A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 years old, and I have a friend who I have slept with on a number of occasions. The thing is, because of things that have happened in the past, none of my friends approve of me being friends with him. Because of this, they constantly tell me that he's just using me for sex, there's nothing in it blahblahblah, but I see it differently, because he has helped me so much with so many things, and if it was just sex he wouldn't do that.Anyway, after my friends kept trying to drill it into me that he was, in fact, using me, I followed their advice and asked him straight out if this was the case. Can I also make it known that people on here actually told me to ask him straight out as well, before anybody starts saying that that wasn't the way to go about it. The thing is, I asked him, and then I tried to take it back straight away because I realised I already knew it wasn't true, but he can't forgive me for asking. I've hurt him so much by asking this, and he said he'll be ready to talk to me in a few days, but I think he's just trying to brush me off so that i'll stop talking to him, I really don't know what to do, i'm such an idiot. I should have trusted him, I can see now that it was just spite in my friends that made them think this, and I really don't know how to make things better. I've said sorry a countless number of times, and yet it's never good enough. Help me please :( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): If he IS just using you for sex, then he would probably do exactly what he did.
The first line of defense in his position is to act very hurt that you asked him that. OF COURSE he'll want to leave you feeling like you were all wrong to even dare asking him that. You feel guilty now for just standing up for yourself.
I agree with the earlier poster saying it sounds like you're both using each other for sex. Or maybe he's using you for sex, and you're using him because you want to be able to say you're, well, umm . . . "somehow-attached" to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I know people don't approve. But that's not my question. Whilst I appreciate your responses, I didn't bring this up so I could have people telling me whether it was right or wrong. Whats done is done. And all I want to know is how I should get my friend back.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I would say you are using each other for sex, simply because you are not in a proper relationship and in a friends with benefits arrangement.
I'm sorry if I sound a teensy weensy bit old fashioned here, but what is wrong having sex in a loving committed relationship? You should have more SELF RESPECT, than having casual sex with a boy.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2008):
 First of all, you shouldn't always take the advice of 'friends' since there maybe all sorts of reasons they want to stick their noses into your business. Having said that, maybe they are right. Maybe this 'I am hurt' routine is just his way of dealing with the fact that he knows the penny has dropped for you and he doesn't want to have the sort of relationship you expect. No-one here can tell you for sure either way, but sit back and see how he responds to you long-term. If you actually stop sleeping with him and he sticks around, then maybe he does think more of you than your mates think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBecause we used to like each other as more than friends, well, we still do, but we just don't want a relationship. I think that's why it hurt him so much, and i'm not just giving up on it, because he's one of my best friends now, and if somethings that important to you, you shouldn't give up on it.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (14 August 2008):
 If you are not in a relationship with this guy but your having sex then course you have the right to ask him if he is using you for sex. But to me it sounds like you was a mate with benefits i'e SEX....why would you have sex with him if he is your friend? you must know once you go past that line you cant go back. Having friends as sleeping buddies never works out in the end. I say move on and give him some space....if you were a true friend to him he will soon start to miss you and want to talk again...but whatever you do dont sleep with him unless you start dating and he is your boyfriend!
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