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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Where can I find a decent man? I've tried all the suggestions!
Q. When I read various problems from other people and have one myself similar-I always smile when people say dump him get out there and find a man who really loves you. I dont think there are many men who want love or a steady woman or girl friend. ...
A. 5 July 2008: Ok, firstly there are good, funny men out there who want love and commitment...I married one! However, in the ten years before I met him I dated my fair share of men who fall into your category of playing the field or 'not sure what I want' types. ... (read in full...)
Any advice about polycystic ovarian syndrome?
Q. i have been trying for a baby for over 4 years i have polycystic ovarian syndrome, my husband and are really wanting a family, can anyone help?...
A. 2 July 2008: I have polycystic ovaries and a bundle of other infertility problems...I am looking across the room at my 6 month old son who is sleeping at the moment. Doctors said I would be unlikely to conceive because on top of the polycystic ovaries I have a ... (read in full...)
He may break up with me because his mom does not approve! I'm a single mom...
Q. I am a 32 yr old single mum (my daughter is 15 years old) and I have been seeing a lovely guy for 4 months. I got a bad feeling that something wasn't right with him and I confronted him and asked him if everything was ok. He admitted that he isn't ...
A. 2 July 2008: If he breaks up with you then he isn't the lovely guy you hoped for. Basically you may have feelings for him but he is a grown man who should make his own mind up about his relationships and not be overly influenced by his mother. If he is hiding ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting bullied because I like to perform?
Q. Well i have this weird problem in school that i cant really understand. Well when usually its talent show night i seriously want to perform. Everytime I always perform they seem to like it but then when i go offstage they bo0 me ??? It seriously ...
A. 2 July 2008: Bullies lack self-confidence themselves and don't like themselves very much so they target other people who are exceptional in some way. There will always be bullies as you go through life and you cannot really change that - you can change how you ... (read in full...)
Office romance: What if this develops more, should I carry on?
Q. I have rcently gotten cosy with this guy I work with. We are constantly flirting with each other on a daily basis at work. I know he knows I want him and he knows I know he wants me too. Problem is we are both married. He has even met my husband ...
A. 2 July 2008: It sounds like you are really bored with your job! If you have the time and inclination for an office affair then there is probably nothing anyone here can say to put you off. However, if you put your hormones aside for a minute you have to think ... (read in full...)
Is there a cure for split ends? My hair looks like it has died!!
Q. is there a cure for spit ends cause i have a million i dont want to get 5 inches cut off but my hair looks so dead!.. i used to use a straitener alot and thats why i think i have so many!! any solutions?...
A. 2 July 2008: Hair conditioner may work as a short term measure but your best bet is to get them all cut out as the new hair will grow stronger. You could have hair extensions fitted while you wait for your new hair to come through...... (read in full...)
I need some wisdom about why I keep making bad choices! Now a married man?
Q. I'am an emotional mess....I dated my first love and everything for almost 5 years...he cheated,lied....you know the deal....i forgave him the 2 times he cheated,,,i always felt resentment but i loved him and decided to continue with him...after all ...
A. 30 June 2008: Ok, advice...leave men alone for a while and concentrate on mending yourself emotionally. You are not in a good state mentally to make wise choices about the opposite sex and there will always be men out there who are willing to exploit ... (read in full...)
I used to think I looked ok, now I have major confidence issues and feel ugly.
Q. i think i am having major security problems or confidence problems, i feel im really ugly and thats why i havent got a boyfriend and i feel everyone is constantly laughing at me like the other day i was walking past a few guys and i was looking at ...
A. 30 June 2008: Ok, I will confess that at your age I was a bit self-obsessed about looking right and hated photos. It seems important at the time and you think people reject you because you look a certain way. I cannot tell you if you are ugly or not because that ... (read in full...)
My brother and his girlfriend had a baby. I want one so much...
Q. ok my brother and his girl just had a baby and i love her dearly and i want one but you see im only 13 and they live far away so i dont get to see her that much and i really want one what should i do ...
