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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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She said it was disgusting for a women to pay a man's bills but she let me pay for all of hers!
Q. Hi everyone, I am a 30 year old guy from London and I have come on here from some honest opinions on my relationship. Now this is quite a long thread but I promise it is very interesting and will be the cause for conversation with your friends and ...
A. 3 December 2010: As I said before - there is nothing wrong with her standing by her opinion and she is right to do so. You need to stop going straight in with the whole principle that her opinion is wrong - everyone is entitled to their own opinions and you can ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he thinks he was a bad boyfriend! What should I do now?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he was a bad boyfriend and he did everything wrong? erm a couple of months ago our relationship was a little rough because he cheated on me and was texting other girls, i got fed up of it and he got fe...
A. 30 November 2010: Look, he IS a bad boyfriend, in fact he was a terrible boyfriend! You can do SO much better than this loser, he is not worth you spending another moment thinking about him.
Relationships are not supposed to be like this, and you will go on to fi... (read in full...)
What have I done to deserve the cold shoulder?
Q. I have been with my bf for 3.5 years and have been living together for 2.5 years everything was going well until out of the blue he told me he didn't love me anymore. When this happened i felt lost i didn't know where our future was going. He then ...
A. 30 November 2010: Ok quite simply - he is giving you the cold shoulder because he likes you, but your are unavailable because you are in a relationship therefore he cannot have you in his life anymore and wants to move on.
You were cheating on your partner and the ... (read in full...)
Is there anything else we can use for protection that I wont be allergic to?
Q. hi ok ive been thinking about my first time a lot lately, my boyfriend is very patient and said whenever im ready its ok with him.. now one of the reasons i havnt is because im allergic to medicine specially cortizones and steroids, is there ...
A. 29 November 2010: There are many types of contraception that could be a possiblity, best bet is to go and visit your doctor and they will be able to discuss all the options with you.
Examples that are not orally taken birth control pills are the IUD which is a sma... (read in full...)
How do you respond to an ex's message?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year about 4 months ago. It didn't go very well. Since it was my first, I didn't take it very well and said some things I regretted. In the end I sent him an apology and left it at that. We haven't spoken ...
A. 29 November 2010: Well to me it sounds like you are not at all over him - if a text message can make you cry then clearly there are a lot of unresolved feelings there! My guess is that you stopped speaking to him, thought you were over it so started dating someone ... (read in full...)
Loss of feelings and now I'm pregnant
Q. I have a problem I don't think I'm In love with my boyfriend and I'm prego and also has no sex drive at all. I just found out I'm two months preggers happy but scard. Three months ago I went on two crusies with my family and sadly couldn't bring my...
A. 29 November 2010: Just talk to him and tell him how you feel. You are pregnant with his child now so you need to do all you can to try and stay with him so you can be a family for this baby.
So if you are feeling different, or he is being too clingy - then tel... (read in full...)
How can I connect with his parents?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He gets along with my family really well. We always go out to dinner and he comes over all the time. Everything on my side of the family is great. The only problem is I feel like I have no ...
A. 26 November 2010: How about learning Spanish? Yes it will take a while but will really impress them and show how much you care about being a part of the family. plus it is always helpful to know other languages, especially one as widely spoken as Spanish!
Other... (read in full...)
Does he love me or is it the sex?
Q. dear cupid, i have been friends with this guy for 5 years. now he wants to take it to the next level. we have kissed once but we never actually started dating as yet. he met my parents but i have not met his as yet and he is dying for me to me...
A. 26 November 2010: It doesnt sound like he is using you! Look at it this way:
1. He has met your parents
2. He talks about the future with you
3. He has told you he will wait for you to be ready for sex
4. He wants you to meet his family
All of that suggests ... (read in full...)
Not sure what to make of this and what to say back!
Q. I'm off to visit two of my friends for the weekend who ive known for a very long time... there both gay and together. My boyfriend of 9 months has never met them so doesnt know them, hes off doing biking anyway this weekend so wouldnt have come ...
