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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend split up with me two weeks ago claiming his feelings had changed for me. I saw him last weekend and he told me he still loves me and that he needs to feel how he did when he first fell in love with me again in order to make a go at things. If I leave him alone and let him decide, would that be the best thing to do? If not, what else is there? Thanks x
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
The hard thing about this is that you really don't know if or when he "decides" to be back with you. In my opinion, if he really wanted to work things out with you, then he would be with you. If there is no communication between the both of you, then how is anything going to be resolved? Open communication is the key to any healthy relationship - no communication is never any good.
It sounds like the best thing to do in this case is to just leave him be. I would let him know that you'll be there if he wants to talk; however, that doesn't mean you should put your life on hold. I would still go out and meet other people. I really don't feel like he should expect you to not carry on with your life because HE can't make up HIS mind. Do you see what I mean? It seems a bit selfish in my opinion.
The bottom line is that he broke up with you, he has the problem, and if he's unwilling to even talk to you then I really think you should go ahead and move on with your life.
Then there's the other side of things: if you really want him back, you need to stress that nothing will be resolved unless you two try to work on the problems - communicating with one another. If he says there aren't any, that he just "needs to feel how he did when he first fell in love" with you, then there IS a problem. That sort of thing doesn't just turn up out of the blue. He feels like something in the relationship is lacking and it needs to be addressed.
So you could either let him have his space since he broke up with you, in which case I suggest you just move on, or else you could tell him that in order to work out problems you need to talk about them. Otherwise they'll just fester. How can he work out a problem in your relationship by himself? That just doesn't make any sense. Do you understand what I mean?
Take care.
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