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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Since I gave birth, my husband doesn't have sex with me because I'm fat. Doesn't he love me anymore?
Q. after i gave birth with my son i became fat and have many stretch mark now my husband doesnt making love with me because im fat. what does it means? he doesnt love me anymore? but he's still sweet with me and have care for me. and im miss him so ...
A. 13 September 2008: I had a baby in December 2007 and like you, put on weight and didn't feel so great as I had a very sore back from an accident 2 months postnatally. Anyway, your husband is probably being a gent...whatever your size, you are lovely to him because you ... (read in full...)
Do you think he will ever realise he has made a mistake and come back??
Q. My husband divorced me after 16 years leaving me and the children citing that he wasn't happy and that there must be more to life etc. I was terribly hurt. Since then he hasn't bothered with the children and although he is very well paid it has been ...
A. 13 September 2008: Stop wishing for him to come back and make it all better...he won't, sorry to be harsh but you are an intelligent woman? Why would you want him back if he has abandoned you and the kids - he may not like a marital relationship with you anymore but ... (read in full...)
Do you think he doesn't want to know?? Should I text again??
Q. Hi all, Im 34 have 2 children and have been seperated from my husband for 3 months. i went out last weekend and met this guy there was instant physical attraction between us. We exchanged numbers and spent all evening together. he is 4 years young...
A. 13 September 2008: To be honest this sounds like a one night stand. I wouldn't contact him again unless he does some chasing first. Otherwise you will end up as spare time girl when he hasn't got anything better to do. You deserve better than that, and since your ... (read in full...)
I'm married and beginning to like a co-worker. Do I accept his invitation to lunch?
Q. i'm married and just started a new job few months ago. i'm beginning to like my colleague and it seems mutual as he initiated to ask me if we can have lunch together so he can get to know me. i don't like this as i know it is very wrong. should i ...
A. 29 August 2008: No need to make a drama out of this. I have always thought it best to keep colleagues at arms length whatever your marital status as you have to work with them whatever comes from personal situations. You know where this is heading and you would ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I don't want him to think I'm following him, it's all coincidenses!
Q. This is all TRUE on my life. A few months ago I met a man in a hotel whilst in Spain we were friends but thats all! He told me where he lived and by pure coincidence I own a flat very nearby him-which I rent out and live 100 miles away. ...
A. 29 August 2008: Be yourself and go wherever you wish - stop worrying as nothing you have done amounts to stalking! Yes you have seen him a few times but even if he thinks you are tracking him, don't worry as long as YOU know you are not.... (read in full...)
"It's not a good time for me and you"?
Q. can some one please tell me what it means when a man i have been seeing tells me" SORRY ,ITS NOT A GOOD TIME FOR ME AND YOU" AFTER I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS STIL INTERESTED IN ME...
A. 27 August 2008: It is a polite way of saying he is not interested. Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear but men act on impulses and if they are into you they knock your door down. Don't feel too bad about it, it just wasn't mean't to be and there will be ... (read in full...)
My online friend cut contact with me, then I got a message from her boyfriend calling me a stalker, what now?
Q. I've felt alone my whole life. I'm shy. I never had very many friends. I was bullied constantly in school every year. After a while, I started to feel like I was worthless and wondered if there was really such a thing as true happiness. Then, from...
A. 27 August 2008: You have to leave her alone. I can understand why your parents banned the internet as there are some strange people out there in cyberland who are waiting to prey on others. I should add that a lot of people hanging out in chat rooms are lonely and ... (read in full...)
What do I say to my 10 year-old son after he saw us having sex?
Q. I was having sex with my neighbour and my 10 year old son walked in and saw us. It kind of spoiled the mood just as we were getting into it. I have taught my son to always knock and wait for someone to answer before entering a room.I am a single ...
A. 24 August 2008: Firstly I would say that most 10 year olds know the basics of the birds and the bees from school education and unfortunately the media! You may embarrass him by discussing it so let it go for now unless he asks questions. You could try doing the ... (read in full...)
My parents are against my boyfriend and will disown me if I don't listen to them...
