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age
26-29,
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writes: I AM READY for sex, but i don't have anybody to share my first time with. What should i do? I truly am ready, but i want the first time to be with a guy but i really am ready... what do i do?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 You said you were ready three times. Are you trying to convince us, or yourself?
'Basically what i wanted to hear was, you need to find someone special. and wait til you find someone you're in love with! not all the stuff you said! and how about you ask my mom and grandma how mature i am! i know how to take care of myself. and i can bet you right now, i WILL NOT end up pregnant until i am married! Get to know me befor you judge... kayy?'
So, let me get this straight. You posted a question asking for advice while leaving out most details other than the fact that you're ready for sex at 13, then get upset when we do give you advice? You're guaranteed to get judged with a question like this, not being able to handle the truth doesn't excuse you from it. Why post this question at all if that was all you wanted to hear?
Aside from that, are you able to find a job that pays enough to live on your own, let alone support a child? No. In some places, it's not even legal for you to find an official 'job' yet.
I've said this countless times, and I'll say it again: mature adults don't have to tell anyone they're mature, because their actions speak for themselves. You're not an adult, and you're definitely not mature. You're 13 years old, and at 13 you know nothing of how tough it can be in the outside world. Very few people your age do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): WOW!! you sound like me!! im 18 now but when i was 13 i said the same thing too but i was with this older guy at the time and i was moving so i thought hey im ready and i did it...WORST MISTAKE EVER!! Guy broke my heart obviously and i was out of control..sexually. I would give it up to anyone and everyone. I know what a whore but i didnt know any better i was 13 and doing everything that everyone else was doing. Now im 18 and pregnant with my first baby and i ended up with a boyfriend that beats me all the time and hes 10 years older then me. Now im not saying your gonna turn out like me because for all i know you can be a teacher's pet and not as promiscous as i was but this is one road you dont want to go down thru. And i still look back and i should have waited at least until i was 16, 17, 18 and wish i could have shared it with my true love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): You may be "physically" ready, but no way in h*** are you emotionally ready. Sex is meant to create babies. Are you ready to take care of a child? No, so you're not "ready" for sex. Quit trying to grow up so quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Believe me, just from your post indicates you are NOT ready. You just want to throw yourself at anyone with a penis because you're horney. Don't worry, you are not alone most people your age go through this. Try masturbating when you feel the urge and or take a cold shower for now and wait till you are truly ready. You will know because you will pick and choose for someone that really suits you.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 July 2010):
This OP is not ready. No way.
To the OP, you're the sort of girl that paedophiles and abusers of women dream of. You say you're ready? Yet you're not mature enough to accept criticism or advice when it's given? And not just that, it's illegal for you to have sex. So quit with the pathetic, immature attitude and wake up. If you want to be used and abused, then continue on the same path. If not, accept the advice you've been given, lose the attitude and wait for the right guy. Guy's won't find you attractive if you act like this. They'll just think you're easy and they'll laugh at you and abuse you. Quit with the pathetic attitude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): you are a child to be haing sex there are many consequneces that comes like , pregnancy, STD'S, AIDS, you can says you wont get pregnant and you will take care of your self and the guy you might meet to help you out will not think they same he might want to do it with no condoms and there goes a disease or condom might break and there goes a pregnancy, i know a friend who's cousin was only 12yrs old got her first experience cause she tough thse was ready and knew the boy for 3yrs he was 17, he had HIV because he was active but since she knew him for 3yrs he never told her her about his HIV, well sure enough she had sex, got pregnant, and she ended up gettting clamydia, and HIV- worst part is her child got infected with HIV also they are bot on plenty of meds for HIV the baby now is only 1yrs old. wait till you get older and finish school. we dont need babies having babies in this world and contract something else i feel sorry for the lil girl who haves HIV..
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 July 2010):
 First teenage nymphomanic we've had on Dear Cupid. You don't talk abbout being in love or liking a special guy. No you just want to have sex with anyone who will take you. I can see you at school, with a tee shirt reading "I'm Available for Sex, Anybody Interested". Most girls fall in love first, most girls have a special person their thinking off, but not you, you'll screw the whole world if you can.
