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... Send *tina a private message | | | *tina's profile:Hi, I'm Stina! I've been an agony aunt here on Dear Cupid since July 2006 and became a site moderator the following November. I've not been able to be on here as much as I used to be, but that's because I've just started a new job. Hopefully I'll be able to be on here much more in the future. But for now, it's office work for me during the day!
Anyway, I grew up being very independent and because of that have always been able to work out problems in my life pretty well. My friends have often times come to me to help sort out what they should do in tough situations, as well. Hopefully I'll be able to help you out if you ever need advice, too! ^_^
As for who I "really" am - I'm 26, an atheist, and married. I live in beautiful Charm City, Murderland with my husband, our three hairless chinese crested pups (Ivy, Zoey, and Duncan), one smooshy floofhead dwarf hamster (Budgie; RIP Dr. Sushi T_T) and one huffy hedgehog (Nacho). I'm a quality assurance engineer and a graphic designer. My artwork has been shown all over the world including the US, France, Algeria, Australia and more. ^_^
I'm also addicted to cute animals, japanese pop culture, reggaeton, 80's hip hop and breakdancing (can't do it!, love to watch it!), experimental and avant garde films, food and tattoos (self designed).
If anyone cares to see a "real" picture of me, you can see one here: http://sushi-and-pears.livejournal.com/profile (Check out my uber-cool snob nose! haha) I'm posting this in hopes that other aunts/uncles will post their pictures. I'm always interested to see what all of us actually looks like! ^_^
I have a myspace and a livejournal, so if you want to know anymore about me for some reason I'll post the links. (If you'd like to add me as a friend on either of these, please just message me here or on either site! I've made my accounts private to keep out the weirdos.)
Livejournal: http://sushi-and-pears.livejournal.com |
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How should I act with this shy guy?
Q. HELP NEEDED ASAP. I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy who i like. He says he's interested in me but it doesnt seem like that when we are together. reason for this is he seems withdrawn, shy and doesn't seem to ask me any questions about ...
A. 1 November 2006: Hey again :) Well, from reading your last response, I think the best thing to do is to wait and see if he suggests going out again and what to do. If you guys do decide to go out during the day, then maybe you wouldn't run out of things to talk ... (read in full...)
How should I act with this shy guy?
Q. HELP NEEDED ASAP. I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy who i like. He says he's interested in me but it doesnt seem like that when we are together. reason for this is he seems withdrawn, shy and doesn't seem to ask me any questions about ...
A. 31 October 2006: Hi X - If you don't want to keep doing the same things over and over, maybe you guys could see what else there is to do in your area. Maybe go out during the day to like lunch and a museum or go to a park (or whatever else you guys might be ... (read in full...)
How should I act with this shy guy?
Q. HELP NEEDED ASAP. I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy who i like. He says he's interested in me but it doesnt seem like that when we are together. reason for this is he seems withdrawn, shy and doesn't seem to ask me any questions about ...
A. 31 October 2006: Hi X - If you don't want to keep doing the same things over and over, maybe you guys could see what else there is to do in your area. Maybe go out during the day to like lunch and a museum or go to a park (or whatever else you guys might be ... (read in full...)
How should I act with this shy guy?
Q. HELP NEEDED ASAP. I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy who i like. He says he's interested in me but it doesnt seem like that when we are together. reason for this is he seems withdrawn, shy and doesn't seem to ask me any questions about ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hi Anon,
Glad to hear things went well! If he hasn't called you or anything since that night, it wouldn't be out of line to call him up. If you really like him and he likes you, then he would probably be happy to hear from you. You also say... (read in full...)
He emails me everyday! That has to mean that he's interested...right?
Q. Can someone please suggest what I should do next! I have recently split up from my husband due mainly due to our lack of a sex life. I have also recently developed a very close friendship with a business associate. We email each other ...
A. 30 October 2006: "The date he had was with someone he met at a speed dating night so I'm not sure how this changes things??" Regardless of how he met this other person, what matters now is that he has made another date with her, right?
"I just cannot get my head ... (read in full...)
I thought he was taking me for granted, but now I haven't talken to him!!!
Q. thers this blokes whos 25 and im 18. he says that he likes me and wants to get to know me. he always takes me out and this has been going on for just over 6 weeks now. but hes still not mentioned a relationship! also friday just gone he let me down ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hi Emzie,
Maybe you're just worrying too much. Have you tried calling him back since that one time late at night? Maybe he didn't answer your call or text you because he was busy. Maybe his feelings were hurt and instead of admitting that he ... (read in full...)
