A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am getting increasingly irritated by some comments people-mostly colleagues keep making about me not having a drivers licence. Its not like I’m not trying-I’ve taken my test several times and failed on stupid things so I keep trying.What is making me angry is how people keep saying “you need to drive for freedom and independence” etc.. Why do they assume I have no freedom and independence??! I walk everywhere and occasionally get a taxi. I go out every week, I go see my friends, I have an active social life and my boyfriend drives so we go out together. I have more of a social life than most people I know.The ironic thing is, is that some colleagues who do drive can never afford to go out or do anything –so that to me means no freedom. A friend of mine is always in and out of jobs and has a car but can never afford to run it so ends up taking buses everywhere.Also my workplace encourages people to car share or to walk to work for the environment. I actually live 15 minutes from my work and walk home and back everyday!Why can’t people mind their own business? I mean I’m not doing anyone any harm and I don’t rely on anyone at work for lifts and if they have ever offered to take me home if the weather is bad and it’s on their way then I always offer petrol money. I just feel belittled and looked down upon that I don’t drive and its making me feel really rubbish about myself like I’m a loser or an idiot.I’m a high achiever at work and often get told by my manager I’m the ideal employee and an asset to the team so me not driving doesn’t affect my work.I never thought me not driving was an issue but now people comment on it I feel it is a big deal and stress myself out when it comes to my tests.Anyone been through the same and if so what can I say shut these people up?Thanks
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Well I am 23 and I cant drive either, so I know how you feel! It abosultely does not mean you have no freedom, in fact I think it gives you more freedom! I get the train, bus and walk wherever I need to go, and I dont have the financial burden of buying a car, insurance, petrol and tax to worry about! So it means I am free to go on more holidays, I have just rented a gorgeous penthouse apartment that I could not afford if I had a car, and if there is an odd occasion where a car is neccessary, generally me and my boyfriend are going together so he drives.
I have taken my test 3 times and failed for the same reason each time, because I am useless at reversing around a corner! So I have decided to stop trying to take tests (my last one was when I was 19) and wait until I want a car, to give me some motivation to actually pass! I am quite happy with my life as it is now and I dont want to buy a car, so I dont really see the point in taking my test without any motivation to pass!
However where our situaitons differ - I have never had anyone comment in a negative way about me not being able to drive! I think if anyone says anything to you again about it I would just have a quiet word with them and say something like this "I am sorry to make an issue out of this but your continued negative comments about me not being able to drive are starting to bother me now and I would really appreciate it if you could just let the subject drop. I am very happy with my life and dont feel the need to drive just yet, this is my choice and I hope you can respect that."
I'm sure if you are polite and do it out of sight of other people so they dont feel they are being made an example of or embarassed in front of their colleagues, then they should be fine and respect your wishes. There is no reason for them to continually make remarks about this, it is very silly and childish so if you just have a quiet word with them I'm sure they will stop. They probably dont even realise they are making you feel uncomfortable - I'm sure they just cant imagine their own lives without their cars so talking to someone who cant drive is quite novel to them!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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