A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is under the surface? There is a girl that crossed my path a few months ago. She randomly got my number and started texting me. After awhile I found out she has a girl friend. We've never crossed any lines. No flirting which is odd for me because I'm a HUGE flirt normally. But I respect this girl and her relationship. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her. She's gorgeous and we have lots of similar interest. We text like crazy when her gf is not around. Again. Nothing inappropriate. Just random chatter or about work because we work together. Even though neither of us have ever crossed a line there is some sort of vibe lying under the surface. The one time our eyes met at work my heart stopped beating momentarily. Since then I've noticed she won't really make eye contact with me either. Our conversations in text flow great. In person we are so awkward. What is going on??
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): OP I think her motives are irrelevant seeing as nothing is going to happen.
To me though it doesn't look like anything except a girl who texts far too much and is a bit intense early.
I wouldn't read anything into it, maybe she's worried you may be getting the wrong idea and doesn't want to lead you on.
Just assume it's innocent because nothing is going to happen and make sure you don't get carried way with flirting or anything like that. Keep it strictly business and platonic. It's not up to you to decide what is too much contact, she should know what is and is not acceptable given her circumstances. Just don't cross any of the boundaries that you know to exist. trust your own judgement here OP. Nothing bad is happening now make sure it never does and the first sign of trouble nip it in the bud.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Maybe in the gay world it's ok to flirt with people when you know they are in a relationship with someone else (actually I know this isn't ok as both my daughters are bi sexual)
Why do you want to know what her motives are if you have no intention of reciprocating, most people (be they gay/straight/trans/pansexual) would know the relationship/friendship couldn't progress all the while someone else is on the scene (unless it's a pre arranged open relationship).
If you are not flirting, you are doing an awful lot of reading meanings into her actions (eyes across a crowded room, your heart stopping, texting like crazy when her gf isn't around) perhaps you are just enjoying the thrill but her reactions arn't meeting your expectations so you are looking for answers.
The rules of engagement are the same for any office romance/daliance/crush...things will always be akward unless you are together and in a relationship, and even then working together can be a strain.
I think she is interested in the flirtation but will only allow it to go as far as friendship...what about you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDaisy thank you! Now we are getting some where! That's exactly what I was thinking. Now my next question is......how do I fix it? I mean I could stop texting her completely but the selfish part of me enjoys her friendship. I just moved back to this area a year ago and I don't have many friends. I have thought about not responding when I know her gf isn't around. So then maybe whatever thrill factor may be present will diminish. I've tried at work to have more frequent discussions so that the awkward stuff will dissipate but it hasn't worked yet. And the talks we have at work are only ever work related and are never longer than 3 minutes. Despite what the masses may think I really want to fix this.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I was just trying to think/ explain why the girl won't look the OP in the eye - there are no accusations or judgrments from me. Just trying to answer the question!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Hey...I never imagined I would register on this site, let alone answer a question! But I thought your question was unique...and in turn, the answer(s) you got were the 'same ol', same ol'" cliches and accusations about infidelity and destruction of relationships that always make me wonder where the hell do they find the time to type them over, and over again!
Therefore, don't regret you posted your story, cos I'm certain that what you are experiencing with this girl must feel special and as such, you should go/play along and just live it up to the maximum!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 July 2012):
You and the girl are flirting by way of text messages. You may not consider it flirting but the other girl does, she feels it's wrong and that's why she can't look you in the eye; she's afraid of it escalating. There are feelings between the pair of you, perhaps more on her side than yours, and she enjoys texting but doesn't want to take it any further - or maybe she does want to but knows that she shouldn't. So she can't look you in the eye when she's with you. She's trying to avoid being unfaithful to her girlfriend. That's what I think, anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me just start off by saying wow. Thank you AuntyEm. You know I've viewed this site for many years. Reading questions and answers seeking guidance and advice on an array of topics but never actually posting myself. Until tonight. It was my first post and I got absolutely berated by you. Not once but twice. Thank you.
Sad part is I would've appreciated some of your words and some points you brought to light had you not called me a predator and completely assumed my motives were something that they were not. I don't know if you are gay or not AuntyEm but in the gay world things can get confusing sometimes because the people we have friendships with are the same sex we are attracted to. I don't want there to be confusion with this girl first and foremost became we work together. Next because she's in a relationship. I flirt with everyone. Gay, straight, men, women. I have not flirted with her in the slightest. Which is truly odd for me and honestly shows me I'm not making a play for her. Cause if I was I'd throw on the charm as I do with any woman I'm interested in. I would've made a pass at her. I haven't. Not even. Once. If I were a predator I wouldn't be seeking guidance on here. It would be a moot point because I would've already made my move.
I truly wanted to know what the groups perspectives were on HER motives because I don't like the awkward interactions. And I would like to believe her words about not making a pass for me.
I can back off the texting. And actually already have and made it mostly about work. I see your point there. But to not talk to her ever is unrealistic. We work together.
I have in no way shape or form initiated infidelity with her. Hell, I didn't even initiate the damn friendship.
And all I wanted tonight was for an outsiders opinion on what might be going on. Well I guess I got it. And I can also say that my first question on this site will be my last.
Thank you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 July 2012):
I forgot to add...
Maybe she's just enjoying the attention she gets from you (because you are so prolific in your approach) but she fears making eye contact with you will draw her in further to your predatory game...
and it IS predatory because you know she is involved with someone else and you should be leaving her alone.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 July 2012):
I think you are both doing what a lot of people do when they are attracted to eachother but one or both are in a relationship with other people...you flirt hoping deep down that something happens but kidding yourselves that nothing will because you 'have respect' for the remaining relationship.
To be honest, if you really respected her relationship, you'd back right off and not speak to her, as is the correct thing to do, to NOT initiate infidelity!!
It does not matter that your texts are just friendly chat and not sexual...you both know what's going on here so it's time to be truthful with yourself and admit you are making a play for this girl...because anyone who reads your post can see that you are.
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