A. 30 June 2008: Having a baby is a great life event...I have a six month old son. However, it is best done when you are in a position to emotionally and financially invest in the child. I am in my 30's with a house, a career to fall back on and a husband paying the ... (read in full...)
What's the best contraceptive?
Q. i need help. i'm getting married next month and i want to find the best way to avoid getting pregnant. i heard that the pills sometimes has some side effects is it true? what r they? thanks....
A. 30 June 2008: The most reliable method of contraception is not having sex. Other methods are never fail-safe but there are lots of different types of pills and physical aids that can be used to reduce the chances of pregnancy. However, before you think about one ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date my step sister? Our parents found out and they want to break either their relationship or ours.
Q. My dad is about to get married and she has a daughter and we really like each other and have been keeping a secret relationship for 2 months. they just found out and they want either their relationship to end or ours. Either way i wont be living in ...
A. 30 June 2008: You are not biologically related and it is probably not illegal (depends on local law). However, this could be very complicated if your parents do continue with their relationship while your relationship with your step-sister fails. In normal ... (read in full...)
I'm sleeping 12-16 hours a day, and I have other unpleasant symptoms. Can anyone suggest what's wrong with me?
Q. i need help plz.recently have been sleeping more than usual.i sleep like 12-16hours a day and even at that,i get someone to wake me up not me waking up willingly. i get tired easily and all i wona do is lie down and rest.whenever i stand up to go ge...
A. 30 June 2008: You won't know what is wrong until you see a doctor but your symptoms could be an underactive thyroid or diabetes mellitus as both make you feel VERY tired (I write from experience!). It could be a range of conditions but only blood and urine tests ... (read in full...)
Everyone is rowing and I'm in the middle. I must be the worst wife and mother in the world. Please give me some advice.
Q. I have been married for 22 years not happy and i have a boyfriend. my husband and i still live together just for financial reasons. I have 2 sons one 16 and another 13. the 13yr old has had severe anxiety problems that has resulted in him being a ...
A. 30 June 2008: My husband comes from a difficult family background. When he was a child his parents would constantly fight and argue - no violence but lots of verbal abuse. It spilled over onto the children and they got dragged into the arguments. His parents are ... (read in full...)
I'm in a very critical situation! Please help me to solve this problem.
Q. i am a 22 years old girl and i need your help and suggestion regarding the relationship between my real brother (27 years) and me. Actually my brother has very good personality (i also) and many girls like him. my brother has sexual rela...
A. 28 June 2008: I think you are having some very unhealthy fantasies about incest. I do not believe that you can creep into bed with your brother, have sex and for him not to realise you are his sister. I think that you ought to seek professional counselling for ... (read in full...)
Are there any faithful women out there ,...or not?
Q. All the women i have ever dated cheated on me one way or another i looked at my self more closely i didnt see anything seriously wrong with me and how i treat these women is it ok to think that there are no faithful women out there no more ?...
A. 28 June 2008: I wouldn't cheat on my husband for one simple reason - I would be cheating on myself (my principles etc). My advice to you would be to keep an open mind about dating despite your negative experiences. You may not have treated those women badly and ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my suicidal ex boyfriend?
Q. What can I do about my suicidal ex boyfriend? We broke up on Wednesday after a year and as a result he took an overdose and has been in hospital since. I've visited him every day because I feel responsible, he says he's going to change for me so ...
A. 28 June 2008: Self harmers can be incredibly manipulative of other people. In many respects it is easier for them to blame their profound depression (and suicide ideation) on someone else than deal with the truth. The truth is that they have severe mental health ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on all his girlfriends and now I find condoms! I'm pregnant with his child so will things just sort themselves out?
Q. I have been with the guy Im seeing for 7 months,I am also 5 months pregnant which caused tons of probs but seem to be sorting themselves out now. So after an awful few months of finding out we'd be parents we have recently started getting on. I've ...
