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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im 17 and my cousin is 21 . The other night we made out and rubbed up eachother but , no sex i didnt want to at the time because i dont want to go to hell . Now its all i can think abouut how should i ask him ? I no of course its wrong but i really want it from himh
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): This is a board to give help/advice to those who want it, not lecture them with your own biased opinions.First of all, clear your mind of any worries of hell. I am not a bible thumper who bashes incest relationships, but I have done research and know that God did not forbid love and marriage between cousins. Next, be patient and take time to sort out your feelings. If this is nothing more than a temporary infatuation then I would advise against going any further. It could have lasting awkward results on your relationship as cousins if it doesn't last. If you really love him, then just come clean with him and ask how he feels. If you both feel the same way, don't let the opinions of others influence you.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I would just like to add that I did consider this persons culture but seeing as they said they thought they would go to hell, I figured they were not in a culture where marrying cousins is accepted.
This person has not posed a question, they have just made a statement that they intend to have sex with their cousin, to which I gave my opinion.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u  +, writes (11 July 2012):
You didn't give us a country flag, which would have told us quite a bit. What I'm going to say has to be understood as very neutral -- if you're in a country that has a huge problem with cousin relationships, such as certain parts of the U.S., well it changes things.
To my mind, the big question about cousin relationships it two-fold. First how will your parents, and your cousins parents, feel about it. If the family is dead set against it, feels like it's a horrible thing, well then it's best not to go there at all. If you have a decent relationship with either of your parents, or with your aunt and uncle, and can get a sense of how they'd react, that would be very helpful. If the family doesn't have a problem with it, that's a good start.
The second part is that, if you get all hot and heavy, and then it doesn't work out, you're still family. A bad break up between you is going to follow you for the rest of your lives because you're family. In five or ten years you're going to be together at a family wedding or a family funeral. That's just going to add drama. And maybe make for family history that you can't hush up.
So think it through. As others have said, there are lots of other folk out there. Is this cousin really worth the risk?
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A
female
reader, SweetIvy +, writes (11 July 2012):
Girlllll, let me tell you. There are plenty of guys in the world you can be intimate with if that's what you really want to do. Sexing your cousin is not only morally wrong but could cause you problems you did not bargain for. I say dont do it bc you will regret it for the rest of your life. I'm not talking out of the side of my neck..I was forced into oral sex at a very young age with a cousin and now we barely look at each other much less hold a conversation. It ruined our connection as family and will prolly never get it back!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): I read a couple of answers you've already had. Nobody seems to care what culture you are from. In some, cousin marriages are quite expected. In others there is very strong prejudice against them, as you have seen. Also, you didn't mention whether this was a first cousin or more distant. Nobody seems to care about that either. Well if you are really in love, it's not that long a wait until you are eighteen, assuming that's a significant age where you are. They have found in animals that more or less the closer the blood relationship, the stronger the attraction. Growing up in the same household is a turnoff, of course. The reason nature sets it up that way is becasue kin couples have more offspring. That works with human babies, too. Here is a reference. It will cost you a few dollars from sciencemag.com. That's the site for the very pretigious American Association for the Advancement of Science. The reference is:An Association between Kinship and Fertility of Human Couples Agnar Helgason et al. SCIENCE vol. 329 no. 5864 February 8, 2008 page 813 – 816Read the article over and make up your own mind. I suspect you will decide that first cousins are a bit close; probably many children but not so many grandchildren. You may decide that it's still better, from a purely biolgical standpoint, than marrying a total stranger, which I suppose would make your critics happier. Of course anybody who doesn't respect your feeling whatever they may be is not likely to respect anything you might decide. Get the facts. This is important. This is your life. You don't have that many cousins, so you don't want to make a bad decision.Whatever you decide, I wish you both the best of luck and much happiness.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I agree with Auntie Em.
Is it because he is your cousin or because you want to have sex that you think you will go to hell (as you put it).
In this INSTANT gratification of today's society manners, common sense, values, morals, and of course, shame are so rare.
Think before you do, honey. Think long and hard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): I'm not here to answer the question but to give my admire to AuntyEm answer.Thank god there are somebody left with straight thinking and morals.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 July 2012):
I don't really know why you are asking this here. This is a forum for people who have genuine problems that they need help with, not a place to declare that even though you know something is wrong, you're gonna do it anyway.
I could tell you to NOT do it, tell you that it's incest and will have an impact on the rest of your life, but you won't listen.
Years ago we had shame to save us from doing things we knew were wrong...people seem to be immune from shame these days and so they do whatever they damn well want and wear it like a badge of honour!!! and almost expect a pat on the back.
So go ahead, be my guest, if you choose to screw up your life, who am I to stop you :-)
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