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I'm confused because I dnt know if I'm ready to have sex.!

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 July 2010)
A female Puerto Rico age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Okay.! Im 15 years old and im a virgen.! Im confused because i dnt know if im ready to have sex.! I have a bf and we were going to have sex. I was going to say yes but we were not in a safe place. I am scared that my parent would find out if i have sex because i would be dead. But i really love him. I dnt know what to do. I mean i am passing trew a lot because i cnnt see him a lot. My parent think im a baby. But im not. Im am really mature for my age. I have great grades and everything. Im about to go to 12 grade. But anyway i need to know what should i do.! My bf understands but he wants to know if im ready 2.. He is not a virgen. And he is 16 turning 17. Im really confused. I dnt want to get pregnant eithere.Help Me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

15 and still a virgin!!! Guess what, that's perfectly normal. In fact, the whole virginity thing is no issue. Just wait until you meet a nice, charming boy who treats you well and whom you want to have sex with. I lost my virginity much, much later than 15!!!

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2010):

k_c100 agony auntI think that you are not ready for sex. And the reason I say this is because you have said yourself "I dont know if I am ready to have sex". The only time you should ever lose your virginity is when you are 100% certain it is the right thing to do and you know for sure you are happy and comfortable in losing your virginity. But the fact is you dont know what you want, so there is doubt in your mind which means you are not ready.

I am not sure what the age of consent is in your country but if it is like the UK (age of consent is 16) then your boyfriend could get into a lot of trouble for having sex with you as he is nearly 2 years older than you and almost an adult, whereas you are still technically a child at 15.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? I think this is quite important when losing your virginity - you need to have been with him at least 6 months before you know him well enough and are comfortable enough with him to lose your virginity to him. Your virginity is very special and you need to keep hold of it until you know for certain the time is right, and to me it does not sound like now is quite the right time to do it.

If I were you I would wait until you were at least 16 years old and have been with your boyfriend a miniumum of 6 months. If he loves you (and is the right guy to lose your virginity to) then he will happily wait for you and wont pressure you into something you are not ready for. If he does start to pressure you then he is not the right guy for you - if he loves you and respects you then waiting will not be a problem. He is not a virgin so this is not such a big deal to him, but hopefully he will remember losing his virginity and will want your first time to be special, something you look back on fondly rather than something you regret for the rest of your life.

As for getting pregnant - if you do decide you want sex in the near future then now is the time to visit your doctor and get some birth control. If you really are as mature as you say you are then you will be responsible for your own health and wont leave anything to chance. So ideally you need to be on the pill or some similar sort of birth control (the doctors can discuss which option is best for you) and you also need to use condoms. Your boyfriend is not a virgin so he could have an STD (sexually transmitted disease), and some STD's can be fatal like HIV/AIDS. So you need to be safe as well as taking birth control so you dont get pregnant.

I think that is the real test for how "mature" you are and if you are ready for sex - if you will happily go to the doctors and be responsible then maybe you are ready. But if you are too "scared" to go to the doctors, and dont like the idea of it etc then you are no-where near ready. Only a mature, responsible person should be having sex because there can be some serious repercussions from having sex, like pregnancy and diseases so you have to be mature enough to protect yourself.

So really I think you need to tell your boyfriend you dont feel 100% ready for sex at the moment so you want to wait a while longer, and you will let him know when you do feel ready. Then wait until you have been together for at least 6 months and you are legal to have sex. Once you have got to that point visit your doctors and sort out birth control and condoms. Then you will be ready for sex!

I hope this helps and good luck!

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