A. 28 June 2008: You are a single mother...sorry to be blunt but you must know you are not having a proper relationship with this guy. You have every right to be worried since he has cheated in the past and he is not even acknowledging you as his partner. Bringing ... (read in full...)
No period yet. What can I do?
Q. hi im 14 and i havent stared my perid yet what should i do ...
A. 28 June 2008: That is perfectly normal! Some girls do not start until they are 17 and then it isn't regular. If you havent started in a year or two, go to the GP for a hormone check up but in the meantime try not to worry. Stages of puberty happen at different ... (read in full...)
How can I know if someone I know from the Internet likes me?
Q. how do i know if this guy likes me?? when we are both online we always talk together....is there like something i can do to know if he likes me in that way or he thinks of me as just a friend....we actaully know a lot about each other! soo can u ...
A. 25 June 2008: Internet relationships rarely work out in the real-world because the artificial world of computer correspondence allows your imagination to run wild about the possibilities. It maybe different for you however. The only way to find out is by meeting ... (read in full...)
I really don't know if we're still together or not! And I fancy someone else!
Q. Hi There, I have a bit of boyfriend bother... Here's the story; I know this boy at my fencing club, he is in Yr 9 and I'm in yr7. I look old for my age, he is quite normal. So, last week he asked me out to the cinema, but he didn't show up, or I ...
A. 25 June 2008: Jelly, if he didn't show up, it says all you need to know...fencing boy just wasn't mean't to be. Don't worry, there are plenty more fencers in the sea.... (read in full...)
My 'best friend' keeps flirting with my boyfriend!
Q. Ok, i have a big problem with my bestfriend! Recentley ive started dating this guy that i REALLY like and he really likes me. Well Today at break my boyfriend came to meet me like he usually does, and we were in the middle of a conversa...
A. 25 June 2008: First of all, be flattered...he likes you and not her. Don't feel insecure about it because he has shown he can act properly in the face of temptation! It is a good sign about him. As for your best mate, she isn't that...best friends just don't ... (read in full...)
My penis and scrotum are 'shedding'! What is this and can I treat it at home?
Q. Ok, this is a bit emberassing, but my penis and (for lack of a better term) 'ball sack," are both having the same problem:they're "shedding." They're covered in dry skin, and some of it keeps coming off. what could this mean? Is it seri...
A. 25 June 2008: Dermatitis can affect any part of the body and its symptoms is dry, flaky, itchy skin...a bit like dandruff. You can get creams from the doctor for it, but you could try to treat it yourself if you are embarrassed - a water based cream applied to ... (read in full...)
Any help on making my Curriculum Vitae?
Q. i know this isnt to do with relationships but ive seen that this site is just soo helpful!! i really need a bit of help with writing a CV ive just left school and am looking round for jobs as im bored stupid and also need a litle cash before goin...
A. 25 June 2008: I think the others have made some good points. There are many templates available for a CV on the internet. You should spell-check your CV and have the grammar checked because I have personally rejected candidates for jobs in the past just because ... (read in full...)
I'm 6 mths pregnant and I hate what's inside of me, what do I do?
Q. im 17 and 6 month pregnant i dont feel i love this child i hate whats inside of me what do i do ...
A. 25 June 2008: I cannot believe people posting 'Give up your baby'...please ignore those comments as they are outrageous. You are very young and you have had the courage to go through with a pregnancy which is a big step. You probably feel very afraid or anxious ... (read in full...)
I went out to his friend's because I was drunk. To make it even, he asked a girl out and they had sex. What now?
Q. Hi, I have been close with a man I met for a couple of months and we've slept together 6 times or so now. Last week i was really drunk and ended up speding the night with one of his non-close friends (we didnt sleep together) anyway he found out and ...
A. 25 June 2008: Generally, when men are into women they knock their door down and make it obvious. When they are not sure or not interested, they are a bit more evasive and elusive! That is my personal experience of the world of dating in my teens and 20's. You may ... (read in full...)
