A
female
age
36-40,
*lcinderella
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about three years this time. We dated before from our senior year of high school into college for about three to four years then took about two to three years off due to cheating, lying, and needing to grow up. We worked through things, grew up (a lot for him) and began dating then dating then moved in together. We have almost been together for one year and I want to end things. This is the man I love with all my heart and want to marry but I hate his lifestyle choices. I need help a lot of help and advice!! He has a problem with smoking weed. He smokes a lot about $200 a month worth. I am not someone who even drinks I hate it and beg him to stop but he says no. I don’t want to have kids and have then around that or have a father who does this. He also has a major money problem. He owes me so much money it’s not even funny. He never has money for bills. A big reason for this is his pot problem. He has credit card companies callin
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): I want to roll on the floor laughing that people actually think that legalizing pot is the thing to do, freedom and all that. This is a prime example of how it ruins a person's drive and ambition, their relationships, their mind and spirit, in short it ruins their life and is a gateway drug to harder drugs.
Cut your losses, forget about the money he owes you, he doesn't have it nor does he have the character to see to it to pay you back. Any man who would welch off a woman like this is a loser, not a man.
Do not hitch your wagon to this deadbeat. He will only stay the same. And give you more of the same. You hate his lifestyle choices which means he is not the man for you.
Get out, don't wait for a painful divorce and a couple of kids or an unplanned pregnancy so you can ruin some innocent kid's life, too. Tell him today you are moving out or he is, give him a month to find a new place if he needs it and try to protect your belongings, as he sounds like an addict who would sell your "stuff" for money now that he knows his "supply" is about to get cut off.
By the way, he doesn't love you, he can't, he sees you as supply, he will be off and running replacing you in a heartbeat, you watch. Be prepared for begging and pleading, do not cave in no matter what. You have made a decision, now stick to it and see it through.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 July 2010):
He hasn't really changed at all. He's the same. And he will always be the same. This is the man he is. You can't change him, and he clearly won't change. So, you can either say and live life like this. Or you can leave and move on. I know which I would do.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 July 2010):
 You have said it yourself - You want to end things. So why are you even hesitating?
Love is not enough in a relationship, there has to be so much more to make a relationship work. And with this guy, he is a drug addict - so all he has room for in his life are his drugs, unfortunately for as long as he is smoking pot you will always be second best.
He cannot give you what you want while he is smoking pot, but the problem is you cannot force him to stop - he has to want to quit himself. With most 'addicts" they need to hit rock bottom before they WANT to get better, and this always has to happen ALONE. So really the only way your boyfriend can get better is to be alone for a while, until he hits rock bottom (basically when he has no one to take money off anymore, no-one around him that loves him...pretty much when he finally realises he has screwed up everything he cared about) he is not going to be any good for you.
So leaving him will actually be the best thing in the long run for him - because he will no longer be able to take your money, he will have no-one looking after him, no-one basically holding his life together.
It doesnt sound like he has matured or grown up at all - I mean smoking that much pot, not having any money, refusing to stop taking drugs - he sounds like a petulant teenager. You have given him more than enough chances - you should have realised when it didnt work the first time the chances are it is not going to work a second time round. You always split up with a person for a good reason (as you did in the past) and there is only a tiny chance of it working the second time round IF you both have changed for the better. Your boyfriend has not changed at all, but I guess instead of cheating and lying he has now found a new way to hurt you - pot.
If he loved you and cared about your relationship then he would quit smoking pot - it is as simple as that. But because he is addicted he cant give it up, the addiction has taken over and now pot is more important than you. You cannot have a meaningful relationship with an addict, he will only drag you down and make you miserable. And as I said before, he will only get better when he loses every last good thing in his life. Until he wants to quit, there is nothing more you can do for him.
So I think you need to leave now, before he drags you down with him. It is very sad you have invested so much time and money into this relationship, but you have given him multiple chances and he does not care about you enough to realise that. You need to let go of this one, he is not the right man for you and you can do better, find someone who will treat you well and put you above everything else in their life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Hun, this man is an addict, he will continue to borrow money for his pot, you will always be on the loosing end of this relationship.
For your own good, get out of the relationship now. You probably wont ever get your money back so you will have to write this one up to experience.
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 As we grow older we increasingly become the result of the choices that we have made. If you don't like the choices that he makes then you will not like the person he becomes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 You are right, you should not stay with this man. I also worry that you will never get your money back. So stop lending him money immedeately. He is a drug addict, and not someone who is suitable to marry or have a family with. You love him, and he is the fool who values his drugs over you. And yes that is exactly what he does. He takes your money, never pays you back, buys drugs, and wont respect that you say no.
He had matured you said? I believe it is time for you to raise your standards, as this is not even close to maturing. You might love him, but he isn't good enough as a partner to you. Love, from you, can not save this relationship. And he is unwilling to make sacrifices (his drugs).
Move on and find someone better.
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A
female
reader, understandinglil +, writes (9 July 2010):
First things first how can you trust someone that cheats & lies, they never change trust me. They find it easier each time you go back. I can see you really love this guy, but you can't keep living like this. You may have rushed into things to quick and it has put strain on the relationship. I would stop lending him money & getting him out of debt. I would personally walk from this relationship & tell him if he loves you he will try to change. Being in a relationship means making sacrifices for one another. If he really loves you he will try and win you back! i wish you all the happiness in the world x
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