A. 26 November 2010: I would say it is a joke, nothing more! If you are going to reply, just say something like "haha, your such a joker". Or dont reply at all, it wont really matter if you dont to be honest.
Many straight men cant really get their head's around g... (read in full...)
Seeking advice. She got pregnant, we're not together, now what?
Q. I need some perspective on pregnancy towards what I should do. I was dating a woman for a few months, we were practicing safe sex, but a couple of times we didn't. She got pregnant, and decided to keep it. We broke up around the same time. That was ...
A. 26 November 2010: Well you have 2 options:
1. Dont be involved in the child's life and just fulfil your obligation to contribute financially.
2. Be part of the child's life and be a father to the best of your ability.
I do feel bad for you, I have had a male ... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to start thinking about having a family?
Q. It's a pretty new relationship of 5 months. My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me, making me 27 and him, 22 years old. I overcame the "he's younger than me...is it okay" phase. however, I'm facing a new dilemma. I'm going to want to start having ...
A. 26 November 2010: I dont think it is too early to have the conversation, you are not asking him to have a family right away - you just need to know for the future if he wants the same thing as you.
Think of it this way - imagine if you stay with this guy for 2-3 ... (read in full...)
B/f wants a room he can fill with pictures of naked women!
Q. Girls (or boys can answer too i guess to give your side) How do you feel about the fact your bf/fiance/husband has or wants a room to be his (like a games room) and have it filled with pictures of naked women??? I was just talkin to my bf and...
A. 26 November 2010: Posters of naked women/semi naked celebrities etc are fine for a teenage boy's bedroom - but not for an adult. I am not an insecure person and am fine with my boyfriend looking at porn etc, so it is not because I would be feeling insecure about the ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be jealous of him texting other girls anymore, how do I stop this?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He has a very productive life and works around a lot of girls. He was caught at the begining of our relationship texting girls innapropriately, and he continues. All we do is argue, but i don't ...
A. 24 November 2010: Look you are not a fault here and you should not be happy about him texting other girls! You are not throwing this relationship away - HE is!
Just because you work with memebers of the opposite sex does not mean that you have a right to flirt an... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever feel uncomfortable about their body like I do?
Q. I'm 14 and have always felt rather self concious about chest size and body. One of my friends is 13 and has at least DD while I'm only 32aa! I feel really awkward about wearing my school uniform because it has a strict 'no-figure' built in. I've...
A. 24 November 2010: All teenagers feel uncomfortable about their bodies, I know I felt horribly uncomfortable with myself when I was 14! Even the girls who have big boobs, or the popular girls, they are all feeling uncomfortable, they just dont show it!
I had big ... (read in full...)
I'm married but have feelings for another guy
Q. I don't know what to do about this. The more I try to gain control over myself the more I am slipping away. I met Mr.A over a year ago during a time of chronic stress. At that time, I had found him very irritating and annoying. Though, I tried ...
A. 23 November 2010: You are not a wretch, and no-one is trying to say that you are. However all we are trying to tell you is that you will hurt yourself more if you have an affair and it will only make things worse.
You have said yourself, you want children, a family... (read in full...)
I'm married but have feelings for another guy
Q. I don't know what to do about this. The more I try to gain control over myself the more I am slipping away. I met Mr.A over a year ago during a time of chronic stress. At that time, I had found him very irritating and annoying. Though, I tried ...
A. 23 November 2010: Well answer this - if you want to tell him your feelings then do you want to end your marriage? Because that is effectively what you are doing.
Dont play with this guy's feelings while you are married - lets be realistic here, you cant start an... (read in full...)
How do I break up with her?
Q. Hello Long but please persevere. I am in an unfamiliar situation and I don't know how to solve it. Unfortunately I was in a serious motorbike crash in January, in which both my legs and my left knee were badly broken, my left foot was crushed, I...
A. 23 November 2010: I think honesty is the best policy here - it is totally understandable that you have come to feel this way about her but what you need to keep in mind is that it is totally unfair to stay with her when you know this has no future. She deserves ... (read in full...)
