A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 22, and happily married. Been married for a year, We both work full time, rent a lovely house and love each other very much. My problem is that at the moment, i can't stop thinking about having a baby!At the moment, we could afford a baby (just about) but i couldn't afford the nice house in the good catchment area for a good school, or all the equipment for our child to go to after school club. I know thats a few years off but it all seems so un acheivable!i want to raise our child myself and if we had one now, i would have to still work. My husband and i work really really hard now to set up a future for a family, but its just so hard, bills,petrol, food ect are going up so much that i am wondering if I will ever be able to provide for the life we are working so hard for! i wonder if i should just have a baby now and live off benifits!!!why are weworking so hardto do the right thing, we pay all our bills, taxes, do everything we should do as decent people.....so why do the powers that be (government or big companies) make it so hard for us and make it so easy to flunk out and just live of the state!!! IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR!! Do i sound like a spoilt kid? Am i being Naieve? how much do you have to earn to give a child a good life. i know we have the love to give it. waiting is killing me!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): I have the same problem as yours. Me and my partner are working our a___ses off and we thankfully break even now. But we want a baby and although we feel emotionally prepared for it, the money ciscumstances really make it hard for us. In our circle of friends and family opinions are 50-50. Some say take the plunge, there's never the right itme to have the baby, that's how life is, etc etc, some advise us to save a little bit more. The best I can do now is to collect as many second hand baby paraphernalia from friends and second hand shops and hunt for clearance sales in baby shops and leave word with everyone we kknow to spare us whatever they want to dispose of. I know for a start we won't be able to afford new everything for our baby. Aond now.. in october the credit crunch is more present than ever. Have you come to any conclusion yet? it would be lovely to know. Take care xxx.
A
female
reader, troysyaussie  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I cant even believe that some of you people are telling this woman to use the system.. That is just wrong. The system was put into place to provide for single mother's and people with low education. If you can work then you should and not leach off of the people that work so hard every day. Just completely blows my mind that some of you feel it's ok to take all the money that you can from the government. It's not the government that's giving them this money. It's all of us. We pay taxes for these people and personally if they can get off their ass and work then they should like every one else has to do to survive. You should wait to have this child cause like emaz said,you don't want to bring up your child thinking that it is ok to just live off benefits. It doesnt bother me that I pay for the people that truly need it but it sickens me that I pay for the laziness of others.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Benefits and living don't add up, it is more like surviving and being continuously harrassed by those jobcentre bureaucrats dreaming up ways to get you off their books! It is very hard to find a decent place to live on housing benefit (or housing allowance as it is now called) because many landlords don't like DSS tenants. Getting a council house is a very long wait and then you could end up in a sink estate somewhere horrible. We all feel the strain with the credit crunch but you are young and have plenty of time to have a family. You can get child tax credit which helps working families, but babies are expensive...I know from my 8 mth old little monster. I waited until my 30's to have a baby because I wanted the home ownership, a career and savings. My maternity allowance has just run out and we are feeling it! You don't need to be rich to have a child as you can manage on hand me downs and gifts from relatives etc (we have gratefully accepted anything and everything) but you do feel stressed and vulnerable when you are pregnant and postnatally with all the fatigue and worrying about intensive financial demands is just one demand too much if you can avoid it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): What a baby needs most is a secure family unit and lots of love! However, from a financial view I do think mothers should have more financial support if they go back to work. My friend and her partner have no family locally to look after their baby when she goes back to work and have just been quoted £45 a day just for a no frills creche! This is almost her entire wage gone on childcare!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Ok. Unfortunately, there are a good deal of people that give the benefits system a bad name and scrounge off the state and I dislike their layabout attitude immensely. However, not all people on benefits are like this. Through no fault of my own I was made redundant in March. I went through what very little savings I had rather than go the Job centre because of my pride. Eventually necessity dictated it. I get £60 in Job Seekers a week and the Law says that I can survive on that - with fuel bills going up, food going up, etc!!! Who are they trying to kid? I spend every day filling out job applications, following up job applications.... I have not even been shortlisted for interview even though I have worked my backside off to get an armful of qualifications, do voluntary work every week, etc!!!! Despite the lack of work and money, I TRY to think positively about things - I have always been prudent with money, but this has made me appreciate the value of money even more. I have recently realised that there is never a good time to have a baby. My partner and I may have to have a baby while I am unemployed because I am 32 now and if we don't get our skates on we will miss our chance. It may seem irresponsible to some but my friends and family all know what a hard worker I am and are confident I will find work soon. It is kinda fun seeking out cheaper deals and realising that half the stuff you used to buy you probably, in truth, could have lived without! Good luck! So, I would say if you both want a baby now then have one now!
