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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Can I legally move out of state with my kids?
Q. I am thinking about moving to a different state with my children to "start over". The problem is that my husband and I are only separated, not divorced yet. He is abusive but I have never legally filed a complaint against him. Can I legally leave ...
A. 29 September 2007: I think you need specialist advice from a family lawyer who is familiar with the laws of custody in your State. Regardless of whether you can or cannot move at this time, you should make the authorities and subsequently the courts aware of his ... (read in full...)
Been with the guy I love before, but he's dumped me for stupid reasons in the past... 3rd time lucky?
Q. hello, i really want someone to help me plz this is the situation i think i still love this guy i have been out with him twice already but they didn` t last long as he keeps dumping me for stupid reasons e.g. once he dumped me because he had a ...
A. 29 September 2007: You are very young but it is time to learn a wise lesson about relationships that will stand you in good footing for the future. People will only treat you as badly as you let them. That means you have to not go through life being a doormat for ... (read in full...)
She's 19, married, and wants to give her husband a 2nd chance.. But I want her to be mine
Q. Ever have this feeling, if so what'd you do? met a girl, she's everything i'd ever want... our chemistry is amazing, like we were meant for each other... we make each other happy... but she's 19, no kids, married and is gonna give him anot...
A. 29 September 2007: It is a hard situation but I think she is right to give her marriage another go. This doesn't mean you pair can never be together however. I am a firm believer in 'what is meant to be' and she may find her marriage doesn't work out second time ... (read in full...)
I am committing incest with my cousin and my sister and don't know how to stop
Q. Im a 21 year old male(just so you know=) me and my cousin who is 24 we have always been close to each other. I always stayed at her house when we were younger and hung out alot not thinking much of it. We would even hold hands in public at times. Of ...
A. 29 September 2007: As an adult male you now recognise that what has happened is wrong - legally and morally. In the UK, relationships including marriages with first cousins are permitted by law but I appreciate that your State may disallow such things. Whatever the ... (read in full...)
Can men tell if you have had sex before or not?
Q. Can men tell if you have had sex before or not?...
A. 29 September 2007: Sometimes women bleed a little bit after their first sexual intercourse because the hymen (skin in the vagina) is broken by the act. However, lots of women break their hymen before they are sexually active by doing sports etc. I think if you are ... (read in full...)
My ex sent me a nasty poem. I have so much going on in life at the moment, I struggle to cope with it. Any advice please?
Q. umm...there's been alot going on in my life lately and its hard for me to keep track of sanity besides still beign in love with my best friend [who claims is not gay] really liking my best friends ex. [he told me he loved me and he kissed me and ...
A. 29 September 2007: I think your life is somewhat better without the eminem wanna-bee. You might not realise that at the moment but in time you will come to understand things a little more clearly. His prose suggests 'I aint bovered!' but he obviously thought something ... (read in full...)
My ex assulted me. How do I move on from this?
Q. hi there my ex partner assulted me 2 weeks ago and when i mean assulted he has been admitted to crown court for abh charges. its just that i feel like he is haunting me, he has already put me on that many sites and filled in profiles on me. im on s...
A. 28 September 2007: You are a very brave and strong women who needs to go through with prosecuting your ex-boyfriend. He needs to be sent a clear message that beating women is unacceptable - you have to think of yourself as doing a great service for womankind more ... (read in full...)
Am I not falling pregnant because I've been on the pill for a long time?
Q. Hello I am a 28 year old lady who has been in a relationship for 8 years with my fiance.For the last 6 years I've been using bith control pills known as Triphasil.Last year we decided to make a baby so I stopped using the pill.Since then we've be...
A. 26 September 2007: It is considered 'normal' when trying for a baby for up to one year in medical circles. If you have tried for longer than that then you need to be investigated more rigorously by a specialist in fertility and endocrine medicine. I would say don't ... (read in full...)
My period is iregular, delayed, long. Any advice except for the pills?
