A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband of 20 years left me for a girl that is 24 years younger than him. im new to the site but could use all the help i can get. im getting better each day. i still love him very much, and unfortunatly and am still in hopes that this relationship between the two of them will not work out. dont get me wrong im not against the age gap my first husband was 8 years older than me. he left me for someone younger too. but it is extremely hard for me to think that an age gap this large can work after all she is only 24. i was not a bad wife, i worked everyday outside of the home as well as inside the home. my problem is is that he has told me that he is going to take care of her and that she is not working and he has moved her in to this nice condo. she has promised to have a child by him (which she already has one by another boy). he knew this would hurt me because after my second child was born i almost died and can no longer have children (which i didnt say both of my girls were from my first marriage so we had no children together) but they were both babies when we got together he helped raise them. i worked and slaved and took care of him for 20 years, i was with him when he quit jobs while i worked. than he gets a good job making well into the 6 figures a year tells me to quit my job to take care of the house and him and two months later i find out he is cheating on me with this girl. i let him stay with hopes that he would wake up. but all that did was allow him to spend more money on her, and have a place to lay his head at night. i finally told him to leave. she knew he was married she told me she was going to get what she wanted and that was him, that he said he was going to take care of her and that i should just leave, that she was better than me. anyway i know this is long and i apologize, a lot of it is to just get it out. i only hope that he will not get hurt by her, if its money shes after than with his record it wont be long before he is out of a job. unless he knows that she will leave him if he quits, god knows shes not working and that would put a damper on their situation. i know he is engaged to marry her when the divorce goes through. i only wish him the best but wish that he could see what i see. any feed back would be greatly apreciated. thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): im not sure i know exactly how your feeling because i think i tend to be on the other side of this situation... I am a young 23 yr old woman. what we look for is stability someone in our lives that can be there for us, has experience, knows what he wants in life so yes it tends to be an older man. Everyone is right ppl fall out of love, you may have been soo busy working and taking care of everything you forgot about the fun loving person you used to be. You took care of the responsibilities and i admire you for that and you took care of him for 20yrs. so yes i do believe that you should go to court bc he should help take care of you and he should never forget who was always there for him throughout those 20yrs hold it down for him..but your going to have to let him go he choose to be with someone else now its your turn to find someone who makes you happy
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): a woman like me who worked all of their married life and help support the man when he wasnt working who treated him like he was some kind of king. and yea thats my fault because i put him on a pedestal that he did not belong on. should not have to be left for someone else. if he was unhappy he sure did not show any signs of it up until the day he decided that she was better than me. hell he denyed that anything was going on for 2 months i had to practically drag it from his lying lips. than when it was out in the open thats when he didnt give a whoha what he did or how he did it. I kicked him out he didnt leave on his own. but for her to just come into the picture and reap the rewards that i spent 20 years help creat to begin with just sucks. I paid the bills I helped start saving money for the future while he took his money and did what he wanted. this talk about falling out of love happens is bull****. they only fall out of love when some young thing wiggles their behind and shows them some attention. than their big brain gets scramble because their little brain wants that young behind. i know he stayed with me because he wasnt sure this little girl was going to stick around. but she has and he is enjoying every penny he is paying for her because he believes shes worth it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I am not saying the OP should be VINDICTIVE. I think she needs a good lawyer to PROTECT her 20 years of marriage effort. I suggest a good lawyer to make sure she gets a fair settlement for being abandoned after 20 years of marriage.
IF her hubby is thinking with his little head, his big head won’t care that he is not doing the right thing nor will he realize that he is doing the wrong thing to her till later on and then it will be too late and this little gold digger will have All THEIR hard earned money. IF she gets a fair settlement it protects her in the future.
It’s not about hurting him… living well without him is that best revenge… it’s about maintaining a quality of life he’s given her that she will lose with a divorce.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I see this way too much; A woman spends the best years of her life with a man, and once he begins to make good money he feels "entitled" to do whatever he wants. He takes on a girl half his age, who doesn't even work. She is a "project" for him. Someone he thinks he can "fix" or help while feeding his ego, since she's younger and acts like she really wants to be with him. It appears to be a win-win but she'll use him, then cheat on him with a younger man when he's at work keeping her in the lap of luxury. He'll learn. But by then, you will have moved on and found somene who appreciates you. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I wish you the best. I think your husband is a worm.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I'm sorry your husband left you, but I disagree with the other commenters that you should become all vindictive in divorce court.
Look, people fall out of love. Relationships wither and die. Even if they are marriages. Many times, the relationship was dead long before one of the spouses had the guts to formally end it because people expect you to continue the marriage and continue to pretend you want to be with someone even if you dont' want it anymore.
it sucks he cheated on you and that's his wrongdoing but at least he then left you. it would be far worse if he did what many people do which is STAY with you, playing the part of the perfect spouse, living with you in the same house, while cheating on you behind your back forever as long as circumstances allow.
I dont' think it would do yourself any favors to get vindictive to him in court because he fell out of love with you and fell in love with someone else. Yes it sucks, yes you are hurt as is completely normal. but, people fall out of love and want to leave their marriages. If your partner falls out of love with you, they are not yours to begin with anymore. it's not a crime. Do you want him to continue being married to you when he doesn't actually desire you as his partner anymore?? that would be infinitely more awful.