Should I trust my boyfriend?? He said it's not lying if he doesn't tell me what he's up to!
Q. Should I trust my boyfriend or is he taking the mickey? He recently said that if I dont ask him a specfic question ie are you going out with X then its not lying if he doesnt tell me what he is up to? ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hi Jacqui,
Although it's not "lying," it's not being honest. And honesty along with communication help to build the foundation of any healthy relationship. Something fishy is going on if you have you ask him specific questions like your example.... (read in full...)
Is he right or just using me??
Q. Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hello again Anon,
Well it sounds like he made the break up revolve all around him and how he's feeling. Doesn't really sound like he tried to view things from your angle - just got defensive. I'm glad to hear that you are moving on and it seems... (read in full...)
How do I convince my ex wife to be checked by doctors? She says she is too busy.
Q. My ex wife has lumps in her breasts, yet refuses to seek treatment. She is quite small chested and is worried that her breasts will not fit onto the mammogram machine. She is 26 and has 3 children. She also has never had a cervical smear, despite ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hey Anon,
My next suggestion is to have her schedule the appointment and tell her to let you know when it is. Then I would hire a baby sitter (or let her mother, etc) take care of the kids. I would drive her to the doctor yourself, as Irish al... (read in full...)
How do I convince my ex wife to be checked by doctors? She says she is too busy.
Q. My ex wife has lumps in her breasts, yet refuses to seek treatment. She is quite small chested and is worried that her breasts will not fit onto the mammogram machine. She is 26 and has 3 children. She also has never had a cervical smear, despite ...
A. 30 October 2006: Hello Anon,
My suggestion is to tell her you will take care of her place and the kids one day. If she doesn't like that, then tell her you will hire a babysitter for her for a few hours while she is gone. Then she will have time to go to the d... (read in full...)
Do I risk it all for a younger guy, with no certain job prospects that I love with a constant desire I have not felt with my bf? Is this a long-dull-period?
Q. I fell in love when I was 19 and have been with the same guy ever since (now I am 25). 2 years ago he went overseas to pursue higher education and we've been dating long distance in the meantime (I stayed on to study locally). We always plann...
A. 30 October 2006: Hello Anonymous,
Well, the way I see it, you might you like this new guy because you don't have any of the typical ups and downs that a long term relationship would have. Do you think that you really love him, or is it that you love the idea of ... (read in full...)
Should i flirt with him or not
Q. i really like this boy in school and he talks to me and he is single but should i flirt with him or not? ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hey Anon,
Is there any reason not to flirt with him? If not, then I say go ahead and flirt! :)
Take care.... (read in full...)
He just calls me up when he needs me and it's confused me! What should I do?
Q. I've wrote on here before but here's the general situation. After 3 months of being perfect my bf and I broke up for 2wks because we had each kissed someone else (I had moved away a month prior to this), we were back 2gether for a week, then I ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
I think your ex made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you. You need to respect his wishes. If I were you, I would back off a bit and not contact him anymore - at least until he contacts you. This is ... (read in full...)
Why can't my fiancee understand why I love my kids more than her?
Q. I was married for 9 years, but split with my wife just over a year ago, we have 3 children together. I have been engaged to another girl for 3 and a half months and love her dearly. We live 300 miles apart and I live close to my wife and kids. I ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
Did you two ever live near each other, and if so was she like this before? She is letting her jealousy get the better of her because your kids see you in person. But if she's nasty about it when you two are visiting one another,... (read in full...)
He emails me everyday! That has to mean that he's interested...right?
Q. Can someone please suggest what I should do next! I have recently split up from my husband due mainly due to our lack of a sex life. I have also recently developed a very close friendship with a business associate. We email each other ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
My thought is that after he stopped having feelings for you - after you two kissed and he said that you two should just be friends - he met this other person. He probably would like to be with her and that's why he told you he has the ... (read in full...)
My fiancee online dating mistake, has me wondering ..if I should marry him? What do you all think?
Q. My partner and I had an argument that lasted over several days. We've since made up but whilst using the computer I just found out that whilst we were not on speaking terms, he registered with a dating agency, advertising for another woman. ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anonymous,
After big arguments, people deal with being too emotional in different ways. I suspect this is just what happened with him. He probably just makes rash decisions when he doesn't know what else to do, when he doesn't know how else... (read in full...)
