A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been talking to a guy on line who states he is 39 although looks a little older in his picture. I am a 54 year old woman but I do not look my age and have stated that I am 43. I work as Cabin Crew and surrounded by loads of young people and I teach dance part time.We have been talking loads and I can feel chemistry building between us. I am due to meet him for the first time tomorrow. I do not plan to tell him my real age yet but I was just wondering if 15 years is too much of a difference between a man and a woman. I am quite fit for my age and look after myself.Any advice welcomed. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Iza +, writes (19 November 2017):
 It's always best to tell your age when you first spoke to him if he asked. He's 39 so he is no baby.you did not say how long you have been talking, so it could be he may have already fallen for you. The good news is 15 years and two people in love is not going to be a problem if it's true love.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 Everyone is different when it comes to age gaps, personally if the two people are adults and happy then that is all that should matter. However intending to lie is just going to cause a whole lot off trouble. This man might actually be looking to settle down with someone, so why lie to him? You will never be seen as trustworthy if you start out with a lie. You should know better at your age.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 You ask if a 15 year age gap is too big. At the ages that you both are, it shouldn't be or need not be but apparently you have misgivings about it because you are lying about your age. You state you are in good shape but you are insecure about yourself to the point that you won't tell your true age. Its not a good way to start off a relationship. Secrets don't stay secrets. Your age difference may not turn him off but I'd wager a bet that your lie will. If you think you are in good shape and don't look your age then why the deceit?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 15 years is a big age gap and some men would think that's too much and would not consider a relationship with you. While some others would not care and would say that age is just a number etc.etc.
Both categories have the same right to an informed decision. It may be arbitrary deciding that 4 years older is fine but 14 is not; you could even look, feel and act younger than him. Yet, where the no-dating line is drawn ( at 4, or 14, or 24 ) is their decision, not yours. I think you should not try and entice anybody under false pretenses, it's really shady,manipulative and disrespectful.
People have the right to establish their selection criteria as they want, no matter if you disagree on their validity.
Not to mention the hassle of keeping up the lie if the story goes on. If things become serious, what are you going to do, hide the truth for the rest of your life ? Get fake IDs? Bribe all your friends and acquantainces so that they make sure to never let the truth slip out ?
Of course , if you are only thinking of a short term fling, you can risk it. Very questionabe morally, but- whatever works. But what if you do click , and things proceed happily, only for him to discover in a few months or a few years , that you always lied about your age ? I think any self respecting individual would dump you on the spot- he may not have a problem with older women, but surely he will have a problem with being conned.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2017):
 YOU obviously think that 15 years is too big of a gap - OR you wouldn't have lied about it.
Starting ANY kind of relationship BUILD on lies (big and small) is DOOMED to not work out.
What do you really think his reaction would be when he finds out? Are you hoping to prolong the time with him before he figures it out?
Do you think he will RESENT you lying more or your real AGE? He'd probably dump you the MINUTE he finds out... not because of the 15-year gap but the fact that you think LYING to him is OK. He is going to think, WHAT else does she lie about?
Think about it.
Lying about this is stupid. Either he wants to DATE you - warts and all - or he doesn't. NO matter your age.
If you want something SERIOUS with this guy BE honest. If he can't handle the age gap, he certainly can't handle the lie.
GROW up, lady. You are old enough to know this is not the way to a guy's heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 I would encourage you to be honest with him, right from the start.
Your sincerity and honesty will score you big brownie points with him, whilst on the contrary, any secrets kept from him, will always make him wonder why and what else could you be hiding from him.
Transparency here, is the key to any potential success.
If you are truly interested in this man and if you feel he's equally taken by you, then you needn't hide the fact that you're in your 50s.
Your confidence and pride within yourself, is the best thing ever.
If he really likes you and if your age doesn't bother him one bit, he will let you know, by way of wanting to continue to know you more.
If he feels that the age gap is too great for him, then at least you know where you stand and you can move on and find somebody who's better suited to you.
Also, please do take no offence to what i'm about to say, however, i feel that i must make mention of it.
You are in your 50s, i obviously know nothing of your past, however, if you've already had children from a prior relationship, yet this guy hasn't yet had a family of his own, then this may pose a problem for him, once he finds out your real age.
Equally important, if this guy does come to fall for you and talks about marriage and/or children, then this is something you must think about, because it wouldn't be fair to deny him those rights, even if you're not too keen.
The same is true of a younger woman dating an older man, who may have had a prior marriage and/or family.
I'm by no means being sexist here, but this is the reality of relationships today.
I do wish you all the best and let us know how you go.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 October 2017):
 Well, YOU obviously believe it is a problem, otherwise why would you have lied about it? Or are you just advertising yourself as 10 years younger on your profile?
To me, the age gap would not be the problem. The fact you had LIED about it would be. If I were this guy, I would be pretty pissed off if I found out, down the line, that you had lied about something so fundamental. It would make me wonder what else you were lying about.
If you like this guy and get on with him when you meet him, I would set the record straight as early as possible, otherwise you are not giving HIM any choice in whether he wants to have a relationship with a big age gap. That is his RIGHT.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): I guess it is, if you feel it is necessary to lie about it.
I think building trust hereafter is going to be tough; and he may be disappointed thinking you were only four years older. Lets hope he doesn't mind when he sees how fit you are for your real age.
I guess he is really the one you should have posed this question to long before now. I think you should contact him before you meet, and tell the truth. Then apologize, leave him the option to decide if he still wants to meet.
That way he can't hurt your feelings if he reacts badly. You should also correct your age on the dating site.
You shouldn't mislead people, just on general principle. You're meeting a strange man for the first-time; and there's no way of telling if he'll be polite about the truth.
If you weren't such a nice person, this might be considered an ambush; which is one of the things people dislike most about online-dating. Being baited into a meeting, only to discover you weren't honest about yourself. You had no bad intentions; but there is no way around the dishonesty.
I advise calling first and setting the record straight.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (23 October 2017):
Yes, starting the relationship off on an untruthful statement only makes one wonder what other false statements you might be making. It is somewhat softened by the fact that many people misstate their age on dating sites. Don't be one of those. Just use recent, flattering photos and state that none of your photos are older than x years. Us guys are very forgiving, and appreciate women who take care of themselves and look younger.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): Why lie .. hardly a great start ...
...............................
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (22 October 2017):
 I dont think age matters in this case if you young at heart, fit, and confident but starting off with a lie about your age is not a good thing. It will be only thing working against you in this case. Its always best be truthful so you both start on right footing. I imagine you'd want the guy youre online dating to be truthful about his age as well. If you meet up be truthful, apologize , and hopefully he can see youre a good person.
...............................
|
