A
female
age
36-40,
*issy20
writes:after i gave birth with my son i became fat and have many stretch mark now my husband doesnt making love with me because im fat. what does it means? he doesnt love me anymore? but he's still sweet with me and have care for me. and im miss him so much i want to make love with him... please advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): I have not had children so I apologise but maybe my advice may help you? Think about yourself first - that is, decide how you want to feel inside and set about a plan of action to increase your chances of feeling that way. If you feel fat, take action for you (not anyone else) - a new item of clothing or makeup could be what you need - men love confidence so it can stimulate more than you imagine. Just doing something positive will give you greater confidence. Write down all the things you want to do for yourself first, then your relationship and I am convinced your partner will sense the new you appearing and get interested again. Its not that you are fat and horrible - its that your roles have changed. Time to get the old (re-vamped) you back on track. Surprise your man - he needs to see you as an individual again. Try and set the scene and create an opportunity for things to happen - time for the two of you.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 As a man whose beautiful wife has had 3 children in the last 7 years, Countrywoman is absolutely right. It has nothing to do with the weight that you have (temporarily) put on it is much more likely that it is because:a) the baby is making you tired and him tiredb) he is thinking of you more as a mother rather than a loverc) this is probably the wrong thing to say but, speaking as a man, the process of watching a baby emerge does tend to somewhat put us off sex for a while.As the mother of his child he loves you now more than ever before but he is probably a bit confused about what you want. I think that you should just be pretty direct with him about what you need him to do.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 I had a baby in December 2007 and like you, put on weight and didn't feel so great as I had a very sore back from an accident 2 months postnatally. Anyway, your husband is probably being a gent...whatever your size, you are lovely to him because you are a mother and you have given him a beautiful baby. Most women probably feel awful post-natally as it is exhausting and there is so much pressure of females these days about body shape. 9 months on I have lost most of the excess weight by breast-feeding but it takes a longer time for some women. Remember it took 9 months to make that baby, it takes 9 months min. to take off the baggage! Talk to your husband about it, tell him how you feel and do treats like shopping or a spa to make yourself feel better.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 September 2008):
 Sweetheart have you ever thought that your husband is giving you space since the birth of your son?
Women are all absorbed when a new baby comes into the relationship and he may realise that you are worn out from everything you are having to do with your son and does not want to force himself upon you requesting sex.
I think it is your self image that is making you feel unattractive and no longer sexy in your husband's eyes.
Have you ever sat down and asked your husband about why you are no longer having sex and talked it through with him?
I think you may be making assumptions here without giving him a chance of saying how HE feels about everything. He could also be a little jealous of your son as men sometimes do feel left out as the woman is concentrating on another little person who needs their undivided attention and so he may not know how to approach you right now.
Let us know how you get on but it is most important to talk things through with your husband before you know for certain one way or the other.
I think men also worry that they may get their wives, partners, girlfriends pregnant again very soon after the birth of their first child so that can also be a consideration here as well.
Keep us posted eh and good luck and congratulations on your baby boy.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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