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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I had tubal ligation, but could I be pregnant?
Q. I would really love some feedback about this, it is important. 7 years ago I had a tubal ligation done, but last month I found out I was pregnant only it was in my tubes. Now it's the following month and I am experiencing some of the same symp...
A. 21 April 2009: I recommend that you see a doctor at the earliest convenience as you definitely need to be checked up urgently given your medical history. This is not necessarily because you are pregnant but there maybe some other stuff going on with your ... (read in full...)
Too much discharge!
Q. Looking for advice from fellow girls here. Since starting my period, every day I get a lot of discharge. I realise that it's normal to get a certain amount as it's the bodys way of "cleaning", but I get quite a bit and it's embarrassing, and has ...
A. 20 April 2009: I suggest you go to your GP for a check-up. It could be totally normal discharge but it could also be a sign of thrush or an allergy to sanitary towels (the bleach in those products can play havoc with your skin). Don't be shy, GP's hear about this ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be just a booty call!
Q. I need some urgent advice. This is quite long and I appreciate you taking the time to read. I am a 24 year old female and there is a guy I work with whom we have always flirted with each other, he is always very suggestive, we have kissed once,...
A. 20 April 2009: There was a similar post a couple of weeks back and I think it may have been you who posted for advice then. Anyway, I think I advised back then that this guy may just use you for sex. If you are not happy with that arrangement, then don't let him ... (read in full...)
Crying after sex? Common?
Q. I have heard that women sometime cry during intercourse or after sex. Is this common? What does it mean? (Edited: for improper line-breaking)...
A. 20 April 2009: It means one of two things...
You were either really bad...
OR really, really, really GOOD
:-)... (read in full...)
How can I get the motivation I require to lose weight and gain some confidence in my body?
Q. Hi. This isn't a love problem well not exactly. It's just I have no motivation! I have a baby of 9 months. After I gave birth I was actually slimmer than what I had been for a couple of years! But then I started piling on the pounds again, I want to ...
A. 18 April 2009: I am in a similar situation to you. I would like to shed a few of those baby pounds - I lost weight after I had him, but then it creeped on as I had a back injury meaning my movement was restricted for about a year and I have some metabolic problems ... (read in full...)
Why would he block me on Facebook?
Q. Hi, this may sound like a really stupid question, but am a little confused. I was going out with a boy last year and things ended really badly. He finished with me. He has now been in a new relationship for six months. We were friends on facebook ...
A. 18 April 2009: He may have moved on with his life and wants to break communication with you. As you have written, the relationship is over and you stopped seeing him on facebook too. I wouldn't think too deeply about this, facebook is just a social networking site ... (read in full...)
Wife was raped, will it affect her reproductive system?
Q. My wife was once rape or just a little insertion of penis when she was in 1 standard with a boy who is 5 yrs senior to her and she is now 20 yrs old. I would like to know whether this incident would effect her reproductive system in future or not. ...
A. 16 April 2009: What has your wife got to apologise for? Being raped was not her fault. She is a victim of childhood sexual abuse and should be encouraged to see a counsellor if she is still traumatised by this matter. Although acts on rape do not necessarily cause ... (read in full...)
Does anyone out there think I am being selfish and ungrateful?
Q. I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years. I'm living with him as I had to give up my condo to enter alcohol rehab for a month. I maxed out all my credit cards to pay the $12K costs of treatment and am up to my ears in debt. Prior to this ...
A. 15 April 2009: I don't think you should apologise for having clinical depression, it is a medical condition that is out of your control. However, depressed people tend to adopt a way of thinking about things which ruminates over bad events at the virtual exclusion ... (read in full...)
Dating 3rd cousins?!
Q. I was at a wedding the other day, and I caught eye with this boy who is also my age. As soon as i saw him I fell in love. I was too nervous to talk to him properly, but we said hi to each other when we were introduced. All day we were making eye ...
