A
female
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*ERENE
writes:I have been having an affair for the past year, and I fell in love with the man. He was most romantic and he made me feel beautiful. After a while he asked me to buy him a reel which he could not afford. I bought it for him, but told him that he needed to pay me for it. When I brought up the question of money after 2 months, he became angry. I could feel that he was different towards me, but soon became his normal self again. Time went on and he wanted a fishing rod. I bought it for hime cos he phoned me twice a day, spoke abt it constantly and made a point of seeing me every afternoon.Once he received the rod, he JUST CHANGED. He told me he was always busy, could not see me, did not phone anymore.(Said he forgot my number) Wen he did see me it was for 5 mins only, and spoke abt his wife. I was annoyed but did nothing.Things came to a head 2 weeks ago, and I told him he used me to get material things only, and since he "used "me he shud return the stuff or pay for it.I told him he it not worthy of it, and don't deserve it.He said he would pay when he has the money. He hasn't contacted me at all. I miss him terribly What should I do.Please help me.SERENE
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): you fell in love with a married man - WRONG
you believe that he's romantic and amde you feel beautiful - WRONG
you bought him stuff but he needs to pay for it - WRONG
you miss him terribly - WRONG
c'mon really..
you should never fall in love with a married man
you should never believe what any married man tells you
you should never be a sugar momma buying stuff for a man
...now do you still miss him ? after he used and abused you emotionally, mentally and financially ?
think about it !!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Kiss the money goodbye and kiss this guy off. Try to do something constructive with your life. Get going and good luck.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Hi Serene,
I would use this experience as a lesson. If you take this to small claims court (which I think isn't even worth the trouble), then they would more than likely dismiss the case as a he-said/she-said thing. Unless you have something in writing by him, I don't think you're going to be seeing your money again.
Also, you might want to be careful about contacting him too much. If you keep up with that, his wife might find out what's been going on. Now, I don't think it's right that you had an affair, but I still wouldn't want you to get hurt if his wife reacts too badly.
In the future you should really stay away from married men. It sounds like this guy either used you from the beginning, or liked you and then felt guilty for cheating on his wife. In this instance, he might think he's justified in keeping what you bought for him. Like since you made him feel bad he should be allowed to keep the things as payment. That's just something that crossed my mind. Obviously I don't know the guy, so I can't say for sure. Or else he's just a plain jerk overall. Regardless, this just sounds like an unhappy, selfish man and you should be glad you're away from him.
Seperate subject - you said that you're having an affair. Does this mean that you're attached, as well? I would work on making that relationship stronger instead of looking elsewhere. (But I'm not going to get into that any further since you're post was about the money...) If you don't have a romantic partner, then like I said, you should really stay away from married men. It hardly ever works out.
So if I were you, I'd just let this one go and stop communication with this guy. He's no good. The sooner you let it go, the sooner you'll feel better and be able to move on.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): How can you love someone that is so horrible to you. Even you must think you are worth more than that.Quite honestly i would tell him to shove the rod where the sun dosnt shine. Stand up to him, hold your head up high, and you will feel so much better in the end. And at least you didnt make the same mistake as the poor woman who married the fool..... Take care, please dont let him sweet talk you again
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A
female
reader, treetop +, writes (25 October 2006):
This person is a con man. he has fooled you in the most horrible way. well done for telling him to pay you back. this guy sound like a huge loser. please try and get over this loser, you will be so happy you did when you are over him. he has nothing to offer you. ask yourself what it is you love about him. he swept you off your feet and you fell for him and he has left you high and dry. i think he has treated you terribly. i know these feelings of love and emotion are so strong and seem to kick the common sense out of your head. i am sorry you are going trough this. but this guy is a spoilt child whe see's you when he wants something and then fobs you off when he has got it, what a complete user. tell him if he doesn't pay up you will ask his wife for the money! see how he reacts!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (25 October 2006):
 You should forget about him and find a single guy that will love you for who you are and not what you can give him. He obviously only coming to you when he doesn't have or cannot spend the money on things he wants. I would just let him go because no matter what he says or does to make you feel beautiful is only to get you to give him something. If a person loves and truly respects you, they will make you feel beautiful and wanted without requiring a form of payment.
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