Like what
she writes?
... Add *rPsych to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
|
He won't let me meet his mother. What's going on?
Q. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and during that time although he’s met my parents, he has deliberately engineered events to ensure that I’ve never met his mother – who only lives in the next street! We’re not yet living t...
A. 14 May 2008: Stop worrying about it...I am reading fire-breathing dragon for 'feisty old lady'. It sounds like he maybe doing you a favour...maybe she has passed comment on his ex's. There is a difference between being ashamed of someone and knowing that it is ... (read in full...)
Why isn't she getting pregnant? We keep trying...
Q. me and my partner have been having unprotected sex for 18months now! she is 19 and im 22.it may seem young but we are financially stable and want a baby! but she dont seem to get pregnant! is there a problem with either of us?...
A. 14 May 2008: It took me nearly 4 years to conceive but we got there in the end so don't give up hope as you are both very young. In my case, there were known infertility problems and a surgeon actually told me I was most unlikely to ever conceive without ... (read in full...)
I'm a young Mum who recently had an abortion and am going through a tough time!
Q. hi im 21 and have a little girl she only 13 months old and i found out a few months ago i was pregnant with twins well at the time i was not ready for them and was going throw a bad time with my boyfriend i was really ill and i could not cope with ...
A. 1 March 2008: Go to your GP and ask for a referral to an NHS counselling service specialising in abortion issues. The jab you mention is contraception I presume. I would say that it usually doesn't have long-term effects and as a young woman there is every chance ... (read in full...)
How can a man be abusive with one partner but not with the next?
Q. How can a man be physically and emotionally abusive and controlling with one partner but not with the next? Hitting a woman is wrong, most of us believe that to be true and that it is also wrong to blame it on the woman, saying she provoked him. If ...
A. 1 March 2008: Don't blame yourself but feel proud that you left such an awful situation. As for his new partner...how do you know they are happy and the relationship is not abusive? Just because she is not walking around with a face full of bruises doesn't give ... (read in full...)
He was really nice to me and said he cared...
Q. I'm a 13 year old girl and I just got my first boyfriend. He's 13 too and he's in my class. I do like him a bit because he's so nice to me. Since I've been going through depression, sometimes I'm sad at school so I will be alone at recess. When I ...
A. 1 March 2008: He probably likes you because he sounds like a decent person. However, you don't sound like you are in the right frame of mind to deal with any sort of relationship at the moment. I would urge you to talk to a teacher or counsellor about how you are ... (read in full...)
Do you still get your periods if you are pregnant?
Q. Will u still get your period if you are pregnant?...
A. 1 March 2008: The previous post is incorrect. You usually don't get periods when you are pregnant. In the days before pregnancy tests women tended to suspect they were pregnant when they missed one or two periods. You shed the lining of the womb each period that ... (read in full...)
How can I make my marriage work when I am always having to prove myself??
Q. I feel like a crybaby, i am a strong person normally but for the past year i have done nothing but try to prove to my husband of 4yrs that im not cheating on him. I love him and have never ever done anything to make him think i would have cheated....
A. 19 February 2008: If you are having to prove yourself to him then the relationship is already failing...and that is not your fault! If he makes you feel that you have to demonstrate your faithfulness etc then it is he that has the problem. Although it must be very ... (read in full...)
'Piggy in the middle' of family feuds and I can't stop crying...please help.
Q. hello, this is going to be a long one, so i hope you have time? Its been bubbling up for years now, it started at my dads 30th birthday party ( i wasn't born yet!)so my mum arranged this party for him, she invited lots of his friends and his moth...
A. 19 February 2008: Don't cry because you are legally an adult very soon and you can choose exactly who you want to wine and dine with! On first glance I would say that grandma may have a large spoon that she has been stiring rather a lot in relation to your Mum and ... (read in full...)
Do my friends not like me and should I turn to the teacher I love??
Q. I really need help as the situation is making my depression even worst. I feel like my friends dont actually like me as they only seem to talk to me when there is no one else. Also i feel like i am left out and ignored feeling like this makes me...
A. 19 February 2008: If you are suffering from clinical depression then you need to get some treatment. Your current frame of mind affects how you judge those around you - teachers and friends. The school head of year needs to be aware of how you feel and if you are ... (read in full...)
How can I ask my mom's opinion on sexual health?
Q. about 3 weeks ago i went to the cinema with my friends and i needed the toilet really really bad, but because there were a few minuets left of the film i held it in and when i went to the toilet it hurt. ever since then somtimes (about once a day ) ...
A. 11 February 2008: Us ladies tend to get urinary tract infections quite a lot and stinging is a symptom! Since you are not sexually active it wouldn't seem that a STI is likely in your case. Not going to the loo when you need to can aggravate the problem. You can ... (read in full...)
