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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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The sex is great but he's married
Q. I have been seeing this guy that is 26 years older then me, he is married and has 3 kids 17,16,13. He does not like his wife and they dont sleep together or even speak. We have the BEST sex ever. I am so in love with him what should i do?...
A. 25 October 2007: The guy is having a mid-life crisis and using you for sex and to massage his ego that he can get with young girls. Frankly he sounds a little bit sad...he has kids your age! He is sleeping with his wife and they probably have a nice, if a little bit ... (read in full...)
This smooth-talker got me pregnant and now he doesn't want to know. What can I do now?
Q. When I was on holiday, I met this guy and had a holiday romance :) When I got back, I felt really ill and when I did do a pregnancy test, it was positive, we left eachother our numbers and I called him, he said, and these are his exact words: "How ...
A. 25 October 2007: The guy is a plank and not worthy of your attention - think of him as a sperm donor. I am pregnant at the moment (albeit in happier circumstances) and I do understand it can be a confusing and emotional time. By all means keep the baby if you wish ... (read in full...)
I think she's overweight. I'm falling in love with her but I'm not attracted to her.
Q. I have met a wonderful person via the use of Eharmony.com and we are now seeing each other in real life and having a spectacular time. I find everything about her to be just what I never knew I needed in a person, but am now so thankful for having. ...
A. 25 October 2007: It sounds like you are in a rare situation - having met someone over the net and got along afterwards. This sounds like a great friendship but if you don't have that physical attraction then you cannot force yourself to fancy her. It maybe this is a ... (read in full...)
Who is in the wrong here?
Q. I recently went to a party and got really drunk, I had a few people stay over and ended up sleeping with a boy from my school. The only problem is that he has a girlfriend in the year below. I really dont know what to do. Am i in the wrong,is he in ...
A. 25 October 2007: I think you do nothing here and learn the lesson about the demon drink. We all have poor judgement after alcohol so it is best to stay in control by not getting drunk. He wouldn't make great boyfriend material because as you say he has a girlfriend ... (read in full...)
He's told me he's been talking to a girl at work he finds "hot"... will he cheat??
Q. hiya, i am 21 and my partner is 18 we have a 3 month old baby, everything was fine intill a few nights ago when he came in frm work i knew sumthing was up , i asked and my partner said no everything was fine but i jusr knew so we stared fighting and ...
A. 24 October 2007: It is normal to feel rubbish after having a baby and a good partner will support you all the way. He is young to be a Dad but the facts remain - he is a Dad and your partner. I would be deeply hurt if my husband came home saying he fancied someone ... (read in full...)
I think he gave me the ring just to "trap" me, make me feel better about having sex before marriage. He used to say if I didn't continue sleeping with him he wasn't going to "set a date." Should I stay?
Q. I want to know if my ex-fiance proposed for the right reasons. We are broken up now (I broke up with him), but I still need some resolve. Anyway, after 2 months of dating last year he proposed. When we first starting dating I told him I was waiting ...
A. 24 October 2007: I don't think your question should be 'did he ever have intentions in marrying me?' but 'how lucky am I that I never married him?'...frankly marriage is about compromise all along the way, it can never be a bed of roses all the time and when one ... (read in full...)
Three is a crowd
Q. Since i have been little me and my 2 best friends have always been a group of 3, we were always inseparable and everything we did would be together. i guess 3 is a tricky number butwe always got over it and no one got left out, if they did it never...
A. 24 October 2007: Tricky situation! You cannot help how they feel about each other and try not to feel rejected as their feelings for each other are different from your friendship feelings. They are experiencing first love and probably would be pre-occupied with each ... (read in full...)
Can someone tell me how to prevent leaking during my period?
Q. Hey Ive had my period before But I sometimes leak at school! Its happened 4 times already. And my school has a strict dress code so if I want to tie my jacket around my waist its dress code and i get a refrel!-.- I need some advice.How can i...