Q. i am 24 years old and very soon will be 25. i love my b/f and wants to marry him. But my parents are against it and they wil disown me if i go aginst them. i m in dilemma what should i do? let me explain in detail. we are in relatinship for ...
A. 24 August 2008: My parents were dead-against me marrying my BF on much the same grounds to be honest. Educational differences, thinking he was after a settlement visa and not me, thinking he was after money etc. They didn't speak to me for a couple of years...I ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have sex with my clerk?!
Q. i am a married man 35yrs and am attracted to my female office clerk aged 22 yrs who is married for the last one year.we both are together in office for 8 hrs. is it okk to have sex with her regularly and how to attract towards me. pls advice....
A. 24 August 2008: Yes, of course it is fine to have sex with her...probably some room on the photocopier right? After all, you hate your job so much that you don't mind losing it when your boss finds out, and you don't mind your colleagues thinking you are a sleazy ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him to treat me as his equal?
Q. I have met this wonderful guy last year and he asked me to move in with him. I gave it some thought and and said yes! Now, he asked me to get a full-time job where it would not affect my schoolwork. I agreed that it was cool enough to not depend on ...
A. 20 August 2008: You cannot change his behaviour by asking him nicely to treat you equally. You have to demand respect by not tolerating this controlling behaviour, and that means standing up for yourself on each and every occasion that he undermines you. If his ... (read in full...)
Are we too young to have a baby even though I'd drop out of school to support her?
Q. Hey i am 15 and my gf is 14. The other day my girlfriend said she wanted a baby. I was shocked at this but also happy because it means she loves me enough to wants kids. We spoke about this some more ans she is serious. She also says that a ch...
A. 20 August 2008: James, I have a baby and it is hard work, but one of the most rewarding things you can do is become a parent...just not at your age. You need more than a loving relationship to be a good parent and it comes down to the boring stuff like having a ... (read in full...)
Nipples, or cleavage?
Q. Do men prefer seeing hard nipples through a shirt or ample cleavage?...I have both...
A. 14 August 2008: I thought the preference was for a pulse...maybe I am just getting cynical in my old age :-)... (read in full...)
We are both 16, and all we want to do is cuddle in my bed, my parents absolutely won't allow it, how do I get them to understand that we are not going to have sex, we only want to hold each other?
Q. im 16 and my gf is the same we want to cuddle in my bed but my parents wont even let her set foot in my room do u have any advice on how i can convince them dat we will jus be cudlin and not goin to have sex...
A. 14 August 2008: Not sure why you want to be getting all cuddly with the parents at home...I won't even let my husband kiss me in front of my parents! Anyway, it is their house and their rules...my parents didn't allow me or my brother to have anyone sleeping in our ... (read in full...)
I had an affair with my boss, his wife found out, we still see each other, but no sex, what is it that he wants?
Q. After his wife found out about our affair, we still keep seeing each other, but no sex at all, his wife checks on him all the time and restrict him doing OT hrs (he is the boss), it's really hard for us to meet. What does he want from me? Why go ...
A. 14 August 2008: You are the back-up plan comforting his mid-life crisis at a bored moment. His wife knows what he is like but she is prepared to put up with him for whatever reason...financial comfort springs to mind. He must have remarkable self control if he can ... (read in full...)
I want to sleep with my boss
Q. I fancy my boss like crazy and i WANT to sleep with him, even though hes married and got kids? how do i get him 2 want me too? how shall i act? dress? make up? perfume? hair? ...
A. 14 August 2008: So, you must really hate your job right? If you sleep with him then post-coital work relations won't be fun...you know how office gossip is and will you expect professional respect after the passion has died. If he sleeps with you as a married man ... (read in full...)
My parents beat me, my fiance is the only one keeping me going. I made her parents angry and I might not see her again. What do I do?
Q. Im lost... Me and my fiance are 18 and 17, she honestly keeps me alive, im beat daily by my parents, and i cant keep going with out her. Ive made her parents rly mad at me cause i snuck over after a huge fight with my parents. I may not see her ...