My partner cheated via texts, so should I cheat with this other guy?
Q. Well, i have been with my partner for just over 3 years and we have a son together. last year i found out he had been texting my best friend for 5 months we nearly split up over it but i tried for the sake of my son. Since then i think i have fallen ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
I don't understand why you're out meeting new guys instead of trying to make the relationship that you're currently in work. If you stayed with him, you should try to work on the relationship. If you don't, then why did you stay wit... (read in full...)
I made out with my brother in law! We both knew it was wrong..so how do we cope?
Q. i know this isn't exactly a question, but i just needed to write this or tell someone! i was out last night and saw my brother in law! we made out, but both knew how wrong it was, i just feel awkward about the next time i have to see him....
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
If you're having relationship troubles with your man and that's why you went for his brother, you need to talk to your guy. You couldn't have just cheated on him for no reason if you were totally in love with him. You also need to decid... (read in full...)
Was asked to be best man but his wife-to-be has banned me from the wedding!
Q. Quick question. Should I be angry when my best friend is getting married and tells me that I am the best man. Well, the reason for my anger is he called me today and said that his fiance says she doesn't want me to be in or at the wedding. I have ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Anon,
I have to agree with the other aunts who said you should find new friends. (Obviously that means I would definitly not go to the wedding.)
Your best friend is marrying someone who doesn't want you at the wedding. My guess is that sh... (read in full...)
Is kissing classed as cheating?
Q. Dear Cupids, If you are in a relationship do you see kissing someone else as cheating??...
A. 27 October 2006: Hey Anon,
Personally I think kissing on the mouth is cheating. BUT if it's a quick peck on the lips with a good friend you haven't seen in a long time, it's not cheating in my opinion (although I do still think it's strange and I would never do... (read in full...)
How do I stop my crazy clinginess?
Q. Me and my fiancee have been together for almost two years now and we have been living together for about 6 months. when he goes out with his "boys" or anyone for that matter, I get upset and mad at him for going out and leaving me all alone. I want ...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Caramala,
I used to feel that way, too. You just have to remember that he's going out to have fun with his friends, he's not trying to be a jerk or anything. You know? If you love him, you will want him to be happy.
Maybe you should have ... (read in full...)
He tells me he has no money... but I found out he's been spending it all on eBay!
Q. hello, i'm 31. have been with my guy for over 7 years. he is an apprentice solicitor about to qualify in december. for all these years i was the one to pay for the holidays of which there were many including 3 trips to the states.his money has gone...
A. 27 October 2006: Hi Lorraine,
It sounds like your guy has an addiction to shopping. I suggest he see a counselor because this is a real problem. And because he's lying to you about it and taking advantage of you, I think you have two options: leaving him for ... (read in full...)
He called me another name during sex,is he having an affair?
Q. My husband called me by another name while we were having sex. Does this mean that he is having an affair?...
A. 27 October 2006: Hello Anon,
It doesn't necessarily mean that he's having an affair, although it does warrant an answer. You should really have a talk with him about what happened and why it happened.
Here are my couple of thoughts: perhaps it's an ex, or m... (read in full...)
Is he right or just using me??
Q. Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hey Anon,
(You're not bothering me! :) )
You asked, "...Is he really using me..." Well lets think about this:
- He still lives with his partner
- He would feel guilty for leaving her
- He wants to wait 10+ years to involve your children
... (read in full...)
I think someone at work fancies me but I dont fancy him and dont want to ruin our friendship...
Q. i think someone at work fancies me but i dont fancy him and i dont want to ruin our friendship. where i work there is a group of 5people who get along really well, these 5, one of which is me, are the young people at work. we are 18-23 and get on s...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
This sort of thing has happened to me before. I told one of the friends in our group about the guy liking me and me being weirded out by it since I had a boyfriend. My friend was the one who brought up my bf several times infront ... (read in full...)
How should I act with this shy guy?
Q. HELP NEEDED ASAP. I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy who i like. He says he's interested in me but it doesnt seem like that when we are together. reason for this is he seems withdrawn, shy and doesn't seem to ask me any questions about ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
When he answers the questions about himself, you could use that as a lead into something about you. That might make him want to ask more questions.