A. 24 October 2007: Your gym teacher or school nurse will have supplies of sanitary wear for emergencies. As your cycle gets a bit more regular you should be able to know approximately when your period is due. You should just buy some protection and keep it in your ... (read in full...)
She's a big wimp and can't stand pain... how can we make sex better for her?
Q. To make a long story short, the girl I'm currently dating lost her virginity to me...which is nice. However, she is in her late 20's. A little odd, but not really the issue. The problem is, sex with her is difficult, meaning she can't seem to ...
A. 24 October 2007: She needs to see a doctor to get checked out for physical reasons for the pain - vaginismus maybe one reason she finds it all too much! As for her losing her virginity in her late 20's - I think that is really refreshing and you should be really ... (read in full...)
My brother would do stuff to me while I would sleep.
Q. So I'm 16 and a few years ago my brother would do....stuff to me at night when he thought I was sleep, and it kept going on because I didn't know what to do. He would make me give him handjobs and blowjobs and he would finger me and stuff. during ...
A. 24 October 2007: Your brother is a sex offender and you are a victim of incest who has developed a distorted view of relationships and sexual boundaries because of what has happened. You both need specialist help to allow you to develop into a normal adults ... (read in full...)
If a pregnant lady has sex with another male other than her baby's father will it affect the baby?
Q. if a pregnant lady have sex with another male other than her baby's father will it affect the baby...
A. 24 October 2007: Medically speaking it is ok to have sex while pregnant provided that you stick to comfortable positions and you are not a high risk for miscarriage, premature delivery etc - seek advice from your midwife. The act of sex won't affect the baby but you ... (read in full...)
Is there more than I'm seeing?
Q. Im 15 and there is this guy (17) who i have known all my life. I trust him more than anyone and he is closer to me than my best friends. Our families are really close, which is great and we often go away together, but we have always only been fri...
A. 24 October 2007: This maybe a very nice and frankly convenient relationship in the making but take things slowly. You may have talked yourself into having romantic feelings for him just because he is there. You have to think of the implications of this if you date ... (read in full...)
He touched my bum - does that mean he likes me?
Q. i know this sounds an odd question but ive known this guy for over a year and the past few months hes alway talking about wanting to sleep with me in front of my face and in front of others to which i find really strange that i just laugh it off. he ...
A. 22 October 2007: Definitely say something next time he touches your body...it is disrespectful and he won't stop until you object. Basically he is in a relationship and contemplating marriage and hoping for a fling with you...maybe it is pre-marriage nerves or ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, and I seemed to be bleeding quite heavily recently! Please help!!
Q. i have not gotten my period in two months so last week i took two pregnancy tests and both came back positive. i started spotting a few days ago and it gradually got heavier and heavier as if i was on my period. i read that it was not uncommon to ...
A. 22 October 2007: It does sound like you are having a miscarriage...it happened to me at Christmas time. Minor bleeding is possible in early pregnancy but any bleeding requires investigation. See a doctor to get an ultrasound done - it will check for a babies heart ... (read in full...)
14, my boyfriend is 16. Why are boy his age so obsessed with Sex?
Q. why are boys his age so obsessed with sex!!!. hi everyone!! I was recenly back with me ex and he broke up with me by text message saying that "i love you megan" and I was like wtf? he told me "ahahahah" and i asked what was so funny and his response ...
A. 22 October 2007: I am not telling you that you are too young for a boyfriend as you sound pretty street-wise and clued up. This is not difficult or terribly complicated...he is a hormone-charged 16 year old with terrible social skills if his only method of ... (read in full...)
Do I leave him? If not, how do I get over the fact that he was a member of a sex chat site??
Q. 3 months ago i found out my boyfriend of 7 years whom i lived with was looking at porn, searching for very specificthings (bending over ect) and chatting to girls in chat rooms, and was a member of a sex chat site. Most of the responses on her...
A. 22 October 2007: It doesnt matter what people who post here think about over-reacting...it is how you feel about the issue that is important. If you are disgusted by his behaviour then you are entitled to feel that way and not 'wrong' for doing so. I don't think I ... (read in full...)