A. 14 August 2008: If you have younger siblings at home you need to report this physical abuse to social services and the police - they are at risk too. As an adult you are able to make your own way in the world and staying in this environment is totally preventable. ... (read in full...)
I'm taking a blood test soon, but I'm terribly afraid of needles. Help me!
Q. Ok, I know this isn't a romantic question, but I really need some help about this. First, I'm terribly afraid of needles. I can stand the sight of one but once I see one I start thinking on how it will go into my arm and then many horror images wo...
A. 14 August 2008: Ok, I had a blood test this afternoon and I BARELY FELT ANYTHING...a pin prick in fact! Doctors and nurses are usually skilled at getting blood relatively painlessly as they do it all the time, so you will have no problem. I should add that when the ... (read in full...)
My friends said he was just using me for sex and I asked him if he was. Now I can't take back what I asked. Help.
Q. I'm 16 years old, and I have a friend who I have slept with on a number of occasions. The thing is, because of things that have happened in the past, none of my friends approve of me being friends with him. Because of this, they constantly tell me ...
A. 14 August 2008: First of all, you shouldn't always take the advice of 'friends' since there maybe all sorts of reasons they want to stick their noses into your business. Having said that, maybe they are right. Maybe this 'I am hurt' routine is just his way of ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but I'm concerned about giving it a good life. I'm thinking maybe we should live off state benefits. Am I being naive?
Q. Hello, I am 22, and happily married. Been married for a year, We both work full time, rent a lovely house and love each other very much. My problem is that at the moment, i can't stop thinking about having a baby! At the moment, we could afford a...
A. 13 August 2008: Benefits and living don't add up, it is more like surviving and being continuously harrassed by those jobcentre bureaucrats dreaming up ways to get you off their books! It is very hard to find a decent place to live on housing benefit (or housing ... (read in full...)
What can I do to reduce the brightness of the colour my mother dyed my hair?!!
Q. I know this may not be a relevant question to this website, but i don't know where else to turn to! I allowed my mother to dye my hair a mohogany colour, previously to what i'd had a few months back, however this was a different brand and it's t...
A. 13 August 2008: Temporary colours will wash out and they also fade as you shampoo your hair. You could dye your hair with a permanent product if you are desperate but it might not take too well if you already have another product on your hair. If you can afford it, ... (read in full...)
I am only fifteen, but I worry about a lot of things, what kind of major should I pursue, what kind of career would be good for me, should I become a doctor, wouldl that impact my family life, if I marry, please help, I am stressed?
Q. I am in highschool and i am trying to get an idea of what i might want to major in. I really want to do something that helps other people...i am considering alot of things..like...physcology, social work, nurse,lawyer, and doctor. The one that ...
A. 5 August 2008: Apart from academic ability, there are many other attributes required to be a doctor. I work in a medical field myself but I did a PhD in medical research rather than medical school MD training as such. At your age I wanted to be a graphic designer ... (read in full...)
How I am going to manage on my own, who will employ a pregnant person?...
Q. i really need some help and advise. i am currently travelling in australia. meet a guy who i have been friends for a few months and starting sleeping together a few weeks ago. i found out i am pregnant. he said he will help me whatever i decide but ...
A. 5 August 2008: An abortion is a very personal choice and you should approach marie stopes for some non-judgemental counselling to sort out how you feel:
http://www.mariestopes.com.au/
Having a baby is HARD WORK, coming from mum of a 7 month old, and even ha... (read in full...)
I'm jealous and guilty what should I do???
Q. Im sleeping with a married man and Im 14 years old. Ive fallen in love with him but recently he's been really really close to his wife in front of me and i just feel jealous and guilty. help?? what should i do??...
A. 5 August 2008: At 14 you might think it is terribly mature to have had any relationship with an older man but when you are older you will understand this situation for what it is...terribly, terribly sad. Even if you were older I would tell you to run away from ... (read in full...)
"Should I marry my Northern Monkey?"
