A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After his wife found out about our affair, we still keep seeing each other, but no sex at all, his wife checks on him all the time and restrict him doing OT hrs (he is the boss), it's really hard for us to meet. What does he want from me? Why go through all the trouble?
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female
reader, Mare  +, writes (22 January 2010):
I so understand this. Whatis he doing? He loves his wife, but is in love with you. Leave him, not because of his wife, she is not a factor in your relationship. He needs to be free to clear his head. I hate it when the wives to ballstic, 90 percent of the time YOUR man lies to the other woman.
A
female
reader, voiceofreason  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I read these replies, and I'm pretty surprised by them. Some want to rip your head off, others tell you just to talk to him. Neither is a good solution. And I really don't think it's a good idea for anyone to judge. There is no level to sin. No one sin is bigger than the other. A sin, is a sin, is a sin and the payment is the same in the end. Just read the bible. I know what I'm talkin' about, because I'm a sinner.
I don't really think that there is an answer to your question because I think you already know the answer. You know that you both can not be friends. It's impossible. You know that the opportunity for something to happen remains every single time you see him. You don't need to ask him what he wants, because you know what he wants. You don't need to talk to him.
What you need to do is end this now. Ending it is tricky, but it's right. You need to cut off all communication. That means, changing your cell phone number if you need to...blocking him from your email address. Changing your home number. If you need to tell him before hand, send an email from an anonymous email account and let him know that you are done. He needs to work out whatever problems he has on his end without your help. By being his friend, you are preventing him from being able to do that, and quite honestly, you are preventing yourself from having a peaceful, feel good life with a man who is available to give you EVERYTHING that you need. Not just bits and pieces. Men will say ANYTHING and EVERYTHING they need to say to get their needs met, and many women fall for it. I have fallen for it. But let me tell you...in the end, if everything gets found out, they always somehow come out on the other side. The person who suffers the most will be you. You will be the home wrecker and awful person no matter how you try to defend it.
Take my advice...end it and move on. Go to counseling yourself if you need to to make sure that you can do the right thing the next time that this type of situation presents itself to you. But you need to end it on all levels and accept that you have allowed it to get this far, and you can allow yourself to step away so that you can move forward.
If you don't, you are always going to be in this position for a longer period of time if this ends when you don't want it to. Take control and let him go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): Yes, what comes around, goes around, I wonder whose husband did her wife mess with before?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Do you have any morality? Do you have a conscience? Do you enjoy hurting other people? OR ARE YOU JUST AN EVIL PERSON? HE IS MARRIED!!!! ANY CONSIDERATION FOR HIS WIFE????? GO AHEAD, CONTINUE TO HELP HIM CHEAT!! WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND!!!
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I suppose it's hard for you being in situation like that. I think he doesn't know what he wants and he is kind of addict of you. Maybe it's because he has middle-age crush on you, maybe he has boring life and want have some fun, maybe his wife doesn't sexually satisfated him anymore..
First try to talk to him what he feels, what will happen with your secret relationship in the future..It's better when you know what you can expect from him. I'm almost sure you're going to see that those expectation are in lower level that you can handle with. So i suggest, first talk then leave him. This kind of relationships can hurt too much people to be worth staying in it. And remember, it's a lot of fishes in the sea. Lots of oportunites, lots of nice single guys to be with... You deserve more than married man, who doesn't exactly know what he wants.
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 You are the back-up plan comforting his mid-life crisis at a bored moment. His wife knows what he is like but she is prepared to put up with him for whatever reason...financial comfort springs to mind. He must have remarkable self control if he can switch on and off his sex brain this way. Whatever the reason for his behaviour, he isn't right for you as he is married. If he left her, what stops him cheating on you with someone else?
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A
female
reader, xKx__  +, writes (14 August 2008):
He could just want the emotional aspect of it. He could be getting something from you that he hasn't gotten from his wife in a while, this is more damaging to his marriage then a physical affair is.
He goes through the trouble since he is feeling something with you he misses with his wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I don't know, it all sounds strange, why didn't she demand that he think about sacking you? Well it's probably illegal to put you out of work, but how does she know your not having sex at work. How did she find out? You see him, when at work, or after work? I don't know, maybe he loves you, but how come he dosen't leave his wife? Maybe if you give some more details it might allow people to give you better advice.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Because he is bored with his normal day to day life and your new and exciting and its all very naughty, but in the long run your proberly end up on your own and he will be back were he started with his wife and not with you. I would stay clear of any married man! Find someone who is single less hassle and less drama!
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