Miscarriage? And what are these other problems?
Q. I had found out that i was Pregnant on the 4th of October. I took a few home pregnancy tests. My last missed period at this time was on Aug. 22nd. On Sept 22, I had one day of bleeding. Since around the 22nd, I started getting bad cramping which is ...
A. 21 October 2007: I had a miscarriage at Christmas so you have my sympathy. You maybe not pregnant anymore but it does take time for the hormones to slide back down to normal range so that may explain why you still feel pregnant. Any irregular discharge needs to be ... (read in full...)
I'm in agony because I had my belly-buuton pierced. What could have gone wrong?
Q. Right, I'm a little worried about my belly button piercing which i had done about 6 weeks ago...Just recently i've become in agony with it [in the last two days] I can't even bend over with it and i struggle to sit down. I don't wanna see a doctor ...
A. 20 October 2007: I had my belly button pierced in my 20's and the same thing happened to me shortly after the bottle of disinfectant ran out that the piercer gave me. I needed antibiotics for the infection and had a permanent scar. Basically you need to see a doctor ... (read in full...)
He's got a car - should I go and meet him?
Q. Moderator's note: This is the same young lady who asked a few posts ago about having sex with her 16 year-old boyfriend!! (or at least - it's from the same computer) well. theres this guy and i like him right hes ok n hes fit n stuff but ive on...
A. 20 October 2007: Wow he's got a motor...and an industrial size stack of condoms...how could you refuse such a romantic proposition? What a bargain he is!... (read in full...)
I'm 7 months pregnant and I feel unloved, used and worthless!
Q. Im now 7 months pregnant, my boyfriend has become more distant as the pregnancy has progressed. I have tried absoloutely everything to 'fix things' from being as attentive as possible to accepting all the crap he puts me through (arranging to meet ...
A. 20 October 2007: I am also 7 months pregnant at the moment and know it is an emotional time. I suggest you let him go to figure out what he wants from life, relationships and you in particular. Ultimately you cannot control him or how he feels and it may feel very ... (read in full...)
Her 13 year-old son is disrespectful. What can be done?
Q. I know I have asked this before, but I would really like some input on this issue. I just got engaged a month ago. My fiance' has 2 boys. One 13 one 15. At the begining of the school year, the 13 year old was told if his grades failed, no computer...
A. 10 October 2007: Being a step-parent is always difficult. I think you need to have a heart to heart with his mother - ultimately the boy is her responsibility. Teens respond well to house rules that are fair and consistent. It teaches them responsibility and ... (read in full...)
I might have an eating disorder. What do I do?
Q. I used to be 10 and a half stone though then i lost weight and got down to a healthy size eight and was eight stone. I had given up all chocolate, sweets, ice cream, cake, takeaways, basiccally everything apart from my three meals a day and fruit in ...
A. 10 October 2007: I had bulmia nervosa at 21 and my recovery motivated my training as a psychologist to help others with this devastating condition. I did terrible damage to my metabolism/ fertility and I have to take medication every day to substitute what went ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend I met on msn, never met in person. I hate myself for what I did. He calls me a liar.
Q. Hi guys i dont know what to do man i am all stressed out yo. I am 16 and currently talk to a male over the internet for about 3 months lets say, he is 23. he told me he loves me but he lives very far from me and so the chances of us meeting are very...
A. 10 October 2007: The guy is a control freak and he is preying on you. He looks for an exclusive online relationship because he lacks the ability to meet women his own age in the real-world. He finds it easier to impress a 16 year old with much less life experience ... (read in full...)
What happened to me? I think my drink may have been laced?
Q. Hey there! Im really really confused and getting really down about what has happened as i dont understand how/or what happened. The other week I went out with a group of friends. I had a few drinks and was feeling abit drunk (but Im usually re...
A. 10 October 2007: I had a drink spiked when I was younger by a 'male friend' with bad intentions. Fortunately my now-husband came and rescued me as I felt myself in decline and sent out an SOS. Anyway, I really do feel for you as I know this can be a terrible ... (read in full...)