A. 12 April 2009: In the UK there is nothing legally wrong with dating and even marrying first cousins, let alone third cousins. Some religions, such as the Catholics, disapprove of dating and marrying between cousins. In fact, many churches refuse to marry first ... (read in full...)
Can a grandmother claim benefits for grandson as dependent in the UK?
Q. I am currently living at home with my mum and my son and i am thinking of moving in with my girlfriend, but my son wants to live with my mum still, does anybody know if my mum can claim benefits for my son or what legal processes i would have to go ...
A. 12 April 2009: You would need to give her guardianship of your child. A family solicitor could do this for you, or you could just hand over the child benefit payments to your mother from time to time. As for other benefits, the social security and tax credit ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, He's 22 But I want him Bad...
Q. Im 15 and afew weeks ago one of my aunties friends started talking to me on bebo. He was shocked to find out my real age cause he thought i was older but he chatted away to me anyway. Hes really nice and friendly and i loved talking to him. One day ...
A. 12 April 2009: Normally I don't have a problem with age-gap relationships (since I am older than my husband by a decade!) BUT we were both adults when we met (he was in his 20's and me 30's). However, in your case I am worried. It is not so much the legal aspects ... (read in full...)
2 months pregnant and boyfriend wants nothing to do with it!
Q. hi all.i found my boyfriend texting and ringing girls behind my back i've been with him over 7 months, he's polish, i'm not and he's been living here 5 years and i've recently found out that i'm pregnant. it was a big shock but his reaction...
A. 12 April 2009: I cannot tell you whether to continue with your pregnancy or not - that is an entirely personal decision. You can get a ferry or flight to England and arrange an NHS or private procedure if you choose. I would call Marie Stopes for some advice in ... (read in full...)
I want to move to where my g/f will be studying, 300 miles away. How do I go about this?
Q. Hey I am 18 and life in Northwest England i currently work in a bar and have recently finished an IT course, my Girlfriend wants to go to uni this September in Plymouth which is something like 200-300 miles away and i fear that we wont be able ...
A. 12 April 2009: If you have IT skills then you should find it reasonably easy to secure work in Devon. Try looking on jobs.ac.uk, the guardian news, jobsgopublic or the nhs jobs websites for the south west. Rents can be expensive in that part of the world (I own a ... (read in full...)
Abusive bf? Or too loving?
Q. Okay...so ill start off saying im 17 and my bf is 20. so I'm not sure what this is considered...but ive been dating this guy for 10months off and on. and i know im not the peachiest person...but ok maybe last night i had this coming. we broke up(a...
A. 11 April 2009: You say you love him...do you love yourself and your family more? Well, you definitely should! There are lots of women and girls living in domestic violence hostels and shelters all over the world with broken bones, stab wounds and lots more who all ... (read in full...)
She's back to the online cheating!
Q. Well, It's been 11 days since our first anniversary. Last week, my wife had pledged to me that she would halt any communications with her ex completely becuase (1) She made a new profile and page and he found her again and (2) She discovered that ...
A. 11 April 2009: I don't think you need a relationship counsellor as such, it sounds like you are a very patient man! I think your wife has some significant psychological issues that make her a candidate for therapy. It sounds like she has some kind of internet ... (read in full...)
How to make him realise what hes lost if he likes me
Q. there's this guy I've known for about 4 months, we've been cinema, he came to my party and we kissed and cuddled for ages, and we've bumped into each other at the bus stop sometimes but hardly ever. We get on so well, but all we ever do is speak on...
A. 11 April 2009: I think you should give him one last chance and then quit any hopes of a relationship, it could be he is just lazy or shy. Be direct with him, no declarations of love but just say do you fancy coming out for a drink next week? If he turns you down ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please explain this type of male behavior to me please.
Q. I've known this man for almost 3 years now (he's almost 40). We broke up so many times but always got back together(I want to believe that he's a nice guy deep down and we have a strong connection). Last time I broke up with him because I was ...
