A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just started seeing a new guy. We aren't "boyfriend/girlfriend" yet, but it is definitely heading that way. I'm 20 and he is 19. I really like him and I know he likes me too, but he is all over me! He will come over to watch a film and just can't keep his hands off me. We've talked about waiting a bit before going further than kissing as we've only been hanging out a couple of weeks. He says he is happy with that, and I know he's just being playful - but it's all the time! I guess I should be flattered but it really is all the time and it's making me get sick of him... I love it just not all the time! When I say all over me I mean grabbing my hips/bum/boobs! I'm also very self conscious about my body - so I guess that has something to do with it. I'm a UK size 8 so I'm not fat, and I'm only 5,3 but I just hate it when he touches my stomach especially! He goes to the gym a lot and I feel so inadequate/gross/flabby around him.I guess I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want my insecurities to get in the way of having fun, but I also want him to tone it down a bit! I feel like I'm training a puppy. Maybe it's because he is younger than me... Thoughts? :/
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 You say you want to wait a bit to do anything besides kissing and then he starts grabbing your ass and boobs? To me the stomach would be the least of my worries. That's not respecting your boundaries.
I would get extremely annoyed by this as well, and I'm a pretty affectionate person myself. Sometimes a person just needs some space!
Have you told him straight up to please stop? That you like the affection but it's a little much? It may hurt his feelings a bit but he'll get over it. Either that or just grab his hands and move them off of you next time. And be serious about it.
But for real. Get his to stop gripping you. That's not cool.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 November 2013):
 First of all, you're not training a puppy. Your age difference is nothing, and you'll stunt your relationship looking at it like that.
Second of all, it wouldn't matter if you were a hard body or not. Constant groping is not cool. If he has to touch you like that all the time, it does need to be toned down. There's a place for it, and it is fun, and it is playful. But all the time? You'll be flinching from a hug in no time if there's always a grope at the end of it.
Third of all, Wiseowle has a good point about your personal body issues. While he shouldn't be constantly groping you, he thinks you're hot and sexually desirable AS YOU ARE! You could work out every day and become a hard body and still be insecure. That starts with your mind and ends with it. You must own that issue and take steps to change, or that will interfere with every relationship you'll ever be in especially as you get older.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): I'm not going to bypass the nonsense about your insecurities. INSECURITIES KILL RELATIONSHIPS!!!Part of being mature and becoming a strong person; is dealing with your weaknesses and imperfections. You work on them until they're manageable or nonexistent. NO ONE...I REPEAT...NO ONE HAS TO PUT UP WITH YOUR BAD FEELINGS ABOUT YOURSELF! That's a personal problem. FIX IT!If you invite other people into your life, they deserve you fully-functional, and the best version of yourself you can offer. Not perfection; but a self-loved, self-confident person who doesn't need validation from other people to be happy being themselves. If you can't do it alone, seek available help. Never be too proud or ashamed, to ask for help that will make life better for you.Read, go to a gym, find a mentor, and devote time to yourself for self-improvement. Don't center all your feelings on someone else in a relationship. It will surely fail. Just remember, your body-issues are in your head. No one is perfect. If he doesn't have a problem with it; nor should you.Too often, the other aunts and uncles let people nurture or perpetuate bad feelings about their looks; or things about their bodies that aren't perfect. These overlooked details find their way in and slowly corrode your relationship. It affects your sex-life, it makes you hide in shame; it makes you doubtful whether he is really attracted to you. Then you'll blame yourself; or be oversensitive to the slightest changes you see in him, that seems that he is less attracted to you. It usually isn't true. If you don't address your personal issues with your imperfections, you simply put the responsibility on other people to walk on eggshells around them. That isn't fair to either of you. In fact, that will eventually become as annoying to him; as his grabbing you all over like an idiot.Trust me, it will!!!Either accept the things about your belly, or any other body parts, or do something about it. I agree about the silly stuff with touching you all over like a stupid boy. He shouldn't do it, if you don't like it. It is irritating and would drive anyone crazy. You're a woman, not a play toy. I can't stand to be tickled. I get angry. It's intrusive and annoying. So I know the feelings you mention.However; I'm not letting you get away with your putting yourself down for things about your body that are really insignificant to him. More importantly, should be insignificant to YOU! You must like who you are, what you represent, and love every part of your body. If you don't like it, cover it up, workout; or just let it be. You're a beautiful girl inside and out.Anyone who thinks less of that, isn't your problem. It's theirs!!!Tell your boyfriend that you'll compromise. You know he has a playful nature; but it can be annoying. You should set boundaries about your body; because it isn't his playground unless you offer him an invitation. You don't mind him being playful and affectionate; but again and again you've told him it bothers you. You want him to respect that. Make sure you're quite serious when you tell him that. Make him promise to "STOP!"
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (15 November 2013):
 He sounds very immature.
Do you want a relationship? It sounds like he just wants to get his leg over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): Start working out with him. That way, you will get into better and better shape and you won't be so self-conscious. Also, when you're sweaty and gross, he'll probably touch you less, you'll have an activity to do together that will keep his hands busy. Meanwhile, move to the other side of the couch or to anothe rchair and make it clear that you don't want him to touch you so much. It's your body, you d eserve to have it respected
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): It's probably his age, inexperience and excitement at something new. Most guys his age SAY they will respect your boundaries but their ACTIONS are to try, try and try some more!
Be firm, don't give mixed signals, and only when YOU are ready to move on, then do so. If he continues to be so persistent and pushy, he will drive you away and you will probably end things before he abuses your kindness.
In terms of your insecurities, work on those so that you don't "fear" being touched. The flabby parts can be toned with some effort, exercise and healthier eating.
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