Should I get involved with this woman with two kids? Can I express to her how mad I am for her past mistakes? Please guide me through this!
Q. Woman with 2 kids, what should I do? We're both 23 years old I'm single and not involved in any relationship yet She's got two kids, one from a relationship from highschool and the other just recent from a three year long relationship. This beau...
A. 25 June 2008: You may regard her past pregnancies as a mistake but perhaps she takes a different view - she maybe young, she may have broken relationships behind her but she may adore her children and see them as a positive outcome. I honestly don't see how you ... (read in full...)
What sort of game is he playing with my head?
Q. how can your fiance use you,your son,my children and my brothers and sisters as a weapon to gain access to bring his daughter to this country,and allow his ex wife to abuse me with voicemail messages and tells me she has got all my familys telephone ...
A. 7 June 2008: Abusing people by telephone is a criminal issue under the TeleCommunications Act 1984. It is easy to trace people now so call your phone provider who can assist with this matter. You should stop listening to this man because if he really cared for ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my best friend's boyfriend and now I'm pregnant.
Q. i need help and quick. im 13 and about three months ago i had sex with my best friend's boyfriend. i regret it, because im pregnant. i dont know how to tell people. let alone my best friend. please help....
A. 7 June 2008: I wouldn't focus on telling people right now except those closest to you - your parents, a trusted sibling, a teacher. Once you have told one person you will find telling others is easier. Regardless of the moral issues here, you need professional ... (read in full...)
Have been manifesting glandular fever in the past weeks, could sex determine a relapse or affect my partner?
Q. Hi i have had glandular fever for the last 3 weeks. I got it off my boyfriend as even though he doesnt have symptoms he tested positive for it. Just wondering if we were to start having sex again would i have a relapse or would he start getting ...
A. 7 June 2008: Glandular fever has an active stage lasting a few weeks in which you have flu-like symptoms (2-4 weeks) and a chronic stage that can last for months or years. You should avoid alcohol for at least 6 weeks because the virus affects the liver and can ... (read in full...)
What are the first signs of pregnancy - in the first days / weeks?
Q. what are the first signs of being pregnant? an i mean literally in the first few days or weeks!!...
A. 6 June 2008: Symptoms vary between individuals - personally I felt a bit bloated and then came the morning sickness after about 2 months as my hormones went mad. If you worry about being pregnant take a test but it will only be accurate after a few weeks of ... (read in full...)
My friend has an eating disorder and I don't know how to help her
Q. A friend of mine has been struggeling with an eating dissorder for 3 years. Ive known her since grade school and it hurts me to see her this way. The only thing is she doesen't know that I know. Her Ex boyfriend (current at the time) came to me...
A. 5 June 2008: Eating disorders require expert help as they can go on for years and relapse/ remission is typical. One cause of eating disorders is clinical depression and some sufferers respond to anti-depressant treatment combined with cognitive behavioural ... (read in full...)
Once we were inseparable, how did it turn out to be this bad in the end?
Q. Oke.. I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago.. We have decided to stay friends.. but he just isn't being a good friend.. Whenever he calls me.. He normally talks about sex.. and sometimes even wants me to "talk dirty" with him, ...
A. 5 June 2008: Young love is a bit fickle unfortunately, hot and passionate one moment and all fizzed out the next. You cannot be friends with him at the moment because he isn't treating you with respect and you still care for him romantically. He is using you for ... (read in full...)
We have a son together, and I just found out he's been married for two years!!! What should I do?
Q. What should I do? I met John 6 years ago. We both worked for the same hospital. Within first year of dating I got pregnant. He always said we were going to get married and be family. In time I got pregnant 2 more times but miscarried. Shortly after ...
A. 28 May 2008: I had a miscarriage 2 years ago so I do understand that is emotionally painful. You have to see this situation for what it is and concentrate on what is important here. You have a son with autism who will need intensive specialist care and his ... (read in full...)
I want to end my friendship with my unreliable selfish mate.
