A
female
age
30-35,
*oldiefoxxx
writes:My boyfriend has been watching an excessive amount of porn, at least 5 times a week.. i have personally caught him with his hands in his pants online early in the morning, normally i sleep in but its been becoming a bigger and bigger problem. we are rarely intimate anymore, im 21 years old 4'11 and weigh about 120lbs, i know im attractive i have curves in all the right places, but because of his internet surfing, i feel more and more inadequate like im not enough for him. He watches rather odd things, things we dont do, things that i am not compfortable trying, face shots and anal seem to be his fetish, and im not into it. i have also noticed that he now has a problem getting an erection. ill do all the right things, and im really really trying , and it just doesnt happen, he is under alot of stress, between work fixing vehicles and school, but damn why is it everything clicks so to speak when hes surfing but nothing happens with me.. i dont feel like i can please him anymore, i question my weight and find myself so critical of my image now. I havent openly told him ive snooped, and i wouldnt.. i need opinions on this, ive done all i can to make his life as stress free as i can, and i have rattled his cage so many times, and still i get dissapointed..
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female
reader, Goldiefoxxx +, writes (12 November 2013):
Goldiefoxxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question" You Wish" thank you!!!!! i never knew about alot of that, i knew that porn has a tendency to desensitize men, but i didnt realize how big of a problem it could really be, hes into a rougher style of sex, at one point, he hit my lower back, hes the " Control type" but only in the bedroom, i dont like that, i mean i enjoy the hair pulling and fast and hard pace but sometimes its a little too much, and i also have a deformed pelvic bone, which makes some positions impossible for me, and he has this weird thing with face shots and tells me frequently that he wants to Fuc* my face, i dont mind giving oral and it pleases him, but i dont think i could handle his rapid movements at his pace. i have to be in control of that, my fear is him hitting my teeth or making me gag, id be mortified if i puked, ive heard anal can be really pleasureable, and i have asked him if hes ever done it, he said he hasnt, and in his past his former partners werent willing. im willing to give it a shot, maybe ill enjoy it, who knows , but im tryin. i bought some lingerie, he really liked that, he seems to be better when he comes home to a clean house and food on the table, clean clothes laid out, so its "stress free" after his long day, i try to help him, hes my world , my other half and best friend, i just wanna help and understand
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): It appears your boyfriend may be frustrated that he is unable to share the sexual things he likes with you. He may be tired; but his erectile dysfunction and yearning for porn may have little to do with exhaustion, or your physical appearance. I don't speak from a place of scorn. I simply addressed your criticism of his watching porn. It comes across as judgmental, not sympathetic.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 November 2013):
 You have GOT to see this site:
yourbrainonporn.com
Your boyfriend has a porn addiction. It's become serious and has interfered with his ability to experience normal sexual arousal and stimulation. That's why the fetish stuff with an edge - the regular stuff no longer does it, as he's desensitized.
It's like taking drugs. Once you're addicted, you have to take more and more to get that same high. With porn, it's more and more and harder core images, because his brain is re-wired now to not have regular arousal be enough. Trust me, it's definitely not you. You did nothing wrong. He has the addiction.
Have him look at this site as well, because it also explains the ED and the obsession with anal and face shots and probably a bunch more he hasn't told you yet (like shemales and so on).
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A
female
reader, Goldiefoxxx +, writes (12 November 2013):
Goldiefoxxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Wise owl e.. I love my boyfriend dearly, he is a wonderful and loving man, this is the only issue we are having , i am not bored of him, nor do i find his habits disgusting, its just something i do not understand obviously if i didnt care, i could just " Find another boyfriend". but im trying to adress the issue and doing my best to fix it. Do not be so critical. Sounds to me like youve been scorned one too many times. Eddie and Janniepeg thank you for your insight, i truly appreciate it. Eddie you had very valid points, hes stressed and tired, and after speaking to his brother, i learned that after he returned from Afganistan he began having erectile issues, he has a mild case of E.D and is too shy to talk about it, or look into treatment. i know its not me, we are happy, we do have fights as all couples do, but were over it in no time and in eachothers arms, i am blessed to have found someone so wonderful, and im doing my very best to help him in any way that im able to, we have discussed it, he said hes stressed and overtired, he also has anxiety, which would contribute to his ED issue. part of me feels that maybe hes watching porn in hopes to correct his issue, i know he feels embarrassed, and when i try him and it doesnt happen, he gets frustrated and apologizes, i tell him, no need to apologize, its ok, you're tired i get it. hes very honest with me, i know he isnt seeing or speaking to anyone else, im his lady hes my man, and the both of us couldnt picture it any differently.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 November 2013):
 It sounds like there is a lot going on in your relationship and there are plenty of variables that could be at play here.
Stress can certainly be a buzz kill when it comes to men getting erections. Also, if he is drinking or using drugs, his ability to achieve and maintain an erection could be at risk.
His use of porn is fairly normally but concerning. I hate to break it to you, but guys masturbate. Often more times than you think. I think many women, when they move in with a man, don't realize how often we do it (every man is different, of course). The fact that he is doing it when he has a willing and able partner could be a sign of a larger problem.
Sexual satisfaction is a major cornerstone of a relationship. Often times the satisfaction in the bedroom is a barometer for the rest of the relationship. There could be some other things going on as well:
1) He is harboring a resentment against you and doesn't know how to tell you about it
2) He no longer finds you attractive and finds that having sex is too involved -- which is certainly a possibility. He may also not want to bother you and just needs to get it over with.
3) There is something going on in the relationship -- perhaps you are nagging, he is bored, or he has some other secret -- that is prohibiting him from being close to you.
I am sorry I can't provide a definite answer to you, as I honestly thing there is a LOT more going on here than meets the eye. I would suggest that if you've tried everything: from trying to seducing him to honest conversation, you may have to decide if this relationship is worth having. Only you can make that determination but now may be the time to really think about the man you are involved with and what your future might hold if you invest more time and emotion with him.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): You seem to be very critical, and it's difficult to tell if you even like your boyfriend. He's grosses you out, and you don't seem to like anything he does.
If he so awful, seems getting a new boyfriend will be an easy solution.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 November 2013):
 He is under a lot of stress and porn is a way to distress and he sees you as a source of stress because he has to work hard to please you while the computer does the work for him. When there is a problem with sex the woman automatically thinks she is inadequate but most of the times it is the male. When a woman feels bad she turns to her boyfriend while the boyfriend tunes out and goes to his cage. This is something you have to adjust if you want to be with him. It means you have to find things to occupy your time.
Of course if the situation never improves and he takes too long to bounce back from stress mode, then you have to rethink your relationship. Stress is a big part of life and if a young guy like him goes limp whenever there is stress then what happens when you start a family and there is more work to do, and less time to hide? You have certainly done enough so you can relax on that. But at the same time set your standards high. A woman who is frustrated long enough would be tempted by men outside of the relationship.
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