A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 16 and my gf is the same we want to cuddle in my bed but my parents wont even let her set foot in my room do u have any advice on how i can convince them dat we will jus be cudlin and not goin to have sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (15 August 2008):
 I don't know why you take your parents as suckers.
Like all the aunties said, your parents will in NO WAY allow you and your girlfriend to stay in the bedroom. No matter how much you want it too.
Actually, your request is too laughable. You're a 16-year-old raging of homones healthy male who wants to stay in bed with your girlfriend to just "cuddle". It's like saying you will buy a Playboy for the articles. Yeah, right.
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I don't think there is much you can do. It seems your parents are being responsible. I wasn't allowed to even have a boy in my room! So don't feel so bad about it, you will be able to do what you want when you move out.
Also, by understanding your parents point of view it will show them you are on your way to becoming a mature adult. But if you throw a fit, it will make you look like a little kid.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Your parents are just doing their duty. No self respecting parents are going to allow underage children to get into bed together for any reason. Its not worth the risk. They cant encourage any behaviour that is inappropriate. Its not about trust, (you may truly believe you wont but could get caught up in the moment) , its about them being damn good parents. If you want to cuddle sit together on the sofa and snuggle up x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I don't have any advice on how to make them think ur not going to have sex, because certainly one day u will. But its their house, their rules. Maybe instead of trying to convince them to let her in ur room, how bout convincing them that both of u are very serious about each other, and want what's best for each other. This way ur parents can trust both of u knowing that its not just some tennage fling, and they'll be proud to know they brought u up good.
I see nothing wrong in cuddling on a bed, but at ur age im sure that the cuddling will lead to sex. If cuddling is all u want to do, then cuddle on the couch. if privacy is what u want, u also have to earn that. But for now the only privacy u do have is outside ur house.
Heck I've been with my bf for 4 years now, and he's gained full trust with my my mom and bro, yet the only times he's been in my room was when I broke my leg, and when he helped me paint my room, or to kill a spider and little things like that. He has slept over (3 times) for specific reasons, but on the couch or my bros room. I no longer live with them cause im at my dorm in school, but when I do go over there these rules always apply. Even to my 27yr old sister. But not to my bro, his girlfriend always goes in there and he's 25. Maybe cause he's been the only man in the house for a couple of years now. He does make most rules now, but were older and he doesn't need to look after us so much as before. And I think that by being rather strict on me and my sis is why we have a rather great future to look ahead. Be patient!
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A
female
reader, sweety22  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 first of all i met my boyfriend when i was 19 and we were'nt allowed either:)it is silly when you know there's no personal reason- as in you have never given them any reason not to trust you- but it is a huge deal to most parents and i guess they only see it as a small thing to you that you will get over, whereas rumours and babies; not so easy to forget.i just accepted their reign and there rules and went on as normal but unknown to me they were gradually begining to see how trustworthy and mature we were being about the whole thing and now my bf falls asleep in my room most days after work when i stay with my parents.try hang in there, maybe start small like arm around the shoulder/ holding hands in the living room, peck on the cheek when appropriate in conversation showing them that you are both just as respectable as they are. build up eventually to watching a movie in on the sofa together, on the bed over covers etc untill they see it as just an everyday harmless thing.they may take it or they may have their own reasons for going against either way its their decision and you have to respect that.most important thing is to BE trustworthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): There is no way in hell, you will be able to convince your parents you won't have sex in there. They were young once and they know how things can get heated up and quickly. And then, there's a big 'ooops', nine months down the road. They know there is absolutely NO sure-fire, 100%, prevention for pregnancy. You would be possibly playing with fire, dear. So why on earth would they make this easy for you---I never allowed my teens to have dating partners, in their rooms, as well. So listen, your parents have set a rule and a boundary in 'their' house (they own it-it's there's) So because you are borrowing a bedroom from them, until such time that become an adult and leave the home to get your own place... please....respect the rules they have laid out in their house and respect them, as people who are trying to guide you and keep you from making really dumb mistakes. .
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Not sure why you want to be getting all cuddly with the parents at home...I won't even let my husband kiss me in front of my parents! Anyway, it is their house and their rules...my parents didn't allow me or my brother to have anyone sleeping in our room at your age. They may seem old-fashioned but it means they give a damn about you...I would be more worried if they were sayings 'yeh, whatever do what you like'.
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A
female
reader, MidtownToDowntown +, writes (14 August 2008):
Hey, I understand where you're coming from; especially as I'm the eldest of four girls and have four older brothers!
I'm afraid to say that the only way you'll be able to have your girlfriend in your room without them throwing a fit is when you move out and have your own place! I'm nearly 18 and have been with my guy for a year now and only recently have they let him into my room and even then they're at the door every five minutes with 'tea' and such.
The only way you can prove to them that you are mature and that you are not going to be having sex under their roof is by following their rules for the time being. After a while (and by that I mean....a few months....) they'll see that you two are not just together for the physicallity and soon they may let her have the privilage of being in your room. But be warned; even then you'll get no peace! =p
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi,
You should listen and respect your parents. They run the house and look after things. Remember...fooling about in beds is where virginities get lost!! Hannah xxx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I wasn't allowed to have a boy in my bedroom when I was your age, nor did I allow my kids to have the opposite sex in their bedrooms. Teenage raging hormones need very little encouragement so why invite trouble?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Parents pay bills, parents say no... Why not cuddle outside, standing up, before you get indoors. Much more safer, and then they'll be no question of sex.
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A
female
reader, xKx__  +, writes (14 August 2008):
Hmm, I know when I was that young, my mom wouldn't let me do that either, but what is wrong with cuddling on the couch if thats all you are going to do.
Your 16, and thats not that young to start being sexually active, so I know if my kid wanted to do that I dont think I would let them either.
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I'm not sure that any parent would believe that. Maybe suggest you cuddle over the covers, with the door open, so they can check on you every few minutes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I doubt there's any way you could convince them. You're a 16-17 year old male....... heck even I find it difficult to believe that all you want to do is cuddle. Your parents sound kinda strict so I doubt this is a battle you can win.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): You can't. Bedrooms equal sex. What's wrong with cuddling on the sofa, watching TV in their presence? (if that's all you want to do)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I suppose there's only so much you can say to your parents to get them to change their minds. But you could say to them that they've brought you up well and you would never go against anything that they said, and just to have trust in you. Just a few ideas maybe!
Good luck, hope it works out!
xx Hope xx
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