A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just found out that this guy I have been getting to know has a girlfriend and that she is terminally ill. I confronted him and he says he just needs someone to support him through this time. I feel sick to my stomach because we have kissed a couple of times. He told me he was single but after listening to him say he just needs some support himself I can see his point of view but I'm unsure if I want to see him again now that I know the truth. We were really getting along but I can't believe he would cheat on someone he is suppose to love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): Yes people need support when they are dealing with the impending death of a loved one. However that support is not of the romantic or sexual nature! It is the kind of support you get from family and friends or your priest or a counselor. It has nothing to do with romance.
Seriously, does this guy not have any family or friends at all that the only way he can get support is to start a relationship with a new woman? That is just an excuse. He is not looking for support.
This guy is a traitor. His gf is dying and already he is looking for a new relationship.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 He lied to you
He probably lies to her… and he says terminal but you know she could still be walking around and have YEARS left to live.. He used that as a sympathy ploy more than anything I’ m betting.
YOU did nothing wrong as you did not know he was NOT available (he’s NOT) . He’s the creep. He lied. He cheated. He manipulated.
NOTE that if he can lie to her, he surely can lie to you… in fact he already did.. he got you into a position where you are wondering if you should see him again already… and THEN he tells you about “terminal GF”.
I’d walk away from this totally for several reasons.
1. He can’t be trusted
2. he lies
3. he is a manipulator
4. he’s a cheat
5. HE CAN’T BE TRUSTED (yes I said it twice)
YOU will never trust this man. I’m betting terminal GF either is not that terminal, or does not exist. Either way, he’s a liar.. and NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Wow, what a jerk!!
Now, I get that having someone THAT close to you terminally ill makes you feel that illness is running the relationship and is the "center" of attention in the relationship, so talking to a healthy (in your case) woman makes him feel more "normal". Makes him feel "alive" again.
But he did get to know you, by lying to YOU. And when you found out and confronted him with the truth he pulled a "woe is me" - "feel sorry for me and keep seeing me" stunt. And that is SO not cool. IF he needs support then 1. he should have been honest with you and looked for a woman who KNOWS about his situation and understand that it is JUST a friendship. Him kissing you and courting you IS not a guy looking for support. He is looking for a little something-something" on the side.
He is afraid of looking like a TOTAL dick-wad by leaving a terminally ill GF, but ended up looking like a bigger dill- weed by trying to cheat with you.
Not right to do that to YOU and not right towards the GF.
YOU did NOTHING wrong, so please stop beating yourself up over a few kisses.
You did the RIGHT thing is confronting him and walking away.
I would say, CUT the contact 100% and move on. He might not be a bad fella but what he is doing is JUST not right. I can see nothing he can say or do that will justify his lying OR his actions.
Find a guy who TRULY is single. You deserve so much better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): I'm gonna stick my neck out here and say that it's easy to blame someone in this situation and that people sometimes get drawn into very grey areas in life without realising just how deep they are in a grey area or how much it is affecting them. It's not like the guy knew before entering into the situation that the women was terminally ill - there's a sense in which this must have crept up on both of them and, if he doesn't have other forms of support such as strong family bonds and or strong friendships, then he will be feeling totally lost and extremely confused about what his own role is - it's possible that the relationship was not working out anyway and now he feels obliged to care for her, or that he really does love her but feels totally inadequate and powerless to help her, so he has turned to another woman to try to feel better. It's also not like he's been sleeping with you for months and this has come out somehow. I'm definitely not saying that what he has done is acceptable, but the world's not gonna get better if we just keep blaming one another without at least trying to understand. You don't have to accept what he's done, but you could at least give some time to opening his eyes to why it's not acceptable - that's if you care about him at all and about her. He probably does need support and is looking for it in the wrong way. So be firm with him and clear that what he has done is unacceptable, but maybe bear in mind that people can get drawn into very confusing situations that quickly become overwhelming. How did you find out about this? If he told you then that is very different to finding out in some other way. He's not behaving maturely, that's for sure, and don't waste too much time feeling like you have to help him to sort himself out either, I'd say just be clear.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Run for the hills. This is the worst kind of cheater, not that really any category that you can put these ass***** into, but still!! He's cheating on his terminally ill girlfriend with you, tomorrow he'll cheat on you with someone else and the cycle continues
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): I would say something like, "Marty, if you had approached me as a friend because you were in need of support, I would have been there for you. If you wanted me to visit her at Hospice, I would have done that because she sounds like a lovely woman. I however cannot do that because you cheated on her with me. Had I any idea that you were in any way attached, I would not have touched you. I am very sorry that I allowed you into my life and I cannot be a part of it anymore."
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Oh my god. That poor dying girl doesn't deserve this guy, who is morally bankrupt. RUN from him, because what would happen if you two got serious and something happened to you? Would he cheat on you for "support" at the moment you needed him the most?
Never date cheaters, and there's a special rung in h*ll for those who cheat on dying girls. He can talk to his mom, a platonic friend, or a loved one. He can talk to HER too! he should be supporting HER, not off having sex.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 November 2013):
 He lies and cheats on a dying woman???...WOW!!...just WOW!!
RUN!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 If you feel guilty you should back away from this situation !
Just tell this man that you are not comfortable supporting him under these circumstances
Its great that you understand where he is coming from it must be an awful and difficult situation
Having a partner who is terminally ill but knowing he has to move on for his own good
Do what you think is right he will understand ! Even if you dont want to be fully there you could always suggest that you can support him
But from a distance like texting calling or social networking
It is a very intimate and tense situation to be placed in
Do what is best for you in this situation
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Wow yeah he a jerk. I can recognize this is a hard thing for him to deal with. However, that doesn't merit going out and cheating on your gf.
I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's already proven he's a liar. And a cheater. Drop him and move on. His poor gf.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): I think the crux of the matter is that he wasn't honest with you.He lead you to believe that he was single and in a position to be considering a relationship and he wasn't.If his G/F really is terminally ill, should he not be spending most of his time with her rather that concentrating on building up a relationship with someone new?Unless his G/F is so very terminally ill that she's not conscious, I'm sure she would be absolutley gutted to find out he's been stringing other girls along.And, seriously, how was he going to keep this up? You say you found out - he didn't tell you. When would he have told you? When she died? How would he have introduced you to his friends and family? He probably had no intention of telling you.Sorry, I think this guy has a screwed up moral compass and is using you. Guys like this do exist and they often make a really good job of explaining themselves - even you are now admitting that you can "understand his point of view"Yes, he may feel lonely and vulnerable at this time but "support" is available through family, friends and support groups etc - not through kissing other people. Is he confusing feeling lonely with sexual frustration?? Would you feel the same if he said the reason he felt lonely was because his wife had just had a baby or just had an operation?Walk away from this guy. The question isn't about whether you mind being the other woman - it's about minding being lied to.Don't feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Sounds to me like he is looking to line you up as a "back up girlfriend" when she passes. A little creepy to me.
I would steer clear of him.
Yes, to cheat on a woman who's ill makes him look like a real jerk. And, if he could do that to her than he'd do that to you too.
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