A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:Why is everyone acting like my ex's recent marriage is such a great thing to have happened? First off, my ex is a full-fledged alcoholic who's main goal in life other that working is to drink and party. He also, smokes pot. He left me 2 yrs. ago for someone else after 7 yrs because he blamed me pretty much for all our problems instead of putting the blame where it belonged...with his drinking.His ex gf dumped him also, in less than a yr because she could not deal with his drinking and him always expecting her to change to his way of thinking. When they ended his sister who I had remained in contact with after our breakup tried to convince me to persue him in hopes we would get back together. Although, I love him still...loved the person I thought he was at times, that is..I refused to chase him down since he was the one that ended our relationship.Now a few short mths. later I am informed that he has met someone who drinks like him...unbelievable. This girl ends up calling me for whatever reason to inform me that she wants me to leave her and him alone because they are planning on marrying. All I could do is laugh and say good luck. I asked her why she was calling me and she said she just wanted me to know and to leave him alone. I have not spoken to him since we had broken up...as a matter of fact, he is the one who always drove by my house and sending me random texts which I ignored so I'm confused by all of that. I could of told her he was doing that but, figured what's the sence. I asked her why she would marry someone she hardly knew and she said she knew him well enough so I just left it at that.Why do you think she really called me...my guess is insecurities They have only been dating for 2 mths. and now, they are married less than 3 mths. of meeting each other. My confusion is the fact that his family and our mutual frieds who claimed that he had done a terrible thing to me are on fb. etc. talking and posting pics about the marriage as if it is a wonderful thing to have happened. Are they all insane or what? I'm feeling quite sad at this time about the whole thing as it is although, a part of me knows what is in store for his new wife but, for all these people that I thought were my good frinds are making a big deal out of it without any consideration for my feelings.I don't want to make this about having a pity party for me but, would really like to know if I am in the wrong for feeling the way I do about all of this? Even though, I am a very loving and kind person I can't help myself from wishing and hoping that this marriage will crash and burn. Your insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 You are not wrong n feeling the way you do. I cannot speak for your friends, since it appears they've taken his side. No matter you can always get new friends and probably should. As for the outcome of their marriage, she will probably die of a GI bleed and he will end up with cirrhosis. And you will go on to live a healthy, happy life with someone who appreciates you. Chin up my dear, you are already the winner in this story. Don't waste another minute feeling bad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Obviously isn't the happy little romance that they claim it is if she feels it necessary to call you.
As far as people congratulating and commenting on the marriage, that's what's done, they're his family and friends too.
Is the terrible thing you're talking about him leaving you and blaming you? That's not a terrible thing that was an escape for you and something that just happens in relationships. OP if I dumped all my friends for every time they hurt someone in a relationship I'd have none left because we've all hurt someone who really cared about us. Why would they consider your feelings? I mean are they supposed to just ignore everything good that happens in his life, every event now because he dumped you and you got hurt?
No OP, again they're mutual friends and his family.
Of course you're not wrong for feeling this way, it might be illogical but that's the nature of feelings, we can get hurt by pretty much anything and it's not something we can really can control but you have to let them go now.
He was a shit boyfriend, he'll make a shit husband and you're better off without him. This is not only a good thing for you it's a great escape. You should try breathe a sigh of relief and quite frankly you should hope they have a long happy life together because then you're free of him for good.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 July 2012):
 I don't think you are wrong for feeling sad about it, but maybe your continued interest in his life after you two split up hasn't helped the situation. It probably would have been a better idea to hang up on his new GF (and how did she get your number anyhow??) and not get into any conversation with her.
They are married and there is nothing more to add. You know she's in for a rough time but quite frankly that's her business and none of your concern.
The friends that congratulated them....well folk just like to do that over any event and Facebook is the biggest misery maker that was ever invented. It's the main forum for infidelity, spying, gossip, marital breakdown, trolling, child sex abuse, sexism, racism and any other nasty damaging thing that humans can think up to hurt one another...If Face book didn't exist I doubt anyone would have even noticed he got married again, but as everyone is linked with anyone...the whole damn world gets a front row seat to any tit bit of banality that people love to advertise there.
You are not with him, the only way to recover is to banish him and any news of him out of your life for good...sitting in on the sidelines of his life is going to destroy yours.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Well they are in contact with your ex, they are his friends and family and I guess that they can see he is happy therefore off course they are going to be happy for him as he has found someone he wants to spend his life with, yes I do agree with you that it has all happened very suddenly and my guess is she rang you because she was feeling insecure. I guess she has found out from someone that you still have feelings for him, which off course there is no point denying you do, to say you want the marriage to crash and burn just shows you are bitterly jealous. You need to move on from this man, as you say yourself he caused you a lot of trouble because of his drinking, is that really the future you want? Off course it is not therefore you should be thankful he ended things, you are free now to enjoy your life. I can understand why you feel let down by your friends and how happy they are for him, but again you have both been finished now for 2 years that is a long time therefore they probably do not feel like you need to be pitied on. I think it is time you move forward with your life, let your feelings go and let them live happily while you do the same.
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