She said it was disgusting for a women to pay a man's bills but she let me pay for all of hers!
Q. Hi everyone, I am a 30 year old guy from London and I have come on here from some honest opinions on my relationship. Now this is quite a long thread but I promise it is very interesting and will be the cause for conversation with your friends and ...
A. 23 November 2010: Hmmm this is a difficult one, and I would say that you have BOTH been right, you have BOTH been wrong on certain things. I think trying to make her see that she is to blame for the break-up is just as bad as her trying to claim she has been ... (read in full...)
Why did my teacher seem so nervous around me?
Q. Well right now I feel very confused. I had this teacher last year and we, well we had a normal student-teacher relationship. I saw her as only a teacher. Well this year everything completely changed even though she isn't my teacher anymore I see her ...
A. 18 November 2010: I think dropping her things would suggest she was upset about something hence it caused her to drop her stuff and be trembling, she wouldnt have wanted to look at you because she would not have wanted her student to see their teacher upset as it ... (read in full...)
We shared Facebook passwords, but he just changed his!
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and our relationship is very good. A long time ago we shared each others facebook passwords but neither of us goes on the others account (well he says he doesn't). The other week a friend of mine w...
A. 18 November 2010: Nothing to be worried about! This whole obsession with sharing passwords is just wrong anyway, there needs to be some element of privacy in all relationships so you can both keep your sanity!
You can see his facebook page anyway because you will... (read in full...)
Why don't my parents want me to grow up?
Q. I'm 23 and still living at home. I envy my cousins who are in their twenties and have children with their partners out of wedlock. My parents are really conservative and I'm not. They think that you have to be married just to leave home! I ...
A. 18 November 2010: Well let me ask you this - why dont you want to take responsiblity and grow up yourself?
I cannot understand how a young woman, in the year 2010, thinks the only way to be happy in life and to mature is to get married and have children. I am actua... (read in full...)
Is it a turn off to see the guy you fancy chewing tobacco?
Q. Just some quick question for the girls. If you saw a guy that you found attractive would it turn you off if you saw him chewing tobacco? If he asked you out would you say no or see him differently because of this? And yes i am fully aware of the ...
A. 17 November 2010: To answer your questions in order:
1. Yes it would be a turn off
2. I would probably still say yes if he asked me out but I would think differently of him and I would be going out with him with the view to finding out more about it, so I could th... (read in full...)
Do single men really think all women want to trap them with a baby?
Q. ok, so about 6 weeks ago I fooled around with a guy 10 years younger than me. It was just for fun and we did not have sex. I just needed a little something to make me feel alive since my life has been chaos and tragedy since March (husband killed ...
A. 17 November 2010: Well in his defence he could have been talking about your existing children possibly? He might have meant he doesnt want to become a 'father' to your 2 children following the passing of your husband.
But you are right, whatever he meant, he is in... (read in full...)
Should I wish him happy birthday? I don't want him to think I'm rude if I dont, but then again I don't want him to think we can be friends either!
Q. Hi all now I really need your help. My ex's birthday is in a week's time and I don't know if I should wish him a Happy Birthday or not. I was planning to maybe send him a Facebook message and wish him. We broke up around 10 months ago, but we had r...
A. 17 November 2010: There is no need to say happy birthday, you are no longer in touch with each other so it would seem odd to suddenly contact him on his birthday.
Your not friends, your not dating, you have no intention of getting back together - therefor... (read in full...)
Need advice on intimacy and getting pregnant, please help!
Q. Me and my husband have been trying for a while now to get pregnant, but it just hasn't happened yet, I was just wondering what is the best tips for being intimate? Can you please help us, we want a family but it hasn't happened yet, and just hoping ...
A. 17 November 2010: Well how long is "a while"? If it has been more than a year then you need to see your doctor as this suggests there could be some ferility problems with either you or your partner.