Maybe he doesn't know if he should be asking you something - he might not want to scar... (read in full...)
I told him I didn't like the idea of sharing a hotel room with two cute blondes, one with big breasts who he's slept with!
Q. Last week a woman called and left a voicemail for my boyfriend, stating that she would be in town in a few days and wanted to see him. I grabbed the phone before she hung up and introduced myself as his girlfriend (he wasn't at home at the time). ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
That does sound a little weird. I don't understand why you two can't get seperate hotel rooms (or why you ned to stay at a hotel if you're going to be in your own town anyway). Even if you were being "paranoid," he should still respect ... (read in full...)
We stopped being friends and sleeping together when he got a new girlfriend til the other night...Whats going on???
Q. I broke up with my bf 3 weeks ago. We then had a complicated and stupid situation of being sex buddies/friends. He said he wanted to stay single and so do I, even though I know that if he wanted to give us another go i'd jump at the chance. On ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anonymous,
What's going on is that this guy seems to still have some sort of feelings for you - whether it be lust or love.
I think that you two should have a talk about what happened and what sort of relationship you two want to have. I... (read in full...)
His Mother keeps his old wedding pics up on her wall! This has upset me..what do you all think?
Q. hi im the one who thinks my boyfriend is ashamed of our relationship . i forgot to tell you about his mum decorating their house . when she decorated their house i thought when it was finished she wudnt hang up his wedding picture again but she did ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hello Anon,
The mother probably just likes the picture of her son. My grandmother has an old picture of my aunt hanging in her house. It's of her wedding, as well. Except she was divorced from that man over 15 years ago. Since then, she has ... (read in full...)
His ex hates me and doesn't want the kids around me. I think he should stand up to her! Am I right?
Q. please help! i've been with my bf for 4yrs, thing is he has 3 kids to his ex wife she's an alcoholic and is never sober. well one night the police called my bf to say that they were bringing the kids down as his ex wife was lying blacked so my ...
A. 26 October 2006: (I have to say that after reading Irish's advice, I totally agree with her 100%.)... (read in full...)
His ex hates me and doesn't want the kids around me. I think he should stand up to her! Am I right?
Q. please help! i've been with my bf for 4yrs, thing is he has 3 kids to his ex wife she's an alcoholic and is never sober. well one night the police called my bf to say that they were bringing the kids down as his ex wife was lying blacked so my ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hello Anon,
I do think that you need to have a discussion about this with your boyfriend. Although the children are not yours and you don't really have a say in how their brough up, you definitly shouldn't have to leave your home (and boyfrien... (read in full...)
Call for moderators to help out with DearCupid!
Q. Hi everyone, This is another appeal for volunteers to be moderators. You get to approve and categorise questions and approve answers. If you could spare say ten minutes a few times a week, then this could be for you! Just add your name in thi...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Andrew,
I don't know if you still need any mods, but I would be happy to help! :)... (read in full...)
It's just basically sex and talking...I'm scared and feel sick when I think of it being anything more!!!
Q. this may sound stupid, but i think i may have a problem with intimacy. not sex, but being emotionally close to another person. the reason i say this, is i've been "seeing" this guy for a coupld of months, which is basically just sex and talking....
A. 26 October 2006: (ps, the book is by Harriet Lerner. She has a whole line of excellent self help books geared towards women! They are self-empowering as well as helpful with life's problems. :) )... (read in full...)
It's just basically sex and talking...I'm scared and feel sick when I think of it being anything more!!!
Q. this may sound stupid, but i think i may have a problem with intimacy. not sex, but being emotionally close to another person. the reason i say this, is i've been "seeing" this guy for a coupld of months, which is basically just sex and talking....
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
This sounds like a very deep rooted problem you have, not being able to trust people. I suggest reading a book called "The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships."
Here's a description of... (read in full...)
To be with him he thinks I should leave my faith and join his!!!
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and i have been on for about a month now. He is very kind, spiritual and pure. But that is the problem really. He expects me to imitate him and has strict standard that i really dont think i can keep up with.I really di...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
Honestly I don't think it's right that he's trying to change you. In my opinion, you need to let him know that while you appreciate that he is passionate about his relgion, he really should respect you the same way you respect him and ... (read in full...)
Women...do you get the urge to cross examine your boyfriends after a night out???