Q. hi everyone, ive got problems with my best mate. ive made my mind up im finally finishing our friendship. ive put up with her for years and now realising the same as with loser guys dont change neither do mates! i dont need/want to have her in my ...
A. 28 May 2008: I think this friendship is over (stone-dead) and you don't even need to tell her how you feel. She sounds like the narcissist from hell and she wouldn't really absorb your reasons for relationship termination even if you screamed them at her. You ... (read in full...)
Odd period following unprotected sex, pregnancy or STI? I'll go for a test if you think there's a chance!
Q. I slept with a boy a few weeks ago and we didn't use a condom (yes i know it's stupid so please don't lecture me) the thing is now though, i was late on my period by about 2 weeks but now i've come on but it's more like a black colour and literally ...
A. 28 May 2008: Ok I won't lecture about contraception :-)...whatever the outcome, remember how stressed you feel right now and prepare yourself before you have another sexual relationship. Anyway, back to your question. As a young woman it is not that unusual for ... (read in full...)
Can I date my child's teacher?
Q. This isn't a totally serious question, and is somewhat tongue in cheek ;o) buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut... Went to my childs parents evening last night and quite liked one of his teachers! I picked up a bit of chemistry. Funnily enough, when me and my child...
A. 23 May 2008: No law preventing it but personally there would have to be a serious drought in the man-kind dept. to contemplate jumping on my children's teacher...imagine the next parent's evening if you get 'friendly' and things don't work out? ... (read in full...)
Should I get my lip pierced?
Q. Okay so this has nothing to do with AR but I really need help. On June 2nd, my grade is going to Quebec and in the information packet it said in the province of Quebec, minors can legally get tattoos and piercings with out their parents permission. ...
A. 23 May 2008: I think it is crazy that minors are allowed to get body-piercing without parental consent...maybe I am getting old!!! I got my belly button pierced in my 20's - it hurt, it got infected, I had antibiotics, I have a scar ten years later...but I can ... (read in full...)
Tell me everything I need to know (and already know) about married men who cheat?
Q. I'm married too...He's nearly 20 years older than me. We've been attracted to each other for months after we met professionally, but I didn't think it was anything more than flirting. I perceived him as someone who had set limits for himself and ...
A. 21 May 2008: 1. You work with him. Not professional behaviour and you may have to see him via work long after the passion has faded (I had a friend in a cringe-worthy situation with a boss in her office who turned out to be married and had her as a bit on the ... (read in full...)
It's all my fault for putting up with a loser. How do I let go?
Q. hi there wonder if anyones in similar posistion?ive been with my bf for 4yrs now.the trouble is he is heavily involved with his ex.they have a child who is 16yrs old now.they split up when he was 3yrs old for christs sake?ive gone through 4yrs of ...
A. 15 May 2008: This relationship is all about anger and resentment...and now it has reached the stage of physical abuse. You recognise there isn't much of a relationship left but you just have to get the courage to walk away and keep walking. It doesn't sound like ... (read in full...)
My parents have stupid rules about my girlfriend. How can I fix that?
Q. ok well tonight my gf came over and was outside with my friend and i who just got done with a run.. so my mom and dad say we need to go somewhere else to hang out bc my gf was there and "she's not welcome here" at my house bc of an unknown reason at ...
A. 14 May 2008: "i would have stuck him but he pays for college and i'm driving his old truck living at home.. kinda couldn't.. but after"...long after that girlfriend is out of your life, you will still need your family so put the fists away. I was brought up in a ... (read in full...)
He won't let me meet his mother. What's going on?
Q. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and during that time although he’s met my parents, he has deliberately engineered events to ensure that I’ve never met his mother – who only lives in the next street! We’re not yet living t...
A. 14 May 2008: Stop worrying about it...I am reading fire-breathing dragon for 'feisty old lady'. It sounds like he maybe doing you a favour...maybe she has passed comment on his ex's. There is a difference between being ashamed of someone and knowing that it is ... (read in full...)
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