I need sex, what do I do
Q. i feel like i am going to die without sex what should i do i am 12...
A. 10 October 2007: So you need sex? Every 12 year old teenage male would tend to agree with you...sadly early sexual experiences are terribly disappointing. Aside from the legality and health issues, sex is just better inside a proper relationship as it means ... (read in full...)
Why is it that guys are more open with me on the computer (myspace) than in person?
Q. Why is it that guys are more open with me on the computer (myspace) than in person? They tell me they think I am pretty, cute or whatever but then in person it is like they don't know I exist. I know this is a stupid question but I want to k...
A. 10 October 2007: It is my personal view that the internet is just not a good way of meeting prospective partners. Firstly, you have to accept that on websites like myspace there will be some normal people and some definitely odd people. They have trouble relating to ... (read in full...)
I can't have this baby..my bf is an alcoholic and an angry person! Help!
Q. I am 7 weeks pregnant and can't have this baby because of being in a really bad and progressively worse relationship. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and overall an angry person and so is his family. He wants to have this baby but I don't want to ...
A. 3 October 2007: I think this is a good time to review what you want from your life. Having an abortion is an incredibly difficult decision to make and no one can tell you to go ahead or not as this is up to you. If you are considering abortion then it is important ... (read in full...)
Legal in England for a 17 yr old girl to live with her bf, aged 21?
Q. HIYA, IS IT LEGAL IN ENGLAND FOR A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL TO LIVE WITH HER 21 YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND WITHOUT HER PARENTAL permission? [Note: caps off pls]...
A. 1 October 2007: If your parents strongly objected then they could still go to the police and social services about this. As you will know the age of consent for sexual relationships is 16 here in the UK and therefore the police would not act on that basis. Your ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband after he got physical and abusive infront of his 4 yr old son?
Q. I have been married for four and a half years,together five. One of our strong points has always been hanging out,laughing,talking,etc.Lately we don't do any of those. He spends time with a variety of people,but I'm always his last pick.We got into ...
A. 1 October 2007: Don't stand for it - insist he goes into counselling. Not only is that domestic violence (...and once it starts, it keeps going and gets worse) but a child protection issue. It is very important that children grow up in a safe stable environment ... (read in full...)
How comes he wants to share me with another guy? Does he not love me as much as I thought?
Q. My boyfriend is in another country for few months already, and we are in touch every single day, phone or by internet ( camera),He usully make himself come when we are online or on the phone. today he asked me to do something for him. He wants se...
A. 1 October 2007: Different people have different views on love and sex. He obviously has different views to you and I can understand why you would feel disrespected and unloved. Don't give in to demands that make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it is just a sign ... (read in full...)
It was a week after her period, could she still get pregnant?
Q. My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex last night. Is it possible that she could get pregnant even though it was almost a week after her period?...
A. 30 September 2007: Yes it is possible, very possible...about a week after her period is a time when she will be ovulating and most fertile during her cycle. She can visit a doctor tomorrow for the morning after pill however since it is useful up to 72 hours after sex.... (read in full...)
These medical conditions that make me want a completely new appearance. Is it possible?
Q. i need a new face. seriously its not just your average 15 year old "im bored of looking like me" thing. i have medical conditions and was born with a few things that have messed my face up such as a cleft lip. theres this girl that i wanna loo...
A. 30 September 2007: As you are in the UK, you may qualify for surgical correction on the NHS. You should go to your GP and discuss the options - basically cosmetic procedures are possible when it has been identified that there are significant psychological problems ... (read in full...)
I don't have any friends to go out with or to take my mind off my Internet lover, after the break up, so what do I do?
Q. i just broke up with my boyfriend who i met online but never actually met in person. we were together for one year and he ended it saying its not going anywhere and im wasting his time. he is completely ignoring me now. i love him. believe me ...
A. 30 September 2007: You think you love him but you only feel for his online persona. It is a common problem unfortunately. As you were lacking in friends at the time it was easy for this love to develop and for this man to be your sole focus. I can totally understand ... (read in full...)