Q. Hey to all, I am 26 and getting married next year (apparently)! My fiance is a very good man, he is two years older than me, a sober, clean living, intelligant, funny and caring person. He of course has his negatives, stubbon, petty, bit...
A. 5 August 2008: Your post reads like a 40-something married woman who woke up one morning to regret going up the aisle twenty years previous. You seem tired of him already and marriage can be a rocky road even if everything seems ok when you are engaged. You don't ... (read in full...)
I was going to meet an online guy for sex and I think my boyfriend is controlling!
Q. hi,i need help. my bf is jealous and controling. For over one year he is constantly finding my dating profiles and complains. He has given me an ultimatum,which i find petty. All i do is have sexy chats and send each other pics. I was going to meet ...
A. 5 August 2008: Maybe he is good, but he is not good for you and you are definitely not good for him either. I think he has every right to be upset about your online dating activities as lots of people would regard chatting up blokes online as cheating and it ... (read in full...)
It's 7 weeks 'til our wedding day, the nearer it gets ~ the more we're arguing. Please help.
Q. Its 7 weeks to our wedding day, the nearer it gets the more we are arguing, I have never been married before, never lived with anyone and I have brought up two daughters on my own, always worked. My daughters are mothers, but with their partners but ...
A. 30 July 2008: It is better you discovered all this now, rather than after the wedding. It is possible to work on differences in opinion but if his views are that strong then I don't see a middle ground between you pair. You cannot help how your children have ... (read in full...)
Here I am on top of him next thing I know, I get poked.....
Q. So i finally met my Man for first time....wow he's amazing, he brought me into kay jewlers and bought me a gold diamod ring, he did it when i wasnt looking, i love him but he won't tell me how much he spent or how many Ks it is. Anyway, we went out ...
A. 30 July 2008: You should take your ring to a jewellers for valuation...it may prove to be glass or diamond-imitation. I don't mean to be horrible but it sounds like he bought you a gift to make you feel grateful and like you owed him something. It seems a bit ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this bullying and nastiness?
Q. hi everyone I am not sure if this is the right place to come but I seem to have run out of places for help. Ok my problem is this. I am an Australian girl who is living in England. The problem is I hate it, my dad is here for work for another 2 ye...
A. 10 July 2008: You have a great accent and come from an amazing country. I had a bad time at school, lots of people do! That is not an excuse though. Get your parents to contact the school as they should tackle bullying and destroying your property/ physically ... (read in full...)
I don't even want to go out in public anymore thanks to this jerk at the grocery store!
Q. Today I went to the grocery store to shop for food. My mom and sister came along. While I was standing behind my mom while she was paying the cashier. There was this stranger that took a look at me and told his friend quietly that he was standing ...
A. 10 July 2008: It can be very hurtful of course, but what does it say about him? This is not about you but really about him. It reflects the child he is. He is feeling bitter because he cannot date women and therefore his best strategy is to put ladies down. I had ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend accused me of domestic abuse. Does she have a point?
Q. My girlfriend and i have not been getting along so well recently. She has recently accused me of domestic abuse which i have denied..... however i looked up the term and am now unsure as to whether my behaviour could be termed as such...... i have ...
A. 10 July 2008: Your behaviour would be regarded as domestic violence by professionals because the definition includes verbal abuse as much as physical acts. By posting here, you recognise that you have a problem in your relationship and I suggest you talk to your ... (read in full...)
I have made an appointment to see my doctor but I want some peace of mind until then from any nurses/doctors...
Q. Health question for any nurses/docs-i know its a long shot...Sorry to bother you with this but im getting so paranoid.. I am 25 When i was 3 years old i was diagnosed with an innocent heart murmur-its nothing to worry about and i have led a nor...
A. 10 July 2008: I am not a medically qualified doctor but I have worked in the national health service as a medical researcher in the past. My advice to you would be to insist that the GP refer you to the local cardiology outpatients clinic for a check-up - it will ... (read in full...)
Should I let him see our son?
Q. im 22 years old and i have a 2 year old son with a 27 year old guy. a few days after i found out i was pregnant i left the father cuz he got really bad in to drugs and a month before that i gave him a chance to get clean and he wouldnt and i didnt ...
