A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Im 34 have 2 children and have been seperated from my husband for 3 months. i went out last weekend and met this guy there was instant physical attraction between us. We exchanged numbers and spent all evening together. he is 4 years younger than me and has no children. i ended up going back to his place had great sex. The next day (sunday) i decided to text him all was ok then on monday i text him again asking if we could meet one day he said yes but that he was busy this week because hes on holiday for a couple of weeks so he said he would let me know, so the tuesday i didnt text he text me that evening just to say hed been busy. So on the wednesday i thought id text again to say hello to which he replied. I havent text since wednesday because i feel he should text me next but he hasnt what do i do now do you think he doesnt want to know or do i give it a few days and text again, am i being desperate? I don't understand how a mans mind works please help this is all new to me xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Dear Poster
Okay, I am not here to criticize or judge you; You have received great advice from some off the aunts in the previous postings;
However, I want to point out a few things to you and try to give you a few "tips".
You mentioned that you text him the Sunday to let him know all was okay; that was mistake no 1; he should have been wondering about you!
You mentioned that you text him and ask to meet; that was mistake 2; he should have been asking you that
You asked for help and advice and mentioned you are "so desperate" that is mistake 3; you cannot be desperate after any man; then you will always be the looser; he must be chasing after you;
however
I can understand that this is new to you and that you would like company etc; but it might be good for you to take things more easy and relaxed;
Tip 1. see the guys as friends and not as potential partners;
Tip 2. don't contact them for a follow up meeting or date
Tip 3. If you feel the need to contact them; take a piece of paper write down what you want to say to them; then tare it up; resist the temptation to contact them
Tip 4. Meet and date a few people now; you are going through a divorce; you might not be ready for a longterm relationship yet.
Tip 5. Get to know a few people before you settle for the first that might not just be the best.
Tip 6. You have children; give them extra quality time and concentrate on them and there needs; don't allow your dating to confuse them; keep your dating and future relationships away from them until you are very sure and there is a strong relationship.
Tip 7. ENJOY life and have FUN; don't let anybody affect your peace and harmony; (don't allow a guy to rattle your "cage") be in control of yourself and your emotions.
Easier said then done; but if you concentrate and make and effort you will succeed.
In the dating game you have to be "smart"; if you can try and get the book: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray; I do believe you will benefit from reading it.
Hope this is of some assistance. Keep us posted.
Good luck, best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 All the aunts are right.
Because you slept with him the first night, he only sees you as a booty call. Sorry if it sounds harsh.
Young guys really aren't looking for a relationship,
unfortunately you are going through a separation and it was nice to have a younger man shower you with attention.
Also, after a date, you should not make the first move in contacting them. Wait to see what they do to know where you stand.
So don't call or text him anymore. He knows you've been trying to reach him. If he does contact you again, just consider him a guy to have fun with and not anything serious can come out of this.
He was just looking to have some fun.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 September 2008):
 To be honest this sounds like a one night stand. I wouldn't contact him again unless he does some chasing first. Otherwise you will end up as spare time girl when he hasn't got anything better to do. You deserve better than that, and since your separation is recent it maybe time just to get used to being single rather than diving straight back into a new relationship.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 September 2008):
I think you made a bit of a mistake when you slept with him on the first night... guys lose respect for you after that, it's stupid but it's still a sexist world we live in where a man is cool for sleeping around but a woman is a slut.
I'd leave him and take it that he isn't that serious about you.
Move on and if he gets back in touch then you can decide whether it is worth hanging on for someone who only keeps in touch when he remembers.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 September 2008):
 I'm hazzarding a guess here but he might of just been up for the ride to be honest.
Doesn't sound like he's all that keen for anything long term. All i will say is be caucious with a guy thats younger and doesn't have kids. I dated someone 10 yrs younger than me and even though he wasn't bad with the kids, he could take them or leave them, and the kids tend to be left out a bit.
But yours is the reason i stopped one nighters long ago. The next guy i get with i will be in a relationship that i feel is going somewhere.
A guy worth his salt will be happy with that too.
C xxxxx
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