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female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Personally i think that people who are perfectly able to work but don't and just live of benefits is totally wrongI could NEVER live of benefits myself unless i had no other choiceYou need to bring your child up in an environment where it learns that working is what they should do and NOT get benefits from people like myself who pay tax. I do not like the idea of my hard earnt money going to people who can't be bothered to workI would say that if you want a child then save up and then start trying or stay at work and have your child but save every penny you earnIf you lived off other people would you not feel guilty for your childs sake?It's just that im sooo against it personally=]
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 August 2008):
 If you wait til you can afford to have a baby, you will never have 1. Thats what i was always told anyway. Its thousands and thousands of pounds we spend on children in the first 18 yrs of their lives. Who can honestly say they can ever afford that?
But you make adjustments and instead of going to the high street and buying that expensive bag or shoes you can do at the moment, you learn to shop on eBay! hehe
Being on benefits is no fun. You would almost certainly be worse off than any amount of work you do. Claim tax credits though as a couple. A large chunk of the population are claiming tax credits, theres no shame in it, and if all the people that claimed it were too proud to, there would be more poverty than there already is. And you have paid into the tax system, use it!
C xxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): You believe the lie, that people living off benefits are rich in the UK. Due to illness, I live off benefits, I have to give up food sometimes, and I never leave the house because it's too expensive. Your child will suffer, but it will have life. Babies are rubber, bounceable balls. You want a good catchement area, they are happy if you give them a cardboard box as a toy. If you have a child of the state, you will get childcare help, which at the moment in the UK is at least one's parents wage. But child poverty is a big issue in the UK. My monthly benefits are equal to half the minimum wage. Stop watching other people, and thinking their life is easier than yours. They've got their pride, they pretend that everything is alright, even though they have to eat cornflakes three times a day. I live it, I feel it, If I could work I would, because a life on benefits sucks big time.
You want a child, well you need to plan, and you need to save as much money as you can. Cut out the luxuries, you don't need takeaways, holidays or new clothes. Live like a person in poverty, live like a person on benefits for 12months. Work a second job. You present as 22-25 and currently living in the UK, you are young and you have time. You and your husband need to cut out the luxuries, and get more money coming in. If you can do this for 12months, you will have a good nest pot, to help your child through the first years off life. Don't feel jealous off the poor, there kid's do without a lot, they get charity clothes and live off beans and chips, is this what you really want for your child.... Take two years to plan and save and your child will be alright.
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female
reader, junebug  +, writes (13 August 2008):
i totallly agree with u.theres ppl out there that dont even try 2 work and is popping out kids from left to right.and there is ppl like us that bust our ass off to make it and then go see if we can get help and they tell us we make to much money! So should i quit my job?then we cant afford things that we have.it makes no sense! Live off the goverment if u can.yea there is ppl out there that deserve it that are worthy of it but there is so so many that u just wanna slap bcuz they are lazy.u dont sound like a spoiled kid or anything.but if u and ur hubby want kids and can get help then get it!i rather hear someone like u is getting help then some crack head that dont want an job and is popping out a kid a year.ya know?bless ur heart honey.please dont think that im saying every1 is like that.there is good ppl trying to make a good life for their family and just at the end of the day cant make ends meet.at least those ppl are trying.but just talk 2 ur hubby and see if u can get some help.good luck.xoxoxo
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 August 2008):
People living on Benefits really don't get everything handed to them. It's not a great life, and can be a huge struggle at times.
I am sure babies aren't as expensive as you think - you don't have to get all the after school stuff until they are actually in after school clubs. You can get stuff second hand or free very often from sites like freecycle.
You just have to cut down in other areas or find a new job that you can do from home.
Either that or just wait a little while longer before you have a baby, get some saving behind you, etc. Governments change, Russia is now aiming to become the worlds biggest food producer, the EU has stopped set aside grants for farmers, China put up more wind turbines than anyone else last year. Times are changing and it's always darkest before the dawn.
Just think, back in the 60's people were putting off having kids because they didn't want to have to raise them during a nuclear winter caused by the 3rd world war.
Good Luck!! xx
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