You are over 30 therefore you are more likely to experien... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mum I am dating a man 35 years older than me?
Q. I have been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is 35 years older than me. We have a special connection and love spending time together although it tends to be once a week as we both have very busy demanding jobs. I am 24 years old ...
A. 17 November 2010: Well you need to first think of it from your mum's perspective - she will obviously want you to be happy, that is her first priority as a parent. And there is no way that you can have a happy future with this man, hence where her problem lies in you ... (read in full...)
Proper etiquette!
Q. Hi, need advice badly. Basically am in a 3 year relationship love my boyfriend very much but cant stand his family. They have no manners. Went to family meal recently his brother made really crude jokes and had a chat about it with his mam. My ...
A. 16 November 2010: Well as long as the crude jokes are not about you then I dont think you should say anything. This is his family, and unfortunately your just going to have to deal with them. He cannot change his family, and they raised him so obviously your ... (read in full...)
How hard is it to get over your first love?
Q. How hard is it to get over your first and true love of 3.5 years. We are heading down the road to a breakup and i keep getting scared that i will never love the same again. I then keep thinking of all the good memories which is so painful. How long ...
A. 16 November 2010: I found the main differences between my first love, and subsequent loves are:
1. When it is your first love, you are so wrapped up in that relationship and person you lose touch of reality a little bit and everything is massively exaggerated
2. Yo... (read in full...)
How should a single guy's bedroom look?
Q. Women, if you were at the house of a guy you liked and peeked in his bedroom, what would make a better impression on you: if it looked as though he entertained females there occasionally (candles, incense sticks, queen-size bed, tiny bottle of ...
A. 16 November 2010: Well I would say neither option would make a better impression on me!
Definitely not the female orientated version, as this would make me think either you are quite effeminate or that you were giving massages to a whole variety of women which is... (read in full...)
Good girl gone bad!
Q. A friend of mine started to drink and smoke. She was a decent girl before always been a goody goody girl. Always did well in school. Teacher's always said she was the best pupil she cared about herself before. She was so sweet and Innocent she had ...
A. 16 November 2010: That sounds about right - she might just be struggling with school due to this language disorder, and then family problems will be making her unhappy too. But at least the teachers have picked up on this and are helping her - thats all she needs, ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend about my dream or just let it slip?
Q. Hello i have a dream question. First off, Im a very caring loving person dispite how vocal and rude i can be. So yknow, when somethings wrong with some one i'll tell them 'i love you' because i care about them and no matter what, i'll be there. ...
A. 16 November 2010: Well the simple solution would be to:
1. Only tell your female friends you 'love' them
2. Keep on helping your friends but stop using 'love' when you speak to them. So for example, you could say "your one of my best friends, I really care about yo... (read in full...)
Male pattern baldness!
Q. Hey people, I can't help but feel that I'll be single for the rest of my life. Here's my situation: I'm in my early twenties and started balding a couple of years back. Instead of opting for hair transplants and whatnot, I chose to shave my head an...
A. 16 November 2010: I dated a guy who went bald in his early 20's, he shaved it all off and kept it that way. Now he still had a little bit of hair (it wasnt a shiny bald head!) but not a lot left on top and he kept it as closely shaven as possible without shaving it ... (read in full...)
I believe my hymen is broken!
Q. i'm a virgin.i've fooled around a little but never done penetration.i thought my hymen was still intact,until a talk with a friend last night lead to some research,and all this time i had mistakenly thought my cervix was my hymen.then,realizing from ...
A. 16 November 2010: Because he is a silly immature little boy! You can only lose your virginity when a penis enters the vagina, therefore you are clearly still a virgin. And even if your hymen was intact, he would not "feel" it popping so to speak - there is nothing to ... (read in full...)
My wife has gone back to her home country and I have met someone else! What should I do?
Q. i just recently got married, my wife is from england. she had to go back to england soon after we married, i am currently in the process of getting my visa, durring this time i have fallen head over heels with this incredible girl. should i just ...
