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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I really don't want the doctor to see my private spots, what can I do to calm down?
Q. hey, well my problem is that i have unusually heavy periods and a lot of times i get it twice a month and so my mom decided to make me a doctor's appointment. Cuz she's tired of me complaining about them. My only fear though is that they're going to ...
A. 31 March 2009: Ok I will let you into a secret...I hate dentists, oh do I hate dentists, I had a really bad time with a dentist as a child (I will spare you the gory details but needless to say it involved me screaming the clinic down). So, I have avoided dentists ... (read in full...)
Shows interest in other women..disappears for an hour at a time..cheating?
Q. Hi, i am a 25 year old dating a 43 year old man, the relationship is comfortable, but i cannot tell if it is too comfortable. Me and me husband have sex every night and we both say we enjoy it, but i am starting to think my husband is getting ...
A. 31 March 2009: I cannot tell you if your husband is cheating, I can tell your marriage isn't happy at the moment though! Sex every day is not an index of marital happiness and it seems like you are doing a lot of running for a relationship to a man you are married ... (read in full...)
First time seeing him ... what should I wear?
Q. hey its been a year and i have been talkin to this guy ever since,btw we met on face book he always wanted to meet up but i delayed it cuz i wanted to be sure of him before i met him but later on i got to know that his best friend knows my family ...
A. 31 March 2009: I don't think the short dress would be slutty. However, it is up to you what you wear. Wear what you would usually wear when you are out and about because then you will feel comfortable and his first impression of you will be based on what you ... (read in full...)
Now I'm being bullied by the co-worker he's dating
Q. I dated a guy in my workplace:we kept it secret due to policy.i previously helped him get a job there. he didn't know at the time that i was bullied there.i didn't want to get him involved and was scared he would think less of me. anyway, i fell i...
A. 28 March 2009: I have always said it is better not to date people at work just because of situations like the one you describe. Anyway, you have dated him and it didn't work out and it is time to move forward with your life. He sounds like an idiot to be honest ... (read in full...)
I was hoping that I might get a card but ....nothing!!!
Q. Hi guys, this isnt a relationship question as such but i need to vent off. I've been at my current job for 5 months now and on Wednesday it was my birthday. I bought in cakes and savoury snacks as you do. Well...2 things pissed me off......
A. 28 March 2009: Your work colleagues are ignorant pigs...there I said it! Next year, lace the sausage rolls with laxatives (only joking, you don't want a public health crisis on your birthday). ... (read in full...)
Are these symptoms of OCD?
Q. Im constantly biting my nails and the skin surrounding it.. also im constantly checking my face for any bumbs, pimples, blackheads.. and i do my boyfriends face too! Are this signs of OCD?...
A. 26 March 2009: If you bite your nails because of a bad habit then it wouldn't be OCD...lots of people pick away while watching tv etc. If you bite your nails because you feel very anxious and a sense of panic (the same goes for checking your face), then they would ... (read in full...)
I can't bear all this waiting around!
Q. I'm feeling very sad and low at the moment and can't shake out of it. This man I have been seeing (who has always been quite unreliable) hasn't contacted me for a week. He does go through phases where he contacts me a lot and then disappea...
A. 26 March 2009: None of the advisors on this website can tell you if he will be in touch or not. However, whatever I am going to tell you is that this man is probably contributing to your depressive symptoms and it doesn't matter if he calls or not. Only you can ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to "take" from him?
Q. Oh this is so strange, the guy that I have been dating, now every couple of weeks for 2 years is in the hospital with a clogged stent in his plumbing?.. I mean those were the words he used and honestly I am not in love with him and well I don't know ...
A. 26 March 2009: Like the other posts, I reckon his 'clogged plumbing' is heart-related and you refer to a 'clogged member'...a clogged organ (heart) surely? If he has a poorly heart function then that would certain influence his function in other areas of his body ... (read in full...)
Did I ruin this relationship on my own?
Q. I've had this wonderful connection with a man I met a year ago and I fell in love with him.. we had so much in common in our outlook on life. Though at times my common sense said he might be a player, and has a serial history of 3 marriages, two ...
A. 25 March 2009: You are obviously a very intelligent woman, and therefore I expect you to know the answer to the questions you present well in advance of anyone else on the board giving you their viewpoint. Basically this man has ground you down so your self esteem ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mum I want to lose my virginity?
Q. should i tell my mom that i want to loose my virginity?...
A. 25 March 2009: Basically it depends on what sort of relationship you have with your mother...I wouldn't have told mine that in my 20's let alone at your age! If you have a good relationship with your mother then you should talk to her about it.
Whether you tell... (read in full...)
Really need some help!
