A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: How do I deal with being alone? I've been alone all my life and I fear I'll always will be. I'm a closeted gay 17 year old boy who's never been in a relationship, never had a first kiss. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else. I have so much love to give and I yearn to find someone to give it to. I have no friends...I hold that word very highly. A lot of people these days just throw it around. But a friend is someone I can trust, someone I can count on, someone that knows me inside and out and someone I can be myself around. And I've yet to find someone even close to that description. It's so hard to trust people these days; it's sad to say that I've never had a best friend. I have a lot of friends but I just consider them acquaintances. I don't get along with my parents or siblings at all. And frankly I don't want anything to do with them, my parents unknowingly denounced me as being their child and as being human being. I want absolutely nothing to do with them, they're stuck in their time. They're stubborn, bigoted, ignorant and think they know everything about everything.Oh how wrong they are...So pretty much I'm on my own sulking in my depression and loneliness. I have no one and with how shallow the world is, especially gay community, I don't think I'll ever find a companion in life.
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female
reader, Tashar  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Also if you feel this way drawing sometimes helps to releave the stress i find and seems to make me forget the bad things also it can get all your good and bad feelings out on paper and you can exspress yourself. Thought i`d give you a peace if advice to help you through you unhappy time at the moment.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Ok so you are stuck in a bind for now and having parents who are not accepting of your sexuality doesn't help, but you arn't the first and you won't be the last that this happens to.
I have two daughters who are both bisexual, It took me time to mull it over and I was more curious that they had both decided this and figured that they knew best how they felt, so I accepted it and have welcomed their partners into my home.
Things will change for you and you have to look at the positives. You are working hard in college, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, you can express yourself and talk to others on the internet and you have a whole bunch of aunts here who are sympathetic to your situation...it's not all bad, you are just at a point where it's difficult to move your life in a direction that you want, but as you get older that will definitely change.
Do you play sports, go to the gym? have any other hobbies? There are other things to focus on and gain pleasure from whilst you are waitng for your opportunity to shine.
Keep your chin up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to everyone that took their time to help me, I really appreciate it.
I just wanted to respond to the people who suggested to just live my life and not worry about everything else. Well the thing is, my parents are very old fashioned, they're basically stuck in their time. And they've made it very clear that they will never accept homosexuality when they talk about politics and we've had huge fights with me trying to defend homosexuality. They are very over protective and overbearing, so basically I have no life. And I'm a Sagittarious, I naturally crave independence and freedom. But I've never had that. So my room has basically been my only sanctuary to get away. If it wasn't for music, books, and the internet; I don't think I'd still be here right now. And because of all this I've been very one track minded on my main goal to graduate high school and move away. But I've realized I'd still have to be connected to them for the 4 or more years that I'm attending college no matter where I decide to go. I just want to be away and not have to worry about anything. All my life I've had to worry about everything, I wasn't dealt a very good hand. Bad luck. But I just want to go away where no one knows me and start over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Hey honey, things gotta get worse before they can get better. I think everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives. And I've heard it a million times before, how young people want to find love. Everyone wants to find love! But honestly, don't go looking for it... let it come to you. When the time is right, it'll happen. You come across as a really sweet kid, and it breaks my heart to see pain in others, especially my fellow teens.
I know what you mean when you say you don't get along with your family, I sometimes feel the same way. I feel like we have some stuff in common, if you need someone to talk to privately, message me.
Best of luck! :)
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A
female
reader, couchcat +, writes (8 July 2012):
you are only 17!!!! you have a long way to go in life kiddo. allow your life to unfold, quit worrying about relationships and experience life. if i could go back to 17 i would have never had any relationships and had a little more fun along the way. as far as friendships, get out there and start meeting people, even if online. i am 40 and dont have alot of friends either but the ones i do have make up for the ones i dont if you know what i mean. you are too young to be worrying about all this stuff already, and of course you wont be alone the rest of your life, give it a chance ok? just sit back, go on about your life & things will unfold for you.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Hi,
I think you are too hard on yourself. I am similar to you in some ways, specially when it comes to trust, loyalty, and integrity. My whole life, I used to take everything very seriously. Long time ago, an old boss of mine told me: " you are too square, try to be more rounded". I didn't think much, but took me many years, the loss of my mother, and some other things to happen in my life to understand.... Bottom line, life is too short. It's good to be responsible, be safe and all, but sometimes you got to take chances. In regards to making friends, you will never meet real friends, until you get to know people in general. You have to go through experiences, get to know different people, and yeah you might have some not so pleasant situations, however is all part of life. A lot of people don't have great relationships with families, but life goes on... Just, don't be too hard on you, and in others. Know that nobody is perfect, including yourself. Holding grudge, being resentful, judging others, those are all negative energy. Being this way, will only hurt you. It's toxic... Start being kind to yourself, allow other people get involve in your life. Give life, and people a chance.... You'll see that is not so bad after all...
Good luck and best wishes.....
Ps: always be proud of yourself, and never let anybody put you down!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): I feel the same way.. closeted and noone to know except a girl I told cause I knew she would understand me... and I am 22 and I think that I will be alone all my life...
If you want someone to talk to from time to time just a "thought" exchange since i dont know you, and you dont know me, just drop a line on this forum and i will find a way to contact you... lets say an email (if you are afraid of anyone finding out just create a temporary fake one..)
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A
female
reader, Tashar +, writes (8 July 2012):
Well i`m almost 16 and never had a first kiss either so you will find that you are not the only one. It is normal to feel like this way i have a best mate that has been single all her life to but she just looks at the advantages of it. They always say good things come to those who wait so you may find your soil mate soon just wait and thin at least you haven`t had to go through the heart break. Maybe you could try and join clubs and meet new people and get to know them maybe you`ll find someone there. i know i am younger than you but i really hope this advice is useful to you and good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 July 2012):
The good thing about being a kid in an unhappy childhood is that eventually you are going to grow up and move away from your parents.
As you mature you will have more freedoms to come out and although I understand it can be hard to reveal your sexuality to a still unaccepting world, things are changing all the time and the GBLT world is getting bigger and bigger and eventually you will take your place within it.
As for not having friends...well that can happen to anyone, especially if you are in a minority. Maybe quit looking for a partner for now and focua on just being a good friend to others. I know it's cliche but gay guys usually find they can have excellent platonic relationships with women far more easily, and girls can be more accepting of your sexual status and not be threatened by it.
The world hasn't ended for you, but you do need to love and accept yourself a little more and be proud of who you are. Focus on being a good human being first, be interested in other people and try not to be scornful or mistrusting. If you want people to accept you, you must accept them also or else you end up marginalizing yourself and hating all around you.
Open up a little and just be yourself, think about your future and how you can be successful and give yourself the best possible life, work hard in your education, it's like an insurance policy for the future (even in times of recession).
Being depressed and lonely is something you can get away from but you definitely need a positive mental attitude and to be open to people around you....things will get better.
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A
female
reader, 90zkid +, writes (8 July 2012):
Don't worry were in the same boat. I mean i understand what you mean when you say your lonely A N D depressed i feel the same way i mean ive had a lot "acquaintances" that call them selves friend but really know one is unless you can trust them.As for your parent you should try A N D make amends with them because if one of them died tomorrow; you may regreate not getting along with them appreciate someone while you have them.A N D as for finding someone to love. you should go on a dating site. but sooner or later you will find the right person everything just takes time but if your patient. everything will be alright.But you can make true friend just dont tell them everything.A N D i dont know if you go to church but praying also helps hope all goes well.
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