Q. hi everyone! i didnt have my period for about 2 months, so when it came, i had them for more than 2 weeks. that's REALLY annoying, because it takes a long time before it ends and when i go to school it gets more annoying! arhgh! help! ps: do ...
A. 26 September 2007: As a young woman it is not that unusual to have irregular cycles when you first start your periods. However, the fact that your cycle is irregular at 16/17 and heavy/long when it happens could be caused by a variety of medical conditions that need ... (read in full...)
How do I interpret pregnancy tests?
Q. hi - was wondering if someone could help me please?! my period is nearly two weeks late, i have done two pregnancy tests - one about a week ago, the other yesterday and they are both negative. (the most recent of which said on the box it is the ...
A. 26 September 2007: It is unusual for a GP to do a pregnancy test these days as they take the results of those chemist kits as being accurate most times. Of course if there is some doubt you can request a blood test. Pregnancy tests are only good for detecting a ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to see me if he doesn't want to be with me?
Q. Why does he want to see me if he doesn't want to be with me? I have posted all the initial information about this here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-there-a-chance-he-will-come-back.html After one month of silence, I rang him. Of cou...
A. 26 September 2007: Leave him alone for your own sake. He may like you but not as much as you would hope for and there is nothing here that is the basis for a relationship. You have got to remember that you cannot change other people to be as you would like and that ... (read in full...)
My oldest brother sexually abused me and left scars on my body. I want to tell someone, but I don't know if I could handle it.
Q. This may end up being rather long so i apologise in advance - its just tht i hav never really spoken about it in detail and i need help before it consumes me I think i was about 11 or so when it happend am not sure but i kno i was still in junior ...
A. 25 September 2007: You need professional help to come to terms with what has happened. I suggest you call Childline (not just for children!) or the NSPCC helpline where you can talk to specialists anonymously. You recognise that your brother could pose a threat to ... (read in full...)
He is treating me awful, should I leave him?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? He basically is treating me like crap, he ignores me, he never replies to my messages, he's selfish in everything he does.He wont pull his weight around the house and when i ask him to do anything he says he does eno...
A. 25 September 2007: Your boyfriend (and I use the term loosely as it doesn't sound like he is doing much to fit the job description) is treating you badly because you let him treat you badly. Sorry if that is harsh news but ultimately he feels that you won't leave no ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and the 22 year old guy I met online wants to meet me!
Q. I met this boy over a chat room started talking but the problem is hes 22 im only 14 i know hes not an old man or anything becasue he sent me a picture with my name on i told him first that i thought he was a fake but now i know hes not. He wants ...
A. 31 August 2007: In the UK, sexual grooming of anyone under the age of 16 years is a criminal offence. I am sure it is the same where you are. If he really is 22 (I doubt that - he could send you a picture of anyone!) then he is very inadequate if he is interested ... (read in full...)
I am a pathological lier
Q. I've lied so much, about stupid things (pregnancy, boyfriends that don't exist) but I don't know why I do it. I sort of black out and I just say things I don't mean, but I can't tell the truth because people will think I'm doing it on purpose and ...
A. 30 August 2007: This obviously worries you and there could be a host of reasons why you behave this way. One explanation is that you don't think much of you for being you and feel the need to compete for people's attention. However, there are also specific mental ... (read in full...)
Torn between two lovers...who do I choose?
Q. I like two amazing guys and I dont know what to do. The first guy B, is very attractive, sweet, caring, loving, is always there when i need him and makes me the center of his world.B is also very clingy and is everything opposite of myself. The seco...
A. 30 August 2007: the answer is simple...you pick neither. If you have reached the point where you have to post here for advice and you have broken down your respective relationships with these guys into an analytical shopping list of likes/ dislikes then it means ... (read in full...)
My parters brother in law keeps coming on to her!
Q. Hello, I sincerely hope you can help as i do not know if i am right to be concerned here....my partners brother in law keeps 'coming on to her' he has once grabbed her and kissed her and on another occasion entered her bedroom while she was al...