Q. I have been with my partner for 7 years, I was 16 when we got together, now I'm 23, and I am starting to feel that I want to go and explore life. I think I still love him, but I feel I've missed out on a whole part of my life. We seem to have les...
A. 25 March 2009: It is normal to get wandering feet at your age and want to have some independence. However, if you wish to continue with the relationship then perhaps you need to speak to him about doing more things separately - you can live together but still have ... (read in full...)
She thinks that she's the tops of tops and I only a miserable being.
Q. Hello dear friends, This question I am asking is not really a love, dating or sex question but rather a matter that is troubling me a lot. I have a big sister and we were never in good terms. Today we share no relationship at all. She has always ...
A. 25 March 2009: A lot of people believe in karma, but unfortunately life justice doesn't always work out as you would hope (i.e. that bad stuff happens to bad people). The basic fact is that your sister sounds like a deeply troubled woman/ girl if she mocked her ... (read in full...)
Is a girl sending him photos of herself?
Q. I'm 14. My boyfriend is 17. I found loads and LOADS MEANS LOADS of porn on his laptop. I came off straight away, but can't stop thinking about it! He asked me to show me my vagina on webcam anf i refused! Some of the pictures look like from phones ...
A. 23 March 2009: If this guy had any respect for you he definitely wouldn't want personal photos of you. I would be really worried about him. A friend of mine allowed her boyfriend to take naked pictures of her when they dated, and when they broke up he sent them to ... (read in full...)
Broke up still sleeping together, but he says we shouldn't
Q. Can anyone shed some light.... My boyfriend finished with me a few weeks ago and since then we have continued sleeping with each other, i am still crazy about him and it was my fault we broke up, we argued a lot. It's obvious he still cares about me...
A. 23 March 2009: Breaking up can be very horrible but keeping the bedroom relationship up is deeply confusing and potentially hurtful to both of you. As painful as it is, you have to walk away from this man and accept it wasn't mean't to be. Basically you argued ... (read in full...)
13 year age difference an acceptable age gap?
Q. Once both parties are legal, is 13 years an acceptable age gap? Some people say it's gross or awkward, but my parents had an age difference of 14 years (they ended up getting divorced, but not because of that...). WHat do you think?...
A. 23 March 2009: I agree with the first post, it depends on your age. If you are a teenager and the other person is much older then it can be a problem. Having said that, my husband is a decade younger than me! I am in my 30's and he is in his 20's. In our case we ... (read in full...)
I constantly feel as though everyone is against me
Q. I'm 23. I know everyone has their good days and bad days. Some days, I'm not too bad but other days, I'm extremely low and I don't want to know anymore. I know that there are certain times of the year that people tend to have low periods but I'm ...
A. 21 March 2009: This is not seasonal affective disorder (which usually causes depression in the winter), instead it sounds like a form of clinical depression. It also sounds rather severe/ life restricting and given your history you should definitely seek medical ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on a co-worker who has a "player" reputation, does he just want fun??
Q. Some thoughts or advice would be great. I have fancied this guy for some time (coming up 2 years), we work in the same building, different departments ,we always chat but he has a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a player, which I never re...
A. 20 March 2009: STOP! Put a cast iron lock on your knickers and never socialise with this man outside work (particularly if alcohol is involved). Basically he is a user and once he has used you then he will spread the gossip around your workplace. I presume you ... (read in full...)
Why are you texting me if you don't want me?
Q. This is about texting. I know many people have many views on this topic. I don't mine if its not the only form of communication. My story is I had been talking to this guy, who use to call me all the time. We spoke several times a day and text ...
A. 20 March 2009: Ok, I am not a 'male perspective' but reading your post, here are my thoughts...text messages should be confined to sending people mundane messages like 'fetch some milk' or 'I am running 10 minutes late', not for maintaining personal relationships. ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my sex addict fiance's attention on me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I currently expecting his baby. He says he wants to be with me and I want to be with him.... but he is a sex addict. He seeks out other women so he can satisfy himself. How can I control his urges and ...
A. 20 March 2009: If he is genuinely a sex addict then he should seek out a specialist counselling that treats it. However, only he knows if he is 'addicted' or a selfish man without inhibition who is doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. From personal ... (read in full...)
He is a very convincing actor and he likes to play tricks on me.
Q. OK, I've been going out with this beautiful, lovely guy for a little over 3 months now. I really feel strongly for him but there are 2 big obstacles that I need help with. Firstly, his past. To be frank he doesn't have one. I've asked him a few ...
A. 19 March 2009: To be honest, this man sounds a bit troubled. It maybe ok to be mysterious/ private but there maybe all sorts of unresolved issues from his past that he doesn't wish to get into with you. This might not make him a bad person - he maybe insecure and ... (read in full...)
He's with me yet he has a dating profile and a lot more besides going on!