I don't know what's going on at the moment.
Q. Hi - my boyfriend has emigrated to Australia (since May) and although he wants me to join him he is currently texting me at 3am, 4am (his time) from bars at least once or twice a week. I have asked him whether he would like it if I went out ...
A. 30 September 2007: If you have the money I would say get a tourist visa and hop on a plane for a couple of months down under. Basically the only way you can find out if you are suited to life in oz with him is to be there, and since you don't have much support at home ... (read in full...)
My bf is so immature and sulks if we disagree, then won't budge, even refuse to go out...
Q. my fiance is so immuture and sulks if we disagree,i make the first move and he continues to behave like a spoilt brat and refuses to budge even declines to take me out,should i just go out with the girls since he doesnt want to know? why should i be ...
A. 30 September 2007: There are two issues here. Firstly, of course you should go out with your friends since being in a relationship doesn't exclude you from having fun! Being dependent on each other without other sources of entertainment can be a dangerous path to walk ... (read in full...)
People tell me that I am beautiful, smart, have a shining personality, but guys never want to date me because of my weight? Why don't guys date big girls?
Q. I am 20 years old. I have had one serious relationship and a few boyfriends. I think it has been because I am overweight. I never thought it mattered. I love myself and i have more confidence than most people. People tell me that I am beautiful, ...
A. 30 September 2007: I don't think your size has much to do with it. You will find that different guys like different shapes and sizes, ultimately a good boyfriend for you is one who appreciates you just the way you are - you really shouldn't have to change anything ... (read in full...)
Why does being good looking make you so miserable?
Q. this is going to sound unbelievably arrogant but i assure you this is a genuine problem i have and i am genuinely asking for advice because it is really hard and upsetting me. i think i am too good looking. i know i am attractive, and guys ask for ...
A. 29 September 2007: You cannot help the way you look! I haven't had much luck with female friendships for similar reasons and nightclubs used to be a nightmare because of sleezy guys. However there are certain 'damage limitation' strategies that you can apply. Remove ... (read in full...)
A colleague fancies me, but he knows I love my partner with all my heart, so as a result, he wants to quit his job! What should I do?
Q. i am 24 and in a happy relationship with my partner to with im engaged to i work at asda and i have friend called mike we are good mate and have been there for each other at our time of need but resantly i have resived text messages frome him sayin ...
A. 29 September 2007: I think you should let him go and do what he wants. Leaving his job maybe absolutely nothing to do with you really but he maybe just bored in the job and needing some excuse to justify his decision to quit (it can be scary to just quit sometimes). ... (read in full...)
How can I get over this obsession about my famous hero?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a student who is currently studying hard and I cannot help but feel deeply upset beacuse, I love Martial arts and I am a fan of a hero who is my role model in the arts, I started out to admire him but then my admiration turne...
A. 29 September 2007: It is not abnormal to admire people in the way that you do. The secret is to identify all the characteristics about this person that you really like so that you can seek them out in a person who is obtainable in the real world. Fantasies about ... (read in full...)
My bf and I are on break since last week. I've met a new, older man who is a family friend - should I spend the night with him?
Q. Im 18, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (21) for nearly 18 months, i love him very much and i rely on him, as i am not close to anyone in my family, i havent got a job at the moment, as i finished my A-Levels in June and now am ...
A. 29 September 2007: Don't go with the guy as you will regret it later. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship with your BF, I think you should spend some time sorting out your own feelings. Sleeping with the older guy won't make you feel better. A year is not a ... (read in full...)
Can I legally move out of state with my kids?
Q. I am thinking about moving to a different state with my children to "start over". The problem is that my husband and I are only separated, not divorced yet. He is abusive but I have never legally filed a complaint against him. Can I legally leave ...
A. 29 September 2007: I think you need specialist advice from a family lawyer who is familiar with the laws of custody in your State. Regardless of whether you can or cannot move at this time, you should make the authorities and subsequently the courts aware of his ... (read in full...)
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