with the smart pretty girl who has an interesting job and is independent.
If you ever allow yourself to rely on a man financially you are just setting yourself up to fail. You should be supporting each other, not taking advantage of his generosity. But something tells me that a young girl who gets $300 delivered by hand each week wont ever change, and will sit back and take full advantage of the situation.
But it is up to you - maybe you will step up and realise how wrong all this is, or maybe you will sit back and enjoy every dollar he gives you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): I would simply say that it is he's choice so if she has a problem with it to speak to her son!!!
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (9 July 2010):
 I would stick with a "Yep" and a smile.
One of the worst places to be put in is between a man and his mother. Almost all sons think their mom's are angels. Even when she is pretty crazy. If she loves him, he loves her. If you get in a fight with her, it can cause such a problem for him. And it might even cause you some heartache if he chooses her over you.
I would try to avoid any confrontation with her as much as possible and then ask him when he comes ashore again if there is another way you can do this because it's been difficult this way. If you take it to him and not fight with his mother than he will more likely to hear you. If he comes ashore one day and you guys are going at it like cats and dogs for months he will probably not want anything to do with it. It will frustrate him that his nice gesture his hurting the women in his life.
If he is giving you money, it seems like he likes taking care of you so I doubt he would have a problem trying to find some way to get you the money besides his mom.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Don't be a stranger and don't treat his mom like she's a messenger. Maybe go to her place instead of letting her come. She may seem nosy but talk to her like she's your auntie. Once she knows you care about her too it would be less awkward. There is nothing shameful about spending money. We all need money. Just tell her you are spending some on food saving some.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Difficult situation, from different angles.
At least where I live, if a woman takes my money, a) she's mine, or b) she's someone else's and I'm very stupid. Maybe Mommy wonders whether her dear son is A), B), or C) None of the Above, but Son shouldn't give her money.
My guess is that Mommy wonders whether Son works hard while you spend his money on Pringles and Beer with Mr. Someone Else.
Mom must be like 40 now, and my guess also is that back in her dating years taking money from Boyfriend, Away on Business was something women didn't do.
It's not little money, by the way. 1,200 a month. That buys you some orange juice.
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A
female
reader, tss18 +, writes (9 July 2010):
 just explain to her that you dont ask for it , or tell her to leave it in the mailbox, so you dont have to see her.
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A
male
reader, Dwillis +, writes (9 July 2010):
To fully take care of this by obtaining his bank information or have him send you a check. If you feel you must answer his mom just tell her your holding it for him so he wont spend it. If her reply is something in the way of "but my son is good with money, why would he do that" tell her to mind her own business and shut the door. jk on that last part! :)
-Good Luck!
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