Make a sign and stick it on your forehead, "I need sex, not interested in a boyfriend, I'M READY NOW"... Let the boys know your available and they'll all be come along to give you what you want, and they will bring their friends, their brothers and even their enemies.
Let the boys know that your willing to be their slut, and you don't expect to be anything else and they'll come right along.
Yep, your ready, but you are sure stupid, and will be treated badly because that's what you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Wait till your ready!! Your a child, children don't have sex!! Your not even really a teenager yet!! Oh my god, chill out and go buy a pair of iron knickers! If you were really grown up you would know that people will tell you not to because you would know you should wait!'
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Hi. I'm 18 years old so as my bf. we've been dating for almost half a year. And we do love each other. He wants sex but i told him not until we reach 20 or 21 so that if there would be unexpected things happen, we could get a better and stable job. And he agreed. :)
We just do some foreplays instead. I'm from Philippines, and he's my 3rd bf. And he was the first one i allowed to touch me.
What i'm trying to say here is that don't rush things.
You might end up regretting. Enjoy life being a virgin.
Besides, You're too young. You're just 13. There'll be lots of relationships you'll experience.
Doesn't it bother you if you gave up your virginity at that young age to your first bf? Remember you're too young and this is your first time.
There's a 99% chance that you won't last for years.
Let's say you broke up with him at the age of 15 and you got a new bf again . You really love him more than the first one and you're his first gf.
Isn't it great to offer you're virginity to the one you really love?
Here in Philippines, 70% of the guys lose half of their respect when they found out that their most loved gf is not a virgin anymore.
In short, most of the guys respect girls that are still virgin. That's just my opinion base on my friends' experiences.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG. THERE ARE LOTS OF THINGS TO DO. TRY RESEARCHING SOME ARTICLES OR STORIES IN NET ABOUT YOU'RE ISSUE AND SEE, MOST OF THEM SUFFERED.
SEX IS JUST AN HOUR OF HAPPINESS AFTER THAT YOU MIGHT SUFFER FOR YEARS. THAT'S ALL. HOPE THIS HELPS YOU.
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female
reader, Traycie +, writes (12 July 2010):
I'm sorry but i just have to ask you one very simple little question. ARE YOU CRAZY? You are a 13 year old CHILD. Nobody in their right mind is ready to have sex at 13. Your mind and body is not physically or emotionally ready to engage in something that is so strong and powerful like sex. You need to wait until you are old enough to truly realize the joys and consequences of sex. You should also wait until you are in a very safe and loving relationship with someone who cares about your needs and wants and your feelings and not just with some random guy who wants to get his kicks in. I'm telling you right now if you lose your virginity now you will honestly regret it so please wait
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 July 2010):
 People have bothered to take time out to answer your question. In response you have come back defending yourself and making it clear that you are not looking for advice at all because they have not given you the advice you wanted to hear. It shows you really are 13 and not ready for a sexual relationship on emotional grounds as you are throwing the toys out of the cot. Frankly sex is best reserved for a long-term relationship as you just end up feeling used otherwise. There are plenty of teenage boys out there who will be happy to unburden you of your virginity. They will lack experience, it will be 2 minutes of messy fumbling at best but they will be happy to lose it with any girl who is willing and has a pulse just to say to their mates that they have 'done it'. It won't be very good, you will get talked about and you may end up regreting it since it will be anything but special. If you are actively seeking sex at 13 it tells me that you have self esteem issues whether you are prepared to admit to them or not. Girls who start having sex at an early age do so because they have mistaken sex for affection and love - I have worked with teenage mothers in the past and the story is the same time and time again. Whatever is going on at home or in your life that makes you unhappy needs addressing. Don't imagine that having sex at an early age is any cure for whatever is really troubling you. It is obvious the something is up because if you are so determined to have sex then you will...you wouldn't need to post here asking for permission or ways to have sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): at your age you are not ready for sex! .. you should have your first time with someone you are really inlove with..id wait till your older..becos anything could happen..ie. get pregnant!