Q. I dated this guy for about a year and a half and then we broke up. However, we still talked every day, saw each other and did basically everything people in a relationship do. I never thought for a second that he was looking for other people. I ...
A. 19 March 2009: This is going to sound harsh, but someone has to say it...you have made yourself too available to this man! I am not an advocate of one of those 'how to do dating' books, but you should read back your post and maybe you will understand where you are ... (read in full...)
My fault she's pregnant...
Q. I recently found out my bf of 1 year has gotten another girl pregnant while seeing me. The child is 2 months old, I do not know what to do, he said that he was drunk. My bf is 15 and I am 14. This is my fault, I said that I wouldn't have sex with...
A. 18 March 2009: STTOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP...right there! I keep reading this is your 'fault'. For one, if he is blaming you for not having sex with him then run, run away from this one as fast as you can. He is twisting everything so he escapes blame and controls you ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend is stalking me!
Q. About 4 months ago I broke up with an ex boyfriend and then a got together with another boy... me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months and I think my Ex is stalking me because he always calls me follows me, emails me and when he calls me ...
A. 4 March 2009: Stalking is a very serious matter. However, by continuing to speak to him and 'reason' with him you risk his obsessive behaviour continuing and unwittingly (in his mind) courting his attentions. My advice to you would be to block his number on your ... (read in full...)
Pimples on my "lips"!
Q. I have sort of a personal question. Right now I have a couple of small pimple like bumps on the lips of my vagina, towards the top, there's maybe 4 or so, a couple on each side. And I have noticed these popping up occasioanly before, and I'm ...
A. 4 March 2009: It is worth getting checked out by your doctor to exclude anything that can be easily treated but my first guess would be folliculitis which causes the symptoms you describe particularly from shaving. However, that is not a diagnosis - best get ... (read in full...)
Is it true that you can catch sexual infections/illnesses from having sex a lot?
Q. Is it true that you can catch sexual infections/illnesses from having sex a lot?...
A. 4 March 2009: It is true you risk sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy from UNPROTECTED sex, and the risk does seem to increase with the number of partners. However, you also risk losing your dignity over time because it is much nicer to wait to have sex ... (read in full...)
Is this just a wind up or does she genuinely like me?
Q. There's a girl at work and I think she likes me but I'm just not sure. I won't deny that she's absolutley gorgeous. She's always smiling at me, winking at me and giving me little waves. When she's hanging around with other girls at work and I walk ...
A. 4 March 2009: With this being work-related, can't you arrange a Friday night out with some of your colleagues and include her. That way you save face (she may refuse is she is messing with you) and can test out the waters somewhere outside the office???... (read in full...)
"A roll in the hay!!!"
Q. We sometime use the term “a roll in the hay” when referring to sex. Has anyone every had sex in a barn? Was it a good location? In what parts of the barn did you do it in? Did you actually have sex in the hay? What positions did you use? ...
A. 4 March 2009: ...not for asthmatic Mrs MacDonald.... (read in full...)
Interested in an older woman... how can I find out more about her past sex life?
Q. I have been friends with an older woman for a while now. I am interested in moving out of the friendship zone and become lovers with her. How should I let her know this? Any tips for telling her this? She is what I call a “beautiful” woma...
A. 4 March 2009: I appreciate you are quite young, but do you actually really like this friend or is she just a good looking fling for you? I don't know if your reasoning is right - beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is not an index of sexual partners. However ... (read in full...)
I recently found out that my little sister slept with my boyfriend a few weeks ago.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years, we have a five year old daughter together. I've known him about 8 years. I recently found out that my little sister slept with him a few weeks ago. But What I didn't know is that this has been going on ...
A. 4 March 2009: I really feel for you - a double breach of trust! I honestly think there is only one thing to do...walk away. Both your sister and partner have shown you nothing but disrespect and I don't know how you could rescue this relationship even if you ... (read in full...)
I am 15 and want to have a baby!
Q. I want to keep having sex....i was 14 when i started to and now 15 and want a baby. I really want to have one but my mom don't want me to i wanna fellow my own desires...
A. 1 March 2009: I agree with the other posts in that you are too young, should live a bit and get some financial security first. However, if you really desire a baby at your age what I would like to ask (or for you to ask yourself) is what is going on with you and ... (read in full...)
No matter what I do to get rid of underarm hair, there is always some left. Any tips?
Q. I need some advice on underarm hair, I hate wearing tops with no sleeves because it doesn't matter if I wax, shave, whatever, I always have hair left and my underarms always look a yellow/green colour, I went to my GP and she said it fine just that ...
A. 1 March 2009: Laser therapy is quite effective at these areas if you have light skin and dark hair. It is not that expensive these days but it does hurt a bit when you have it done. ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to cope with my fiances 'open door' policy??