A. 10 April 2009: Male behaviour or just bad behaviour? Honestly, this man sounds terrible. He has an ego-problem with narcissistic tendencies - he needs that ego attended to through other women. His attention seeking seems to have gotten way out of hand, but I ... (read in full...)
I'd happily spend the rest of my life with him. How do I know if he feels the same way about me?
Q. There is this guy I really like, in fact I think I'm falling in love with him. I really want to be with him and spend a lot of time thinking about him, we speak daily over the phone so this is pretty unavoidable. I was really wondering whether I ...
A. 10 April 2009: Friendship with the opposite sex can be awkward sometimes! Your gut instinct should tell you if he likes you or not, and you speak daily so that is a good starting point! Rather than blurting out your undying love over the phone, why not arrange a ... (read in full...)
Pregnant, unemployed, no government benefits. I'm worried about my baby's health. What can I do?
Q. I have recently discovered that I'm pregnant. I have been doing my research and i have a lot of course for concern. I don't have a job, I'm not entitled to receive job seekers allowance, I can't get a penny from anyone because i live with my b...
A. 9 April 2009: Hello, talk to your midwife because she maybe able to help you secure vitamins while pregnant (ask about healthystart). As for folic acid, it is about £1 a pot from superdrug or boots...and very important for foetal development! Depending on when ... (read in full...)
Troubled teenager with a young baby and one on the way
Q. hello, i'm sorry to bother use with such a embarrassing question but i really need to know, i am a really sexually active teenager and i already have a 3 month old baby, i went through a rough past and turned to men ive had 30 bed partners or mayb...
A. 9 April 2009: I don't think anyone can tell you what to do about the pregnancy except you! Being a parent is hard-work as you now know from having one little one in the world. I commend you for having the courage to take on parenthood at such a young age, but I ... (read in full...)
Sexually abused by my brother... what do I do for the best?
Q. Hi, I'm Heli and I'm 13. I was sexually abused when I was younger, by my brother who is 3 to four years my senior. I have told a few people about what happened, but I've never told them who it was who did it to me, because I still live with my ...
A. 9 April 2009: Heidi, I suggest that you can the NSPCC helpline as there are experienced child protection social workers working to support you. Of course you wouldn't have to disclose your personal details to them unless you wanted to. I think you need specialist ... (read in full...)
How do you ask a girl for anal sex?
Q. How do you ask a girl for anal sex? Iv been having "normal" sex for a while now and i find that i really want to just try anal sex with a girl. A lot of girls i know hate the thought of it and wud probably run a mile if you asked. But what is the b...
A. 8 April 2009: What you need is a rubber diving suit or nick a NASA space suit, and then get an extra strong condom and a pair of washing up gloves...now that sounds like all the protection you need against faecal contamination from anal action. As for chat up ... (read in full...)
They say horrible things about me making me feel totally unloved and unattractive!
Q. Heyy. i'm probably being stupid but well i just feel really self- concious and unconfident. well i have a bit of a slutty past and i admit that but a few of my friends constantly call me a whore etc and won't let it drop about my past and who've i...
A. 8 April 2009: It sounds like you are going through the usual stress and strain of teenage life in Britain today....pressure to conform to this, that and the other - damned if you do, damned if you don't. For a start, if your mates won't let your past go, they are ... (read in full...)
Is there anyone out there whose spouse DOES NOT look at other men/women??
Q. Dear People, Isn't there anyone out there whose spouse DOES NOT look at other men/women? All day, i've been searching for someone but every single title i find is all about how their husbands look at other women. Well, my husband DOES NOT look at ...
A. 8 April 2009: Well I must be married to a saint too :-)
I am not saying he didn't look at other women before I turned up, I am sure he looked at lots of porn in his teens...but not while I have been with him to the best of my knowledge. I appreciate some hus... (read in full...)
New mother: just curious when babies start to say their 1st word
Q. just a question that im curious about. my son who was 8 weeks early is actually following the developmental charts just fine. when will he speak his first word appx.?? just curious...