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): you dont need anyone telling you that you need to wait to find someone special or until you're in love. You already know that. You dont need us to tell you that. Noone is judging. But quite simply, we've been there. We know what sex can do when you're not ready. Physically and emotionally. Wait until you know what true love is. Not puppy dog teenage love. Believe me there is a huge difference. You'll learn this as you grow. There are some things that only age and experience can show. But we are going on just your age and question, some of my friends had sex very very young. And what i wrote earlier happened to them. The name calling etc. No guy wanted a relationship. One was one the pill, and used condoms, it broke, she got pregnant. The guy took off. They'd been together for nearly 6 months. He didnt want to be a teenage dad. She's now a young teen single mum, who still has sex with ppl before she really knows them, and is still not ready. Just be careful. Wait until you are a bit older, have dated a few guys (not sex) and wait until you've gone through a few different feelings of love. You'll see what i mean. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Dear Girl,
You talk about being ready for sex, as though you are ready to go out and buy your first 'Designer handbag' SEX is not a commodity. What is being taught to young people at schools these days..SEX education is about the mechanics, condoms, pregnancies, how to, when to, and even sometimes I've heard ' for fun'..
No wonder we have a stream of under age girls falling pregnant, or having several sexual partners by the time they are 20 - as NO ONE ever mentions the only good reason to have SEX, and that is NOT because you are ready, as you so put it, but because you have met a boy, young man who turns your head, you build up a friendship, you date, yes date, go to the movies, hang-out together, get to know how nice the person is, are they stable and caring, loving, and from that you may be ready to EXPRESS your love and affection for this boy by making love, having sex, not otherwise.
At 13 you should not be having sex,and just because you've reached the conclusion you're ready as though it's some recreational sports day. It isn't!!
You will regret it if you do have sex too early - and trust me boys will not think more highly of you, in fact less!
Jilly x
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female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Just yesterday you wrote to us that your periods are two months late and that you are confused. you dont even understand how periods goes.you wrote to me that you've never had sex and caled 'the girls in your school that are already having sex 'retards'.Stop playing games with us, you are far from being ready. i say stop it, you stil very young for sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): have you got any idea how many girls have fallen pregnant due to a broken condom? It doesnt matter how careful the guy might be, if you're having sex and the condom breaks, unless he pulls out that very second then there is a high chance you could fall pregnant. Add to that, it will hurt you like hell if you try and have sex before your body is prepared for it. As kc said your hips wont have moved out enough, hence everything will be much smaller and tighter then they will be in a few years. Hence anything going in there is going to hurt more then it will when you're a bit older. Not only that, just by your question i can see you're not ready. I had sex when i was 16 thinking i was ready, and i ended up an emotional wreck after it. We were together over 6 months before we did anything and a year after, but i still was hurt. Emotionally it really can affect you, alot more then you would of ever experienced and in ways you will not know how to cope with yet. And what happens if you do fall pregnant? Do you have the means to look after a baby? And what of your career? At 13 i had no idea what i wanted as a career. If you do perhaps you should concentrate more on that then having sex. Oh yeah. If you think having sex will make guys like you more (just a guess since you said you're not liked as much as the more attractive girls) think again. You will be labelled. You will be called easy. You will be just wanted for sex. Thats it. No special someone, no boyfriend. Just guys who use you for sex. Im sure you really want that. Since you're so mature and ready and so on. I hope you make the right decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasically what i wanted to hear was, you need to find someone special. and wait til you find someone you're in love with! not all the stuff you said! and how about you ask my mom and grandma how mature i am! i know how to take care of myself. and i can bet you right now, i WILL NOT end up pregnant until i am married! Get to know me befor you judge... kayy?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Ok well what was your point in asking this question? If you say you already know what you want to do, why are you letting other people take the time to answer your question when really you dont want to listen to what other people say?
Aged 13 you are not ready - but only a 13 year old would be convinced you are ready. I'm sure you are a very "mature" 13 year old, and everyone always says you are very mature for your age blah blah blah. We hear it every day here on DearCupid, and then these girls come back a few months later after they didnt listen to our advice pregnant and their boyfriends have left them.
