A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyoneI am not sure if this is the right place to come but I seem to have run out of places for help.Ok my problem is this. I am an Australian girl who is living in England. The problem is I hate it, my dad is here for work for another 2 years for work. I dont think i can last that long.The kids here are not like at home, they are really nasty and seem to be heaps older than me. At home my friends and I were happy to just go out to a movie on Friday's (when our parents let us! ha ha)and hang out at the beach We had parties and all that sort of stuff (and tried drinking) but we did not have sex or anything like that. We wore a bit of make up but not as much as them. (these girls wear fake eyelashes!)The girls at my new school are really awful to me, they tease me because I speak with an Australian accent and stuff. Plus they call me really nasty names and one slaps the back of my head everytime she walks past and they tease me saying I must be ugly because I am still a virgin. One girl has already had sex with about 4 guys (Im only 14!)I had a bf at home so I don't think it's because I am ugly?Last week one girl took my bag which had some photos of my friends in it and destroyed them. Also I am better at maths than most of them but I really struggle in history because I don't know much about English history so they call me a stupid convict and stuff and tell me to go home (I so would if i could). I try to be nice to these girls but they won't have any of it. they boys are nice to me and let me sit with them at lunch, I have made a few friends with them but I really really miss having girlfriends.I miss my home and my friends so much. I am not use to this type of stuff, I come from a small coastal town in Australia where everyone was friends.I tried to talk to my parents but its not helped. I think my mum is really homesick too and my dad is really stressed out. I have no siblings.How can I get past this next year? Or how can I make friends with these girls? Or should I just give up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): im getting bullied myself, so i can relate.
dont hang out with those girls, if they keep bothering you, move schools or somthing.
when you think about it, its obvious they wont leave you alone. im being realistic here. dont go and tell a teacher, this aint like your 5 yrs old seeking for help. you tell someone, you get in more shit. tell your parents about it, im sure they will understand and let you move.
goodluck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Hi there...
I'm from the UK and agree with another poster that the bullying in UK schools is terrible. The UK has some of the nastiest teenagers around - but it also has some of the friendliest, and I'm sure there are lots of the friendly ones at your current school; but there're probably afriad to approach you because they fear that if they try to make friends with you that they will become bullied to.
I was bullied at school, and all I can say is that you *must* tell your parents and teachers (preferably a woman teacher as they are typically more understanding and will definitely have more determination to sort the issue out for you) at school that this is happening. It took me some time to tell my mum & dad that I was being bullied; but once I did my parents went straight to school and gave the headmaster a good ear full and then my bullying immediately stopped. And then quickly I found new friends who were obviously scared of approaching me for fear of being bullied themselves.
And being a virgin at 14 is completely normal. I'm 22 and only lost my virginity to my current girlfriend a couple of months ago and it was truly amazing. I'm so glad I waited and didn't rush into sex when I was a teenager, especially after hearing some very unsettling stories from other people who lost thier virginity at around your age. Trust me, good things come to those who wait!
Sort out the bullying first, then you can start to enjoy the rest of your youth with the friends that will undoubtably approach you once they see that the bullies have left you alone.
Sex and relationships will happen naturally later in life.
Enjoy your youth first!!
Hope I helped x
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Hi.
I have been bullied before, and I understand how bitchy these girls are.
I don't know where u go to shcool but maybe you could move away and make a fresh start. You can always make up some stories about these horrid girls and get your new friends on your side.
You acent is a problem, but you can't do very much about that, I got teased (and still do)about my rather posh (which is soooo not my fault) accent but now i just laugh it off coz I'm much nicer than the others.
You need to be more confident. You know what I mean, chest out shoulders down, cute smile at every decent boy and have fun.
Shcools down my end (SE) are huge, so there's bound to someone that is either like you, or has similar likes to you. I found music was my answer to this. I went from playing my flute very badly to playing 3 intruments singig in concerts and going on tours with the orcestra! My class was soooooo jealous when i missed five days of shcool when i went to prague with the shcool orcestra and choir. But because i was soo nice about it, it soon became "you jammy bugger" rather than "Youre so mean!".
You don't need to change to make friends, but if they hassle you, and nicking your bag is hassling you, don't fret about it - go to a teacher! Grassing is not my normal advice but, girle, some one needs to know whats happening.
I know you don't want to burden your parents - but you should come first! It's unfair of them to expect that you won't have a few problems.
Jelly
xxxxxxx
PS. As for the make up, I think it, too is rediculas, but I wear mascara to shcool and conceler on any particularly ferociuos spots! If you think you don't need make up, Good for you! There's something to be said for your confidence here! Most girls your age seem to hide behind a fake tan inch think foundation!
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A
male
reader, boywivacrush +, writes (10 July 2008):
I had a very similar problem like this only it was no-way as bad as this...I know how hard it is, but you really need totell your mum or dad. I can 99.9999999% guarante they WILL do something about it. As the others have said, going to a teacher will help, but I strongly recommend telling your parents first.Think of it like this:You have a great great if you are good at maths. Who cares about history let alone English history!Chin Up
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Hi, what an awful situation to be in. I'm glad that you're asking for help because that is a sign of great courage to me.