Q. How do other women resist the urge to question their boyfriend about his nights out? Who was there, what women he was speaking to, etc? My boyfriend is always very untalkative about nights out and it makes me suspicious. I always want to question ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
Well, I don't get the urge to "cross examine" my husband, but when he goes out I just ask him how his night was and who he saw, etc. It's more of a conversation, really. I'm definitly not checking up on him. I'm just genuinely interest... (read in full...)
How long should I wait for this boy I like to say yes to my request?
Q. I like this guy from a high school art camp this summer. We lived at a local college for a month and became close. He is a sr. and I'm a so. We sat at lunch together and held hands and played soccer at night. Then about a week after camp we no ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anonymous,
If I were you, I would plan on him not going. He sounds rude and it kind of seems like he doesn't want to go. It takes two minutes to call up his job to see what his schedule is. He should have called you the next day to let you ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him alone and let him decide if he wants me again?
Q. My boyfriend split up with me two weeks ago claiming his feelings had changed for me. I saw him last weekend and he told me he still loves me and that he needs to feel how he did when he first fell in love with me again in order to make a go at ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Anon,
The hard thing about this is that you really don't know if or when he "decides" to be back with you. In my opinion, if he really wanted to work things out with you, then he would be with you. If there is no communication between ... (read in full...)
Do I just leave it and get on with my life or fight for my man???
Q. my boyfriend and i were going out for 3 years and we have a son. last year i cheated on him it was a drunken mistake and i feel really bad he found out and he was ok till one day he kicked off at me and said that he didnt think he loved me anymore ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hi Jem,
I have to ask you - are you sure that you really love him, or maybe your feeling like you want him back because now someone else is in his life? If you truly love him and want him back, I think you need to have a frank talk with him and ... (read in full...)
I love her but she is already with someone else!!!
Q. im in love with a girl thats already going out with someone. what should i do? please help...
A. 26 October 2006: Hello Trusting,
If this girl is already with someone else, then I'm afraid to say I think you should move on. If you sit around thinking about her and waiting for her relationship not to work out, then you just might be waiting for a really l... (read in full...)
Is he right or just using me??
Q. Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...
A. 26 October 2006: Hello again, Anon. :) I'm glad that you found my advice helpful.
I was thinking more about this and was wondering if your lover's partner has any idea that he is seeing you? If not - if they're supposed to be in an exclusive relation... (read in full...)
When I call him..he's busy! Do I just wait for him to call me then?
Q. whenever i call him he is busy he never even bothers to call me back,for him his family is more important than me, but 4 me he is everything and he knows it.should i keep calling him or just wait for him to call me?...
A. 25 October 2006: Hello Anon,
Is this guy your boyfriend? If he's not, you need to give him some space.
If he is your boyfriend, then maybe he's just not at that point to where he feels the same way about you as you do about him. Also, I think it depends on wh... (read in full...)
I have sexual dreams about my ob/gyn! He flirts with me and we exchange e-mails..and we're both married! How can I shake this feeling off?.
Q. I'm in love with my OB/GYN (perinatologist). Unfortunately, we are both married. I met him in June when I became his patient because of very severe complications with my pregnancy. He was the most caring doctor anyone could ever have. I was ...
A. 25 October 2006: Hello Cupid,
If I were in your position I would change doctors and stop flirting with this man. That will probably mean that you should stop talking with him altogether so that your tempation is limited. You probably only have a crush on him b... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my affair who only calls me when he wants something!
Q. I have been having an affair for the past year, and I fell in love with the man. He was most romantic and he made me feel beautiful. After a while he asked me to buy him a reel which he could not afford. I bought it for him, but told him that he ...
A. 25 October 2006: Hi Serene,
I would use this experience as a lesson. If you take this to small claims court (which I think isn't even worth the trouble), then they would more than likely dismiss the case as a he-said/she-said thing. Unless you have somethin... (read in full...)
Is he right or just using me??
Q. Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...
A. 24 October 2006: "can i just say one thing though,he didn't get on with his partner's children and they are grown up now and he's never had children himself" I have to ask a question - does it really matter how he treats his partner's children? Would it matter if ... (read in full...)
Is he right or just using me??
Q. Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...
A. 23 October 2006: Hello Anon,
The other woman aside, do you really want to be with a man who can't - or, excuse me, - who *won't* accept your children? Won't that be a bit difficult in the future for things like birthdays, holidays, or even plain old visits f... (read in full...)
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