A. 8 April 2009: Children start verbalising speech sounds in the first year of life such as da,da and ca, ca. However, as individuals we all develop at a different rate. You can help by reading books and singing songs - receptive language (understanding you) kicks ... (read in full...)
According to guys, if you are raped, do they think of you as "loose"?
Q. If you get raped does it affect your muscles? In a mans terms does getting raped make you "loose"? ...
A. 8 April 2009: As the other respondents have stated, the act of rape is rarely anything to do with sex or lust - it is a matter of power and control often perpetuated by individual's with personality disorders (low empathy towards others). If by 'loose' you mean a ... (read in full...)
What is your opinions on his actions?
Q. Right. So before I start I don't want to be lectured for the subject of the question. I know that having a relationship with a teacher is wrong, I just want your opinions on his actions, so if you could leave it to that it would be great thanks. M...
A. 7 April 2009: I don't think you are stupid at all. I am not going to lecture you on morality, but maybe a bit on common sense and the law. I have some professional experience in child protection here in the UK, but I am trying not to treat you like a child. Your ... (read in full...)
Opinions please... Is my friend a lesbian?
Q. My best friend who is 20 years old makes out with the other girls when she is drunk and a couple of times she hinted we should do to. Like she would say I am soo high right now I wanna make out with you.. Recently she confessed that she made out...
A. 7 April 2009: I don't think you or I can determine her sexuality...she may not be certain of it herself at the moment. The point is that a best friend should be someone you can talk to and when she is sober you should tell her you feel uncomfortable about her ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is hurting my self esteem
Q. Is it normal that my boyfriend, who is 57(I am 50)takes pictures of other women's cleavage, their butts and them in short shorts, or in a short skirt, but will not allow me to wear a low cut shirt to show off my cleavage? He tells me all the time...
A. 7 April 2009: I think at 50 you are probably mature enough to figure out the answer to your own question. It sounds like this man is quite controlling but as an independent woman you should dress the way you feel happy, not him. If it bothers you that he takes ... (read in full...)
Which has more accurate results: home pregnancy kits or vs. blood test?
Q. I made an appointment to take a blood test.. To find out if I'm expecting.:) Should I keep the appointment for the blood test or get a home pregnancy test and if it turns out negative I can use this appointment for a pap smear and to go back on bi...
A. 7 April 2009: A home pregnancy test is very accurate (not 100% but near enough!) so long as you follow the instructions carefully. Having said that weeing on a stick and timing a result isn't rocket science. Different tests have different sensitivity and they are ... (read in full...)
Severe period pains...any home remedies?
Q. I came on my period today and I usually get pretty bad pains, but because I take paracetamol they usually take care of it. But today were out of them, and my mum forgot to pick some up, I'm sure many women posters have them bad so if anyone knew of ...
A. 7 April 2009: When I was your age I had severe pains too and it can be very frustrating! Paracetamol alone never did much for me, but I discovered anti-inflammatory painkillers such as Ibuprofen or Solpadine are quite good. I also found heat was helpful - hot ... (read in full...)
Pink spotting...
Q. I recently had unprotected sex with my boyfriend (which we've been doing for awhile) but a few days after sex I had some cramping which has never happened for is there a chance I could be pregnant? Same thing this morning.. Also, I used the restr...
A. 6 April 2009: Some women have implantation bleeding from when the fertilised egg attaches to the womb, however any sort of bleeding downstairs needs investigating by a doctor to identify the cause.... (read in full...)
We are considering a structured open relationship. Good or bad idea?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I just broke up because I can't see him sexually and have no sexual attraction to him. After a few days of being miserable, we talked and he said he was willing to consider a structured open relationship, which is what I ...
A. 5 April 2009: If you love this person then you won't drag him through this. It will end up breaking his heart to know you are off with other men and you will both resent each other. He may always hope you change your mind and come back to him completely. From ... (read in full...)