Sex is not a joke, nor is it something to take lightly. But as you said, you know what you want to do so stop wasting our time by asking questions you dont want to listen to the advice for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUmmm yes i have styarted my periods, and my first time will be special... it's not because i don't have a boyfriend that i think i'm ready! I AM READY!!!!!! But guys don't find me as attractive as pther girls! But in highschool i know i will find that special someone, and after a year or so i will take the next step... and i know about diseases and pregnancy!! that's what condoms are for! and i know they can break... but if the guy is carefu... nothing will happen. and if i get pregnant it wont be until i am atleast 19 or 20! i have a career i want to pursue! So thanks and everything but, i know what i want to do! thank you tho!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 July 2010):
The chances are if you do not have a boyfriend the you are NOT ready for sex. I understand that you THINK you are ready and the idea of it may seem good, but when you actually get into a relationship you will soon see that the idea of sex is very different to the reality.
First of all - it is not legal for you to be having sex and there is a good reason for that law, so really you should wait until you are legal.
Secondly - diseases and pregnancy. Have you gone to the doctors to arrange birth control? If you think you are ready for sex then obvisouly you are mature enough and responsible enough to be prepare - therefore you will have already been to the doctor to get birth control and you will have condoms. If you have not already done this - then it is another clear sign you are not as ready for sex as you think you are.
Also, surely you want your first time to be special? Dont you want it to be something you enjoy and remember forever, rather than regretting it for the rest of your life? The only way this is going to happen is if you are in a long term relationship with a guy you really love and who also loves you too. I lost my virginity to a guy I had been with for 6 months, it was both of our first times and we really loved each other and we were totally comfortable together. I am 23 now and still look back on that experience fondly, even though I am not with him anymore. And the main reason it was a good experience as opposed to a horrible one is because we loved each other and we had waited to make sure it was what we both wanted!
At 13 you have only just become a teenager, and have you even started your periods yet? Your body is not designed to be having sex at your age, your hips are not wide enough, mentally you are not ready etc. I know it may seem like a good idea but sex is a huge deal and the right thing to do is to wait. If you still feel the same in a few years time, when you have a boyfriend who you have been dating for a while, then that would be the right time to have sex. But until then you should just wait - dont rush into having sex with any guy that comes along otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Your virginity is a special thing, and you should not just give it away to anyone because you are feeling a bit horny! Allow yourself to be a teenager for a while first, find a boyfriend in a few years and then start to think about sex. And talk to a doctor too - when you do have sex you need to be protected. Having sex from an early age drastically increases the risk of catching HPV which is the virus that causes cervical cancer, so if you start having sex very young (i.e. 13-15) the liklihood is you will end up with cervical cancer later on in life. HPV is transferred through sex, it can even be carried under fingernails etc. It is very easy to catch and the body at a young age has not built up enough defences to fight it off. So lots of sexual partners + having sex at a young age = high risk of cancer. Do you really want to take that sort of risk just because your hormones are running riot?
You definitely need to speak to a doctor before you think about sex any more - at a minimum you need to be on birth control and using condoms. And if you are "too scared" to see a doctor or you dont think you need to - then that is full confirmation you should NOT have sex. If you are ready for sex then you have to take responsibility for your own health and not take risks with pregnancy, STD's and cancer. Think about that before you think about sex!
I hope you do choose to wait, I understand it will be hard (I was a teenager too!) but there are so many benefits to waiting a bit longer, and so many potential disasters that can come with having sex now. So think carefully, talk to an adult you can trust and try and wait for the right guy to come along when you are a bit older!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): You might be ready for sex but part of being ready is having someone to share it with. Sex involves two people and BOTH people have to be ready. You have to trust each other and all that. I'm not sure that you are ready if you aren't even in a relationship. Sorry.
But I suggest you rethink what you are ready for, because it involves another person with whom you have to be comfortable and they comfortable with you. Think about the person you are going to share this with.
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