I think I may have caught a sexually transmitted disease. What now?
Q. i like having sex, but after i have it i feel really bad, i have it with my cosins and i am afaid i might have cought a dissease .what do i do? tell my my mum and get cheaked out or leave it and keep it too myself . by the way don't think im a...
A. 7 February 2008: I hope this is a hoax question but in case not...you need to see a doctor to get checked out. Sexual relations are illegal at your age for good reason - children lack the emotional maturity required for that sort of thing and are open to ... (read in full...)
My children's grandmother wants to take custody of them from me!
Q. Hello, My name is Faith and im 21 years old. I have triplet 5 year old girls Their father died 11 months after their birth. 3 days ago his mother demanded that the children went to live with her as im struggling. Im not. I work a part ti...
A. 7 February 2008: congratulations on raising your children alone - i think that is a truely incredible achievement and you should be very proud. I have done considerable work with social services here in the UK with regards to child custody and child protection ... (read in full...)
How do I get over being hurt and used by a man?
Q. How do I get over being hurt and used by a man? He has used me to do things for him and he never do anything for me in return. I fell in love with him and not sure if he feels the same. I am a widow and am really hurting....
A. 2 February 2008: Not clear if you are still in a relationship with this man...but you have to recognise that there are different ways to respond to the situation. The positive way is to learn from your mistake of adopting a user - everyone makes mistakes! The key to ... (read in full...)
Is talking dirty to my college teacher wrong?, I'm 18 he's 31
Q. I am talking dirty with a teacher and i dont know what i should do? It started last week when i seen him out in a club. We got chatting and then i emailed him via the college and said i was sorry if i said anything i shouldnt because i was so drunk ...
A. 31 January 2008: Technically you are an adult and can do what you want. However, don't feel 'special' with this guy. I used to be a University lecturer in my late 20's and I had one student try to get a bit too friendly with me - I may well have dated him had I met ... (read in full...)
I'm undecided - should I give in to my brother's urges and have sex with him?
Q. My brother trying to seduce me. He's been trying for a long time, from time to time he was making a move on me, but now I think he's serious. When we were in early teens (13-15) we already had a kind of sexual relationship with him - we've been tou...
A. 31 January 2008: I think this reads like an Eastenders script...planting video cameras in bedrooms to catch people getting up to all sorts...... (read in full...)
Have I been blinded by love?
Q. My wife and I meet via friends dating site. After 4 mths of boyfriend girlfrind relationship, I moved In with my 16 yr son and her 2 children 2 and 4. We had the normal ups and downs. My son left home due to my wife not wanting him there, which was ...
A. 31 January 2008: Maybe you have been blinded by love, maybe not...one thing is for sure, if the relationship is violent then you shouldn't be there and may be she has a history of violence because you got married quickly. It is particularly bad in front of the ... (read in full...)
Mothers.. When should I stop breastfeeding my child?
Q. At what age should I stop breast feeding my child? I'm about to be a new mom, and some have told me 3 months, others have told me 3 years. I just want some honest opinions from women who have already had children and weaned them. Thanks for any...
A. 30 January 2008: I had my baby 7 weeks ago. The advice from health professionals is generally that 6 months of breastfeeding is a real boost to the immunity of the baby and many mum's manage a year or more. You have to learn to breast-feed properly though or else ... (read in full...)
Could he get into trouble for doing this?
Q. my frend was abused as a child by his father and his father was charged and the report was put into the local paper some years back. my friend would now like revenge on his father and has got a copy of the newspaper report and would like to go and ...
A. 2 January 2008: If his father was charged and convicted of child protection offences then it would not be defamation of character/ libelous to show the information to people. However, I think this intention reflects a very angry victim who needs specialist ... (read in full...)
He is my teacher, but I have really strong feelings for him and now I don't know what to do with it?
Q. Ive suddenly fallen for my maths tutor, i'm not the sort of girl who normally lusts after older men but i really like this guy, i think he's about 20 years older than me and im 17 now...im not stupid, i m trying to ignore my feelings for him but i ...
A. 2 January 2008: He may seem like a really nice guy but you ought to remember that if he was to take advantage of the situation with you being his pupil then the reality is that he is anything but a good guy! In the UK there is legislation in place making it illegal ... (read in full...)
I'm 13, he's 18. We have a 4 1/2 year age difference... Too much?
Q. Im 13 and my boyfriend is 18. We live at least 8 states apart. We knew each other when he lived here, but he had to move away because his dad was relocated. I know that it's illegal for us to be going out, but we're not having sex or anything. My ...
A. 2 January 2008: At 18, she won't be able to get the police involved but she can now...you may think your mother is being over-protective but in time you will understand her 'having a fit' is really a normal reaction from a caring parent who is trying to protect her ... (read in full...)
How do you play hard to get, when you like a guy?