A. 30 August 2007: I think you have every right to be concerned - very concerned! I understand that she doesn't wish to upset the apple cart by revealing what is going on but b-in law has over-stepped the mark as his behaviour is sexual harrassment bordering on sexual ... (read in full...)
I've just slept with my best friend's boyfriend....
Q. So my problam is kind of confusing.... me {Amanda} and my bestfriend {Taylor} are going out with these two guys {Dylan and Josh}. Taylor and Josh have been going out for over a year and a half and me and Dylan have only been going out for about 3 ...
A. 30 August 2007: Josh is no bargain as a mate or lover. If you honestly feel sorry for what has happened and think anything of his girlfriend then you will tell her about the cheating. Having a sexual relationship requires a degree of emotional maturity or else it ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of these awful headaches?
Q. I suffer from cluster headaches. They are like migraines, but they come at the same time everyday and can last up to over a month with me. The best way I can describe it is a feeling like someone is trying to push out my left eye from inside of my ...
A. 30 August 2007: You should ask for a referral to a consultant neurologist to exclude the possibility of any serious medical conditions associated with your pain. However, headaches are sometimes caused by triggers which are like an allergy - it was orange juice ... (read in full...)
What can I do and say to convince him I'm not having an affair and I just want to read my messages in private?
Q. My boyfriend is always over my shoulder when I receive a text message. It is really annoying becasuse I can't text my friends without him interrupting. I don't read his messages, so why does he read mine? When I tell him that I don't like him read...
A. 24 August 2007: Your boyfriend is a control freak and it is a very bad sign. If he is accusing you of affairs then he is very insecure about relationships. You won't convince him you are being honest because he accuses you of affairs to allow himself access to your ... (read in full...)
He physically hurt me and possibly had relations with other girls, but I still love him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been getting into a lot of heated arguments lately....mostly about random girls calling him and texting him... this morning our fighting escalated to the point where it got physical...I got pissed and in his face yelling...
A. 24 August 2007: You maybe harbouring feelings for this guy but it sounds like he did you a big favour. It doesn't matter how verbally heated the argument gets, no man should put his hands on you because it is just unacceptable behaviour. It is also a sign that in ... (read in full...)
His abuse is getting worse, he's tried to strangle me 5 times!!!
Q. I've been with my husband for 3 years and I don't know what to do. I have a six year old boy who adores him and a one year old baby girl. The problem is he has become physically abusive. He has tried to strangle me five times but generally just ...
A. 24 August 2007: It is a sad but true fact that children raised in households where there is domestic violence are profoundly affected by this. You have to stop thinking about this being an issue between you and him, and start looking at the implications of his ... (read in full...)
Is he only after me for my money?
Q. I would like to seek advice regarding the current one that I'm with. My ex-boyfriend is asking for financial help yet I know he's just using me for monetary terms. He borrows but he never knew how to pay back, when we're still in the relationship, ...
A. 22 August 2007: It comes down to personal pride really. If you wish to donate money to your ex then no-one can stop you, but it doesn't help him with his financial problems in the long term. You maybe better off than him but one of the reasons will be that you are ... (read in full...)
Does anyone know how to get rid of cold sores really quickly?
Q. Does anyone know how to get rid of cold sores really quickly? I've never had them before, but I've got some spots along the edge of my lip and my mom says they look a bit like cold sores. They aren't tingling, but does anyone know how to get ...
A. 20 August 2007: Zinc tablets are good at speeding up healing of skin disorders including cold sores. You need to keep the area hydrated with vaseline and if it really explodes into something nasty take anti-inflammatory pain killers as they tend to take the edge ... (read in full...)
I think he is a child porn addict.
Q. My boyfriend was out of town last night. I got drunk by myself (mistake) and had a thought that I would go to his apartment and look through some photos that he seemed to be hiding from me (mistake). So after much delay and trying to talk myself ...