Let him go. Mourn the fact that your marriage wasn't one of the rock solid ones but that's just the way it was. Your marriage was over long before she entered the picture. He had mentally checked out probably years ago. So, just let him go and seek a divorce settlement that allows you to be as comfortable as possible, but don't spend your energy on retribution.
What happens to him next, who cares. Focus on yourself and your future happiness. If his 24 year old chick is only with him for his money, she will leave him some day. I can't imagine many young women would choose an old geezer over a younger hotter guy their own age, except for his money. Then once she has it, she will leave him for a younger more good looking guy. such is life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): I am very sorry that this ahppened to you. But, enought of sorry....MOVE ON! IT IS YOUR LIFE NOW! You were married taht means half of what he owns is yours. You do not need to get a job. Why don`t you just find yourself a good attorney that will get you a good alimony? For ebing with a Man 20 years you deserve a lot. His little girlfriend does not like him. She likes his 6 figures he makes. Do you think she will like him if he was broke? Get a lawyer and take everything you can. Get back on him. Do not wish mih the best! Why? because he betrayed you? His new 24 year old is not going to like that he has to pay you every month what you deserve. Get money from him, take care of yourself, move on, find yourself someone new and interesting and younger then you are , may be? And let him to taste his own fruit sooner or later, when he will be broke, because I guarantee you, 24 year old is going to get him broke, get all material things she needs and pretty soon, she is going to kick his old ass from new condo he boought for her, so she can move in someone younger then him. He is only paycheck to her, nothing else... She wants a child with him because she wants child support from him later. She is just evry smart gold digger taht found an old fool to fool. Trust me. That`s thr truth behind it. One day he will be broke,very old and misserable. He will not be even able to see his child that he may father with this chick, if it will even happen. And he will not have you anymore to take care of him. That is teh best thing. Because you may be happy somwhere on your vacation, smiling!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I'm normally not the most vindictive person but... I will agree 100% with So_Very_Confused
Take him for all he is worth.
Don't take him back, because the guy you might have thought he was, he isn't. I understand wanting out of a bad marriage or a marriage that doesn't work, but to me it seems like he didn't even finish his marriage to you before moving to someone else. Can you ever really trust this guy if he came back? I doubt it. And if he came back would it be because he loved you better, no I don't think he loves anyone but himself.
Get your job back if you can, be independent of him. Get the divorce started, don't GIVE him the option to string you along.
And I'm sorry, those two sound like they deserve each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): any advice? hun ive got tons BUT will you listen. right now i dont think you will.
so what i am going to say is short and sweet:
STOP IT! he left you. He is NOT coming back! Hun accept it. Stop pining for him. the more you grovel the more he hurts you. yes 20 years is a long time but hey it could have been worse. can you imagine if you wasted 40 years with this man?
i dont mean to sound cold and rash BUT its time to get out of the pity party mode. you are alive. you are alive. you are alive. DO NOT allow anyone to demean you, anyone tomake you seem like second best, anyone to belittle you. you need to snap out of this mode and take charge.
stop worrying about him
stop waiting for him to come back
who gives a sh1T If he does get hurt by his lover? he certainly didnt give a hoot when he betrayed you!!!!!!
if shes after all his money, well thats his issue.
you just make certain that you are financially fit after the divorce. he's taken you for a mak however hit him where it hurts the most: his damn pocket!!!! hes making 6 figures right? then haul your bum off to an attorney and get a sizeable portion of the estate and assets. DO IT NOW if you havnt done so already. make an inventory and know what you are entitled to. stop being so naive and so trusting, waiting for a pittance from him. become independant and start living your life. it starts today. it starts now!!!!!
you have written in so many times (i think - this story is very familiar. if i am mistaken i apologise to you OP)
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Excuse me for saying it but 'What a B**tard!!!' for treating you that way...it's really evil what he has done.
She also sounds like a nasty immature piece of work, telling you she was going to 'get what she wanted'...seems they suit eachother.
I agree with both the excellent other aunts when they say 'get a good lawyer', you need to go all out to get what you are entitled to and the way he's behaved, you should fleece him. There is no room here to be forgiving or accomodating, you wish him the best but it's blatantly obvious he does not wish you the same.
I respect age gaps and I know one of the other aunts that has answered here has a very loving age gap union which works very well but with the way they have both behaved, I think it's all in the personality and she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who will stick around when he is firmly in old age...you may have the last laugh my darling but right now I bet it feels like hell.
Do not be nice, go for the throat, because it's what he deserves.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I am sorry you are going through this. I would also get a good attorney and be confident that he will get what he deserves in the end. She will likely get tired of him (if the money doesn't run out first) and will move on to someone else. Then he will realize what he's done to his life (hopefully). In the meantime, get out and be with people who care about you. You sound like a terrific person with a caring heart...and you deserve better than this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
I would get a good attorney and hit him where it hurts... his wallet.
She is with him for the money and when he does not have it she will leave...
then he will want you back and you can say NO... because by then you will realize you are worth being treated better than this man is treating you.
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