Q. How do you play hard to get, whist still hinting that you like him??...
A. 27 November 2007: It is an age-old myth that playing hard to get is a good plan. Honestly it will just mess with your head as you plot and plan. If a boy likes you then he likes you. I am not saying make it real easy for him (...to treat you badly) but attraction is ... (read in full...)
Questions about 'massages'..
Q. What advice would you have for massaging? Can the receiver be clothed? How should the one giving the massage be dressed? Can clothing be removed as part of the massage? If so, how? Where on the body should be touched by the giver? Are there ...
A. 27 November 2007: Lots of people give and receive massages within relationships - clothed and unclothed. If you are interested in techniques then get a 'how to..' book. It seems from your post that you are hoping massage would lead to something sexual - that is ok ... (read in full...)
My child is driving me to despair. What can I do to make her behave herself?
Q. I need some help. I am a really bad daughter. My daughter is 4 and soon will be 5 and she does not listen to anything anyone says. She is scared of her father but she talks back and she hurts her sister and neice and she is just a really mean kid. I ...
A. 14 November 2007: Being consistent with a child of that age is the key to behavioural management. You have to learn to praise her for good behaviour (or 'ok' behaviour) as parents sometimes forget that and just give attention at times when there is bad behaviour. You ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a love triangle and need help!
Q. hey, i need some help. i used to be good close friends with a girl (girl a) but i liked her friend (girl b) who was in a relationship. i was always friends with her but never close friends. girl a i think had feelings for me but i didnt see her like ...
A. 14 November 2007: You weren't dating girl a from the sounds of it, so what is the problem? Life is full of disappointments at some stage and she will move on from this. There is no point making a mountain out of a mole hill with this one...date girl b openly and ... (read in full...)
Any advice on hair removal??
Q. I want to know if anyone has any advise on hair removal.. especially around the bikini line. I've tried everything! I've waxed shaved and used cream but everything i try leaves irritation and then hair doesnt stay away for that long and it always ...
A. 14 November 2007: Laser therapy is very good (I personally recommend that). It is not as expensive as it used to be. A bit painful but nothing compared to repeated waxing, plucking and all that.... (read in full...)
Could I get pregnant by another man and claim it was my husband's child?
Q. I have a husband,and want a child from him.He also likes a child from me. But he can't give birth.Can i get pregnant from other and tell him that it is yours? Is there a method of checking who the parents of the child are?What can i do-please help...
A. 12 November 2007: As the others have said, DNA testing can determine paternity. You would also have to lie to your child as he grew up - I have a step-brother who didn't know my Dad wasn't his father as he had been raised thinking he was. Unfortunately when he was in ... (read in full...)
They'll probably kick me out of University.
Q. Hi, I'm a university student and I just started in September. I have also been working for Sainsbury’s supermarket for 2 years. When I got my lecture schedule it became apparent that it would clash with my work schedule. When I asked them to change ...
A. 12 November 2007: I dropped out of my first University place (albeit for different reasons) and it didnt do my future academic career any harm! However, you need to stop the panic and realise this situation can be sorted out. I have lectured and supervised student ... (read in full...)
My husband threatened my 11 year old with a knife!
Q. been married to a controling man for 10 yrs and have 3 kids lately he has grabbed me by the face a couple of times when he says i have done wrong and just last week he threatened my 11 year old while he had a knife in his hand. i have no life and ...
A. 7 November 2007: I agree with the others...you don't have a marriage at all but live in a dictatorship. Your children are always a priority over a man and you need to leave before he gets more violent. Children raised in domestic violence households turn out to be ... (read in full...)
We are planning to sleep together, but I am afraid I am too inexperienced!
Q. Hi, i am 16 years old and i am worried because my boyfriend that i am with now we havent slept together, and we are plannin on sleeping together and i dont know how to give a blow job and i need as much advice as i can. can you help please? ...
A. 6 November 2007: At your age then you should be inexperienced! I appreciate you may feel under pressure to perform but relax and don't sleep with him unless you are dead certain you are ready.... (read in full...)
I want to be an early mother.
Q. k, i'm 15 and soon to be 16 and i have given it alot of thought i want to find the right person for me and be and early mother, i want to graduate before haveing the child though, but i need help finding the right guy. i just feel like ive always ...
A. 6 November 2007: It is hard to find the right guy at your age because 15 year old boys are just that...boys. I am 36, 8 months pregnant, married, nice house and financial security...still the prospect of parenting fills me with terror some days. My point is that it ... (read in full...)
I'm married, never cheated on my husband, and the tests reveal I'm HIV positive. How do I tell him this...?
Q. How can I handle my life? I'm 30 yrs old I have i'm married for 6 yrs now. i didn't have sex with other guys but when i tested my blood i'm positive with HIV, do you recommend to tell to my husband? He will kill himself and I belive him he didn'...