Brilliant first date
Q. Hi there, I have been chatting to this girl on the internet, she is 25, and i am 34. We have been sending emails back and forth to each other, then we sent pictures of ourselves, then after about 4 weeks we started chatting on the phone. We got al...
A. 5 April 2009: Instincts tell you it went well and the girl sounds poorly so she maybe distracted. Anyway leave it a week or so and phone her. No more texts as that is a confusing way to communicate - you will know more from the tone in her voice. Good luck... (read in full...)
Getting rid of yellow teeth?
Q. I'm 15 years old, 16 in July, and my teeth are naturally yellow. Is there anyway I can get rid of the yellowness? When I was baby I put on antibiotics and medication for a kidney condidtion which kind of wrecked my teeth. @__@ Not only are the...
A. 5 April 2009: If you have a medical condition (and due to your age) don't use cosmetic whitener treatments without dental supervision. The best thing for you would be to see a dentist who can refer you to a dental hygienist. They maybe able to clean up your teeth ... (read in full...)
I think my family stole my money. How do I handle the situation?
Q. about 2 months ago i had 60 pounds go missing from my room, the only person who new where it was was my younger brother. he and my dad were the only ones who had been in the house apart from me and my mum as we were at work. Now i have had another ...
A. 5 April 2009: Sorry to hear about this. You don't know who is stealing your cash at this stage so the best thing is not to leave large sums of money in the house (particularly if you think your younger brother maybe using the money to buy stuff he shouldn't like ... (read in full...)
How can improve my chances for getting a job?
Q. I've never felt so low. i cant get a thing right with my girlfriend, i cant get a job, The only place I can see my life going is living on the streets. I just want to be happy but I can't see it happening. I Just want to know how to make things ...
A. 4 April 2009: Lots of people feel the same in the current recession - money problems can be very stressful indeed. However, there are lots of benefits that you can claim in the UK and you should go to the jobcentre for advice on that. Get someone to look at your ... (read in full...)
Does smoking effect the way the pill works on the body?
Q. I'm taking the pill and have been for nearly two years. However last year I started smoking. I am on the last few pills for this month and I am going on holiday in a couple of days. I was planning on missing the gap between packs so that I won't be ...
A. 31 March 2009: Smoking does not influence the efficiency of the contraceptive pill, but it does significantly increase the risk of side-effects such as blood clots and stroke. I am sure your doctor has already explained this. I used to smoke in my teens and early ... (read in full...)
I can't stop my cravings... Help!
Q. I'm 13, nearly 14 and I have a bit of a problem. Basically, I can't seem to help my cravings. I'm not really 'fat' but I've noticed that my thighs and stomach are getting bigger. I know I eat far too much junk food like chocolate and crisps but I ...
A. 31 March 2009: I am sure you know there are all sorts of health benefits to weight control, but I suppose this knowledge all fades away when you are about to munch on that burger. I am not the most sports mad person in the world so I am not going to recommend jogs ... (read in full...)
Another one bites the dust...
Q. I just met this guy, the minute I saw him I thought there was something about him. We've been dating for about a month and had a really good laugh. The other night I sent him a really mean text message, I was drunk, it's like a subconscious thing ...
A. 31 March 2009: It does sound like a defense mechanism for you to avoid the risk of being burned by someone. I truly understand your position as I do this to people. I don't think there is anything wrong with being cautious with people, particularly if you are ... (read in full...)
I really don't want the doctor to see my private spots, what can I do to calm down?
Q. hey, well my problem is that i have unusually heavy periods and a lot of times i get it twice a month and so my mom decided to make me a doctor's appointment. Cuz she's tired of me complaining about them. My only fear though is that they're going to ...
A. 31 March 2009: Ok I will let you into a secret...I hate dentists, oh do I hate dentists, I had a really bad time with a dentist as a child (I will spare you the gory details but needless to say it involved me screaming the clinic down). So, I have avoided dentists ... (read in full...)
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