A. 9 July 2008: Ordinarily fathers should have automatic rights to see their kids BUT there are serious child protection issues here. He has shown he is violent and his drugs history is a cause for concern. I would say he shouldn't see the child unless there is a ... (read in full...)
It's tempting to leave home right now. I can (just about) wait. Have I got it all wrong?
Q. Hello, I'm a 17 year old girl. I live with my parents in a nice house in a small town in England. We have a cat and a goldfish pond. And to be totally honest, I'm gonna go insane if I stay here too much longer. Don't get me wrong - I apprecia...
A. 9 July 2008: You got it wrong...there someone told you! You may disapprove of your parents cosy lifestyle but at the end of the day it put food in your stomach and a roof over your head. I used to work as a housing officer years ago and I ran projects for ... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied again! What do I do?
Q. Hiya... I'm Being Bullied... AGAIN! The real bad thing is that they've started on my mate as well. I used to just ignore them, but today I went to sit with my friends and some not so friends and they told me, quite bluntly, to go and sit somewher...
A. 5 July 2008: You are being picked on because you are brilliant. In some ways you have to toughen up because if you are intellectually gifted then you are going to stand out in the future and you will get negative attention from people who think you are better ... (read in full...)
Underage and involved - What should I do?
Q. I really need some advice. This is the shortened story. Last week school got out and something really bad happened. I have a really big crush on this 25 year old hall monitor - Martin and he liked me too. So the last day of school I asked for his ...
A. 5 July 2008: I can well imagine this is a difficult and embarrassing situation for you. However, the brave thing to do would be to tell your parents what has happened. This is for child protection reasons because if Martin & Matt work in a school and are willing ... (read in full...)
Did anybody ever have experiences with Psychics?
Q. Ever have any successful (or non-successful) experience with psychics? Can you recommend any online psychics for me?...
A. 5 July 2008: I am not going to get into the whole psychic debate in terms of whether it works or not. There has never been any conclusive scientific proof of psychic ability but, then, there are many things we still don't understand about human ability so who ... (read in full...)
He thinks a woman's only goal is to steal a man's money...how do I break up with him?
Q. he lives at home and ive suggested we buy a house but he says he wont because women are only after money and he would prefer to get his own, he doesn't ever want kids and i do, he never wants to get married because women steal the mans money. im not ...
A. 5 July 2008: I have to agree with duskyrowe, ditch him as your best 21st birthday present to yourself. He sounds like such a waste of space that words fail me. You are young and you have made some mistakes. The key now is to learn from them and walk away from ... (read in full...)
What can I do about his controlling mother?
Q. Please could anyone offer me any advice? My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we have a 5 year old son and my problem is my boyfriends mother.. She has never approved of our relationship and is very protective of her son. To be h...
A. 5 July 2008: First of all you seem like a really nice, well-balanced person with the patience of a saint! You are trying to marry a man tied to his mother's apron strings and unless you cut them before you get up that aisle then you are doomed to a life of ... (read in full...)
How do I start again as a single mum after 10 years?
Q. Some one please knock some sence into me please, i have an other half that i'm crazy about, 10 years this oct, but the other night i was fighting with my daughter and i took her phone from her (she is 17 and that is not an easy thing to do)without ...
A. 5 July 2008: The guy is a sleeze and you found him out, Good on you! You left him and put your family first which is brilliant and shows how strong you can be. As this is a recent event you shouldn't even be thinking about where to go from here. Just go day by ... (read in full...)
Where can I find a decent man? I've tried all the suggestions!
Q. When I read various problems from other people and have one myself similar-I always smile when people say dump him get out there and find a man who really loves you. I dont think there are many men who want love or a steady woman or girl friend. ...
A. 5 July 2008: Ok, firstly there are good, funny men out there who want love and commitment...I married one! However, in the ten years before I met him I dated my fair share of men who fall into your category of playing the field or 'not sure what I want' types. ... (read in full...)
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