A
male
age
36-40,
*anonmoon
writes:I have a steady girlfriend from past 2 years. Before I came in her life she had around 5-6 men in her life. But I am sure that from past 2 years it's been just me. I moved to another town close by - 2 hour drive from my current place for a work assignment for a year. We did meet up regularly over the weekends. Recently I found HIV test report that she took around a week ago. She never informed me of this test and why she took it when we are in a monogamous relationship and disease free.When confronted she just brushed it off saying " Ohh its nothing ".Do I need to be worried ? Did she cheat on me or have a one night stand ?Soooo confused...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 That's the first thing I thought of - that an ex either contacted her or she heard from someone else that an ex is HIV positive. But it's definitely NOT nothing, and she shouldn't have given him that answer, and he should not have dropped the matter after she said it.
OP, you didn't mention if the HIV test paper you saw were the definitive results of that test. Is she negative for HIV?
I would proceed this way: Tell her this is a very big deal that she's testing for STI's now, and since you two are sexually active, she needs to be detailed about why she needed the test, because it affects you. To not tell you affects the trust in the relationship, because her past sex life affects him as well. You can't say that you're disease free unless you both have been tested prior to becoming sexually active.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (12 November 2013):
 Anonymous reader, I did not suggest at any point that the OP need not be worried, I merely suggested that there are lots of reasons as to why someone may feel the need to have a test for HIV other than a sexual encounter with another person!
Of course the OP needs to discuss this with his partner and get a satisfactory explanation but jumping to conclusions of infidelity is misguided and is only one possibility, if the young lady is innocent of infidelity an accusation of this can do more harm than good!
AB :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): I am very surprised that the other aunts are suggesting that you shouldn't worry about this.It's not that you are accusing her of cheating. That is not the point of the conversation you should have with her.It's more about finding out why she felt she needed to take test in the first place.You have a right to know since you were exposed too. If she was worried enough about her own health she should have told you straight away since your own health is at stake too if she was exposed.Even if she wasn't exposed then you have a right to know as her partner. You are supposed to be sharing your lives.If it doesn't feel right something is probably off.She has no right to say oh it is nothing. It's NOT nothing until you understand why someone you have a sexual relationship with feels the need to get tested for the biggest killer infectious disease.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (10 November 2013):
 I wouldn't consider that "nothing." I would prompt her for answers...It doesn't necessarily mean that she cheated, but if she is considered at risk than she should be open and honest with you. Maybe one of her partners back before you was in an "at risk" group. Yes, they will still test her even though it was years ago that she'd been with another person.I've taken an HIV test when I wasn't even sexually active at the time. I was at a clinic for other female health issues, and they recommended one to me because my ex-hubby cheated on me with both men and women. My sexual activity had been ONLY with him, but I wasn't his only partner...AND he could have transmitted the disease to me. Mind you, at the time I had been divorced for 3 years and had no contact with him since. Regardless, she should tell you why..especially if she's put you at risk.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (10 November 2013):
Have you considered that an ex partner or friend of an ex partner has been in contact and advised her that he has HIV and that she should get tested?
Could she have had a needle stick injury (accidentally been pricked by a used syringe)?
Is she taking out life or health insurance and they want proof that she's HIV free?
If she cheated and had a one night stand she would be being tested for a whole heap of different, and quite frankly more likely, STD's than this one!
If you're that worried she's cheated then you have to be honest and tell her you are bothered that she's had an HIV test recently and you really need to know why.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): She can say "Oh, it's nothing" but that doesn't make it nothing.
You have good reason to think she may have cheated on you. Ask for an explanation. Don't trust one that does not sound legitimate. Proceed accordingly.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (10 November 2013):
 When you say disease free does this mean you both had an HIV test before meeting each other? Or could this be her first ever test?
HIV is spread through blood contact so sex is not the only thing that would have put her at risk. Maybe she was concerned for other reasons than cheating????
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