A. 19 August 2007: I work in child protection and I think you have two responsibilities. Firstly, as a partner to a potential abuser then you should take some time to think about your own emotions in what must be a very distressing situation. This may involve speaking ... (read in full...)
Is it over or does she really just want space?
Q. I need to know the truth I have made an honest mistake and me and my girlfriend are very understanding about it, but at the same time she has come up with other ideas in her head. She says that she needs a little space and time to think I am trying ...
A. 19 August 2007: You don't say in your post why she needs space - like what have you done? It doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is doomed and she may indeed need time to reason things out. All I can say is that you can never control another person so you just ... (read in full...)
His sister is being unreasonable.
Q. Partner's sister being unreasonable after my baby died... I lost a baby to stillbirth in february, and had a hard time but coped with all usual routine activities very well..ie..home still clean, older children fed etc. In april, my partner's bro...
A. 19 August 2007: I lost a baby at Christmas time (miscarriage) and my sister in law lost a baby to stillbirth a few years ago so you have my deepest sympathy. I can only tell you about my (and her) personal experience. With her, she went through the grief you have ... (read in full...)
He's got no money and can't work because of his bad leg... so his solution is for me to sell my body (sex-wise) for money!
Q. i gt bk with my bf in april after breaking up in dec.we gt engagd recently and he took me to his country to meet hiz parents.he says he loves me and does nearly everything i say we plan a lovly future but the onlything is he does nt want to work ...
A. 19 August 2007: Ask him to work as a male escort and see his reaction...he doesn't love you as he is hoping to be your pimp and that is very sad indeed. It is no foundation for a marriage and you should run, run, run....with that leg ailment he won't be able to get ... (read in full...)
Everyone thinks i'm ugly.
Q. This has been making me feel depressed for a long time. EVERYWHERE I go i hear people call me ugly even at school too. I hear it almost everyday. No one even notices me or even look at me. My sister, and parents think i'm not that pretty either. ...
A. 19 August 2007: You need to read that story about the ugly duckling who turned into the beautiful swan! You are still young and your body/ looks will change as you become an adult. You will also have more money to buy nice clothing and a good hair cut which works ... (read in full...)
If a blood test is for appendicitis, will it also show if i'm pregnant?
Q. Does anyone know if wen you get a blood test that it will show if your pregnant? Becaus i got a blood test to see if i have appendisitis and want to know if the docter would tell ma mum i'm pregnant if the test showed. So does any one know if the ...
A. 18 August 2007: When medical professionals order blood tests they request the laboratory to test for, or screen for, certain things. A test for appendicitis would not show if you were pregnant or not because the blood test for pregnancy is looking for a specific ... (read in full...)
Can I go on the pill without my Mum finding out?
Q. i am 15 and would like 2 go on the pill but dnt want my mum 2 know bout it would this b possible?? plz help me vicki...
A. 18 August 2007: Your medical records are confidential but I always think it is a good idea for your relatives to know what medication you are taking in the event of an accident so that they could communicate it to a medical professional. Young women go on the pill ... (read in full...)
I had sex with him, but now he says I am too young
Q. I got Invited over a guys house that im seeing hes 19 and im 15...i met his mum and dad and their great they loved me and didnt seem to mind the age gap...we went upstairs 2 his room and 1 thing led 2 another...we ended up having sex and in the ...
A. 18 August 2007: Unfortunately he got what he wanted (i.e. sex) and he is now ready to move onto his next subject. Call me old-fashioned but what are the parents thinking letting a 15 year old girl go upstairs with their adult son? Honestly you have to put this one ... (read in full...)
My 11 year old daughter is looking at porn on the internet.
Q. I found out my 11 year old daughter looks at porn on the internet. She doesn't know I know yet. Should I say something to her? If so, what? And should I tell my wife first?...
A. 18 August 2007: It is normal to be curious about sex at her age especially in today's age. She may not be looking at it in the sexual way you as an adult think she is. At 10, I stole my older brothers pornographic magazine and sold it in the school playground for ... (read in full...)
