A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When I read various problems from other people and have one myself similar-I always smile when people say dump him get out there and find a man who really loves you. I dont think there are many men who want love or a steady woman or girl friend. It seems that MOST men want to play the field and do the rounds and just not interested in anything solid now. So how and where are we supposed to go and get out there and find these so called men that dont seem to exist.Have tried evening classes and social dances but there is no one around either who think I am suitable or vice vewrsa and no I am not too fussy but surely there has to be some sort of either common ground. There really is NOT the men around who do want love or commitment or anything steady as days out -life seems to revolve around sex only nowHELP!!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI liked the answer from the lady who treated them mean to be keen. The only thing is it doesnt say HOW you managed to do this????HOW did you manage to get them flocking to3wards you I am not sure what you did or how you did it any suggestiosn on how???thanks
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 It really does seem that once men have been burned by marriage, they are hesitant to do it again.
Then men have figured out they have to do very little to get their needs met from a woman so they offer up the bare minimum.
This ties in with the higher expectations the other poster talked about. The bigger the hoops the more the men flocked to her. She was the prize.
There are men out there who want a real commitment. Don't give up. You might try a bit younger too.
Best wishes xo
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 The problem is very simple, especially for your age, the men who want a steady girlfriend FIND ONE and are out of the dating game.
While you took the general advice of going out there and meeting people the trick is to keep doing this. If you got to a social gathering and there is no-one there, next time go to a different one.
Switch places so you have the most chances of finding that one free male before some other woman catches him.
But frankly, yes the odds are against you. Men die younger and there were fewer to begin with already.
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 You're facing an uphill battle, as the number of single, eligible men in your age group is quite a bit lower than the number of single eligible women. (A fact that is working greatly in my favor, I must say. Women who wouldn't give me a second glance 30 years ago are having second thoughts these days.) But they ARE out there.
There's the whole on-line dating scene, but that's a "gotta kiss a LOT of frogs" approach, as many of the people there are either socially inept or are (as you've noted) just in it for the sex. But if you can say NO really well and are willing to screen through a lot of people, that's definitely a way to meet a lot of people really quickly. It's worked well for me. I've had two really good close relationships (out of probably 30 or so women I've gone out with) in the past few years that way. And yes, I've met some women who were just in it for the sex, too.
Don't start out saying you're looking for a long term commitment with a new guy ... you'll almost certainly scare him off. All you want initially is to find someone who can share some interests and do things together. Both the long term relationship and then the sexual attraction should flow from that, eventually.
One woman I know got started in a hobby that was almost exclusively male, and the few women in it were wives of men in it. In this case, it was ham radio. She read up a bit on it, showed up at the local radio club meeting, and asked for help studying for her license. It wasn't long before three or four of the single guys in the club were practically fighting for the chance to help her study, and were interested in her socially as well. As the old saying goes, you hunt ducks where the ducks are. Find activities that have a lot of men in them (especially single men your age), and try to cultivate an interest in them.
Oh, one more word of advice. You want to get a good exclusive relationship going first. But if you do that, and the physical aspects of the relationship do not develop from it, most guys are going to think that you probably are really not all that interested in them. Sex is an accepted part of most mature relationships these days, and leaving that out entirely is going to make is difficult bordering on impossible for you to maintain a long term relationship. That's just the way it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Let me tell you something. When I was younger (my early 20's), I was an avid dater no strings attached, by my own choice. There is a reason for this too. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and soon after I had met someone that I REALLY liked. He used me and I became so bitter that he used me. What made me really mad was that I realised that he used me because I LET myself be used. It was MY own fault, because I wanted him so bad that I LET him walk all over me. And I said "never again." So from then on I started dating alot but not taking men seriously. I became the quintessential bitch. The second a guy said or did something that I didn't like, I said "Bye bye!" No hesitation. I didn't even take the most miniscule amount of crap from anybody. Not on my watch. I had standards, I was picky, and I love myself and will not be mistreated ever again. And interestingly enough, when my attitude towards men changed, guess what happened? Their attitude towards me changed too. I was ADORED by men. I am not lying or exaggerating. One time I was even dating 3 guys at once, all three just crazy about me. My phone was off the hook from guys calling to take me out and the power was completely in MY control and I broke a few hearts. I promise you this is the god honest truth. Listen to this, I even had one guy chase me for SIX months before I agreed to go out with him. My point is, you can place the blame on men and say they only want one thing, and I am sure some do. But you have alot more power in this than you are giving yourself credit for. Alot of people get used by men and say "men are all dogs." But it is not too often that you hear a woman say, "I got used and it was MY fault, I need to change my ways." And it was me coming to this realisation that did WONDERS for me in terms of dating and relationships and my perception of men, in general. I think you need to stop shifting blame away from you and instead look at yourself and figure out what kind of signals YOU are sending off. What YOU can do differently so that you are given the respect and attention that you deserve. Men will treat you the way YOU let them treat you. I know this from EXPERIENCE. So maybe its time to stop shifitng blame away from you. You have more power in this than you realise.
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reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Ok, firstly there are good, funny men out there who want love and commitment...I married one! However, in the ten years before I met him I dated my fair share of men who fall into your category of playing the field or 'not sure what I want' types. It is very easy to be cynical when the pick of the crop probably does get smaller as you get older. However, that doesn't mean there won't be some good men out there looking for the same as you. For a start I would say stop trying too hard - that old cliche about it happening when you are not looking is true in my opinion (I met my husband unexpectedly). I think it is a question of going out and having fun, rather than going out hoping to meet Mr Right. With that frame of mind, if you meet a nice man then it is a great bonus but if you don't then you won't feel so disappointed.
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 July 2008):
The most reliable way I have found is simply to expand your circle of friends. There is no set way to do this so its much easier to tell people to go and try evening classes etc first.
Make new friends, meet new people, then meet their friends, and their friends. If there is a chain of friendship back to you then you are more likely to meet someone who is not a psycho. The theory being that people who you like and respect will have enough judgement not to hang out with idiot sex obsessed losers.
It's easy to get cynical by reading this site but decent men ARE out there.
Girls don't come to problem page sites if their man is lovely, we only get the bitter unlucky girls here. Besides, as a Mod, I wouldn't let through a problem that read:
"Dear Cupid, I have no problem with my boyfriend. He is lovely and we love each other and are going to get married."
Good Luck!! xx
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