The thing to keep in mind is that these girls are small-minded, petty, b*tches who will remain just that long after you have moved home. So try to keep your dignity and your own sense of self-esteem intact.
I have one more resource to offer you as a help in dealing with them. There is a helpline/website that might give you some extra assistance and ways of coping with them.
Childline-Most famous kids Charity in the UK with a very child-friendly website.
Childline deal with all sorts of problems involving kids. Quote from their website:
”You can talk to ChildLine about anything - no problem is too big or too small.
If you are feeling scared or out of control or just want to talk to someone you can call ChildLine.
Some of the things that people phone about are feeling lonely or unloved, worries about their future, problems about school, bullying, drugs, pregnancy, HIV and AIDS, physical and sexual abuse, running away and concerns about parents, brothers, sisters and friends, and crimes against them.
Whatever your worry, large or small, we're here to offer advice and support. When you are ready. “
Call ChildLine on 0800 1111.
http://www.childline.org.uk
I would also make sure that your parents know about this, and how serious it is. They are the adults, and should be able to handle a little extra stress, after all, your Dad's job is the reason you are in this situation. I think it is important that they know exactly what you are going through. You might print off this question and our answers and let them read it to get the message through to them how serious this is. Or bring it in to a teacher or the head of your school.
Take care, and don't let them get away with this.
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A
female
reader, JBeelersGirl +, writes (10 July 2008):
Hey, I know how you feel. I'm 18, when I was 17 a group of girls would call me names everyday, this went on for the whole year. When I turned 18 and was a Senior in my high school, they continued the taunting. What's worse is that these girls, were all 16. TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN me, and I was still getting bullied, it got so bad that one day at lunch, two of the girls poured milk on my head. I got an administrator to talk to them, they were suspended. That didn't stop them, but what did is the night they came to me and my boyfriends house (I live with him and his parents), and tried to start a fight with me, knowing full well I could get arrested. We called the cops because they had followed my boyfriend and I around a store, and then home. After the cops were brought in, they backed off, even in school, the resource cop stepped in and they were all warned. I've been leading a very happy, bully-free life.What I'm saying is, you shouldn't let them do that to you. For every incident that happens, you need to tell a trusted teacher and your parents. Because bullying should not be tolerated anywhere, and it especially shouldn't happen to a smart girl who's there and is only trying to make friends for the short time she's there. My point is, standing up to bullies may seem hard, and going to a teacher or eventually the police may seem like "tattle tailing", but it's not. It's for your own safety. Trust me, they won't like you any less when they get in trouble, but when they're warned with some harsh punishments, they'll leave you alone.Be confident and be proud of who you are.P.s. I think Australian accents are SOOOOOO cool.:DGood luckJBeelersGirl
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 July 2008):
 You have a great accent and come from an amazing country. I had a bad time at school, lots of people do! That is not an excuse though. Get your parents to contact the school as they should tackle bullying and destroying your property/ physically abusing you is criminal activity that needs addressing now. You are picked on because you are different to them - intelligent, travelled, probably good looking and have morals. English History sent me into an unconscious state at your age so don't worry...maths is a better skill to have.
Being a virgin at 14 is totally normal and if they sleep around they have terrible self esteem to give it away like a free prize...but then they have shown themselves to be cheap in their attitude to you. Because you are popular with boys in your school it adds to their jealousy. Don't try to be nice to them, ignore them as you have nothing in common with them.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Bloody poms!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): There is nothing wrong with you - they have the problem. Thank you for posting on this site you have done the right thing but you need to take this another step if you can. You need to tell someone that matters about this bullying. I live in the UK I am 36 and I was bullied for 2 years at school (slightly younger than you) and I can remember it now. These things have a lasting effect and I am sick of it being allowed to go on in our schools. I would beg you on behalf of everyone who has and is being bullied to tell someone at the school and ask them to put a stop to it. you should NOT have to tolerate this. Please be tough - you Aussies are friendly and positive!!! they are definitely jealous and pathetic and don't let them bully that spirit out of you. Tell your parents and tell a teacher. Do not be afraid of them - to stand up for yourself now is to prove you are proud of yourself and you should be. I'm sorry this country has let you down so far and your experience has been so bad.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (10 July 2008):
 When I was your age, I had the same problem, and I had to physically fight all the time. But things are different now a days. Now the law gets involved in such incidents in this country.
Have you tried talking to a teacher or the head of the school about this problem? Getting smacked on the back of your head is known as "assault", and is punishable by law. At least it is in the USA.
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. In fact, you should be proud of the fact.
Stay strong, stand tall, keep your head up!