Amusement rides in pregnancy.
Q. Hi guys, I was hoping for a bit of advice for a friend really (yes a friend). She is off to Florida in December and is at the moment trying for a baby and the thing that concerns her is that she will be pregnant when she is over there and does n...
A. 18 August 2007: Roller coaster rides - the scary ones - are not recommended for pregnant women and most ride operators would refuse her admission for fear of litigation if something should happen. Basically if she is more than a few weeks pregnant then she can take ... (read in full...)
I can't stop myself from gagging.
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months and I enjoy being romantic and sexual with each other. He enjoys giving and getting oral sex. I enjoy getting it but I can't give it to him. I gave it to him once and started to gag when I was swallowing. Since then I ...
A. 18 August 2007: 1. Don't stick it so far into your mouth that it makes you sick. 2. Kiss it, lick it but don't suck it if that makes you miserable. 3. Practice on a banana...apparently it works wonders for technique!... (read in full...)
I am 17 my partners 21. Is the age difference too much?
Q. if your 17 and hes 21 is that a bad gap? we have been together for 2 years now ill be 18 in sept. and he'll be 22 in oct. is this such an age gap? ...
A. 18 August 2007: I don't think the chronological age gap is that huge (I am married to someone 10 years younger!). However, it is a question of the mental age gap - there maybe a difference between how you think and feel at 17 and how he is at 22. It doesn't mean it ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend want's me to sleep, mums a social worker and sooo protective.
Q. Hi im 14 and ive been goin with this lad for about 3 weeks i know my mum wont freak about me having a boyfriend because she has known of others in the past but i dont wanna tell her anymore about them and next week my boyfriend has asked me to go ...
A. 18 August 2007: I used to work as a social worker and I know about the sorts of things your mum would be encountering professionally - she has every right to be concerned about you and I can imagine she would be very protective. It would be a sign of immense ... (read in full...)
Was he staring at my chest?
Q. I really fancy my teacher and I want to know if he fancies me back.One day in my school corridor when I was going into a lesson,I flicked my hair(more obviously than I actually had intended to) and he looked at me really suprised...I though at first ...
A. 18 August 2007: It would be hard to read the mind of your teacher but...if he fancies you and he cannot keep himself under control then he is not someone you should be looking up to - it makes him a bit tragic really. As you may know, having relationships with ... (read in full...)
Does the 72 hour pill go on my record?
Q. will the 72 hour pill go on my doctors record? really worried, just had sex and was unprotected :S i no it was stupid of me..but i wanna get the 72 hour pill but my mum doesnt know ive lost my virginity? any ideas???? please help x...
A. 15 August 2007: In the UK, GPs are required to record everything they have prescribed to you. However, your medical records are confidential. If you go to a family planning clinic or NHS drop in clinic then they generally ask for your GP details and will send your ... (read in full...)
My brother pins me down and I hate it!!
Q. Hey, i have asked many questions here and i no i haven't replied to as many as i could of but i have a question. "Is my brother sexually abusing me even if he is younger then me ? " My brother is 11 and i am 13 and he keeps pinning me to the floor ...
A. 15 August 2007: You have the right not to be abused in your own home. Your younger brother needs urgent professional help to stop him from turning into a sexual predator as an adult. He won't go to jail for sexual abuse as he is too young, but if reported social ... (read in full...)
My fiance is 33 and I am 24. He has some friends his age and he also has some friends that are girls that are 13 and 15.
Q. My fiance is 33 and I am 24. He has some friends his age and he also has some friends that are girls that are 13 and 15. He knows I think it's weird that they are young, so he never takes me out with them. They sit on his lap. Is that weird?...
A. 14 August 2007: I think this sounds very strange and why would he have common interests with children? You have every right to be concerned but you should also offer to go out with them as a group as his reaction maybe telling...I wonder if their parents know about ... (read in full...)
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