A. 6 November 2007: I think you have to tell your husband as a matter of urgency for a range of reasons. The source of the infection is of secondary importance to the health implications here and now. HIV needs careful medical management. Early onset anti-retroviral ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my Long Distance interest since we met and slept together! Was he just using me?
Q. I've been in contact with a guy, writing, texting and talking constantly by telephone. He told me that I was his girl and that it was hard to meet a good person in life and talking of future things we would do together etc. We arranged to meet, ...
A. 6 November 2007: I agree with the others. I think you have to take the situation for what it is...you met a guy online, you slept with him and accept it for the good time it was. Unfortunately there are a lot of players on the net and elsewhere and it is easy to get ... (read in full...)
Would it be best to involve Social Services in theis situation?
Q. I was just wondering if this was for the best? My Mom used to have a habbit when I was younger, Im now 16 and she is past all of that :) However, she is looking after one of her friends daughter. They havent mananged to stop using drugs. Th...
A. 1 November 2007: I have several years of experience of working with social services and medical agencies in the UK dealing with similar cases. There is a child protection issue here and I appreciate that social workers are portrayed as child-snatchers here in the UK ... (read in full...)
Can we have sex without contraception?
Q. can if i didnt 'cum' inside my gf would it be ok not to use contraception?...
A. 1 November 2007: You are not the master of self control that you think you are. It is entirely possible to get a girl pregnant from the pre-ejaculate (that you cannot always feel) - the withdrawal method has a poor rate of protection and of course there are also ... (read in full...)
Sexually assaulted and still a virgin at 25! Is this normal?
Q. Hi, I am a 25 year old Australian guy who is still a virgin. I am wondering if this is normal. I consider myself to be good looking, intelligant ( I doing my doctorate in clinical psychology) and socially active. I was sexualy assaulted ...
A. 1 November 2007: As a fellow clinical psychologist I think you have to take your professional hat off when thinking about your own life. You become in danger of living an 'evidence based' life otherwise. I would say not being sexually active at 25 is totally normal ... (read in full...)
What is the best contraception?
Q. hey people just wanted to know.. what is the best form of contraception?? because me n my gf have jus have sex for the first time (we were both virgins) we used a condom bt I dnt feel anything n im not enjoying the sex as much as her. I want to f...
A. 1 November 2007: The best sort of contraception is one that works best for you...everyone is different in their preferences. I would suggest you go to a family planning clinic for some advice and take your GF too.... (read in full...)
He dumped me 3 times in 5 weeks and now wants back again. Do I give him one more chance?
Q. ive been seeing this guy for 2 weeks then we finally ended up getting together he then asked if we could have a baby together so we agreed and decided he would move in with me. after a month i keep getting people saying his past to me and so i ...
A. 1 November 2007: This is not a relationship...it is a revolving door for him to come walking back into your life as and when he feels like it. A few weeks is never enough time to decide to have a baby with someone and he has demonstrated how immature he is already ... (read in full...)
How do I go about getting an abortion?
Q. If i go for a preganancy test and find that am positive how do do away with that, the pregnancy is less than a month....
A. 30 October 2007: I am aware that abortion is illegal in Kenya but I strongly advise you to seek specialist help. I realise that the back-street abortion business is thriving but it is also very dangerous with a high death and complication rate for women going down ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified I could be anaemic!
Q. My mother has terrified me... She told me I could be anaemic! Reason being that I often start my period every 3 weeks and according to her, it's not normal and is caused by lack of iron! Could she be right? If so, are there any consequences from it? ...
A. 30 October 2007: Some women are prone to iron-deficient anaemia but it is usually a very simple condition to correct - you get lots of iron from certain foods (the green veggie stuff) and if a blood test revealed a clinical problem then you could get a course of ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions as to how to get pregnant?
Q. My husband and I have been trying to have kids for four years now. I'm looking for a solution. My doc. told me to take birth control every other month. That didn't work. stillwaiting...
A. 25 October 2007: I have no idea why a doctor would tell you to use birth control every other month. If you have been trying for a couple of years then both of you should be checked out for infertility and endocrine problems - some of them are simple to correct. ... (read in full...)
The sex is great but he's married
Q. I have been seeing this guy that is 26 years older then me, he is married and has 3 kids 17,16,13. He does not like his wife and they dont sleep together or even speak. We have the BEST sex ever. I am so in love with him what should i do?...
A. 25 October 2007: The guy is having a mid-life crisis and using you for sex and to massage his ego that he can get with young girls. Frankly he sounds a little bit sad...he has kids your age! He is sleeping with his wife and they probably have a nice, if a little bit ... (read in full...)
| *rPsych's friends
These are mutual friends, so *rPsych has
added them and they have added *rPsych!
|