A. 16 November 2010: Simple. If you love your wife and want to move to England like you planned then cut off all contact with the other girl.
Or if you only married your wife to get a Visa and you dont actually care about her - then do her and the rest of England ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for my wife to make me choose between our family (wife and kids),and my family (dad, brother, cousin, close best friends, etc...)?
Q. I have been married for 6 months now and I do love my wife. I know when I tied the knot, a lot of things in my life will change and I would have to adjust to many things. I like to think I have done pretty good job on adjusting to the married life ...
A. 15 November 2010: Yes your wife is very wrong. If she loves you, and cares about you, she would never dream of stopping you from seeing your family and friends. Just like you always put her and your kids first, and love her - she should do the same for her. She ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about travelling alone!
Q. I'm wondering whether i should go to a concert alone this saturday ?. some of my friends will be sat in the same block as me, and a fan i know online, but havent met personally yet, will be sat next to me, so i wont exactly be alone during the ...
A. 15 November 2010: 40 mins is nothing on public transport, it is close by so dont worry. Worse comes to worse, get a taxi home which wont be masively expensive.
Just go on Google and print out a map from the train station to the arena, so there is no way you can ... (read in full...)
Turkish love?
Q. hey, basically i met this turkish guy through my family that live in turkey, i met him back sep 2009, i never did think of anything of it because you hear the stories about turkish men. after i met him, he would ring all time, every single day, and ...
A. 15 November 2010: From all this it sounds like he has been playing you all along. He has only ever wanted you to see him when he was not working - so you would fall in love with this 'perfect' version of him and you could have a fantastic time together with him ... (read in full...)
The Myth of Virginity?
Q. Why does society pose so much pressure on the idea of 'Virginity'? Many religions see that virginity is some sort of important rite of passage, from girl to woman. Others see that a virgin is clean and pure, once she has had sex, she is impure, s...
A. 15 November 2010: I agree with most of what you are saying, however I dont agree that your first time is not important. You are still very young so cant really look back impartially on your first time, and I am certain when you are in your 20's you will feel ... (read in full...)
A sober girl's intimacy with a drunk guy?
Q. Hello! I'm new, but I've been rather worried and confused about an encounter that occurred a few nights ago.. I'm 19 and a freshman in college. I'm not extremely well-versed in love (I'd had one relationship in high school, which ended shortly ...
A. 15 November 2010: I dont think you should feel bad about this - to be honest it is a pretty normal college experience and you didnt go all the way so there is nothing to feel bad about.
He was a bit drunk (but had sobered up a little), you were happy to particip... (read in full...)
Do men enjoy having sex for the first time?
Q. this question is mostly for men but women are welcome. Do men enjoy the first time they have sex unlike woman? or do they have some pain just like woman's pain when her hymen is being broken? i also want to know whether men like girls who are not ...
A. 15 November 2010: I dont know what you mean by saying women dont enjoy sex for the first time? I know I enjoyed my first time!
There is no 'pain' for men in the same way as there is for women - they dont have a hymen and it is not like something is being forced i... (read in full...)
How do women define maturity?
Q. Why do women put so much importance on a guy's hobbies and possessions to decide if he is "mature" or not? To me, maturity should have nothing to do with anything as superficial as collecting action figures, reading comics, not owning a car for ...
A. 15 November 2010: As Aunt Honesty said, you have a warped opinion of women and have clearly just met a few bad ones!
I for one have never dated a "bad boy" and am not interested in that kind of guy. And of my 6 other close female friends, not one of us is dating a... (read in full...)
Is there anyone that sees what they believe are spirits within people like I do?
Q. I'm a 50 year-old man that's been diagnosed with mental illness. I don't know if I'm sick or what I have, if what I see and experience is real or what! I often see what I believe are spirits within people so I guess they're hallucinations. I tend ...
A. 15 November 2010: Ok first things first - to YOU, what you see is very real, and no-one can tell you otherwise. However, as the doctors have said before, you have something called "Schizoaffective Disorder" ... (read in full...)
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