A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 24 years old and very soon will be 25. i love my b/f and wants to marry him. But my parents are against it and they wil disown me if i go aginst them. i m in dilemma what should i do?let me explain in detail.we are in relatinship for last 6 years. he was always clear about marrying me and always cared about me to his best. Even i loved him throughout these years but never gave him false hope of marrying as i was unsure whether i would be able to because i knew my parents. the problem happened when he came to my home 3-4 years back to drop me and my parents dint like it. from that time they made an opinion that he is not a right guy. moreover he is of upper cast and my family is more prosperous in terms of education then his.Because of all these reasons they are against him. now,i did my MBA dis year and just joined a company and the problem is he is in his final year and wud be sitting for placements in nov.My parents forced me to get married last december to a guy from my cast who was working.I accepted with lot of pain bcoz i respect my parents very much and i have one sister after me.But after talking to that guy i realised the importance of my boyfriend and started finding him in my wud be husband.I cudn't bear it and said no to him and my pareents to get married. i am now very much clear that i cant live without my boyfriend.even i have met his mom and she really treated me well.his family knows about me and i felt good with them.his younger brother is also doing MBA and is good wid me. i was buying time from my parents till his placement. I forget to mention all this "ristas" are found by my maternal grand father (nana). no body go against him. even i cant as he is heart patient. today my mom called me to tell about one guy wen i told her about marring my B/F. after sometimes my dad called me and told me to choose one. he also said i m so indecisive. me and my B/f (26yrs) both cried like hell.i cant bear all these anymore. what shud i do? pls help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): i think it is your choice what you want to do. you are old enough to make your own decisions. if they want to disown you over your boyfriend, let them. its there loss. if you love him. dont lose him over somthing so stupid.
A
female
reader, pink_lily  +, writes (5 October 2008):
hello there
be sure of ur decision u have been with ur boyfriend for 6 years and you love him so much so you go ahead and you marry him he obviously is the right person for you. Your parents will love you and will always be there for you. They have made their own choices in life good and bad once and you are allowed to make ur own choices as well. Be strong because its a long way but u can make it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Don't listen to your parents.You love them,but sometimes you
have to do what you feel is right for yourself,and marrying
your bf is the right thing to do.Your parents may never understand,but I'm sure,eventually,they'll come around.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 The people responding really should look at the little flag above the post. She is from India, a country where the village council could have her killed and be called real men for doing so.
India is not the west, not even close. It is still a very primitive country ruled by system that we in the west have left behind hundreds of years ago.
Is your family as primitive as those horror stories we hear about in the west? Where hired killers are sent after those who "wrong" their family?
If that is the case, you got two choices, either remove yourself completly from their presence, presumably by going to a civilized country with real police and a real justice system or accept that this is the system you life in.
Hopefully, your family is just acting strong but wouldn't actually take action. Merely being disowned has little meaning in the west and perhaps for the more modern parts in India too (after all, as bleak as some parts are, the indians we get here are very western in their attitudes, although that might be because they fled their country because of their world views).
Proceed with caution, you know far better then us in the west what the situation with your family and in your country/area is really like.
Western people who answered, try this question as if a guy asked to date a girl. A black guy dating a white girl, in the 1940's in the south of the US.
You can't answer always questions from a western perspective.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 My parents were dead-against me marrying my BF on much the same grounds to be honest. Educational differences, thinking he was after a settlement visa and not me, thinking he was after money etc. They didn't speak to me for a couple of years...I married him anyway and have a lovely baby boy and a very happy marriage. They came around in the end and now actually like him. Don't let your heart run away with your head, but if that little voice inside is telling you that you are happy with this man don't let him go to please your family.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 August 2008):
Well it really comes down to a choice between your own happiness and your family's happiness.
In my opinion you should marry your boyfriend. You would be joining his family and leaving your own.
But could you manage without your family? What do they give you that you cannot live without?
Good Luck!! xx
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