Q. I am about to get married again for the second time. Everything is great with my fiance apart from one thing which I am finding difficult to cope with. He is an extremely sociable man who has lots of friends and I am very quiet and am happy with ...
A. 1 March 2009: I am very much like you and my husband sounds like your partner! I would just get up and carry on doing stuff around the house or whatever you want as they are there to see him really. I wouldn't worry about being rude - I don't worry about that, I ... (read in full...)
Should I get my tongue pierced?
Q. Should I get my tongue pierced? What is everyones opinion on whether it looks or is sexy or not? Alot of my friends say that it is very good for... pleasing a guy And can I take it off for serious interviews etc? What are the chances of it get...
A. 4 October 2008: Getting it to please men is never a good reason to have it done in my opinion...get it because you really want it for yourself. I had a body piercing in my 20's (belly button) - it didn't hurt at the time too much, but the infection afterwards was ... (read in full...)
People are rude to me and I feel horrible about myself!
Q. so ever since 9th grade peolpe were rude to me in school.im shy,i had cricked teeth, ut than i got braces, ther off now! thank god!one day at a party i made out with this one guy cuz he was hot an he would always flirt with me and the next day at ...
A. 30 September 2008: You have got to grow that self esteem young lady! It doesn't depend on what other people think, but how you feel about you. I was teased loads in school and had some bad times in University with immature idiots but honestly, there will be people ... (read in full...)
I feel so used and violated. Does anyone else think this behaviour is abnormal?
Q. I think i was violated by a guy i just had sex with. I hung out with this guy twice, the first time he tried taking my pants off but i insisted they stay on. I wish i would have listened to my instincts that he only wanted sex from me, but i ...
A. 30 September 2008: Everyone makes mistakes and you just made a mistake. The guy has issues and they are serious - he sexually assaulted you and I would report him to the police. They may not take action against him but they make keep a file on him all the same. ... (read in full...)
Begging for help: pregnant and very broken.
Q. I feel very desperate I need help before I completely break down. It was love at first sight. And for 2years we had never experienced such immense happiness while being with someone. We really fell in love. We had all those typical talks th...
A. 30 September 2008: I understand that your emotions will be all over the place with having a baby but honestly, it is time to take stock of the situation and see it for what it is. You are setting yourself up as a total victim to this man - your happiness and quality ... (read in full...)
How do we make him stop bringing us down?
Q. hey. so i have this friend. well he's one of my best friends actually. and he pretty much thinks he's so perfect and everyone else is a mess. like every day he tells me i look a mess and i'm so sensitive so it really gets to me and i get sad. and he ...
A. 13 September 2008: When people lash out at others in a critical way there is something wrong with them...they have very poor self esteem and they compensate for this by saying negative things about others in order to make themselves feel better. It is possible he is ... (read in full...)
Can I be pregnant if he didn't cum inside of me?
Q. had sex last night the 12 of september he didnt use condom but he didnt cum into my pusssy could i be still pregnant? please help thank you...
A. 13 September 2008: Ok, here is the truth...by not ejaculating inside then the chances of pregnancy are reduced, not the best method however. I recently got pregnant by accident using this method of contraception with my husband and I am supposed to have fertility ... (read in full...)
I'm sexually attracted to my Aunt...what should I do?
Q. i am sexually and emotionally attracted to my aunt. she has a boyfriend. i have no idea if she's into girls or not or even if she thinks being gay is ok. i have tried to forget about it, but have not succeeded. i can't stop thinking about her. ...
A. 13 September 2008: It maybe illegal where you live to have a relationship with such a close relative even if she consented. It doesn't stop you feeling that way however...you should focus on what you fancy about her, then go out in the big wide world and find a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is cheating and got another girl pregnant...what should I do?
Q. I met V when I was 15. At the time hhe told me he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. Eventually I broke up with my boyfriend. He still had his girlfriend and was obviously not ready to be in a relationship with me so I moved on. I got pregnant ...
A. 13 September 2008: You may love him but love yourself MORE...you are young with a family to take care of. If you keep taking this rubbish off him you will end up as his doormat to walk all over as he likes. If he respected you then he would not stray like this. You ... (read in full...)
Since I gave birth, my husband doesn't have sex with me because I'm fat. Doesn't he love me anymore?
Q. after i gave birth with my son i became fat and have many stretch mark now my husband doesnt making love with me because im fat. what does it means? he doesnt love me anymore? but he's still sweet with me and have care for me. and im miss him so ...
A. 13 September 2008: I had a baby in December 2007 and like you, put on weight and didn't feel so great as I had a very sore back from an accident 2 months postnatally. Anyway, your husband is probably being a gent...whatever your size, you are lovely to him because you ... (read in full...)
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