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A
male
reader, buster +, writes (10 July 2008):
hi........ im sorry to hear about your troubles!.. You must be finding life very hard in an unusual place. It must seem like all english girls are the same but i assure you they are not. Unfortunately something ' different' often becomes a target for bullies and with you being from a different country, they have an accent to mimick and also your values, which seem much better than theirs! My advice is to stick to your beliefs and be strong. There are many girls your age who are virgins.....although many say they are not for fear of being ridiculed! If people ask you if you are ask them why they are so interested!If you give the same answer everytime and answer back ...... bullies soon pick an easier target. Pick your favourite teacher and tell them about how you feel, they can then keep an eye out for any bullying and hopefully reduce it at least. Finally i would try and join any school/ community clubs where you live. There are sports clubs or award schemes (duke of edinburgh)or even computer clubs etc etc...... These will give you a chance to make friends with people on a more one to one basis where nobody is dictated to by peer pressure! I dont know the area in which you live but can assure you that england is a nice place with many nice people......you are never alone in your troubles! Try reaching out to a teacher, your family or the boys you sit with..........you are never completely alone..................good luck x
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Oh hunny
These girls are jealous bitches Im so sorry you are going through this you must talk to someone sweetheart..Have you got a teacher you can confide in and you must sit your mum down and explain the situation. I know you have tryed but really say " mum I really need to speak with you its so important" Its so important that this stops, I canot abide bullying and I would go ape shit sweetheart if this were my daughter..(Sorry about my language) I get cross, These girls dont want to become your friend because they are so jealous they are eaten away with these feelings and this is why they are nasty to you. Its not a race on how many guys you can bed and you have morals this is good! They did the same to me at school 5 million yrs ago and its horrible, I feel you have to find someone to confide in the schools these day do not tolerate bullying and so they shouldnt. It understandable that you miss home hunny this is bad enough without all this happening they see someone new come pretty and the boys get on with you and they are completely mad with envy..so what if you are a virgin good for you who wants 4 guys stamped on there bedpost at 14 eh! hunny..I found you a link to phone for help and advise....
http://www.bullying.co.uk/?gclid=CLiU2NLttJQCFQyI1QodWyDpTw I hope this helps and get some advise and talk to someone this canot continue sweetheart if you need a chat message me love...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, PractiGal +, writes (10 July 2008):
 I really feel for you, hon! I was bullied by the girls in school too, and friends with the boys, so I think I know what you feel and how stressful this must be.
Reading between the lines about the girls in your school, I get the impression that there's some real, major INSECURITY on the part of the bullies. False eyelashes? Smacking you in the head? "Convicts"? Sweet smoking jeebus! These are textbook scaredy-cats!
Know what? They feel ~threatened~ by you! Here you come, into their cloistered, drab little world, sounding like you stepped out of 'Home and Away', probably unconsciously wistful about beaut Australian beaches and BBQs and school hols at locations they can only dream of... Hon, the only way those bullies know how to "keep you down" and keep feeling superior is to make fun of everything about you that seems different and scary and (frankly!) a lot more attractive to the guys than they are.
Maybe in trying to settle into a new country and new environment, you've missed this, but I'd bet money on it; they're jealous of you and your exotic Australian accent!
It's not going to be easy to be friends with short-sighted little wretches like that, and I wouldn't blame you if you just threw up you hands and started hanging out and having fun with the boys. (Ooh, wouldn't that get the bullies' knickers in a twist!) But if you want to try to gain their friendship, the first thing you need to do is to stop responding to their taunts.
Well, I *said* it wasn't going to be easy!
There are a couple of things you can try. You can make a point of ignoring when they make fun of you, but it's important that they know you heard it and aren't hurt by what they've said, so you need to make eye contact with the person, then change the subject:
Bully: "Stupid cow! Stupid colonial!"
You: (neutral facial expression, making eye contact for 2 seconds, then turning away) "Did anybody else watch Survivor last night?"
You can also have a chat with the counsellors at school, or with the headmaster. Go into the office, ask to make an appointment, and explain you're having trouble settling in to the term. When you're actually at your chat, you can lay your cards on the table and explain that there are bullies preventing you settling in and ask for advice in handling them.
Self-confidence will definitely trip up the bullies too, though it's harder to pull off, especially if there are a lot of them and only one of you. Bullies like you to think that you're weaker and softer than they are, so they can feel superior. (It's lame, but that's how they think.) If you shrug off, or make a confident challenge to, a bully, they'll back right off. Consider this option the "advanced" method of dealing with them.
You probably should do your best to look bored when they try to hassle you and tell them -- with a sweet smile -- that they need a new hobby. Then you should cultivate the friendships of people who aren't so insecure. If things get really rough, though, please talk to a school official about it - you deserve to have a safe and sane school day!
Finally, don't feel like you have to "protect" your folks from what's going on. They might be stressed out, but that doesn't mean they can't also care about your life! Sure, you're a young woman now and getting greater independence in your life, but you might still benefit from advice from adults who care about you and who know you well. If you approach the conversation with your mum or dad as a request for advice, rather than as teary-eyed whingeing, you get to retain your dignity, and the parents will do everything they can to help. I feel sure of it.
Hope this is some help. Be strong and be proud of your accent! Don't turn into one of "them" just because it's easier.
Thinking of you and wishing you well, from my home on the NSW Coast...
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