A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was saying it's not been long enough since I last saw you,he then joked and said I can't live without you, which I responded with aww bless, he then said it was sacasim. My question is did he mean what he said? Or was it just sacasim? Is there more to what he is saying? Does he like me more than a friend?
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (25 October 2017):
 No. It would have taken him a lot less than 3 years to realise if he wanted to be your boyfriend. That's kinda around the time people that "are" in relationships think about marriage/ moving in/ kids. You're not even in a relationship- because you've been sailing by letting him think you're fine with the status quo-
Women don't put up with a sex and a text once in a while if they WANT a relationship- not for 3 years! Because it's not enough and they get wise!
He's taking you for what you're telling him, that YOU want the same as him- FWB. If HE wanted to change things, he would have done.
These are all cold hard facts. Wake up
Please, you cant have enough people say to cut ties. It's the ONLY way to get over him. And yeah that does include blocking him. He doesn't deserve any more than you've given him already, he's proved he's happy to use you
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 I know these comments are not want you wanted to see or hear, but if you don't listen to them now then you are going to go on wasting more years off your life and getting hurt.
This guy wants sex from you, and you are giving it to him, he doesn't want any more from you. Without hurting you if you like a guy don't put out so easily for him or he will loose all respect for you. This guy got sex for nothing from you and he more than likely doesn't look at you as girlfriend material now.
Don't settle for second best, FWB never work out and more often than not people get hurt and feel used.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 October 2017):
 OP, take it from someone who's been in a FWB thinking 'it will work out one day', you will NEVER be together.
You have already settled for having casual sex with this guy and that's is ALL he will ever see you as now.
You are missing out on someone who will value you as a girlfriend for someone who couldn't give a fuck about you past the thought of putting his penis inside you. You are wasting your life on an absolute dead end.
See for yourself, ask where this situation is heading and I bet he runs for the hills.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 October 2017):
 I'm sorry to say you've wasted 3 years on a hook up.
If you give a guy sex without commitment, it's most likely going to stay that way. It's rare that they see you as dateable once they see that someone can have sex with you for "free" (no strings).
Perhaps you'll now avoid FWBs, as you develop feelings when sex is involved. It is rare for FWBs to last this long, but that's not likely to be because he has feelings for you, but just because you've continued to give him what he wants, getting almost nothing in return.
I think your best bet is to cut all contact, heal from this, then start dating others - not hooking up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2017): From a guy's POV, he's already getting exactly what he wants from you. What reason does he have to make any further emotional or financial investment in you when you have nothing more to offer him?
He bought a used Hyundai three years ago; why should he expected to suddenly start paying Rolls Royce prices? He got you for what you offered him.
If there's any chance you may want to pursue a relationship with a guy then don't put out for him so easily. It amazes me that there are so many women who believe they can boink their way into a guy's affections.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 October 2017):
 3 days of FWB? Sorry, OP he is not going to change his mind and all of a sudden want a relationship with you. He has shown that over 3 years.
What exactly did you think would change? And WHY waste more of your time on a guy who really... don't give a single F.
If you stick to this FWB and this guy you will all of a sudden realize that UH I just turned 30 and I'm STILL not "worthy" in his eyes as anything MORE than an FWB... and then you are going to wonder if YOU are not good enough. Seriously, OP - HE is not good enough. He can't even commit to a girl he has been having weekly sex with for 3 years!!!
Let him go. MOVE on. HE is NOT going to change or want more. He has PROVEN that over the last 3 years...
Want more for yourself. Time to put HIM on a shelf and find yourself a guy who wants ALL of you, not just texts and weekly sex hookups. Someone who will be PROUD of dating you, taking you out, introducing you to family and friends and building a FUTURE... THIS guy isn't it. He never was.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2017):
 No, Op, it won't work out " one day ". I am not saying that it is absolutely , 100% impossible to be " upgraded " from bootycall/FWB to regular hf or wife. It just happens , percentually, very very seldom, and, most of all, 3 years is quite a long time, I think that if something was to change- it would have happened already.
Like, you hook up, the guy at first thinks you are just a mindless f..k, but then in a few months notices how ( add adjective : fun, smart, sweet, kind , whatever ) you are and warms up to you. Or, at first he feels that he cannot trust you and does not know if you will be loyal to him, but in time blah blah blah. Or , any other varitions that require a re-evaluation of the person one is having sex with. But 3 years ? Plenty of time to re-evaluate...
I think what happened here is what happens in the vast majority of FWBs, i.e. that you have been dealt cards drawn from a rigged deck from the get-go. Meaning, if he asked you to be FWBs is precisely because he had already decided that you are NOT gf material. Some girls are for relationships, and some for casual fun, and for whatever unknown reason of his, he has you pegged as the second one.
Anyway , these are just surmises. What is more factual, alas, is that you are trying very hard to read good signs through the rose-tinted glasses of wishful thinking :
how in the world your FWB telling you " it's not been long enough since I last saw you " can be taken as compliment , or as love declaration ? It's the opposite. He is telling you that he is in no particular hurry !, since it's a ( relatively ) short time that you have met up, so as far he is concerned, he could easily wait some more ! Not very romantic, IMO.
Regardless: this advice has been repeated countless times on DC by various Aunts, yet it is still good : mind the actions, not the words. Talk is cheap. Even if he had said " I love you with all my heart and you'll be the mother of my children " BUT what he does , in practice, is just calling you up for booty calls every ten days or so.... enough said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): Yes I want it to be more with this guy, I've been on dates but in the back of my mind I compare the dates to him which I know I shouldn't but I do. I want him to want more, I put up with it thinking one day it will work out.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (21 October 2017):
 It's very simple.
If you actually like this guy more than as just a casual fling, why don't you approach him directly and ask him?
If you're happy and don't want anything more than what you guys currently have, you can still ask him directly.
You have nothing to lose, because at least you'll get your answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): Never mind what he said .. you have wasted 3 yrs on this guy .. do you go on other dates?? With other men?? Don't you want more for yourself? ?..do you want more with this guy ? Is that why you put up with being fwb for so long ?? Do you want him to want more ??
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