A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've felt alone my whole life. I'm shy. I never had very many friends. I was bullied constantly in school every year. After a while, I started to feel like I was worthless and wondered if there was really such a thing as true happiness. Then, from out from out of nowhere, I started chatting online with...her. From the very start, we got along great and had a lot in common. We would just chat for hours about all sorts of things, (after a while, she was talking to me for more than she was with her boyfriend) and for the first time ever, I felt genuinely happy. Eventually, I fell in love with her. I never told her, but I was so happy that I didn't even mind. I did leave hints, though. Unfortunately, when my parents found out, they banned me from the internet, instantly assuming she was a sexual predator (even though our conversations never had anything to do with sex). I was devastated. I tried to get them to change their minds, but nothing worked. From that point on, I tried anything I could to get in contact with her again and find proof that she wasn't a predator. (which I will admit involved looking up addresses, phone numbers, and frequently checking her web pages for ways to contact her) After what felt like an eternity, I was able to find her again. We talked for about a month, but then for no apparent reason, she stopped responding to my messages. I wondered what happened and kept sending messages asking why she wouldn't answer. I then got a message from her boyfriend (not the one from before) calling me a stalker and telling me to leave her alone. As it turns out, I had referenced something on her blog that she deleted before we started talking again. I told her I'd leave her and we haven't talked since. However, I recently felt that I should try to apologize to her and explain what really happened. How do I convince her without making it look like a sob story or that I'm even more of a stalker?P.S. I am aware that I became infatuated with her (though not nearly as much as before), I technically am a stalker, I shouldn't even be doing this, it's probably too late to get her back, and that she more than likely blocked me, but I don't think I can handle just giving up now.P.P.S. This (being called a stalker) happened 8 months ago.
View related questions:
bullied, fell in love, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Thanks for the advice. But there are several other things I think I should mention.1.I found fairly convincing proof that she wasn't really a predator. And while I know it could be fake, she posted a picture of herself.2.I didn't go onto the internet looking for friends; we were just in the right place at the right time.3.I clearly saw her bad side at times.4.I'm home schooled right now, and at the only places I frequently go to, 50-90% (this is not an exaggeration; excluding parents) of the people are under 13.
A
female
reader, abbeymom +, writes (27 August 2008):
 I wanted to ad that if you want to try something to make yourself feel better and perhaps give you some sort of closure. Write her a letter. Don't mail it. Just write to her all the things you feel and what happened. Sometimes writing things out helps us to sort our feelings out and move forward when we have difficulty doing so.Hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, abbeymom +, writes (27 August 2008):
I agree with DrPsych. But I can also understand how difficult it is to let it go when it was her boyfriend telling you to back off and not her. However that being said. You are young and need to understand that although friendships are good and you felt good in chatting with her. We can never know who we are talking to or who to trust online, especially in chat rooms.Follow DR's advice and try to get out more and mingle. Be yourself, and you will make friends. Take it from someone who was bullied nearly every day in high school who now enjoys who she is and where she is in life and the friends she has.Just enjoy your life and forget about what could have been or explaining yourself. You know why you did what you did. It doesn't matter if she does.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 You have to leave her alone. I can understand why your parents banned the internet as there are some strange people out there in cyberland who are waiting to prey on others. I should add that a lot of people hanging out in chat rooms are lonely and find life difficult in the real world - this is why they have the time and inclination to be there in the first place. It can seem like a very intense friendship when you meet someone this way and in many ways it can seem ideal - you see the good side of a person without the bad. At your age lots of young people feel lonely and bullying is very common in school. However, you are coming to an age where you will have more independence and meet more people from different backgrounds outside a school environment when you start college or find a job. You should leave this girl alone and try to find someone you like outside the internet.
...............................
|
